Hey guys! Or whatever's left of you! Lol I haven't been on here since like 2014 but I got a new story that popped in my head randomly so I figured why not upload it? No harm in doing that, right? I'll admit, I do feel bad about leaving you guys hanging and everything, but shit happens, ya know? I'm a pretty inconsistent person so most of my stories will be short and with little plot. That's why I tend to do little one shots and stuff of that sort, but I get good feed back on them so I guess I'm not doing horribly.
Aaaanyway, just wanted to say hi and thanks to anyone who's still around! I really appreciate you!
Naru: It's rather unprofessional to leave your readers for a year, without an explanation. It is hard to fathom that my author lacks basic manners.
Uhm, excuse me sir, didn't you leave your ENTIRE TEAM for a year, with zero warning, and no time for them to prepare what to do after you left? Check your privilege boy.
Naru: My brother died.
Oh yeah forgot about that. My bad Naru-chan. 3
Naru: Kiss my ass.
Mai: Glad to see you two back at it again.
Anyway, enjoy guys, and please review even if it's just a "hey this is shit" lemme know so I can determine if I should post more or not. Don't wanna waste our time here, yeah?
Mai opened her eyes and sucked in a deep breath. Her eyes darted about frantically, failing to see much in the dark of her bedroom. It seemed to have been around three or four in the morning, but time was lost to her. All that Mai knew was that she needed a drink.
In the recently months following the drop of her grades, her lack of sleep, and failing to keep up her friendships, Mai developed a rather frowned upon way of coping: alcohol. Was it a rational way to deal with her problems? No. Was it beneficial to helping her overcome the obstacles in her life? No.
But hell, it felt good.
Drinking eased a wave of calm over her whenever she felt she was drowning in her problems, and to her, an escape from them was welcomed at any cost.
As she sat up, Mai striped off her sweat-soaked t-shirt and pulled on a sports bra she found at the foot of her bed. Her legs swung over the side and she stood up slowly, her body aching from exhaustion. Wiping the sweat from her forehead, she walked out to the kitchen. Mai made her way over to the sink and turned on the cold water, rinsing her face with shaking hands and drying it off with a nearby towel. She draped the towel over the edge of the sink and reached up to the cabinet above her and grabbing a small glass. She reached to her right and picked up an unopened bottle of cheap vodka that she had bought just a few days prior. She placed the unscrewed cap on the counter next to her and she moved the open bottle to the cup with the intention to fill it, but stopped. Mai stood staring at the glass in consideration before deciding that she didn't want it. She left the glass on the counter and slid down to her kitchen floor, taking a swig of the potent drink. She felt the welcomed warmth travel down her throat as she cringed and took another gulp.
She let out a heavy sigh and put the bottle down next to her. She pulled her knees to her chest, and rubbed her forehead with her hand. Why had things been getting so bad again? She was on medication for her insomnia, and she was seeing the doctor regularly for her depression, so why wasn't anything working? At which point did her mind decide that getting four or less hours of sleep a night was okay? When did it think that filling those four hours with horrible nightmares was acceptable? The doctors said that it would get better over time, but Mai knew that they were just giving her false hopes.
Mai groaned and leaned her head back on the counter. She opened her eyes and glanced back down at the bottle of clear liquid. She knew her limit when it came to the stuff, but tonight she didn't care to stop.
"Fuck it," she said to herself as she snatched it up and took a couple gulps of vodka. Her face contorted in a grimace as the burn of the drink took over her mouth and throat. Mai coughed a bit and stretched her legs out as she placed the bottle between them and wiped her mouth with the back of her hand. She sat on the floor for about ten minutes before she began to feel the effects of the drink beginning. Mai felt the alcohol slowly taking over her system, but decided to stand up, albeit struggling a bit. With the bottle in hand, she shuffled over to her couch, and plopped down on it with a groan and a small lackadaisical smile. She started to chuckle to herself for no apparent reason before noticing the blinking light on the coffee table. She stared at the little blue light for a few seconds before realizing that it was her cell phone letting her know she had gotten a text message. Mai leaned forward and placed one hand on the coffee table while the other snatched up the phone. She sat back down, and after a few tries at her password, finally got her phone's messages up.
Two of the messages were from Michiru, her best friend since junior high, asking her if she wanted to go to a party on Saturday, and one correcting a typo she had in the previous one. Looking back at the first message, Mai took another swig from the quarter empty bottle and contemplated if she wanted to go out with her or not. She replied clumsily, but not too bad that Michiru would be able to tell that she was drunk, and told her friend that she hadn't been feeling well and that she was going to stay home to rest up.
"Sorry, Mich, I'm gonna have to be lame," she said with a giggle. "Don't want to waste a perfectly good weekend on a party when I could just stay home and drink."
