Shawn's Roots

He sat in the hospital's little chapel, buckled down on his knees, head in his hands. Breathe, he thought. Breathe. Out came his breath, shaky with fear and the hope that was struggling to survive.

Shawn was back in New York for what he thought was just another simple visit. He'd been doing this for a while, ever since he met Maya at the Matthews' Christmas party. He found that he couldn't leave her. If life gave him a really imperfect home, then maybe the reason was this blonde girl who was both fierce and fragile.

But here's the thing: leaving is hard and settling down is painful. As often as he had visited Maya and her mom, he could never quite bring himself to settle down and be a permanent father figure in her life. His job, which he really enjoyed, for one thing. And Katy, for another.

Maya definitely inherited her beauty from her mom. The woman managed to eke out some lemonade from the cranberries that life had handed her. She was trying to be the best mom she could be, and doing pretty well so far. She handed donuts from the diner to a homeless woman who stayed near her building, and she talked to her like lifelong friends should. She made the best cherry pie in the world (though her chocolate fudge could use some work). She had the toughest heart and one of the most beautiful smiles he'd ever seen. And he couldn't afford to break that smile when things didn't work out and he left. Or she left, Maya in tow, staring back sadly. He couldn't be there for Maya and Katy because they were Maya and Katy. And because he was Shawn never-let-the-roots-grow-too-much.

It almost didn't matter.

Don't think like that, he thought. She'll be okay.

Maya had a severe asthma attack and had to stay overnight in the hospital for treatment. Her body had be rocked, rattled, and kicked around; and while the doctors were pretty confident in her recovery, her life would be forever changed- more difficult. And Shawn wouldn't be there, not as often as he should be.

He couldn't stand himself.

He remembered another time he was in the hospital, for Turner. He remembered that there was someone he could talk to, even if it was someone he didn't speak to on a regular basis.

And I'm sorry about that God, Shawn thought. Wiping the tears from his eyes, he saw Maya lying near breathless in the hospital bed, Riley sobbing almost uncontrollably, Lucas, Farkle, and Auggie struggling not to, Cory and Topanga doing the best to comfort their children and each other. Katy Hart quietly crying, whispering to him a question:

Why wasn't I there?

Why wasn't I?, he thought.

Shawn saw the blonde girl struggling for breath and he felt his lungs doing the same. Her smile was his, and her sadness hurt him too. Their lives had always had a strange parallel, but this was different. If his heart was a kite, then Maya's was the anchor that held him to the ground, but made him feel like he was floating in the bright blue sky that surrounds you when you love someone. And at that moment, Shawn knew that he had already long been rooted by the fierce and fragile girl. Time to strengthen those roots.

"Dear God. Hi," he said, starting his feeble prayer. "It's Shawn. Shawn Hunter. I came to you before, a couple of times." He took a deep breath. "You haven't made things easy for me. I can't deny that. But I'm glad you did. I think I might understand why you did it that way." He paused.

"Here's the thing. I know I haven't been living up to that. You gave me the chance to do what the Matthews did for me. I didn't. I didn't do what I think you wanted me to. I was afraid, God. I was so afraid. I'm sorry. I'm still afraid.

"But if there's anything I can do to remedy that in any way… dear God, I want to do it.

"I want to be there for Maya and for her mom. For Katy.

"I won't leave again. I'll be there for Maya. I won't make a waste of what you put me through…. I'm choosing to step into the shoes of the father that left. I can't teach her any religious doctrine, God. And yah, that sounds lame, I know. But if love, recognizing, embracing, sharing love, is the basis for every religion, then I can teach her the most important doctrine of all.

"I will be there; no, I'll be here for her."

"And just how do you plan to do that?"

Shawn turned his head to find the blonde woman who made his favorite cherry pie standing in the back of the chapel. The tears stood out angrily in her eyes, but Shawn knew that if the declared atheist decided to give prayer a chance, he was in the right place.

Shawn turned his head back to the altar. "Dear God, Maya's mom is behind me asking how I plan to be there for her daughter. She probably freaked out when I said I was stepping into her ex-husband's shoes." Slightly glancing back at Katy, he smiled a little before going on.

