Everything is Relative

By AlchemistNemesis

Beast Boy was hurt. It was not like an I-insulted-a-badger-now-I-have-50-stitches hurt. Nor was lit like a ha-ha-that-guy-got-permanently-injured-but-it's-on-america's-funniest-home-videos-so-it's-funny hurt. It wasn't even a nasal-probe-from-the-moose-people-of-planet-neeftarf hurt. No, it was one of those love hurts. Which, I might add, is far worse than the I-tried-to-eat-a-motorcycle-while-it-was-still-running hurt and the infamous I-tried-to-cook-a-live-bengal-tiger-with-a-toaster-while-taking-a-shower hurt.

You see, this love hurt originated from Raven's quote in that Trouble in Tokyo thingie in which she elaborated on how much no girl would go out with him. Now the meaning truly made his heart sink, especially after seeing Robin and Starfire together. He always wondered how Robin could get an actual girlfriend while at the same time he has to wear something over his eyes 24/7 so nobody can stare into them and see the stars or whatever. (his father was a pirate, so it's genetic)

I digress. The main problem here is that Mr. Boy loved Raven and now he had no chance with her unless a little lightbulb appears over his head and he suddenly gets a fantabulous idea. Which he did in the next nanosecond.

"If I'm the guy Raven likes the least," he thought, "I'll get someone she likes even less!"

Surely enough, the Titans needed a new member. There were many wanna-be's and really-wanna-be's and if-I-don't-get-in-I-won't-be-able-to-afford-the-bone-marrow-transplant's. Only one made it through.

This was the one person that could kill Slade (at least that's what Beast Boy said, so that Robin would even reject the honorary titan made out of centers of black holes and had direct ties to the supreme being). His name struck terror in the hearts of the living.

Verner von Doofyfoofy, master of annoyance.

Raven had not yet seen this person; she was not present at the tryouts. She saw him when he arrived at the tower. He was dressed in toilet paper and duct tape. He wore an eyepatch and carried around an office chair. He went up to Raven and initiated his terrible, uncontrollable prowess.

"You're pretty. My name is Verner von Doofyfoofy! I like pie. Do you like pie?! DO YOU?! You don't? I hope you explode! Hahahaha that's okay you're cool. What's your name? Ah, it doesn't mater. I'll call you Hoofa. What's your superpower? Ah, it doesn't matter. I'll call it Hoofa-ing. Was your uncle a dentist? Yes he was. "

"No he wasn't."

"SHUT UP! HE WAS! Your formal name is now 'Hoofa Vo-Veefy, supreme gladiatrix of Hoofa-ing uncle dentists.' I like it. I like you. MARRY ME, SUPREME GLADIATRIX OF HOOFA-ING UNCLE DENTISTS!"

At this point, Raven's left eye started twitching irregularly and she turned the lump of coal she was holding for some reason into a diamond like Superman or something. Beast Boy knew that all that was left to do was the waiting game.

Which you will do, because I'm adding chapters to this. Peace out.