The Void in Our Lives

Chapter I: Trauma

"MOM, NO!" she screamed. A pair of hands held her back to prevent her from falling out of the jet, but she didn't care who they belonged to.

"I have to do it. It's the only way," Jean's voice echoed in Karah's mind. Then, she gave her daughter a sad smile. "Don't worry, sweetheart. You'll be okay. I love you."

"No! Mom, no!" Karah was hysterical. "Don't do this!"

The craft was lifted up in the air by Jean Grey's telekinetic power as she sacrificed herself to save the X-Men. The young woman tried to free herself before her mother was finally drowned by the deep waters of the lake.

"NO!" The scream transported her from nightmare to reality. She was covered in sweat and breathing heavily as she tried to calm herself down, pouring a glass of water from the jug on the nightstand.

"Shit," she cursed. She had had the same recurring nightmare for the last year and a half and she didn't know how to get rid of it.

Karah Grey had found her biological mother Jean when she was almost sixteen years of age and had only had a mere three years with her before the tragedy at Alkali Lake. Because mother and daughter shared telepathic abilities, they had developed a deep bond very quickly, making Jean's loss very traumatic for Karah.

She broke down again. It was unfair that she had found her place in the world by learning about her special abilities and reconnecting with her mother only to have it taken away in a single day. Karah hadn't lost her telepathic abilities, but she was yet to find stability after Jean's death. Professor Xavier had tried to step in as her mentor, but it was proving to be a difficult task for the experienced mutant.

Getting up from bed, she went to the bathroom to splash her face with cold water. She then looked up and saw herself in the mirror: people often told her she resembled Jean and she could see some similarities, the long red hair being the most obvious. But Karah knew certain people, like Scott Summers, were painfully reminded of Jean every time they looked at her, regardless of what she looked like. Logan was also one of those people.

She then went back to bed but was unable to go back to sleep straight away. All the frustration and depressing thoughts she couldn't free herself from usually crept back into her mind after the nightmare; not only had she lost her mother, who she had been on bad terms with in the last days before Alkali Lake, but her then boyfriend had literally abandoned her when she needed him the most.

Yes, it was the lowest move John could have made and he did it. For him, they weren't breaking up; they were simply taking stands on opposite sides. For her, they had never been right for each other; he hadn't liked her until she found her powers and that alone should have been a warning sign for her. It was teenage love, true, but it didn't make betrayal hurt any less.

Months passed before Karah and Pyro, as he was known these days, met again. She screamed at him, slapped him and accused him of being a traitor to the mutant cause. He defended himself with the abuse he had suffered in the past and argued there was no reason for them to be separated. They slept together that night. She felt guilty, he wanted to get back together. It happened again on a few different occasions after that and Karah always stated it would be the last time.

With a sigh, she turned on her side and turned off the light on the nightstand to try to go back to sleep. Tomorrow would just be another day.

The apartment really needed to be cleaned and tidied, but she was struggling to find time for chores; she was behind on her studies and an eventual graduation seemed more unlikely with every late assignment she turned in.

Trying not to think about how messed up her life was, Karah quickly showered and got dressed before she left her apartment. Fortunately, it had stopped raining; the weather hadn't been very pleasant lately, which only added to her urge to run back to bed and forget about the world.

There was practically no traffic as it was quite early on a Sunday and Karah almost didn't pay attention to her route as she knew it with her eyes closed. Nearly half an hour later, she saw those very familiar heavy iron gates and drove by the rather discreet sign which read Xavier's School for Gifted Youngsters.

She remained in the car for several minutes after she parked. Every time she came back to the mansion felt like a stab in her heart; it was too unbearable to stay there for long.

With a heavy sigh, Karah Grey exited the car and made her way to the front door. She still had a key. Jean's key. Hesitating for a second, she finally opened the door to find an empty lobby. Most people were obviously still asleep. Why the hell was she here so early?

With no other option to pass the time since the property was very isolated, she decided to go to the library and pick a random book to read. She took her shoes off and made herself comfortable in an armchair with the book, which turned out to be quite boring. She wasn't paying attention to it anyway because the fact that she hated being in that house was hard to ignore and time seemed to pass by extremely slowly.

"I've been expecting you, Karah."