My entry for the third round of FanFiction Idol. Our genre was humor, and the prompts were let me tell you a story, moonlight, and truth or dare.

Also doubling as the kind-of-sort-of sequel to my other story, Of Ferrets and Weasles. No prior reading necessary, though. Just enjoy, and please leave a review~

The woman sat at the corner café, warming her fingertips on the slick ceramic teacup. The few curls of hair not tucked into her knit hat stirred in the wind as she looked around the street for what felt like the thousandth time. (Though anyone keeping track would have noted that it was only fifteenth.) She didn't find what she was searching for; she quirked her mouth and wrinkled her nose in frustration.

"You look adorable when you do that."

She winced, but did not immediately turn to face the newcomer. "I don't know why I bother to be surprised anymore, honestly." She took a calming breath and leveled a decidedly not amused stare at the smirking newcomer.

"Don't be such a sour puss, Rosie," he admonished, sweeping his coat back and seating himself in the opposite chair. He flashed her a wink. "I know you're glad to see me."

"Only because I'm obligated to." Rose raised her eyebrows and looked down, picked at one of her fingerless gloves. "I can't very well be unhappy to meet with my fiancé, now can I? What would society say?" Her eyes turned to him again, wide with the gravity of the situation, but a smile hid in the corners of her mouth.

"Oh, you poor thing. Forced into feigning happiness by the expectations of an oppressive civilization."

"I know, truly."

"Good thing you've got such a devilishly handsome fiancé, then; it eases the whole process."

She pouted, blue eyes darkening. "Why, Scorpius Malfoy, you mock my plight."

"Sharp as a tack, this one," Scorpius said. He stole a swallow from her tea. "Knew there was a reason I proposed."

She pursed her lips and reclaimed the cup. "I thought it was because no one else would put up with you."

"Well, that too."

Rose snorted, shaking her head. "I'm hoping you didn't ask me to weasel out of work and clear my afternoon just for this."

Her fiancé leaned over and plucked the tea from her hands again, ignoring her faint cry of protest. Scorpius took another swig before answering. He shook his head and looked out at the street as he said, "Don't worry, I have something much more exciting in mind."

She raised her eyebrows expectantly.

"We're going to tell our parents."

Rose's answering laughter was stilted and tinged with nerves. "Seriously."

He turned back, blue-grey eyes bearing down on her. She swallowed. She had never been able to handle his deadpan. "Sweetheart, do I look like I'm joking?"

Rose raised the cup to her lips, found it empty, and set it back down with a scowl. "I don't know. You have a sick, demented sense of humor." She leaned back in the wrought-iron chair, crossing her arms.

"Merlin, Rosie," Scorpius sighed, leaning over the table, "we have to tell them eventually." He raised one eyebrow. "Or did you intend to pull the sort of stunt we did at the end of sixth year and elope with me into the sunset? You do rememberhow that turned out, right?"

She shuddered. "Don't remind me."

"So there's only one option: we have to tell them."

"Not today."

"Then when?" he demanded. "You'll weasel out of it like you're trying to do now."

She narrowed her eyes at him and jut her head forward. "I refuse."

Scorpius opened his mouth to retort, paused a moment, snapped it shut. His face became worryingly calm, and he leaned into the back of the chair. "Very well then," he said, voice cool. "I've already cleared my schedule, so I'll just pop over and tell the boys what happened during that Truth or Dare game, shall I?"

Rose sat bolt upright. "Scorpius Hyperion Malfoy, you wouldn't dare—"

"Honestly, if you think using my full name intimidates me anymore—" he scoffed in interruption, inspecting the nails of one hand.

"You slick git, you swore—"

"I actually never said the word 'swear'—"

"—they would never forgive me—"

"If you're going to keep yelling at me, I'll just leave right now—"

"All right!" she cried. Several heads on the patio turned. Rose looked around in irritation and then closed her eyes with a sigh. She repeated at a more reasonable tone, "All right."

