The Promise, a harry potter fanfic

Title: The Promise

Song: Kiss my Slowly by Parachute

Pairing: Remus/Sirius

The light had faded from the sky slowly and one by one, the city was speckled with the glow of windows and lamps. Through the cold glass pane of the little cafe the world seemed to transform from the strange day world to the mystical night. The night that held all those hopes and dreams you never let invade your mind while the sun is shinning down on you.

It was this fine, young night in late November that Remus Lupin sat in a booth, watching the window that painted the morphing world for his eyes. In his hand was a little china cup with the cooling tea he had half forgotten about. He was in another place entirely.

"Excuse me..." Said the little waitress that had been watching his vacant expression for some time now. She had come over to his table. "Is everything okay?"

Remus jerked to attention, as if suddenly realizing he was sitting there, the only customer of the cafe. He looked up at the young woman with a smile. She had worried eyes on his tired face and he smiled in a far-away manner, hoping to reassure her.

"I suppose it is...I'm sorry. I was just thinking." He said pleasantly, looking back down at his cup thoughtfully. She smiled in a way that was almost sympathetic.

"You seem to be 'thinking' pretty hard about something..." She set the tray in her hands down on the table and slid into the seat across from him.

"Yes...things have been a little...strange for me lately." Remus answered, taking a sip from his cup.

"Really?" She asked, curiosity in her eyes. "You seem like the sort to have interesting things happen to you."

"You...honestly have no idea." He smiled at her, his gold eyes met hers. She kept smiling and leaned her elbows on the table.

"Want to talk about it?" She asked, "I'm a fairly good listener."

Remus puzzled for a moment, as if deciding weather or not he actually wanted to divulge his story to this stranger, then smiled again.

"Yes, but I warn you now...it doesn't have a happy ending." She gave him an odd look before he began. "It happened many years ago..."

Stay with me, baby stay with me,
Tonight don't leave me alone.
Walk with me, come and walk with me,
To the edge of all we've ever known.

"It's a little funny..."

"Funny how?"

"Funny that we ended up here."

Sirius Black looked around him at the empty streets of Diagon Alley. The lights lit in the little lamps, up and down either side of them, reflected the desperate times. No one dared go out after dark in the current state of things. Remus looked around as well, the early hints of fall in the cool breeze that whipped against him.

"That still doesn't answer my question Sirius...why is it funny?"

"Because this is where I asked you to move in with me..." Sirius said. There was something in his voice that made Remus' chest tighten in a way that was not in any way pleasing.

"Yes it is...so why are we here?" Remus asked.

Sirius had returned home to Remus only to take him by the hand and lead them both out of the house and down the road, aparating to where they now stood. Sirius hadn't smiled once since he had taken Remus' hand. Something was wrong.

"We are here because you need to hear something." Sirius said slowly.

"...Sirius, what is this about?" Remus asked, his eyebrows drawing together, the lamplight dancing across his pale face.

"Remus...James and Lily have to go into hiding." He said slowly. Remus' eyes widened as he registered what Sirius said. "Something about Harry, and it's not safe for them to be exposed any longer."

"What about Harry? He's only a baby..." Remus wasn't entirely sure he wanted to know the answer, but if he didn't ask now he would regret it later.

"There...there is a rumor that the Death Eaters are after him. Someone on our side is feeding information and...they're in trouble, Remus." Sirius voice grew dangerously heavy. Remus knew that wasn't all the news he was going to get.

"I...I am going to be their secret keeper..." He said in almost a whisper.

Remus looked at Sirius and felt his heart beat hard in his chest. He suddenly felt miles away from Sirius, instead of standing awkwardly beside him. Sirius had always been there with him. They had been inseparable for ten years and he had never once felt so far away. Alone. He felt like he had suddenly been abandoned.

"You...you can't-" He choked out, frozen, unmoving in the dim lights. Sirius looked pained as he watched the realization dawn on Remus' face. "Sirius, Voldemort will find you. He will kill you!"

"It's the chance I will take." Sirius said firmly. He wasn't going to be swayed. Remus knew that voice and knew that Sirius had already made up his mind entirely. The ground was falling out from under him.

"Sirius...Sirius no..." Remus shook his head as if he was trying to shake off the hard look that the black haired man was giving him. He couldn't meet those gray eyes.

"I am going to do this Remus, and..." Sirius swallowed. "You won't stop me."

Remus wasn't entirely sure what having his heart ripped out would actually feel like, but this had to be close. The words cut into him like a knife and he trembled, suddenly very cold. He felt lost, blind to everything that had made sense.

