Time was of the essence. The essence of what exactly, she didn't
know, but it was.
And yes.
Confused, she sat down in the middle of the street as the street
light turned green.
And then, as a car ran over her, she realized that she really
should stop dying in the middle of the day.
A swirling void of darkness was beneath her and a wall of light
was above her. To her left was every color imaginable without being
light, darkness or shadow. And to her right was shadow and it's rather
unimpressive grey scale, though Shadow had recently collected Octarine
in a crooked card game against Color. Crooked because Color didn't
like Octarine and had cheated in Shadow's favor.
That could only mean one thing.
She was dead.
Again.
For the second time that day, even.
She sighed, "Hello, Great Will Of The Universal Truths."
"You know..." spoke a voice that sounded like a woman trying very
hard to impersonate a man's voice (and failing miserably), which also
carried a bit of extreme irritation and the smell of waffles, "I was
having a rather fine grape soda when you died."
"Sorry. But you know how it is. Once someone's seen you, they
have to stop and consider what it's all about." she answered.
The Great Will Of The Universal Truths (TGWOTUT) managed to
somehow nod without moving or changing, "I know, but seriously, Void,
you need to stop dying so much. At least wait until you're out of
traffic before sitting down to ponder universal truths."
"Okay, okay." Void, the girl, not the concept, answered.
TGWOTUT, the action figure, not the pokemon, looked over the
timeline, considering the best place to put Void back, "Now, if I
recall, you were right about... HERE!"
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Void Saga
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Void stepped over her own dead body and continued on her way to
her part time job. She stretched as she reached the other side of the
road, but just as she relaxed, she let out a small belch. She covered
her mouth and blushed, before glancing around to see if anyone had
noticed.
No one had. They were more concerned about her dead body on the
other side of the road. Void glanced over. A rather messy display of
organs, blood and bits of her skull were all that remained of her
previous body. Void sighed and shook her head.
There were two reasons behind her head shaking. The first was
that her body always came out of traffic accidents looking like it had
been squished by a giant or something. The second was because she was
very sick and tired of the fact that TGWOTUT made her a new body rather
than regenerating and reanimating her previous body.
Of course, TGWOTUT was very annoyed at that prospect. Her half-
sister, The Great Will Of The Macrocosm, had a tendency to do just
that, but TGWOTUT believed that would make her supplicants into zombies
by way of a technicality, which raised all sorts of disgusting
questions later on, especially when said people had children.
Of course, The Great Will Of The Macrocosm also had a tendency to
undo events and alter history so that they didn't occur again, or at
least, not in the same way.
TGWOTUT didn't believe in undoing events.
Which was why Void was pulling a small worn notepad out of her
pocket, flipping six pages and adding a mark next to the date,
04/16/1999. She sighed and pocketed the notebook as an ambulance
arrived to cart her last body away.
She ignored a lot of the comments made by the crowd, "My kami!
She is SO dead!" "I'm gonna-*URK*-hurl..." "Say, didn't you see someone
callously step over her body a minute ago?" "Yeah, looked like her twin
sister." "Maybe we should report it to the cops." "Yeah, murdered by
her own twin!" "What a psycho!"
Void would eventually learn not to be so callous about her own
dead body, but that wasn't going to happen any time soon, as the angry
mob descended on her.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Chapter 1 - Setting The Stage
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
"HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY,
CRAP BASTARD!" Void called, flipping off her superior, the supreme
commander and chief of STATUS.
"I keep telling you, it's Kuhra Puhboostered!" the black-haired
bishounen in front of Void growled.
Void shrugged, not caring. Kuhra reached over and pressed down
on a crystal column. The panel underneath Void shot up and slammed her
into the ceiling. It lowered to reveal that she was dazed, but not
dead.
"Since we have not been formally described, we'll be taking a
short break." Kuhra declared.
Void, as she recovered, was a rather tall girl. Her cold and
unfriendly blue eyes glowed red, giving the appearance that her eyes
were actually purple, not to mention warm and friendly (which they
weren't). She had long dark hair that hung loosely, but somehow, now
matter how much she tried to change the appearance, she always came off
looking like a Sailor Pluto imitator, complete with a natural bun that
was over her skull's crown.