"So. How do I plan to do that? Well, and I hope you don't mind if there's someone else in on our conversation, God; I'll help her with her homework. I'll take her out for ice cream after school, and make it our tradition to do it once a week, on Wednesdays. I'll rent a house with a limited five year lease so that Maya knows I'll be staying. I won't travel when I can avoid it, and I'll spend a crazy amount of money on an international messaging service so that Maya can reach me twenty-four seven. I'll be sure to make a special ringtone for her, one so loud and beautiful that it cannot be ignored, just like how Maya herself is.

"I will intimidate every boy she's looking flirtatiously at, so Josh is gonna take some heat from me. I'll secretly sneak into the depths of her closet to make sure the hems on her skirts and shorts are long enough…. okay, maybe not that. But I will try to help her remember that a man who looks at her eyes first is the best kind, and that the kind that looks anywhere lower, minus the shoes she'll be begging me to get her for her birthday- shoes that I will completely cave in and buy-, is not worth it.

"I'll make time for real conversation, and silly games, and I will stretch my stomach and probably do something really embarrassing like snort fart while we're laughing. I'll make her laugh. I'll make her smile.

"I'll give her roots, strong roots. I'll help her to breathe easily, not worrying about how hard the next breath is going to be."

Shawn stood up and looked back at Katy.

"I will do the best that I can, and I'll turn the hardships you gave me into something beautiful for someone else." He stared directly into Katy's eyes, then turned back to look at the flame on the candle on the altar.

"Amen."

Her heard her footsteps a second before he turned around and grabbed Katy into a bear hug, possibly the biggest hug he'd ever given anyone. "I'm not going anywhere," he said into Katy's hair. Her sobs fell against his chest, against his heart. He found another parallel in how his body started sobbing the same. "I'm not leaving," he whispered. And he felt his arms getting stronger around her, like an oak that dug its roots in deeper as it grew, so that it remained grounded while it tried to feel the sky.

(Two weeks later)

"Shawn, what are you doing with all of these old cameras?" asked Maya. She was struggling to bring the heavy box through the narrow doorway.

"Those are special," Shawn said, taking the box from her. "You never know what secrets garage sale cameras are holding. And should you really be carrying such a heavy box? Your-"

He saw her face light with amused exasperation. He smiled. "It's kind of my job to worry too much," he said.

Katy walked in with some smaller boxes in her arms. She set them down on the floor. "Maya sweetie, do you have your-?"

"Right here in my pocket," Maya said. She slung her arms around her mom and Shawn, her dad that transcended paper. "It's nice having two adults to exasperate me," she joked.

"It'll get old, believe me," said Riley, poking her head in.

"Say what?," asked Topanga, following her.

"Just kidding," said Riley. Topanga pinched her cheek in response.

"Meh," said Riley.

"We brought presents!," announced Cory. "Where do you want the funky wall clock?"

"In the kitchen, above the sink," said Shawn.

Cory and his little family unit moved into the kitchen, arguing about how to get it installed; Auggie insisting on using super glue instead of a hook. Shawn smiled at them and caught Katy and Maya smiling too. Maya didn't have to be jealous anymore.

"I have a gift too," Katy proclaimed.

"Besides this?," Shawn joked, pinching Maya's cheek.

"Your hand smells funny," Maya said. She didn't look like she minded too much though. That smile was a huge giveaway.

Katy opened one of the boxes she'd been carrying and took out a teakettle. "It's perfect," Shawn said, taking it. "But I don't drink tea."

"You will," Katy said, "especially after you taste my spicy orange peach tea. It's in the car, along with our first lunch in your new home."

"It's under my name, but it's just as much yours," Shawn said. "There wouldn't be a need for this house if I didn't find a home."

Shawn and Katy stood smiling at each other for a moment, and Maya thought that Shawn might be her dad on paper too, not so long from now.

"Let me go get the food," Katy said. "I made my chocolate fudge pie!"

Maya and Shawn made exaggerated gagging faces. Katy smirked at them. "It's cherry," she assured them. They let out sighs of relief. "I think my fudge pie is pretty good," she said, starting out the door.

"It could use some work," Shawn said.

Katy looked back with shining eyes. "Well," she said. "I'm glad you'll be around to help me perfect it."

"Me too."

*Had to update this because there was some plagiarism in one line; not direct plagiarism, but similar enough.