AN: I don't know why I'm doing this. I do have something else I need to write, but I can't get it to work right now. I'll try again at a later time.

Let this be said now: I'm so sorry should this cause anyone any distress. There are some very touchy subjects mentioned in this, and for that I feel I should apologize ahead of time. Read on only if you feel you can handle it.

That out of the way, enjoy.

Merlin was a complete mystery to everyone.

Throughout his entire time within the confines of Camelot, while being Arthur's manservant, he retained a childish, goofy air about him. But those who paid attention always remarked about the pain that lay within the boy's eyes.

No one could ever see it after it was pointed out.

This infuriating habit of Merlin's to be able to shut down any one point of himself within a second continued, growing in strength, through the years.

And since Mordred had returned to Camelot and become a Knight, it had happened less and less. But the times it did happen were big.

"Honestly, I don't know what's with him," Arthur grumbled to his Knights, his friends, who he knew also cared for the goofy servant.

Mordred, though part of this group, couldn't share anything. He didn't understand any more than anyone else.

Gwaine huffed beside him. "Yeah, I know what you mean," he said, voice quieter than usual and alerting Mordred to the fact that something was being discussed about the servant that he hadn't yet heard. "I swear, I didn't think he'd ever be one to shy away from someone,"

"Wait, what?" Mordred asked, surprise sounding in his voice.

Gwaine shrugged, glancing over at Mordred. "Last week. We were goofing off like we always do, waiting on training to actually start, and Merlin completely shut down when I tried to pat his shoulder," he answered, seeming worried but more annoyed.

Mordred leaned back in his seat, frowning in thought.

Arthur's eyes were locked on the young Druid. "Do you know something?"

"Why would I know something? He never talks to me," Mordred countered, but he was frowning in thought. "Just thinking about something I've seen before, sort of..."

He trailed off, his eyes widening. The others watched as the younger man's eyes searched thin air as if looking for answers to a question none of them knew.

Gwaine seemed to be understanding more than the others, though, because he spoke. "You think...?"

Mordred let a broken sigh loose and he shook his head stubbornly. "I pray not,"

No one could get them to share their thoughts, though.

And so, over the course of the next several weeks, the others began slowly testing Merlin, seeing the different reactions. Sometimes Merlin was open to chattering away, didn't mind the pats on the shoulder or the accidental hits during training or when they passed in the halls. But other times...other times, Merlin would shy away before they could get their hand anywhere near his shoulder, or he'd clam up and walk away rather than to talk to them.

It was disconcerting, for sure.

And slowly, one by one, the Knights were coming to the same conclusion: someone had hurt, had used the servant.

But the King never once understood why his Knights were backing down. It annoyed them to no end that Arthur didn't back away whenever Merlin would flinch or look down.

In fact, the more they all backed off, the more he seemed to press in these moments.

During one of these moments, Merlin actually let out a slight whimper, which caused Arthur to freeze where he was.

The Knights closest to them had also heard it and threw looks to one another.

"What happened to you?" Arthur asked softly, shock radiating from his words. "What have you to fear from us?"

Merlin shook his head. "Nothing," he replied, though his voice was wary. "I don't fear you,"

Arthur raised an eyebrow, going to lay a hand on the servant's shoulder and frowning at the flinch. "Have you been hurt?"

No response came, and Mordred felt his worst fear come to life. Someone had broken the great Emrys, and it had only been made worse by him not having someone he trusted enough to confide in.

He allowed himself to let his magic reach out for the barest moment, brushing against Emrys' own magic before he continued his business, not noticing how quickly Merlin had relaxed.

Two weeks later, Mordred found himself surprised by Merlin pulling him aside, looking terrified and distrustful, like he usually did, but there was a look of hope as well.

"What is it..?"

Merlin hesitated before he spoke. "I don't trust you," he stated blankly before he rushed to get his next words out. "But...what I'm about to tell you...you..you can't tell anyone, Mordred. I need to be able to trust you with this, please."

And though Mordred had no idea what the warlock was about to ask of him, he nodded in agreement. "Of course. Your secret is safe with me,"

These words left his mouth, and it surprised Mordred to see that Merlin relaxed a bit, his terror fading a little.

"I'm leaving,"

Mordred gave him a frightened look of his own. "What?!"

Merlin gave him a stern look before he continued. "I'm going to Ealdor. I have to. I'll be gone maybe two weeks, at most. Please, Mordred, if it weren't important.."

And just like that, understanding flared in Mordred. "He'll be safe," he promised.

"Thank you," Merlin said automatically, relief filling him.

He went to leave, but Mordred spoke again. "But I'm afraid I can't let you go face this alone, Emrys."

Merlin looked up before he glanced back at Mordred. "And I refuse to put anyone else in danger,"

And like that, he was gone without a trace.

"Where the hell is Merlin?!" Arthur snapped as he approached his Knights. "Surely one of you must know."

An unease filled Mordred and he hung his head, drawing everyone's gaze to him.

"Where."

Mordred spoke before he could think. "Going back to Ealdor, Sire."

Arthur nodded. Silence fell for a moment before he spoke again. "Mordred, Gwaine, the two of you go get three horses ready. We ride in an hour,"

Surprisingly, no one argued. Mordred felt a weight settle in his chest as he walked with the rouge. Merlin was going to be upset at the slight betrayal the Druid had dealt him.

"He'll be alright," Gwaine offered as they did as they had been asked. "He's Merlin, he's always alright,"

Mordred nodded, unable to correct Gwaine.

Arriving in Ealdor, none of them were sure what to expect. It certainly hadn't been to see Merlin walking rapidly towards them looking as if he'd been tortured.

"You shouldn't be here,"

The urgency in Merlin's voice scared Arthur. He'd heard it before, and he'd come to realize that every time he'd heard it, something bad had happened.

