A/N: So yeah this is what I've seen in my time in this fandom. Do not heed any authors notes after this one, they won't make sense.
...
So, like, the company of Thorin Oakenshield (a/N: OMG LIAK SOOOO HAWT LOL) was walking and then Bilbo tripped! Thorin turned around and was all:
"OH MY GOD BILBO PERFECTLY COMPETENT PEOPLE DON'T TRIP WHY ARE YOU SO USELESS?!" And the company laughed and Bilbo cried.
Later, Bilbo sneezed. Thorin turned around and was all:
"OH MY GOD BILBO USEFUL PEOPLE DON'T SNEEZE YOU ARE SO FRIKIN USELESS!" And the company laughed but felt kinda bad and Bilbo cried while Gandalf smoked weed on his horse.
Later, they made camp and then Bilbo walked by with his hairy feet and Thorin was all:
"OH MY GOD BILBO WHY ARE YOUR FEET SO HAIRY YOU'RE SO USELESS!" And Bilbo was all:
"OH MY GOD THORIN I HAVE FEELINGS TOO YOU FRIKIN RACIST!" And he ran into the woods and the company all started lecturing Thorin on sensitivity even though they laughed too. Dís even appeared and slapped him with a flaming frying pan. (A/N: b/c she's just that metal lol.)
And then Thorin went after Bilbo and he met him by a stream and the other members of the company ceased to exist for awhile.
"Bilbo I'm just mean b/c i luv u and I'm emotionally constipated!" Throwin said and cried. Bilbo cried and they started making out and Thorin was all:
"YOU ARE NOW MY CONSORT HAVE SEX WITH ME." And Bilbo was all:
"OH THORIN SEMPAI IM A VIRGIN!" And they did it without lube. As a result of this, Bilbo was shitting blood all the next day and the company existed again solely to bring him soup and lecture him about Dwarf culture even though they're supposed to be really secretive and taught him their language just cuz.
THE END