"All right what?" her fiancé asked. "Are you giving me permission to reveal your guilt?"

She glared at him. "Don't push your luck, Scorpius. All right, let's go tell our parents."

Scorpius gave her a boyish grin. Damn him, she hated that smile. "Excellent. I knew you'd come around." He swept to his feet and offered her his arm. "Who first, darling?"

She shook her head and stood up, a grudging smile tugging at her cheeks. "Scorpius Malfoy, you masochistic bastard." She curled one gloved hand around the crook of his elbow.

He winked and led her out onto the sidewalk towards the nearest alleyway. "I knew there was a reason you said yes."

"…well? Are you going to say anything, or are you going to just sit there gawping? "

"Scorpius, that's…that's wonderful, darling! Oh Rose dear, I'm just delighted. Our family will be lucky to have you."

"Thank you, Astoria, but I'm the lucky one."

"…"

"Dad, you must be quite speechless with joy; you haven't said a word."

"Ehm, yes, I…truly overwhelmed."

(Astoria discreetly stomps his foot)

"Overwhelmed with joy, yes. Hopefully you can finally knock some sense into our boy, Rose."

"I do try, Mr. Malfoy."

"When will the wedding be? You two have decided on a date?"

"We were thinking the twenty-eighth."

"…"

"…"

"Well then, best be off, have to go tell the Weasleys—"

"Honestly, Scor, there's no hurry—"

"—so lovely seeing you Mum and Dad, bye!"

"…"

"…"

"Tell me that they are joking."

"I know, Astoria, I'm having a hard time swallowing it myself—"

"The twenty-eighth? That's in three weeks!"

"What?"

"I have absolutely no time to plan—I'll have to start immediately!"

(Astoria leaves)

(sigh) "I'm so alone."

Dear Honoured Guest,

You are hereby cordially invited to the marriage of

Scorpius Hyperion Malfoy

Rose Lauren Weasley

on the 28th of March.

Please arrive in formal dress at Malfoy Manor at 3 o'clock PM.

R.S.V.P. via owl to The Burrow

"I can't believe you're all going along with this."

"Oh, not again…"

"Come now, sweetheart, don't be so worried. All this fretting will make you go bald."

"Balder, you mean?"

"You shut your trap, Percy. I am not balding—"

"Are too."

"I did not ask for your opinion! I—"

"Don't be so rude to your sister, darling."

"Yeah, don't be so rude, Ronald."

"Like he can help it?"

"Will you all shut up for one bloody moment?"

"…"

"What I was trying to say, before being so rudely interrupted, is that all of you appear to have lost your bloody minds."

"We've had this conversation before, Ron. About forty-five times, if I haven't lost count. Scorpius is a decent young man and Rose obviously loves him very much—"

"Yeah yeah yeah, I know all that, Gin. It's not Scorpius I'm worried about, is it? I like Scorpius."

"…"

("Did he…really …?"

"Who is he and what has he done with Ronald Weasley?")

"Why are you all looking at me like that? I do! Honestly, it's not like I ever tried to hurt him or anything."

(Ginny raises her hand)

"Okay nevermind, yes, there was that one time, but…well that was one time! I don't have a problem with Scorpius anymore. I'm worried about what all of you seem to have conveniently disregarded, sitting here happily making invitations to a wedding that will make us in-laws to the Malfoys."

"…well, that's not…so bad?"

"Oh really? You know what in-laws means? Being friendly. Christmas together. Family dinners."

"…bollocks."

"Ginny!"

Dear James,

As much as I often disapprove of your behavior, I'm going to need your…special talents on this one. Scorpius has asked me to be best man. And you're going to help me plan the stag night to top all stag nights. Embarrassment, alcohol, scanty clothing, the whole lot.

Sincerely,

Albus

|x|x|

Albus,

You cunning little snake, you.

This will be fun.