She wore a pair of baggy tan slacks, a contrasting tight (and
bulging) green tank top and a pair of white tennis shoes. She hated
makeup, not that it was necessary because, being the main character of
a spamfic written by someone who favors their main character, she was
incredibly beautiful without it and even had a complexition that would
have been the envy of any regular model. Much to her disgust.
Were it her choice, she would have dark circles around her eyes
and be naturally pale. Indeed, Void hoped to one day be a lesbian goth
chick.
As such, she only had the 'lesbian' and 'chick' parts down. Goth
seemed impossible to do. For some reason, she had a bizzare allergy to
pancake makeup that made her hair turn bright pink and shift into the
shape of a dual ponytail with yam-shaped hair balls on top (ala. Sailor
Chibi-Moon), and attempts to use other methods to pale her skin to an
appropriate goth-like color made her look rather tan instead. Even
skin molds failed, as there was a mysterious reaction between her real
skin and the glue that turned the skin molds a dark tan. And she
somehow looked more adorable than dangerous or scary when she tried
under-lighting her face with a flashlight.
By comparison, Kuhra Puhboostered, who was from one of Jupiter's
moons (he openly admitted it, saying that his name was a proud one
around Jupiter), was rather happy being a heterosexual bishounen. His
short dark hair was both simple and overly cool, his nose and smile
were elegant yet masculine. His plain brown eyes ruined the bishounen
effect, though.
He wore a suit of rune-covered european-style golden armor that
shone like the sun and above him on the wall was Gungnir, the legendary
lance wielded by Odin in Ragnarok. Of course, since Odin was currently
dead, Kuhra had managed to purchase it on Ebay for about fifty thousand
Italian lyra.
Kuhra rather liked Void's attitude most days, except when she
started whining about wanting to be a goth or when she insulted him by
calling him a Crap Bastard (both of which were fairly frequent, but
Kuhra often forgot or dismissed the insults). It was fortunate for him
that he'd managed to force her to sign an honor-binding contract of
loyalty to his organization of STATUS.
"Void, I hope your antics are over, because I have an important
assignment for you." Kuhra told her.
"Yeah, yeah, you want me to try and foil the plans of ACROSS."
Void sighed.
"Who?" Kuhra inquired, a look of complete confusion on his face.
"Nevermind. I thought since this was a parody of Excel Saga and
we were basically opposites of the two main characters of that series,
that we'd do something monotonuous, like try and defeat them." Void
answered.
"No. I'll not waste my time sending you to do something so
frivolous. We'll simply beat them to the punchline....er, FINISH
line." Kuhra declared.
"So, what's up?" Void asked.
"I want you to find the apartment that ACROSS' main operative
lives in, move into the apartment below her, and monitor her from now
on. Every move they make, we'll make an even bolder move!" Kuhra
declared.
"So, I'd essentially be trying to foil the plans of ACROSS." Void
commented.
"Wait, crap, that's..... ah, man! No, wait, I know. Steal the
energy of the pathetic humans so that we can ressurrect THE
NEGAFORCE!" Kuhra declared.(1)
Void blinked, "We're going to ressurect your ex-wife?"
Kuhra faltered, "Oh, right. That bitch is still trying to hit me
up for alimony. And both she and my daughter Berylium are both dead,
for crying out loud!"
Void nodded in agreement. Not because she particularly agreed
with Kuhra, but simply to give the impression that she did.
"Hmmm, how about we use a Freezer Org to freeze the Wild Force
Power Ranger's Kongazord, then use a Duke Org to steal their animal
crystals?" Kuhra suggested.(2)
"Because A) we don't use Orgs, B) we aren't fighting the Wild
Force Power Rangers, and C) it's all copyrighted by Haim Saban and
Shuki Levy and you'd get your ass handed to you in court.... again.
And besides, the Zords ate them last week." Void told him.
"I know! We can summon a demon named Marller to sic onto the
three goddesses, sending them into a pit of despair and misery!" Kuhra
declared, before laughing maniacally, then calming down to listen to
Void's reply.(3)
"Are you kidding? After the last time we did that? I've still
got emotional scars over what she did to that poor Taco Bell dog." Void
responded, shuddering violently at the memory of Marller feeding the
Taco Bell dog Taco Bell food. Most Saiyan and/or normal people would
have thought of the sight as rather adorable, but Void didn't belong in
either group.