Mai sent the message and scrolled down to the next unread one. It was from Bou-san. He and Ayako were really the only ones that she had stayed in touch with after SPR broke up. Despite the group disbanding three years prior, Ayako made it very clear that they weren't going to forget about her. Every couple weeks she and Bou-san would invite her over for dinner to catch up, but recently that hadn't been the case. It had been a few months since she'd last seen them, but they did often call or text to see how her life was. She would lie about how she was failing school, not sleeping, and developing a drinking habit, but they didn't really need to know all that. If there was anything that she'd want for them it would be for them to not have to worry about her at all. Mai knew that if she vented to Monk, or especially Ayako, they would be up here bombarding her with concern and trying to change her current lifestyle. Not only would that be rather annoying for her, but it would also just make her another burden in their lives. With the recent birth of their son Haji, Mai knew that the last thing they needed was the stress of her life too.
The message read, "Hi Mai, it's me again, just wanted to see if you're alright. Haven't heard from you in a couple weeks so we're starting to worry a bit, but I'm sure you've just been busy with school and grown up life and what not LOL. Anyway give us a call when you can, we do miss you, you know."
Mai sighed and dropped her hand in her lap. She closed her eyes and leaned her head on the back of the couch. What lie would she tell them this time? That she had good grades? A stable job? A well kept social life? What a load of shit. She really hated having to lie to them, but Mai knew it was better off for both parties if she kept up this facade of stability she had going. Part of her wanted to tell them everything, let them know that she was struggling and stressed and couldn't sleep if her life depended on it, but the other part of her knew better. She knew that the minute she said something was wrong they'd be down here coddling her like they should be with Haji. Mai knew they didn't mean any ill will, but the last thing she wanted right now were people hovering over her making changes in her life that they thought were for her betterment. Right now, all she wanted was to be left completely alone and have peace and quiet and not have to live up to the expectations and standards anyone had for her.
She opened her eyes and looked back down at her phone. Mai contemplated sending a reassuring message explaining that she had just been busy with school and work, but realized that it must now be pretty early in the morning and would look suspicious if she sent it now. So, after taking another swallow of alcohol, she went to close out of her messages, when she noticed a very familiar, but saddening name. It wasn't odd that she happened to see it either because despite after the three years that SPR had broken up, Mai rarely talked to anyone other than Michiru and Bou-san. Looking at the short name caused a wave of nostalgia to wash over Mai and she could feel her eyes begin to tear up. The name Naru and had a small, red devil emoticon next to it that she chuckled at softly, despite the overwhelming sadness she felt. She contemplated sending him a message telling him just how much she hated him for leaving like he did, but even in her drunken state, knew that it would be pointless and terribly selfish. At any rate, he had more than likely changed numbers now that he was back in England, and even if he hadn't, he would by no means reply to her. Why would he? She had said such horrible things and made terrible accusations of him before finding out the real reason he was in Japan. After she found out about Gene, Mai could feel nothing but embarrassment and guilt at what she had done, but what she felt worse of all was sheer regret at ruining the relationship she had formed with him. She so coldly told him that he was being an "inconsiderate jerk" and a "selfish egomaniac" for leaving Japan under such short notice with little to no explanation. After so long of her yelling at him, he calmly explained why he had come here in the first place. She remembered with bitterness the feeling of realization and embarrassment of what she had said so heartlessly to him that it caused her pain several years after.
Mai blinked and noticed that she was crying. She placed the bottle of vodka down on the coffee table and wiped her eyes angrily. The more she tried to stop the flow of tears, the harder she found herself crying. Why did she fuck everything up so badly? Why did she stop caring about herself? Why did she willingly lose contact with the people she considered her family for the longest time? Why did she think pitying herself was going to make her feel better? She doubled over with sobs and placed her head in her hands while resting her elbows on her knees. Mai's head swam with annoying questions for a long while, and she eventually had to put her hand over her mouth to stifle her sobs so the neighbors didn't hear through the paper thin walls. She wanted things to go back to how they were in high school. She didn't want to feel like this all the time and have to fake her happiness for her friends anymore. She was so tired of everything.
Mai let out a shaky breath and sat up and rubbed her head. The world tilted as a combination of vodka and her severe lack of sleep took over her body and had to put a hand on the table to steady herself. Mai reached for the bottle of alcohol and forcefully chugged another few gulps, not even wincing this time. She let out a burst of coughs and dropped the bottle back down, nearly spilling it. She stood up and stumbled over to her shoes. She put them on slowly, since leaning down to do so was more than a little difficult, then snatched up her hoodie from the back of the door and struggled to put it on over her sports bra and leggings. Once she had finally gotten it on she took her phone, and a bottle of sleeping pills she got a few days prior, and crammed them into her pocket, then walked straight out of her apartment.