James

"I'm telling you," Draco said, the color rising in his cheeks, "you've got it all wrong—"

"—I bloody well know what I'm bloody well talking about, stop interrupting!" Ron interrupted. His voice jumped up an octave in anger.

"If you knew then we wouldn't be having this problem, would we?"

As the two continued to argue about the wedding details—food, at the moment, although the spat five minutes ago had been about the music—gradually getting louder and more heated, Scorpius' expression grew more uneasy. He began glancing at the woman by his wide with increasing frequency, trying to gauge when the gleam in her eyes would turn from an annoyed simmer to homicidal hellfire and brimstone.

"Look—Dad, Mr. Weasley—"

"—the only option is to get the catering from this company, otherwise we can't get the menu that we want—"

"—or we can just go with the my first suggestion like reasonable people—"

Scorpius did not like the way Rose was clenching her skirt. Her knuckles were white. "I really think we can all come to an agree—"

"—I will not have this inferior establishment serving at my son's wedding—"

"Now you're throwing them out altogether?Godric's sake—"

The lighting almost made it look as if flames crackled against Rose's teal irises, and Scorpius thought he heard something suspiciously growl-like come from her throat. It could have been just him, of course. Nevertheless, he burst into the squabble in a panic:

"I would really suggest you stop now; just calm down andmaybenoneofuswillgethurt—"

Rose surged to her feet. Faint infernal screeches echoed in the back of Scorpius's mind. "Father! MISTER Malfoy!"

Too late.

"May I have your attention PLEASE!"

The two men froze mid-quarrel, wide owl-eyes flashing up to her. Draco looked as if he were about to say something as a retort; Scorpius kicked him none too delicately under the table. The man may have had his faults, but he was his father, after all.

"If you could both shut your traps for one moment, then I have something to say about my wedding." Though she wasn't speaking at ear-shattering volume anymore, Scorpius knew better than to think that she was any calmer. Rose took a deep breath. "I have suffered through dress fittings, arguments, bridesmaids' dress showings, invitation parchment choosing, color scheme deciding, arguments, dance lessons, arguments, guest lists, food tastings, flower arranging, arguments, humiliation, annoying relatives, Scorpius' unholy hangover—"

Draco risked glancing away from Rose's blistering gaze to flash a look at his son. Scorpius took sudden, rapt interest in the couch upholstery.

"—AND DID I MENTION ARGUMENTS?"

Draco snapped back to attention.

"So the pair of you will excuse me if the fact stands that if I hear one more complaint from either one of you about the other, if I have to fear that my very wedding is in danger because of your bickering, if I have to sit through one more bloody row, I will likely go insane and hex both of you into next month!"

The room rang as her scream faded. Rose looked from Draco to Ron and back again, face flushed and eyes shining.

"Are we clear?"

Slow, frightened nods.

"Good." She breathed deeply and straightened her skirt. "If you'll excuse me, I need some fresh air."

There was silence for a good minute after she left before Scorpius added, "She knows Ginny's Bat-Bogey Hex. She added to it. I'd take that threat seriously if I were you."

Draco swallowed. Ron shifted in his seat uncomfortably.

"Right, well," the redhead said. "How about we just compromise and go half catering, half home-cooked?"

"Good idea."

There was another pause and then Draco turned to his son. "You know, Scorpius, I may have had my doubts earlier, but there's no question. She'll make an excellent Malfoy."

(Door slam.)

"Scorpius? Is that you? My hen party ended hours ago, where have you been?"

"Mnnggg…nff."

"Oh my God. You look like shit."

"…urrgh…ssslee…"

"What did they do to you?"

(Stumbles to bedroom. Door slam.)

"Blimey."

To all,

I'm sending copies of this letter to all the male cousins and/or siblings of one Rose Weasley. I have recently been informed of some very…interesting circumstances that may explain our predicament during my seventh year, which you should all remember, seeing as we were all caught by the lake stark naked in the middle of the night.