"What if we use a Dungeon Heart to conquer all of Harmonia and
kill that fool King Reginald?" Kuhra offered.(4)
Void tilted her head in thought before answering, "Isn't Reginald
your best friend? Yeah, you even put him on the throne of Harmonia as
his sixteenth birthday present. Besides, Dungeon Hearts are in another
dimension, not to mention, they are SO passe` at the moment. Maybe
when nostalgia hits and everyone finds love for the Dungeon Keeper 2
universe again."
"What if we lured a bunch of kids here with promises of candy,
then give them the candy?!" Kuhra asked.
Void snapped at him, "Think of the cavities!"
"You're right, those poor children would-" Kuhra began.
"No, I meant ME! I can't stand children! Always so damn
happy!" Void interupted.
"Well, I suppose all we can do is the first plan. For now, at
least." Kuhra sighed.
"I guess so." Void agreed reluctantly.
With that, Void simply left the condominium. (everything is
opposite, remember? A sewer base is countered by a condom... er, a
condo.)
Void sang along with a song that wouldn't exist for three years
as it played on her CD walkman, "%...but I'm not crazy, I'm just a
little unwell, I know, right now, you don't care...%"
Then she hit 'Stop' on her walkman, and glanced around. She
couldn't possibly be-
"HEY, LOOK! IT'S SAILOR PLUTO!"
A Cosplay convention.
Void turned and ran, but to no avail.
The Great Will Of The Universal Truths (sometimes known as Betty)
sighed.
"I know, I know, but I wasn't paying attention and it's the
fanboys' fault anyway." Void grumbled.
Void groaned as she reached her apartment. Who knew U city, U
prefect was so large?(5) And she had to go to F City tomorrow? F city
was as big as U city. In fact, the two had an unofficial rivalry going
as to which could be biggest city in their respective prefects.
Sometimes, it was U, then F. Other times, it was F, then U.
Suddenly, the phone rang. Void blinked. She had a phone? She
looked at all the crap she'd purchased and sighed. Hopefully, she had
an answering machine somewhere in there. If there was anything that
was increasingly bothersome about dying all the time, it was getting
hundreds of insurance checks a day.
She managed to find it just in time, "Hello?"
"Hey, me." Void's own voice came over the line.
"Me?" Void inquired.
"Yep. Betty screwed up again. By the way, if you squeeze your
buttocks right about now, it'll probably hurt less." Void told herself.
Void was too slow to react to her own suggestion, as her entire
apartment complex exploded.
Void sighed as she hung up the pay phone. She had been talking
to herself, so she knew she wouldn't be in time. She turned around and
died as a tampon, which had been sheared to a razor-sharp point,
pierced her skull.
Douche Bag Kamen would've been proud.(6)
Void found herself laying naked in a temple. Betty was present,
but she was not around Void as she normally was. Betty looked strange
from the outside. She was the shape and roughly the size of a standard
gamer's eight-sided die. Void sat up.
"Hello, Void." Betty sighed with heavy exasperation.
"Betty? What's going on?" Void inquired, glancing around. It
wasn't the usual setting.
"Well, the gods were getting sick and tired of me having to
restart you, what with your tendency to die so often. So, they created
this temple, the Temple of Infinite Lives, so that you could return to
a safe location whenever you die, rather than die time and again."
Betty explained.
"Temple of Infinite Lives?"(7) Void inquired.
"Yes. Of course, to prevent any possible panic or conflicts that
might occur between this church and those of your world, we had to
splice your dimension with another." Betty told her.
Void looked outside, where an enormous sandworm was rising out of
the desert sands and leaping over the temple.
"You fused my world with ARRAKIS?!" Void asked.(8)
"WHOOPS! Wrong dimension!" Betty said.
The sandworm and desert vanished and were replaced a moment later
with the bridge of a floating city-like facility.
"Hmm, this isn't right either..." Betty commented, then glanced
over to where Void was throwing a beer bottle at a black-haired young
man wearing a black-leather coat and carrying a large blade that had a
handle like a revolver.
"HEY, SQUALL! YOU SUCK!" Void yelled, then pointed at a blonde-
haired man with a strange tattoo on the left side of his fact, "AND SO
DO YOU, ZACK!"
