Sirius Black was plagued by questions of the past. Questions that festered. Left him seeing red. How could he…
"No," he gave into the muggle urge to just hit something with his fists.
Hazel eyes were open wide. Unseeing and glazed beneath the crooked glasses perched on his nose. Not a sign of the barbaric curse set upon him…
"No!" Sirius slammed his fists. A wretched moan released any air left within his aching lungs. He was unseeing of the odious dust rising from the floor. Uncaring of the rattling antiques belonging to his vile ancestors. Unable to grit his teeth like he was expected to in this moment of weakness. Of madness.
"No," Sirius pounded his fists again. The questions begun anew while the fresh stinging of his hands only made the animalistic anger within him rise to attention.
How could he!
'How could you have done it, Sirius?!'
'How could you have betrayed James and Lily?! They were our friends! Traitor! Traitor!'
"Damn you, Peter," Sirius croaked. Throat closing with emotions, he imagined his hands wringing tight around that pudgy neck, tightening like the noose he deserved.
Because why was Peter alive when James was dead?
…Why was Sirius still alive, after all this time?
James had a wife. A child. And then he had nothing but a slab of stone with his name on it.
And what did Sirius have?
A house he once called home, mother dearest screeching from her portrait. A godson he couldn't see.
…And now he was wallowing in the past. If only he could go back and kill Peter before all of this could happen.
Lives of his friends plagued his mind until Sirius feared the Black family condition would latch onto his anger and use it against him. That Madness within stirred awake.
Sirius swallowed, greedily gulped down a breath –
"Ack!" violent coughs raked his throat clean of the dust still floating in the air.
"…Sirius?"
Leave. Leave right now, Sirius wanted to say. So he did. Once he stopped hacking his lungs out.
"And leave you with your wand in your back pocket? Molly will have a fit, seeing that."
Sirius didn't laugh, "Leave, Remus."
Remus wet his chapped lips, taking a slow step forward into the attic. "Sorry to say," he began, "the risk of your wand going off and you partially losing your bum has me slightly worried."
"You, Remus my friend. You… always were the one to worry."
Remus stilled. Sirius being serious wasn't a joking matter. Sirius would have made a shocking joke about Remus being worried about Sirius' bum. The repeated use of 'you' was off-putting to say mildly and set an alarm off in his head.
"Don't do this to yourself."
The man gave Remus a smile more befitting of a snarling dog, "Don't do what, Remus? What am I doing? Living the rest of my life in a house I swore to never step foot in? Hiding like a coward while the world moves on – I'm fucking trying! Being back here is a nightmare!" he was nearly shouting now, venting his pent up anger at his only remaining friend. "Remus, can't you see that I'm trying?"
A miserable ache filled Remus to his very bones. "Let me help you."
Sirius looked away.
After a moment of silent treatment coming from Sirus' side, he finally responded with a testy, "If I take my wand out of my back pocket, then will you leave?"
"I can't make any promises," Remus said to bait Sirius off of his feet. And it worked.
A smile too wide to be natural fit evenly across the aristocratic face as he stood. In front of Remus, he stood there with too much teeth showing. Unable to hide the lingering pain behind his grey eyes.
And it was then that Remus noticed the redness in his friend's eyes.
"…Why'd you come up here, Sirius?" he asked seriously. "You know Arthur and Molly want Charlie to look at all this first." He side-eyed the Black family throwaways littering the floor and hanging on grimy walls. Some glittered, others fizzled, and many were silent – the last of which were the ones that worried Remus the most. Looks could be deceiving. The werewolf knew that all too well.
Sirius picked at a sizable amount of grey sludge that had somehow attached itself onto his jeans. He hadn't the faintest clue why it was so fascinating and much more interesting to pay attention to than Remus.
Then, he smirked, watching the dust filter to the floor. "He's a good man, Charlie. I was thinking about making this place a shitting ground. Wanted to spruce it up a little."
"…Erm, what?"
"Buckbeak needs a proper place. Can't have a majestic beast like him trampling Molly's tomatoes in the garden."
"Garden?" Remus narrowed his eyes at his friend, "Molly would have taken me out back to see it."
Sirius shuffled a little on his feet, digging his heels into the dark wood floor. There was an ominous creaking that caused both men to share a look. Another cloud of dust floated mid-air… a faint glimmer of something shimmering.
"Right," Remus exhaled. "Yeah, okay. Let's… let's get out of here before we manage to fall through the flooring."
Much needed notes:
*Not beta read. This will be edited eventually for grammar and flow. If you want to help edit this story PM me or drop a comment below.
*After receiving a comment reporting me for plagiarism... Let me be clear and state this story is mine. It belongs to me, but I'm just playing around with JKR's world and characters. I use the username Tinsela on multiple fan fiction sites for readers to find my works easily. I posted this story on ffnet and Ao3. So I think that's where the plagiarism claim might stem from? and I vehemently oppose any form of plagiarism... Anyway, it's kind of a compliment that the first comment on this story is someone claiming that I'm stealing my own work. That's a roundabout way of complimenting me, so thanks!
*I imagine this takes place after Prison of Azkaban. Perhaps Harry's fifth year? Sirius in the process of cleaning up the attic for Buckbeak's living quarters, that's as far as I narrowed down the timeline...
*I absolutely loved Sirius as a character. His whole backstory is so interesting. His hurt and Gryffindor bullheadery led to his imprisonment for 12 years. 12 YEARS OF IT! IN AZKABAN! He waited for his moment to avenge his best friend and attempt to save his godson from Peter… ugh, all this drama and brotp-ness beyond the grave is making me wish I could read Harry Potter all over again, for the first time. Relive the magic.
*Remus has the patience of a saint. And him knowing Sirius so well breaks my heart. Friendship goals right there…. After the whole fiasco with believing Remus was the traitor (Let's ignore that) because they both end up dying in the end… why JKR, why did you have to do that?
*Possible Part II in the future. May or may not happen depending on how I'm feeling and the general responses to this first installment.