"Then get your things and let's go," Arthur said calmly.

Merlin took a step backwards, shaking his head. "I can't,"

Arthur went to argue, but Merlin looked down. "I refuse to leave until my business here is done, Arthur. You know I'm loyal to my family first and foremost. Do not ask me to leave now,"

And as much as it pained Arthur, he knew he couldn't force Merlin to leave. Instead, he nodded his assent. "Then allow at least one of us to stay,"

"No." Merlin said, voice sharp, but fear rolling off the word in waves.

Mordred's voice echoed in his head then, but Merlin continued arguing with Arthur though it. "It's happening again, isn't it?"

Merlin glanced over at him for a moment before he continued took another step back.

"Merlin?"

Hunith's voice was quiet as she stepped outside of her home. She paused, seeing who else was there. "Is everything okay?"

Arthur gave her a kind smile and dismounted. "Hello, Hunith," he greeted softly. "My Knights and I are on a hunting trip, and we were close by so we figured to come by and check that Merlin was alright."

"That is kind of you," Hunith said in a voice that clearly said she didn't believe him for a second.

Arthur gave a wry smile, looking away.

Hunith looked to her son. "Merlin, could you...?"

Merlin didn't ask what she needed, only nodded and headed back into his childhood home without another word.

Moments later, Mordred felt a faint amount of Merlin's magic come from inside, allowing him to know that he'd been asked to do busy-work so that the conversation could be held easier.

"You know?"

Mordred tilted his head down and spoke. "We do now," he said, dismounting.

Gwaine followed not long after. "We only wish to help,"

"I could wish nothing more," Hunith admitted. "But Merlin won't allow help. He'd rather be killed than allow someone else come to harm,"

The three had refused to leave, and Merlin had seemed less than happy but hadn't fought.

Mordred found himself content in helping prepare dinner for them all that evening.

When a stern knock sounded on the door, they all stopped, though.

"Hunith?"

A familiar face showed itself as the door opened and Arthur frowned at the male at the door. Hunith met his gaze curiously.

Merlin felt the sense of dread growing and he stood simply from where he'd been seated on the ground staring into their fire. "It's time?"

"There's another way,"

Merlin shook his head, giving the villager a fake, beaming smile. "Look after them. I'll return soon,"

And he was nearly out the door when a hand caught his arm.

Merlin looked back curiously to see Mordred's icy blue eyes holding his in such a severe way that he felt himself drowning in the Druid's power.

"If you're to face this, you won't be doing it alone,"

And then Merlin snatched his arm from Mordred. "I will be if you expect me to return,"

He was gone before anyone could argue.

Hunith lowered her head.

"Why do they do this to him?" Mordred demanded, turning on the woman in shock. "What right do they have to harm someone so pure?"

Hunith met his gaze and she shook her head. "He's special," she murmured. "More so than most can ever understand. I couldn't save him from his fate,"

Mordred's eyes widened in shock at what she had just told him. "He's..." he felt his voice trail off before a cold rage took over and spurred the words from him despite two there not knowing. "He's abused so horrifically, raped, simply for being of the Old Religion?"

Arthur gave him a strange look. "What?"

Just like that, the rage left him and he brought his eyes to Arthur before he swallowed and he looked down.

Hunith spoke. "I believe this time, a secret being revealed will be smoothed over," she told the Druid then looked to Arthur. "My son is to come to no harm by your hand, Arthur."

Nothing further was said that night.

When Merlin entered the following morning, he gave his mother as good of a smile as he could manage with such pain coursing through him.

Hunith frowned, leading him to a seat.

A low whine came from Merlin as he sat, but nothing was said about it.

Breakfast was nearly over by the time Arthur said anything. "So, here's what I don't understand,"

Merlin glanced at him curiously.

Arthur frowned at him. "Why don't you end them? Surely you can defend yourself if you possess magic,"

A heavy silence filled the room and Merlin stared warily at Arthur, who was giving his friend a sorrowful look.

"I can't..." Merlin started, but trailed off. "I can't defend myself against this, Arthur, because...what if I deserve it?"

"No." Gwaine said, anger filling his voice. "You don't deserve this, Merlin. I don't care who's told you otherwise. I will kill the next person to lay a hand on you,"

It took a week for Merlin to recoup after everything was handled, and he was still sore when they made their journey back to Camelot. At least this time, Arthur allowed them to rest more.

He kept a careful ear out for any sign of discomfort coming from the warlock.

None of them touched him though, and Merlin had to admit that he was proud of his friends for not running out.

But at the same time, without their normal jesting, Merlin felt a cold loneliness settle over him as they settled for the night.

He looked at the three for a moment before he went to gather firewood, all the while allowing himself to speak mentally with Mordred.

Mordred had seemed surprised by the questioning way Merlin said his name, as if he were scared. "What is it, Emrys?"

"I don't want to be alone tonight. Can...would it bother you if...can I just come sit with you?"

Mordred didn't hesitate to give him a positive answer and was shocked when Merlin returned, placed the firewood down and sat next to him before leaning against him.

Arthur gave a startled look, but Gwaine smiled faintly. "I see someone needs some reassurance,"

Merlin glared at Gwaine, but his smile turned surprisingly shy at this, which confirmed what Gwaine said.

Mordred hesitated before he moved the arm Merlin was leaning against to wrap around the warlock's shoulders comfortingly.

That night, for the first time in years, no night terrors plagued Merlin.

His friends stayed close by, whoever was on watch at the time continuously offering him a brief brush of their hand across his shoulder to let him know he was there should he wake in the night.

He felt safe, and he had to admit, it was nice.

I don't know what this was. I think I just wanted to write and it got away from me.

Sorry.

-Sky.