Betty quickly changed universes again, before the two angered
young men could use Ultima or a Limit Break on Void's foolish and naked
ass.(9)
As Void appeared back where she started, Betty sighed. She'd
been too late to stop Void from dying again.(10) At least they were in the right dimensional fusion.
Suddenly, Void grew brown fur, long cat tail and her ears changed into those of a cat's.(11)
"DAMMIT! And I just waxed and shaved my bikini zone this morning!" Void cursed.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
=======================================================================
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Chapter 1 - Introduction Of Characters (12)
Today's Mission....
Failed Beyond Comprehension
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
=======================================================================
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
I originally wanted to make this a part of Improfanfic, but after
seeing it's possibilities, I've decided to keep on the side burner.
(1) I've heard Queen Beryl is named after Berylium. So,
obviously, her full first name would be Berylium. It's kind of like
calling someone named 'Robert' 'Bob'. Also, the NEGAFORCE is the DiC
name for Queen Metallia.
(2) If you can't read the sentence, I'm not going to explain this
one.
(3) AH! Megami-sama or Oh! My Goddess.
(4) From Dungeon Keeper 2, produced by Bullfrog, the sequel to
which (DK3) was killed by Electronic Arts (EA) (challenge everything,
my ass!).
(5) F is the sixth letter of the alphabet. U is the sixth to
last in the alphabet. Don't believe me? abcdeFghijklmnopqrstUvwxyz
(6) From Nut-Punch Kamen. A series I greatly aided, then
accidentally killed.
(7) The Temple of Infinite Lives is from Crushed! the Doomed
Kitty.
(8) Arrakis is from the universe of Dune. The giant sandworms
are nigh-legendary.
(9) Zack and Squall are two of Final Fantasy 8's main characters.
Void is actually stating my opinion on these two. And no, it has
nothing to do with their looks. I simply don't like the game in
general.
(10) Just so no angry fangirls try to kill me, I have Void die
for voicing my opinion. Ain't I an ass?
(11) She's now a typical anthropromorphic cat girl.
(12) Yes, the title at the top and bottom are different.
Intentionally.
know, but it was.
And yes.
Confused, she sat down in the middle of the street as the street
light turned green.
And then, as a car ran over her, she realized that she really
should stop dying in the middle of the day.
A swirling void of darkness was beneath her and a wall of light
was above her. To her left was every color imaginable without being
light, darkness or shadow. And to her right was shadow and it's rather
unimpressive grey scale, though Shadow had recently collected Octarine
in a crooked card game against Color. Crooked because Color didn't
like Octarine and had cheated in Shadow's favor.
That could only mean one thing.
She was dead.
Again.
For the second time that day, even.
She sighed, "Hello, Great Will Of The Universal Truths."
"You know..." spoke a voice that sounded like a woman trying very
hard to impersonate a man's voice (and failing miserably), which also
carried a bit of extreme irritation and the smell of waffles, "I was
having a rather fine grape soda when you died."
"Sorry. But you know how it is. Once someone's seen you, they
have to stop and consider what it's all about." she answered.
The Great Will Of The Universal Truths (TGWOTUT) managed to
somehow nod without moving or changing, "I know, but seriously, Void,
you need to stop dying so much. At least wait until you're out of
traffic before sitting down to ponder universal truths."
"Okay, okay." Void, the girl, not the concept, answered.
TGWOTUT, the action figure, not the pokemon, looked over the
timeline, considering the best place to put Void back, "Now, if I
recall, you were right about... HERE!"
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Void Saga
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Void stepped over her own dead body and continued on her way to
her part time job. She stretched as she reached the other side of the
road, but just as she relaxed, she let out a small belch. She covered
her mouth and blushed, before glancing around to see if anyone had
noticed.
No one had. They were more concerned about her dead body on the
other side of the road. Void glanced over. A rather messy display of
organs, blood and bits of her skull were all that remained of her
previous body. Void sighed and shook her head.
There were two reasons behind her head shaking. The first was
that her body always came out of traffic accidents looking like it had
been squished by a giant or something. The second was because she was
very sick and tired of the fact that TGWOTUT made her a new body rather
than regenerating and reanimating her previous body.
