Hey there, so I am just so heartbroken by the recent episode i figured this may help me out but I have spent the last couple of hours just crying as I write this. Anyways hope you can like it some how.
'Lexa…'
I stand there and watch as the blood drops out of the bullet wound Titus just caused. To scared, to in shock to move. She stumble back as the pain beings to burn, you look up at me and I can see in your eyes you are scared. The young woman inside you is scared. As you drop to the floor I couldn't move fast enough I couldn't get my body to do what my brain fast enough. She hit the floor before I could get to you. I didn't even acknowledge Titus as he lunged for you to help you.
'Help me get her to the bed' I shout as my brain begins to kick into overdrive I try and keep my emotions down but my face tells a different story. The tears begin to cloud my eyes, the eyes I used to look upon you as you struggle with the pain of the bullet lodged in your torso. He quickly places you on the bed and I quickly get to work locating the bleeding.
'Don't be afraid' she says to me. I have heard you say that to me once before, how can I be afraid in your company when all you do is protect me. I can't help but think you shouldn't be the one saying that to me I should be saying it to her. Yet even with when her life hangs in the balance and in my hands you care and worry about me.
I rip away the shirt that I removed not long ago and had thrown to the floor in your room. The dark blood pools on your torso and I can't help but cry more at the sight of you bleeding out in front of me. The cloths soak up the blood but more keeps coming, more keeps leaking out of you like a fountain with no end in sight. The blood beings to soak my hands turning them black staining them. The more blood you lose the more colour and life is drained out of your beautiful face. The face I want to look at for the rest of my life, your face is the only one I want to see as I go to sleep and as I wake up. Your cheeks have lost the soft afterglow we basked in not long ago just across the hall, where you opened up everything to me. You let me she every part of you.
'Stay with me' I say not knowing if I should be saying that to myself as well.
More and more blood oozes out of the wound, more than I can handle more blood than I have seen come out of one person, but it still keeps coming. With no end in sight. As I stand there on my own I realize that Titus isn't helping. Why isn't he helping you? Helping me save you. I still have a lot to learn about grounders and there ways but surly this isn't one of them is it?
'I will fix you, you just stay with me'. If anything it's more of a plea for you to live, to fight to live for herself, for your people and for me.
Titus comes closer to you, closer than I want the man who just shot you. I try to get him to stay away but it doesn't work.
'Yu nou trana bash op Klark nodotaim nowe. Swega em klin.' You struggle to get out as you're trying to catch your breath. I don't understand why you are telling him this now.
Titus takes a moment before replying to you 'Ai swega em klin'.
'Den dula yu job op. Badan neson-de op kom we yu don badan ai op, Fleimkepa' you reply back to him as I see the tears rolling down your face. Each word you speak becoming more and more hard work. My hands are becoming even more and more stained with your blood. Again I am the one with blood on my hands I just didn't think it would be yours, the one I love.
'Hey, don't you dare give up on me' on us I wanted to add. This wasn't the end of our story it couldn't be the end after everything we have been through there has to be more than this I think to myself.
'I'm not' you whisperer while you gasp for air 'my sprit… will find' you struggle to get out as you struggle to get the air you need. At this point I couldn't take it anymore you told me you didn't want to talk about death yet here you are.
'No' I say forcefully 'I am not letting you die'.
'There's nothing you can do now' She replies back wanting me to know this is where her story ends. I realise you have given up, but I haven't I will never give up on you.
'The next commander will protect you' She says to me as if that matters to me as all.
'I don't want the next commander' I whisper before pausing knowing these next words would mean something more to you. My lip trembles as I work up the courage to say this to you.
'I want you' I say with so much force making you realise how much I need you in my life and how much I want you to stay around.
After what seems like a long time the bleeding has slowed, not from me doing anything to save you but from the fact you hardly have any blood left.
'I'm ready Heda' Titus softly speaks.
Ready for what I ask myself and you with my eyes, I have no clue what is going on here. Is this it I wonder? Is this how the commander for the 12 clans is going to die at the hands of her own people? Titus continues with some sort of ritual, I wonder if this happened to all the other commanders.
'Clarke' you softly say to gain my full attention. The sound of my name coming from you has never sounded so soft and desperate. To you I never was Wanheda or Clarke Griffin, I am just Clarke, your Clarke.
'I'm here' I manage to say before the voice got the better of me. In this moment I come to some realisation this is it. This is the end. All that time I spent hating you over one decision you made, wasting the time we could have had together. The time we could have had with our people. Your body continues to become weaker and weaker as your heart beat slows down and your breathing rate slows. I softly grab your hand while caressing your beautiful hair with my other, even in death you are still so beautiful I think to myself.
'Ai gonplei ste odon.' You say those words I never wanted to hear. I can feel my heart break even more.
'No. No I won't accept that' I say stubbornly, even in the face of death I am still my suborn self. I don't want to be without you.
'You were right Clarke… life is about more than just surviving' She whisperers. It feels like she's trying to comfort me even in her final moments she's trying for me. I continue to stroke her hair softly giving her comfort, the affection I should have shown her so many times before but didn't. as the seconds go by I can see the struggle for her is becoming more and more and any moment now her fight will be over. I think back to what we would do on the Ark when one of us died, the poem comes to mind, it's fitting to you and everything you have talked about after death.
'In peace may you leave the shore
In love may you find the next
Safe passage on your travels…
Until our final journey on the ground
May We Meet Again'
Every word I say hurts like a knife digging into my heart even more, your eyes never leave mine as I finish the poem. You look at me with so much care, tenderness and love. You smile softly at me. I know this is it. Your last memory will be of me, us together, happy and in love. I lean down and kiss you softly as I feel your last breath leave your body. Your dying action was to kiss me, love me.
Everything you did since you met me was about me.
It was all for me.
Translations:
'Yu nou trana bash op Klark nodotaim nowe. Swega em klin' (You will never again attempt to harm Clarke. Swear it.)
'Ai swega em klin' ( I swear it).
'Den dula yu job op. Badan neson-de op kom we yu don badan ai op, Fleimkepa' (Then do your job. Serve the next as you have served me, Fleimkepa)
'Ai gonplei ste odon.' (My fight is over)