I can see you there with the city lights,
Fourteenth floor, pale blue eyes.
I can breathe you in.
Two shadows standing by the bedroom door,
No, I could not want you more than I did right then,
As our heads leaned in.

"Remus..." Sirius seemed to notice the intense change in posture that Remus displayed.

"You have to do this?" Remus said softly, not looking up.

"Yes." Sirius said, as if pained by the words now.

"Then go ahead and do it. I would do the same." Remus said, his voice trembled despite himself. He felt like he was choking on nothing and it was hard to breathe correctly.

And then a hand took his, firm,warm and strong.

"Look at me."

Remus kept staring at his feet, unsure of whether he was actually able to or not.

"Remus, look at me."

A finger tilted his chin up very gently and he was looking at a pair of gray eyes that were filled with conflict and concern. He stayed silent.

"Don't leave me alone." Remus said shakily. "Sirius, don't leave me all alone."

Sirius looked as if something had snapped in his strong facade, his mouth fought to keep straight and decided.

"Remus, even if I have to go into hiding, even if the whole world gets taken over by Death Eaters, I will never leave you." Sirius said cupping Remus' cheek. "Even if I die-" He shook his head slowly as if the very thought ruined him. "-I will always be with you."

Remus could feel the tears stinging his cheeks, not sure when he had gone from numb to crying.

"Promise me." He said desperately.

"I promise."

Sirius then leaned in very slowly and pressed his lips to Remus'. It was always like the first time when they kissed. Remus' knees always went weak and his heart slammed inside his chest relentlessly. He leaned into Sirius' strong arms and clung to that feeling, hoping that somehow it would seal that promise, and keep them together. That it would fix everything that was so wrong with their lives.

Well, I'm not sure what this is gonna be,
But with my eyes closed all I see
Is the skyline, through the window,
The moon above you and the streets below.
Hold my breath as you're moving in,
Taste your lips and feel your skin.
When the time comes, baby don't run, just kiss me slowly.

Snow glittered through the window of the little room Remus now occupied. Moving seemed to be the only thing that ever did anything for him, but he knew someday he wouldn't be able to find a place that didn't hurt for him to be in.

With a long, thin finger he traced a circle around the almost full moon, leaving a steamed mark on the freezing glass. It had been almost three years since the incident and even now he felt like he was wandering hopelessly. He had no idea where he was going or what he wanted. He had lost his whole world when Voldemort fell. He was a casualty of war. He bore no physical evidence, but he was injured beyond healing. Sometimes he wished he had been killed along with Lily, James, and Peter. It might be better than wandering the world like a shell of a man.

The trees swayed outside the snowy village and Remus watched the flakes falling to the ground. If he looked at it long enough it seemed as if it was falling backwards, towards the sky. He had told himthat once. Remus had explained that and he had laughed. Sirius. Sirius had laughed at him. Remus felt his heart twist so painfully he brought his fingers to his chest, closing his eyes. He could almost feel it, the way the winter air had felt on his face as he had walked through the first snow with Sirius in fifth year. The way their fingers twisted together and Sirius had kissed him, accidentally of course. Wild mistletoe was no joke. The kiss turned into something else entirely however, as they wrapped themselves around each other in the freezing branches of the snow laden trees, no one around to see them. They had walked back to the castle with their fingers laced, neither one saying a word.

Remus opened his eyes. He felt something deep in his chest that he didn't want to admit. Something he tried to ignore the best he could. It crept into his thoughts anyway.

Something wasn't right.

Remus pursed his lips together, his eyebrows drawing together as he thought about everything that had happened on Halloween three years ago. He hadn't registered it when everything was happening, but something was wrong. Sirius would never do something like that. All the evidence said otherwise, but Remus knew Sirius. He knew how much he cared about James and Lily. He would have noticed if Sirius had started acting strangely. He hadn't. He had left that morning and kissed Remus same as always, smiling and joking before walking out the door. Something didn't feel right even now, alone in the little, meagerly furnished rental room.

Remus touched his fingers to his lips, remembering that last kiss with a sad smile.

"You promised..."

Stay with me, baby stay with me,
Tonight don't leave me alone.
She shows me everything she used to know,
Picture frames and country roads,
When the days were long and the world was small.

She stood by as it fell apart,
Separate rooms and broken hearts,
But I won't be the one to let you go.

Remus hated remembering at this point, after seven years of wandering along the various roads of life, waiting for some sort of feeling to come to him, remembering was almost too much. So when an owl dropped a parcel on his lap one day while he was sitting out in the fresh spring air, he bit his lip. It was from his mother.