Of course, TGWOTUT was very annoyed at that prospect. Her half-
sister, The Great Will Of The Macrocosm, had a tendency to do just
that, but TGWOTUT believed that would make her supplicants into zombies
by way of a technicality, which raised all sorts of disgusting
questions later on, especially when said people had children.
Of course, The Great Will Of The Macrocosm also had a tendency to
undo events and alter history so that they didn't occur again, or at
least, not in the same way.
TGWOTUT didn't believe in undoing events.
Which was why Void was pulling a small worn notepad out of her
pocket, flipping six pages and adding a mark next to the date,
04/16/1999. She sighed and pocketed the notebook as an ambulance
arrived to cart her last body away.
She ignored a lot of the comments made by the crowd, "My kami!
She is SO dead!" "I'm gonna-*URK*-hurl..." "Say, didn't you see someone
callously step over her body a minute ago?" "Yeah, looked like her twin
sister." "Maybe we should report it to the cops." "Yeah, murdered by
her own twin!" "What a psycho!"
Void would eventually learn not to be so callous about her own
dead body, but that wasn't going to happen any time soon, as the angry
mob descended on her.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Chapter 1 - Setting The Stage
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
"HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY,
CRAP BASTARD!" Void called, flipping off her superior, the supreme
commander and chief of STATUS.
"I keep telling you, it's Kuhra Puhboostered!" the black-haired
bishounen in front of Void growled.
Void shrugged, not caring. Kuhra reached over and pressed down
on a crystal column. The panel underneath Void shot up and slammed her
into the ceiling. It lowered to reveal that she was dazed, but not
dead.
"Since we have not been formally described, we'll be taking a
short break." Kuhra declared.
Void, as she recovered, was a rather tall girl. Her cold and
unfriendly blue eyes glowed red, giving the appearance that her eyes
were actually purple, not to mention warm and friendly (which they
weren't). She had long dark hair that hung loosely, but somehow, now
matter how much she tried to change the appearance, she always came off
looking like a Sailor Pluto imitator, complete with a natural bun that
was over her skull's crown.
She wore a pair of baggy tan slacks, a contrasting tight (and
bulging) green tank top and a pair of white tennis shoes. She hated
makeup, not that it was necessary because, being the main character of
a spamfic written by someone who favors their main character, she was
incredibly beautiful without it and even had a complexition that would
have been the envy of any regular model. Much to her disgust.
Were it her choice, she would have dark circles around her eyes
and be naturally pale. Indeed, Void hoped to one day be a lesbian goth
chick.
As such, she only had the 'lesbian' and 'chick' parts down. Goth
seemed impossible to do. For some reason, she had a bizzare allergy to
pancake makeup that made her hair turn bright pink and shift into the
shape of a dual ponytail with yam-shaped hair balls on top (ala. Sailor
Chibi-Moon), and attempts to use other methods to pale her skin to an
appropriate goth-like color made her look rather tan instead. Even
skin molds failed, as there was a mysterious reaction between her real
skin and the glue that turned the skin molds a dark tan. And she
somehow looked more adorable than dangerous or scary when she tried
under-lighting her face with a flashlight.
By comparison, Kuhra Puhboostered, who was from one of Jupiter's
moons (he openly admitted it, saying that his name was a proud one
around Jupiter), was rather happy being a heterosexual bishounen. His
short dark hair was both simple and overly cool, his nose and smile
were elegant yet masculine. His plain brown eyes ruined the bishounen
effect, though.
He wore a suit of rune-covered european-style golden armor that
shone like the sun and above him on the wall was Gungnir, the legendary
lance wielded by Odin in Ragnarok. Of course, since Odin was currently
dead, Kuhra had managed to purchase it on Ebay for about fifty thousand
Italian lyra.
Kuhra rather liked Void's attitude most days, except when she
started whining about wanting to be a goth or when she insulted him by
calling him a Crap Bastard (both of which were fairly frequent, but
Kuhra often forgot or dismissed the insults). It was fortunate for him
that he'd managed to force her to sign an honor-binding contract of
loyalty to his organization of STATUS.
"Void, I hope your antics are over, because I have an important
assignment for you." Kuhra told her.
"Yeah, yeah, you want me to try and foil the plans of ACROSS."