This is something you will want to hear. Be listening for my announcement at the wedding tomorrow.

Sincerely,

James

"Is it tomorrow yet?"

"Ah, Madam Malfoy, how kind of you to join us. How is your life as a Slytherin so far?"

"Will you just tell me the time, Louis?"

"I regret to inform you that it is only half past eleven and therefore not tomorrow yet."

"Half of the guests are gone though, Rosie, so we're making good headway."

(sigh) "I suppose. I just don't know if I can handle another distant elderly relative coming up and introducing themselves to me for the fifth time. You're not going to have the rest of this wine, are you, Albus? Good."

"No. Of course. By all means. Do go ahead. It's not like I wanted that."

"She's the bride, Al, she gets to do whatever she wants."

"Yeah, but that's the third glass she's stolen from me tonight."

"Stop complaining, Al. There's plenty to go around."

(screeching microphone feedback)

"Ow, bloody…"

"What the?"

"Hullo there. M'names…sss…wut wuzzit again?…James, that's right, although reeely, you should know that, shuddintoo? 'Nyway, lemme tell you a story. Issa damn good story, too."

"Oh my God."

"Issa story about my cousin Rosie…a ssstory told to me by manewbrother. Ffff mean granted…granted he wasssa wee bit drunk when, when he tol me, but…nnyway! M'gunna tell you a story. Sssa story bout Rose. Anna little game called Trutherdare. 'n moonlight. 'n stuff."

"Holy mother of Merlin. Tell me he didn't just say that."

"Loud and clear, darling. He definitely just announced the prelude to what sounds like a very embarrassing story about you."

"Shit!"

"…"

"Crikey. I didn't know you could run that fast in heels and a wedding gown."

"I don't know why you didn't try to stop her, Albus. I, for one, wanted to know why that night ended with the moon shining on our bare arses in front of McGonagall."

"Really? I wouldn't want to see what would happen to poor James if he actually succeeded in telling the story. I've seen Rose's new and improved Bat Bogey Hex up close and personal. It's not pretty."

"Mmm. I suppose you have a point."

"More champagne, sir?"

"Merlin, yes."

At approximately two o'clock in the morning, Rose sat sprawled in her chair at the head of the long table, her heels piled by her elbow. Next to her, Scorpius loosened his tie with one hand and took her hand with the other.

"Well, that went rather well, I thought."

Rose sighed, blowing a red curl out of her eyes. "If you exclude drunken, story-telling James, Great-Aunt Gertrude's dancing, and the near-disaster with the cake."

Scorpius rolled his head to look at her. Staring out over the abandonded tables, Rose went on.

"And the catering issue, of course. And Teddy trying to impersonate your cousin."

Scorpius smiled and rubbed the back of her hand with his thumb.

"Considering our two families, I'd say we got off easy, don't you think?"

Rose smiled into space. "I suppose." She turned to look at him. "It did go rather well, didn't it?"

"I especially liked that one part where you said 'I do.'"

Rose shrugged, raising her eyebrows. "Well I was just standing up there, and everyone was looking, and you were staring, and what can I say? I just let fly with the first words that came to my mind."

Scorpius nodded sagely, patting her hand. "I admire your skills of improvisation."

"It's one of my many talents."

"Some of the others being running in heels and wrestling James away from the mike while in a wedding dress?"

Rose grinned. The fairy lights glinted off of her teeth and shone in her eyes. "That was quite impressive, wasn't it?"

"Immensely," Scorpius assured her.

The couple sat in easy silence for several beats, hand in hand, drinking in the moon-painted chaos the guests had left behind.

"What say you, Mrs. Malfoy? Shall we call it a night?"

"God, yes."

Scorpius stood and helped her to her feet, only to reach down and scoop her into his arms. Her surprised cry startled the birds from the nearby oak. Scorpius grinned down at his new wife as she slung her arms around his neck.

"Take me away, Mr. Malfoy!"

Which was exactly what he did.