Remus reached for the ties and gave them a yank. They unraveled and he pulled back the brown paper. Inside was a letter, and a smaller package. He tugged out the creased parchment first, unfolding it carefully. It read:

My very dear, sweet Remus,

I know you are trying to find yourself dear, but I wanted you to know it isn't all lost. Sometimes things aren't as they seem and I know you are thinking the same as we are. I wanted to return these to you and hopefully you remember why you were so happy. Your father and I are worried about you, Remus. You never write. He loved you Remus,
And I think he still does.

Love always,
Your Mother

Remus smiled tearfully and rubbed his eyes. His mother had watched him turn from a scared and hopeless little boy into a confident young man in the company of his friend. She had admitted at one point that she hadn't approved of Sirius' shaggy hair and combat boots, but when she saw how much he really cared about Remus, she had accepted him with open arms and had accepted their relationship with minimal fuss. Remus wanted to be angry with her for bringing up dead memories and painful emotions, but he couldn't. She only wanted what was best for him.

He reached for the package, unwrapping it slowly. Inside were a few things he didn't even know had been kept. There was a stack of letters from Sirius to him through the summers they spent apart, a stack of photos, and a piece of clothed wrapped around something small. Remus touched the letters, held in a neat stack with twine, before tugging it loose as well and pulling them out. Nostalgia washed over him in a strange lurch as he remembered reading each letter over and over as he waited for each of Sirius' responses. He set the letters down and picked up the photographs. There were pictures of Lily and James' wedding first, and as he flipped back, they got younger and younger. Graduating, Christmas holiday, Sirius and Remus asleep on the sofa in the Lupin's living room. He looked at each one slowly. He looked so different in those pictures. Happy and young, without a care in the world. He stopped on a picture that made his heart grind in his chest. Nineteen-year old Remus was being hugged fervently by a very excited Sirius. That was the day that Sirius and Remus had exchanged promise rings. It was a custom for sweethearts, charmed rings that symbolized their devotion. It was honestly a very silly thing for two grown men to do, but Sirius couldn't exactly propose to him. Remus' gaze fell to the cloth and his throat tightened. He reached for it and unfolded the fabric. A little silver band sat on the faded blue cloth. Carved into the side with magic, were the words:

I solemnly swear I will be with you, Always.

Remus looked at the band for a long time before he picked it up and turned it over in his hand. He wondered what it would mean to wear that ring on his finger, to feel the cool metal that held the promise he had meant when he had uttered it back to Sirius. He closed his fingers around it.

"I'm never going to escape it am I?" She shook his head.

Oh, I'm not sure what this is gonna be,
But with my eyes closed all I see
Is the skyline, through the window,
The moon above you and the streets below.

Remus looked at the letter in his hands. His lips were pulled tightly as he looked at the Hogwarts insignia, in torn wax. He had read the whole thing three times.

"This is some sort of sick joke...right?" He asked the owl that was watching him with big, yellow eyes. It made a clicking noise with its beak.

Somehow Remus felt that this was going to be more than he bargained for.

Hold my breath as you're moving in,
Taste your lips and feel your skin.
When the time comes, baby don't run, just kiss me slowly.

"So you went back to the school and taught...and then what?" The waitress asked, pouring them both another cup of tea with her wand. Remus smiled.

"I can't really tell you that." he said.

"You said it had a bad ending." She said, lowering the pot. Remus took a long, thoughtful sip.

"It did."

"No it didn't." She smiled and Remus gave her a confused look.

"What do you mean?" he asked. He was pretty sure that was the definition of a bad ending.

"It's unfinished." She said simply. "You don't know if he still loves you or not. You have no idea."

"He is a convict." Remus said, sounding as if he was mulling over what she had said.

"Yes, but he isn't guilty." She said softly. "That's why you're here."

"How...do you know that?" He asked, his eyes narrowing.

"Because...a man was here earlier today and he said he was waiting to fulfill a promise." he smiled. "A promise to the man with golden eyes."

Remus stared at her, mouth open.

"He asked me to pass on the message if I saw him."

Remus was very still for several long moments before he got to his feet, his knees felt weak.

"The story is unfinished. You can go see him and figure it out, or you can't, but it's your move now. How do you want it to end?"

Remus closed his eyes a moment.

"Thank you." he said softly and then slipped out the door, breaking into a sprint.

"There you go Sirius, we're even." Dora Tonks smiled softly.

Don't run away...
And it's hard to love again,
When the only way it's been,
When the only love you know,
Just walked away...
If it's something that you want,
Darling you don't have to run,
You don't have to go ...

The air was harsh on Remus' face as he ran, long-legged, through the empty streets. A piece of cold metal around a chain tapping against his chest with each stride. The sky was gray with clouds that threatened snow and he felt each breath he took grate like a cold knife in his ribs.