Void sighed.
"Who?" Kuhra inquired, a look of complete confusion on his face.
"Nevermind. I thought since this was a parody of Excel Saga and
we were basically opposites of the two main characters of that series,
that we'd do something monotonuous, like try and defeat them." Void
answered.
"No. I'll not waste my time sending you to do something so
frivolous. We'll simply beat them to the punchline....er, FINISH
line." Kuhra declared.
"So, what's up?" Void asked.
"I want you to find the apartment that ACROSS' main operative
lives in, move into the apartment below her, and monitor her from now
on. Every move they make, we'll make an even bolder move!" Kuhra
declared.
"So, I'd essentially be trying to foil the plans of ACROSS." Void
commented.
"Wait, crap, that's..... ah, man! No, wait, I know. Steal the
energy of the pathetic humans so that we can ressurrect THE
NEGAFORCE!" Kuhra declared.(1)
Void blinked, "We're going to ressurect your ex-wife?"
Kuhra faltered, "Oh, right. That bitch is still trying to hit me
up for alimony. And both she and my daughter Berylium are both dead,
for crying out loud!"
Void nodded in agreement. Not because she particularly agreed
with Kuhra, but simply to give the impression that she did.
"Hmmm, how about we use a Freezer Org to freeze the Wild Force
Power Ranger's Kongazord, then use a Duke Org to steal their animal
crystals?" Kuhra suggested.(2)
"Because A) we don't use Orgs, B) we aren't fighting the Wild
Force Power Rangers, and C) it's all copyrighted by Haim Saban and
Shuki Levy and you'd get your ass handed to you in court.... again.
And besides, the Zords ate them last week." Void told him.
"I know! We can summon a demon named Marller to sic onto the
three goddesses, sending them into a pit of despair and misery!" Kuhra
declared, before laughing maniacally, then calming down to listen to
Void's reply.(3)
"Are you kidding? After the last time we did that? I've still
got emotional scars over what she did to that poor Taco Bell dog." Void
responded, shuddering violently at the memory of Marller feeding the
Taco Bell dog Taco Bell food. Most Saiyan and/or normal people would
have thought of the sight as rather adorable, but Void didn't belong in
either group.
"What if we use a Dungeon Heart to conquer all of Harmonia and
kill that fool King Reginald?" Kuhra offered.(4)
Void tilted her head in thought before answering, "Isn't Reginald
your best friend? Yeah, you even put him on the throne of Harmonia as
his sixteenth birthday present. Besides, Dungeon Hearts are in another
dimension, not to mention, they are SO passe` at the moment. Maybe
when nostalgia hits and everyone finds love for the Dungeon Keeper 2
universe again."
"What if we lured a bunch of kids here with promises of candy,
then give them the candy?!" Kuhra asked.
Void snapped at him, "Think of the cavities!"
"You're right, those poor children would-" Kuhra began.
"No, I meant ME! I can't stand children! Always so damn
happy!" Void interupted.
"Well, I suppose all we can do is the first plan. For now, at
least." Kuhra sighed.
"I guess so." Void agreed reluctantly.
With that, Void simply left the condominium. (everything is
opposite, remember? A sewer base is countered by a condom... er, a
condo.)
Void sang along with a song that wouldn't exist for three years
as it played on her CD walkman, "%...but I'm not crazy, I'm just a
little unwell, I know, right now, you don't care...%"
Then she hit 'Stop' on her walkman, and glanced around. She
couldn't possibly be-
"HEY, LOOK! IT'S SAILOR PLUTO!"
A Cosplay convention.
Void turned and ran, but to no avail.
The Great Will Of The Universal Truths (sometimes known as Betty)
sighed.
"I know, I know, but I wasn't paying attention and it's the
fanboys' fault anyway." Void grumbled.
Void groaned as she reached her apartment. Who knew U city, U
prefect was so large?(5) And she had to go to F City tomorrow? F city
was as big as U city. In fact, the two had an unofficial rivalry going
as to which could be biggest city in their respective prefects.
Sometimes, it was U, then F. Other times, it was F, then U.
Suddenly, the phone rang. Void blinked. She had a phone? She
looked at all the crap she'd purchased and sighed. Hopefully, she had
an answering machine somewhere in there. If there was anything that
was increasingly bothersome about dying all the time, it was getting
hundreds of insurance checks a day.
