Lord Voldemort was standing in a large room of the Riddle House in front of the majority of his Death Eaters, staring them down and contemplating his next sentence. Barty Crouch Jr. was standing at the front of the group next to Bellatrix Lestrange, and he was leaning on his toes in anticipation to what his Master was going to request of him next. He couldn't sit still in the silence and he was fingering the edge of his leather jacket nervously. Bella was doing the same next to him, her black fingernails digging into the lace frills of her dress. No one spoke, no one moved. Everyone just waited for their instructions, like normal.
The Dark Lord ran his fingers through his smooth, brown hair and said, "As you all know, I have several Horcruxes tucked away in safe places, but I require another. One a little closer to home." He paused and scanned the crowd before saying, "Who would volunt—"
Before he even got the rest of the sentence out of his mouth, Barty's hand was in the air and waving frantically. But, as he quickly noticed, so was Bella's. The two stared each other down for a split second, before launching themselves at the other in a desperate attempt to be the one Voldemort chose. Barty hit the wood paneling with a 'thump' and he immediately used the momentum of the bounce to roll himself on top of Bella, pinning her to the floor, "You having fun?" She hissed at him playfully, but with a determined look in her eyes.
"Shut up and give up, Bella." Barty got in her face and snarled at her. He wasn't going to lose this opportunity to transcend the role of Death Eater and be something much more in the eyes of his master.
Bellatrix jerked upward and Barty landed on his back, pinned by the madwoman in black fishnets and lace, "Never," She whispered and laughed after she brushed her lips lightly against his.
He never liked the fact that she teased him like this all the time, so he threw himself back on top of her and then didn't know what to do. He may be a Death-Eater, but that didn't mean he was going to punch a woman in the face. But before he had to do anything, the Dark Lord spoke up, "Bella, I saw Barty's hand first."
"Ha!" Barty exclaimed as he crawled off of Bella and brushed the dust off himself. He won.
"You are now in the running for my last Horcrux." Voldemort said in an even tone.
The triumphant smile on Barty's face faded, "In the 'running', my Lord?"
"Yes, Barty. Please step forward." Voldemort motioned him forward to stand in the middle of the room next to a wooden chair. The Dark Lord spoke in Parseltongue to Nagini and the giant snake slithered over to the other side of Barty, "Now, it's between you three."
"Three?" Barty asked, "Wait, you can't possibly mean the CHAIR is in the running, too?"
"Yes, the chair is in the running, Barty. Got a problem?"
"Um, no sir." Barty said sheepishly.
"Now," Voldemort began to pace, "Who shall it be… Nagini and Barty are useful to me, but then again, the chair can never run away from me."
When Lord Voldemort turned his back to pace away from the group, Barty slipped out his wand, pointed it at the chair, and whispered, "Avada Kedavra."
The chair gave a slight jump when the green light hit it, then it went back to being still. It was only stationary, however, for a few short seconds, before it tipped on its side and fell to the ground with a small 'thud'.
"Did he just use the killing curse on a chair?" Lucius Malfoy whispered from the crowd of Death Eaters. People whispered their confirmations and Lucius turned to Bella, "Hey, wouldn't it have been funny if YOU'D been chosen, and you lost to the chair?"
Bella didn't think that'd be very funny, because her fist impacted with his face and sent him to the floor like a sack of potatoes. While the commotion was being sorted out behind him, Barty pointed his wand at the chair again and whispered a simple charm. The chair legs turned into real legs and the chair stood up and ran out of the room. The crowd behind him tried not to laugh.
The Dark Lord turned to pace back towards everyone, and saw that a 'contestant' was missing, "Where's the chair?"
Barty shrugged, "It left. It just got up and ran out." Everyone behind him began to nod.
Voldemort eyed him suspiciously, and then went back to his pacing and mumbling, "Barty is very faithful and loyal, but then again, so is Nagini."
Barty turned his focus to Nagini as soon as the Dark Lord turned his back again. He coiled his muscles, ready to spring on the snake like a cat would. Right before he could jump, though, Nagini lunged forward and wrapped around Barty's ankle. Shocked, Barty froze.
Nagini didn't stop at having control of Barty's ankle. No, she went further; slithering up his pant leg and climbing higher and higher. The man's legs were like never-ending light-poles they were so long.
Barty did NOT like the feel of Nagini against the skin of his calf and thigh and... He shrieked, "TOO FAR!" He yelled, shaking his leg in a frantic attempt to relocate Nagini to a place that wasn't so private. The snake wouldn't budge, though. It had coiled itself around Barty's leg and it wasn't moving anywhere. "GET OUT! GET OUT!" Barty's eyes suddenly got as wide as dinner plates and he froze for a second, and then screamed again, "She. Is. In. My. PANTS!"
"That's a sentence we NEVER thought we'd hear outta Barty." Lucius said, standing up and nursing a black eye.
Barty hit the wood floor hard and he was squirming around, trying to get Nagini out of his fitted jeans. It was proving impossible, and the snake was only crawling higher with every second. Finally, Voldemort was brought out of his train of thought and he turned around to see what was going on, "What are you doing to my precious snake?" He yelled.
The Dark Lord stormed over to where Barty was still convulsing on the floor, picked the Ministry worker's son up and held him slightly off the floor. Then, he reached into Barty's pants and started pulling the 12 foot Albanian grass snake out from her precarious perch. When Nagini was safely wrapped around Voldemort's shoulders; he let Barty drop back to the floor, where he huddled up in the fetal position and closed his eyes, "It's like band camp all over again!" Barty yelled, "I'm scarred for life now!"
"Oh, shut up, you big baby." Voldemort said, stroking Nagini's head gently, "And by the way, I pick her. You can all go back to what you were doing before."
Everyone slowly dissipated from the room until the only one left was Barty, still lying on the floor and shivering slightly. That was a horrible experience.
*Several years later and many, many miles from the Riddle House*
Harry Potter, Ron Weasley, and Hermione Granger were seated outside Hogwarts on the grass beside the lake. It was a beautiful Saturday and they were enjoying the breeze while they sat and talked about the Triwizard Tournament coming up in just one short month. As they talked, Harry noticed something strange near the edge of the Forbidden Forest, "Hey guys," Harry interrupted Hermione's rant about how getting past the age line absolutely will NOT work, "Look over there." The two turned their attention to where Harry was pointing. They were so confused by what they were seeing, that no one said a word. Not even Hermione spoke.
After a few confused seconds, however, Ron said, "Why is there a chair with real legs chasing Professor Moody around?"