Author's Note: I realize that this isn't that funny. Also I do know that
Zhang He and Zhen Ji aren't related. This should be a one shot. (I other
words I had writer's block on my other two stories.)
***
Xu Huang tried his best to suppress his laugh. Zhang He and Zhen Ji were drunk. Actually they were beyond drunk, he wouldn't have been shocked if he had to save them from drowning in their own cups. He watched in amusement as the two tried to stand.
"Beautiful. That's what I am." Zhang He was spinning in wider and wider circles. "I'm a beautiful, graceful butterfly!" He promptly tripped over a rock and fell down on his nose.
Zhen Ji's giggles reached him as she sauntered over to him. "Aren't I beautiful Xu Huang?" She collapsed onto his lap, rubbing at his chest. "Wouldn't you like it if I were your wife?" Her tongue flicked out, licking his neck.
He felt things below his waist get hard that shouldn't be if he wanted to remain alive around Cao Cao's vast family. "Err.you're married to Cao Pi."
"Ha! What does a boy like him know of love?" She turned her face so she could look at him. "You're strong, handsome, and-" Her hand reached down to caress him, "Quite an impressive specimen of a man."
Xu Huang leapt to his feet and away from temptation. Before he knew it, he was on the dirt entangled in Zhang He's long legs.
"Sorry. I can't seem to get to my feet. Don't you think my toes are beautiful though?" Zhang He wiggled the toes bare inches from in front of his face.
"Gorgeous, really," Xu Huang struggled to get to his feet, but it was all in vain. Zhen Ji loomed over him.
"So you run to my brother instead of me, do you?"
"Brother?" Xu Huang threw the long legs that were wrapped around him as far away as possible.
"Yes, twins actually. Can't you tell by how beautiful we are?" Zhang He giggled. "Explain to him sister while I go get something." The lithe general took off into the night, his legs quickly taking him out of sight.
*They've gone insane. And I'm stuck alone with her.*
Zhen Ji slid forward "Yes. We were separated because of this stupid war. We're going to kill all the generals everywhere and put ourselves in charge of China." She swayed now, too drunk to walk straight. "Once we do, I'm killing my husband. Won't you become my consort?" She fell into his arms and began to lick at his neck again. "I can be your own personal maid. I have this little outfit that Cao Pi likes for me to wear. I bet you'll love it."
Before he could respond, Zhang He ran back to the camp, doing more leaps and spins then could be healthy for a man. There was a flash of something startling gold.
Was that? No, it couldn't be. Maybe he had been the one to drink too much? Zhang He couldn't possibly be running around wearing butterfly wings. It had to be too much of the liquor.
"Tee hehe, see! I'm a beautiful butterfly!" Zhang He bounded by, his hair in a tight bun, golden wings strapped onto his body. "No one is as lovely as me. Which is why I shall always be free! No woman shall ever hold me down as I'm far lovelier than them."
Zhen Ji took a swipe at him with her flute. "Go away. I was about to seduce Xu Xu." She began fumbling with her clothes. "How do I get this thing off again?"
"Like this," Zhang He ran one claw along her back, causing her dress to fall off. "Now seduce him! Seduce him!"
Screaming, Xu Huang took off towards their camp. Luckily, no one saw the woman streaking naked after him, calling about using playing 'house', or the madman in the butterfly wings calling out useful sex positions.
***
Xu Huang tried his best to suppress his laugh. Zhang He and Zhen Ji were drunk. Actually they were beyond drunk, he wouldn't have been shocked if he had to save them from drowning in their own cups. He watched in amusement as the two tried to stand.
"Beautiful. That's what I am." Zhang He was spinning in wider and wider circles. "I'm a beautiful, graceful butterfly!" He promptly tripped over a rock and fell down on his nose.
Zhen Ji's giggles reached him as she sauntered over to him. "Aren't I beautiful Xu Huang?" She collapsed onto his lap, rubbing at his chest. "Wouldn't you like it if I were your wife?" Her tongue flicked out, licking his neck.
He felt things below his waist get hard that shouldn't be if he wanted to remain alive around Cao Cao's vast family. "Err.you're married to Cao Pi."
"Ha! What does a boy like him know of love?" She turned her face so she could look at him. "You're strong, handsome, and-" Her hand reached down to caress him, "Quite an impressive specimen of a man."
Xu Huang leapt to his feet and away from temptation. Before he knew it, he was on the dirt entangled in Zhang He's long legs.
"Sorry. I can't seem to get to my feet. Don't you think my toes are beautiful though?" Zhang He wiggled the toes bare inches from in front of his face.
"Gorgeous, really," Xu Huang struggled to get to his feet, but it was all in vain. Zhen Ji loomed over him.
"So you run to my brother instead of me, do you?"
"Brother?" Xu Huang threw the long legs that were wrapped around him as far away as possible.
"Yes, twins actually. Can't you tell by how beautiful we are?" Zhang He giggled. "Explain to him sister while I go get something." The lithe general took off into the night, his legs quickly taking him out of sight.
*They've gone insane. And I'm stuck alone with her.*
Zhen Ji slid forward "Yes. We were separated because of this stupid war. We're going to kill all the generals everywhere and put ourselves in charge of China." She swayed now, too drunk to walk straight. "Once we do, I'm killing my husband. Won't you become my consort?" She fell into his arms and began to lick at his neck again. "I can be your own personal maid. I have this little outfit that Cao Pi likes for me to wear. I bet you'll love it."
Before he could respond, Zhang He ran back to the camp, doing more leaps and spins then could be healthy for a man. There was a flash of something startling gold.
Was that? No, it couldn't be. Maybe he had been the one to drink too much? Zhang He couldn't possibly be running around wearing butterfly wings. It had to be too much of the liquor.
"Tee hehe, see! I'm a beautiful butterfly!" Zhang He bounded by, his hair in a tight bun, golden wings strapped onto his body. "No one is as lovely as me. Which is why I shall always be free! No woman shall ever hold me down as I'm far lovelier than them."
Zhen Ji took a swipe at him with her flute. "Go away. I was about to seduce Xu Xu." She began fumbling with her clothes. "How do I get this thing off again?"
"Like this," Zhang He ran one claw along her back, causing her dress to fall off. "Now seduce him! Seduce him!"
Screaming, Xu Huang took off towards their camp. Luckily, no one saw the woman streaking naked after him, calling about using playing 'house', or the madman in the butterfly wings calling out useful sex positions.