She managed to find it just in time, "Hello?"
"Hey, me." Void's own voice came over the line.
"Me?" Void inquired.
"Yep. Betty screwed up again. By the way, if you squeeze your
buttocks right about now, it'll probably hurt less." Void told herself.
Void was too slow to react to her own suggestion, as her entire
apartment complex exploded.
Void sighed as she hung up the pay phone. She had been talking
to herself, so she knew she wouldn't be in time. She turned around and
died as a tampon, which had been sheared to a razor-sharp point,
pierced her skull.
Douche Bag Kamen would've been proud.(6)
Void found herself laying naked in a temple. Betty was present,
but she was not around Void as she normally was. Betty looked strange
from the outside. She was the shape and roughly the size of a standard
gamer's eight-sided die. Void sat up.
"Hello, Void." Betty sighed with heavy exasperation.
"Betty? What's going on?" Void inquired, glancing around. It
wasn't the usual setting.
"Well, the gods were getting sick and tired of me having to
restart you, what with your tendency to die so often. So, they created
this temple, the Temple of Infinite Lives, so that you could return to
a safe location whenever you die, rather than die time and again."
Betty explained.
"Temple of Infinite Lives?"(7) Void inquired.
"Yes. Of course, to prevent any possible panic or conflicts that
might occur between this church and those of your world, we had to
splice your dimension with another." Betty told her.
Void looked outside, where an enormous sandworm was rising out of
the desert sands and leaping over the temple.
"You fused my world with ARRAKIS?!" Void asked.(8)
"WHOOPS! Wrong dimension!" Betty said.
The sandworm and desert vanished and were replaced a moment later
with the bridge of a floating city-like facility.
"Hmm, this isn't right either..." Betty commented, then glanced
over to where Void was throwing a beer bottle at a black-haired young
man wearing a black-leather coat and carrying a large blade that had a
handle like a revolver.
"HEY, SQUALL! YOU SUCK!" Void yelled, then pointed at a blonde-
haired man with a strange tattoo on the left side of his fact, "AND SO
DO YOU, ZACK!"
Betty quickly changed universes again, before the two angered
young men could use Ultima or a Limit Break on Void's foolish and naked
ass.(9)
As Void appeared back where she started, Betty sighed. She'd
been too late to stop Void from dying again.(10) At least they were in the right dimensional fusion.
Suddenly, Void grew brown fur, long cat tail and her ears changed into those of a cat's.(11)
"DAMMIT! And I just waxed and shaved my bikini zone this morning!" Void cursed.
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Chapter 1 - Introduction Of Characters (12)
Today's Mission....
Failed Beyond Comprehension
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I originally wanted to make this a part of Improfanfic, but after
seeing it's possibilities, I've decided to keep on the side burner.
(1) I've heard Queen Beryl is named after Berylium. So,
obviously, her full first name would be Berylium. It's kind of like
calling someone named 'Robert' 'Bob'. Also, the NEGAFORCE is the DiC
name for Queen Metallia.
(2) If you can't read the sentence, I'm not going to explain this
one.
(3) AH! Megami-sama or Oh! My Goddess.
(4) From Dungeon Keeper 2, produced by Bullfrog, the sequel to
which (DK3) was killed by Electronic Arts (EA) (challenge everything,
my ass!).
(5) F is the sixth letter of the alphabet. U is the sixth to
last in the alphabet. Don't believe me? abcdeFghijklmnopqrstUvwxyz
(6) From Nut-Punch Kamen. A series I greatly aided, then
accidentally killed.
(7) The Temple of Infinite Lives is from Crushed! the Doomed
Kitty.
(8) Arrakis is from the universe of Dune. The giant sandworms
are nigh-legendary.
(9) Zack and Squall are two of Final Fantasy 8's main characters.
Void is actually stating my opinion on these two. And no, it has
nothing to do with their looks. I simply don't like the game in
general.
(10) Just so no angry fangirls try to kill me, I have Void die
for voicing my opinion. Ain't I an ass?
(11) She's now a typical anthropromorphic cat girl.
(12) Yes, the title at the top and bottom are different.
Intentionally.