A/N: Bury me in the WidowTracer trash bin. I haven't even got the chance to play Overwatch yet and I'm already such trash for this game- especially the ships. I was inspired by a post on tumblr and decided to write this. Enjoy!
I am not supposed to feel emotion. The night air was cold as I walked through the alley near King's Row. I knew what I was doing, I knew where my feet were taking me, I just didn't know why. I had eliminated the target I was supposed to kill, but she had got in the way. I clenched my fists, remembering her ever smiling face. Lena was too cheery for her own good- and to make matters worse, she constantly tried to stop me. She constantly complicated all of my plans. Why do you act this way, Lena? Her appearance only made things more complicated for me. I should've killed her too- I should've took my opportunity. But you didn't. You stopped yourself.
I looked up to the many windows of the flats on King's Row. I knew exactly which one was hers. Of course- I had to know where she lived. She was on Talon's watchlist for years. You're using it for your own devices though. The breeze blew through the streets, causing my grey trenchcoat to flutter in the wind. I don't know why I am here, and yet I want to be. I began to climb the fire escape near her flat. Maybe if I just lurked outside, she wouldn't notice me. It was so wrong what I was doing, and yet here I sat anyways. Maybe I was wrong, but I needed answers to what I was feeling.
Lena Oxton confused me. I sat outside her flat, hearing the radio playing from her open window. She was humming along, and muttering to herself about making tea. Something in me was repelled by her constant cheeriness, but deep down I wanted to see more of her smile. Why am I feeling this way? It was a forgotten thing, the feeling of emotion. It had been beaten and molded out of me- or so I thought. The chip must be malfunctioning. There must be something wrong. I knew that this would be my downfall if what was happening was real. For the first time in my life something scared me.
What I was feeling was new, and I don't know if I liked it or feared it. You're under my skin. I heard her let out a sigh, and a small whine of pain. "Bloody hell- that really hurt this time Amélie." I froze at the mention of my name. My chest tightened, and it was almost like I couldn't breathe. Something inside me was cracking, and it sent fear through me like nothing before. If Talon finds out, it will all be over. Maybe I like the way Lena smiles at me- maybe I like it too much. As I stood out in the cold air, I longed for her touch. I wanted to be the one to make her smile. I wanted to be the one she held in her arms. But you can't always have what you want.
Talon would never let us be together. I wasn't even supposed to be here. Yet my legs had carried me here anyway- my heart had carried me here anyway. As I sat outside her flat, the pain in my chest only grew. Is this love I'm feeling? Can I love her? I felt something like a sob welling in my throat, but as soon as it was there- it was gone. I couldn't cry. With emotion like that, they would never take me back. I am Widowmaker- cold and violent. The best shot in the whole organization. But at the same time- I don't know who I am anymore. I was once Amélie- the person Lena so desperately wanted back. I again felt this ever present pain in my chest when I imagined how betrayed Lena looked on the rooftop earlier. Her voice rang out in my ears- the way it trembled. I shoved my hands to my temples, as a headache began to form. Why does it have to be this way? I was caught between not wanting to feel anything towards her- and wanting to embrace these feelings. My ears perked up when I again heard Lena's voice from the open window.
"If she only knew how much she meant to me." Lena sighed, her voice wavering a bit. "We used to be on top of the world Amélie, what happened?" I heard the sound of her slamming a fist against the counter, most likely in anger. It was torture to hear her speak this way, to not be able to reach out to her. It's because you are a coward. "It's not fair!" I heard her snap, and yet I was frozen in place. I was too much of a coward to risk it all for her. I was too much of a coward to admit the truth. I'm so sorry mon chéri. "I love you, Amélie." Her voice was barely enough to hear, but the words struck me through the chest.
I can't love you the way you want me to. Maybe in time I could let my emotions surface, but I couldn't comprehend them now. I couldn't bear to sit by her window any longer. I left her window that night with a heavy heart. I want to love you, but I'll only hurt you. It was for the best that I kept it this way. To love someone is to let your guard down. To let your guard down means imminent death in Talon. I would've only caused her more harm than good. My composure cracked as I walked away, but I knew I couldn't have her. No matter how much I want you, you're just out of reach for me.