Oh my God you guys I am soooooo sorry! I haven't updated anything in over 4 months. There are a bunch of excused I could come up with (Like getting my wisdom teeth pulled, family reunion, enrolling for school, SCHOOL, dances, parties, Driver's Ed) But the bottom line is I just don't really have the will in me to finish any of my stories. I've been really stressed out lately with school work and just expectations. I don't plan on discontinuing anything but don't expect any updates soon. I'm still on FanFiction, I just haven't been updating. I've been on Quotev and DeviantArt more lately as well as YouTube. Again I am sooooooooooo sorry! :( I'll try to wrap up some stories and then maybe introduct some new ones.
So...this is just a one-shot I guess, about Bella's christmas during New Moon-when Edward was gone. I got inspired by the songs Wintersong by Sarah McLachlan and Winter Light by Linda Ronstadt I hope you guys enjoy! :) Please review! They make me happy and keep me going! :)
Snow.
Why is it white? White is the color of purity and happiness, and this holiday was anything BUT happy for me this year. 3 months. It had been over 3 months already since HE left. With each thought of him the hole in my chest tore further and further.
The smell of gingerbread and fresh pine drifted to my nose. Charlie must have been back-and he was cooking? That wasn't like him, not at all. It was Christmas Eve, the sun was beginning to set over the horizon and the snow began to fall heavier. The ground was covered in a blanket of endless white and the trees were bear.
My eyes continued to stare out the frosty window. My mind was blank, the same as my eyes. I stared into the very pit of nothingness. My left hand came to rest on the cold glass while my right gripped tightly onto the large quilt draped over my body. Despite the freezing temperatures outside my room was comfortable and warm. Memories of previous Christmases with Renee came to mind. We would bake cookies and cuddle up in a blanket while we sat near the fireplace in our house. Even though Phoenix was quite hot during Christmas, such little negativities wouldn't ruin Renee's Christmas spirit.
I removed my hand from the windowsill and pulled both cold hands underneath the toasty warm blanket. My long pajama bottoms were soft against my skin, along with the warm fuzzy socks and long sleeve shirt.
Cheery Christmas music was playing from a stereo somewhere downstairs and lights throughout the house came on. The sun had lowered behind the horizon and the sky was turning into an endless expanse of blackness. Stars shined brightly in the sky, and the harsh whistling of wind blew against the window.
"Bells come down for dinner!" Charlie called. Like a robot, I slowly got off the window sill bench, dropped my blanket to the floor, and trudged down the stairs.
Dinner passed by swiftly and Charlie and I barely made any conversation. When I finished eating I quietly excused myself and went back upstairs. With numb legs I walked over towards my bed and collapsed onto it. What should be a joyous holiday was going to be the worst holiday I had ever known...
It's so cold...
Snow was falling from the cloudy sky above, covering the ground in a soft blanket of white. Harsh winter wind blew against my cheeks as the snow continued to fall heavier. My mitten hands and long brown hair caught the soft snow flakes, and the dark atmosphere began to grow brighter and brighter from a certain point.
In the trees ahead of me, I could see a glowing figure approaching me. Was I dead? Was that it? Had an angel finally come to take me away from this sad and empty world? No...it wasn't an angel. This person had no wings nor a halo above his head.
This angel was dark-dark and yet beautiful. His untidy bronze hair and clothing were untouched-despite the drifting snow-and his soft topaz eyes bore into my own.
"Bella." He spoke my name softly and caring. My heart skipped a beat and I so badly wanted to reach out and pull him close. My eyes grew wide and I found myself becoming completely paralyzed.
"Edward." I whispered with trembling lips.
It was him...it was REALLY HIM! But..the way Edward looked at me...he looked at me as if he still loved me. But I knew that was impossible, when Edward left me he told me...he told me...
"Bella?" Edward asked tilting his head in curiosity. "Why are you crying?"
My hand moved to my cheek instantly. Sure enough my gloves were moist and I sniffled, wiping away the tears that continued to fall. I did not answer, afraid that if I did Edward would vanish from my sight.
"Bella." Edward sighed and reached out his arms towards me. My foot took a step forward, and with a quick kick off the ground I thrust myself at him. Familiar cold arms enveloped me in a tight embrace and I found myself balling endlessly. Was he here? Was Edward TRULY with me once again?
"I-I missed you so much!" I wailed tightening my grip on the long gray coat he wore. Edward just chuckled and buried his face into my hair.
"I never did leave you Bella." He whispered craning his head down to my eye level.
"Y-You didn't?" I questioned.
Edward smiled and gently wiped away my salty tears with his thumb. "I'll always be with you." He whispered, "In here," Edward rested his hand gently over my heart. I knew it..this was all too good to be true. How could I allow myself to dream of something as painful and wonderful as this?