He hadn't decided, until just now, whether or not he was going to go. Whether or not he wanted too. When he had received the letter to come Devonshire he had almost ripped it to shreds on impulse. Now he was growing more sure each footfall, that he was making the right choice.

He burst out onto the platform to the train station, empty of all people and doubled to his knees, panting hard. His breath surrounded him in large, steamy puffs. This was it. Meet on the train station, eleven o'clock on November the 23. Here he was. This was it.

Just stay with me, baby stay with me,

Sometimes never giving up can tear you apart or ruin your life. Sometimes it is all you have left and you walk around the shell of a man. However, no one wears a promise around his neck for years if he doesn't believe somewhere in his exhausted soul, that there is hope.

Remus had hope.

Hope was the only thing that kept him going day after day for twelve years.

Hope was what made him inhale each breath and trudge forward even when everything seemed to fall apart right in front of him.

Hope was what made him slowly straighten when someone cleared their throat gruffly.

Sirius Black looked very different from when he had seen him in the shack, cleaned up, hair just past his shoulders and in plain black robes. His face was still very thin, but his eyes, eyes that were the same color as the sky overhead, were staring right at Remus.

Remus stared back.

The glittering flakes of the first snow sifted down over them.

"You came." Sirius said softly.

"I almost didn't." Remus admitted, the words came out more calmly than he thought he was capable of. "Why did you..." Remus trailed off as Sirius took a step closer. He moved stiffly, not in the confident way that he use to and it made Remus' heart constrict.

"I made a promise to someone a long time ago..." Sirius said softly, stopping in front of Remus. "I wanted to know if he would let me keep it."

Remus looked at the snow dusting Sirius' jet black hair, catching on his eye lashes, and falling all around them. He raised a hand to the small metal ring hung around his neck, hidden by his jumper.

Sirius watched him, his eyes not wavering, and filled with some sort of unreadable emotion.

"I waited for you." Remus said softly. "I waited all night, and all the next day. I didn't believe that letter. You never came home..."

"I'm sorry."

"I ran away, I spent years just walking around, like a dead man. I had nothing, I didn't know what had happened...I never got more of an explanation than what the Prophet told me!" Remus snapped.

"I'm sorry." Sirius said again, his gaze faltering.

"I wanted to forget! I wanted to forget everything and move on! I almost did! I almost gave up on everything and moved on!" Remus' voice got louder with each word, his breath forming in front of him as his fingers clenched.

"Why didn't you?" Sirius asked, no looking at the empty train tracks.

"Because of this!" Remus yanked the chain out so the ring glinted in the sparkling light. "Because of this bloody thing! Because you...you said I would never be alone! No matter where I went you were there! You followed me everywhere! I couldn't escape..." Remus' shoulders were shaking. Sirius was staring at the ring, surprise on his face.

"You still have it?" He said in an odd voice. Remus looked down, not responding.

"Yes."

"I promised you."

Remus glanced up as he heard Sirius footsteps crunch in the sticking snow. He was a breath away now. Sirius' expression suddenly mirrored a very young Sirius.

"I promise you I would never leave you alone. Even if I died. Even if I got locked up for twelve years for a crime I didn't commit." Sirius said.

"I never thought you were guilty." Remus said softly. Sirius' eyes widened.

"You didn't?"

"No...I couldn't believe it." Remus felt a finger under his chin and suddenly he was looking right at Sirius. There was a ring on his finger, one to match Remus'.

"'I Solemnly Swear...I will be with you. Always.'" Sirius said. The writing on Remus' ring lit up in red and the charmed metal vibrated. "I love you Remus. I always have, and always will."

Remus didn't want to take it, he didn't want to give in. He wanted to be angry and yell and leave. He had planned that. He wanted Sirius. He had wanted him back ever since the day he had been locked up, convict or not. He had missed him so much that now, in the snow, it burned up inside of him like fire and vaporized the grudges he had been trying so hard to hold.

"I love you...Oh god Sirius, I love you too...I-" his voice choked and Sirius pressed his forehead to Remus'.

"I'm going to kiss you now." Sirius said, Remus nodded, watching him.

There, in the thickening white, Sirius leaned in and kissed Remus deeply and slowly, melting away the years that had torn two hearts to shreds. As their fingers laced and knees bumped, breathing together in the first snow, Remus knew how he wanted the story to end.

No matter how hard the path to it is, Everyone deserves a happy ending.

Oh, I'm not sure what this is gonna go,
But in this moment all I know
Is the skyline, through the window,
The moon above you and the streets below.
Hold my breath as you're moving in,
Taste your lips and feel your skin.
When the time comes, baby don't run, just kiss me slowly.