Wind blew around us both as well as many particles of snow. And just like that...he was gone. The light vanished, and I was left alone in the darkness.
My eyes slowly opened and I was surrounded by darkness-the darkness of my own room. I sat up and turned on the lamp beside my bed. The clock read 2:00 AM. Christmas Day...and HE wasn't here to share this wonderful holiday with me. I could only imagine what it would have been like.
Alice would have woken me up at midnight already, announcing that it was officially Christmas Day. Emmett would have welcomed me with an enormous bear hug as I came down the stairs, and Esme would have cooked a huge Christmas meal fit for a dozen people. Rosalie of course would have ignored me, but I imagined she would have found some place in her heart to wish me a Merry Christmas. Jasper would be making everyone feel at ease and cheerful-while trying to calm Alice down. I imagined Carlisle would have wished me a Merry Christmas and would hug me like a father does his own daughter. And of course Edward...He probably would have insisted I open the gifts everyone bought for me, and I would be pestering him about several Christmas kisses.
The hole in my chest grew larger with each passing thought. I was never going to experience those things. I would never feel Emmett's huge bear hugs again, never see Alice's cheerful face, Esme's motherly acts and delicious cooking, or Jasper's kindness, or Carlisle's fatherly embrace. I wouldn't even get the normal glare from Rosalie! Nor would I ever receive Edward's kisses...never again.
My body shook from the harsh sobs that erupted from my chest. Salty tears poured down from my eyes like waterfalls. Numbly I got up out of my bed, grabbed my large blanket, draped it over my shoulders, and quietly made my way downstairs.
The living room was dark, except for the average Christmas tree that was decorated with simple lights and cheap and ordinary ornaments. Average, simple, and seemed to serve its purpose. Just like me.
Why? Why wasn't he here? Why did he leave me?! Didn't he know that I loved him?! Didn't he know that I gave him my heart and soul?! Why Edward?! WHY?! HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME?! TO US?!
I felt the hard wooden floor beneath my knees as I collapsed to the ground sobbing. I tried to keep as quiet as possible-so as not to wake Charlie. As my eyes gazed down, I happened to see something poking out from underneath the tree.
Slowly my hand stretched out, only to grasp a small thin sheet of paper. I gasped at the neat calligraphy written on it.
Look under the loose floorboard.
That neat handwriting could only belong to one person, but I told myself I was just imagining things. The loose floorboard? Does it mean the one in my room? Quickly I got up and raced up into my room, holding onto the small note tightly.
My hand moved around the floorboards of my bedroom, until finally-I found one that was loose. With a quick jerk the floorboard was off, and I peered into the small space below.
Everything was there. The pictures, Carlisle and Esme's plane tickets, the CD's...all of it. By the amount of dust covering the objects, I concluded that Edward never did take them, they had been there all along! My fingers gently traced over the images of us. Tears came to my eyes, and I quickly wiped them away. They weren't tears of sadness, but tears of joy. So I could officially say I wasn't crazy. The Cullens did exist, and in some way Edward didn't want me to completely forget him.
My eyes drifted down to the hole in the floor to see a small box wrapped in shiny red paper, with a white bow delicately placed in the exact middle. This looked almost brand new, as if the box had been recently placed. How strange...
With shaky fingers I undid the delicate bow and gently tore open the wrapping paper. What I saw gave me quite a shock.
Inside the paper was a small black velvet box. And inside was an old-but beautiful-necklace. A diamond snowflake hung from the end of the golden chain. Normally I would protest to a wonderful and beautiful gift like this. But this gift I cherished. Another small folded sheet of paper was folded underneath the ring, and I quickly unfolded it and began to read aloud to myself.
Dear Bella,
I know I said it would be as if I never existed. But I couldn't bring myself to completely take myself out of your world. I don't expect your forgiveness for this promise I've broken. Please know that it's for the best that we aren't together. Every second with me put you in danger. Please accept this gift from me. Don't worry, I didn't spend much money on it. The necklace once belonged to my mother, and it is my wish that you treasure it.
Merry Christmas Bella,
Edward
I was in tears. I hugged the note to my chest and held the necklace tightly in my hand. Edward was never coming back, but I was grateful that a part of him still cared for me. I gently placed the floorboard back and set the pictures and such on my nightstand. But the necklace however I gently put on, letting the crystal snowflake rest upon my chest.
I turned off the lights and slowly climbed back into bed. Sleep began to overtake me the moment my head hit the soft pillow.
"Merry Christmas Edward." I whispered before I drifted off into a peaceful slumber.
So What'd ya think? Please review! :)