A/N: Just a songfic I've been working on for fun. Decided to finally finish it and put it up so here it is! Sorry that Heero is so OOC but I just couldn't resist -.-;;
Warnings: this is a shounen ai fic which means BOYS LIKING BOYS so if you don't like, then don't read it- it's as simple as that
Disclaimer: Man I wish I did -.-;; but I don't… And I don't own The Reason or Hoobastank either T-T (disclaimers are depressing…)
!#$&()
The Reason
I'm not a perfect person
There's many things I wish I didn't do
But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know
Heero crawled out of the bed he and Duo shared. It was early in the morning- around 2 or 3. Duo was still fast asleep, his braid hanging over one shoulder, mouth slightly open, his breathing calm and even.
Heero wished there was some other way that he could say goodbye, but this was the only way he would be able to get away without any questions, without any awkward farewells.
It's not or never, Heero thought, somewhat sadly, as he watched Duo for a while longer. I'm going to miss him. I'm going to miss them all.
He thought about Quatre, and his calm, cheerful kindness that could warm even the coldest of souls, and Trowa- although silent, he proved to be a true friend. There was also Wufei- Heero smirked. As long as the Chinese boy refrained from any rants on justice -or lack of justice- then they were on good terms. And Duo...
I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you
Heero reached over and gently stroked the sleeping boy's face. Duo smiled in his sleep and leaned into Heero's touch. It was going to be hard, leaving him. After all, they had been through so much together- it was going to be strange, to be on his own once more.
But he had to do it- it was the only way.
If I live through the war- and that's a pretty big if- then the first thing I'm going to do is return to Duo and hug him, Heero thought, smiling sadly to himself.
He steeled himself and swung his duffle bag over one shoulder and headed for the door.
He paused at the doorway, and thought about all the times that he and Duo had been through together.
He had to suppress a small chuckle as he remembered the first time he had met Duo- the long haired pilot had shot him twice.
And still we managed to be friends. I wish we could be more than friends, Heero thought wistfully, though he knew that it wasn't possible. How could it be? The last battle was coming up, and he knew that most of them wouldn't live through it.
I remember all those nights I prayed to God or someone up there to send me a friend. But He sent me something even better- he sent me Duo.
Memories consumed the messy haired pilot- images of him and Duo "hanging out" as Duo called it, and just having a good time.
I wish we could've spent more time together. It seems like everything passed in a few seconds. But now the end battle is coming- and I'll either die in battle or self detonate. There's no other way.
Duo had always been there for him- he had never demanded anything in return for his friendship. Even after all of the times Heero had hurt him- both mentally and physically- he had always been a good friend.
I'm sorry that I hurt you
It's something I must live with everyday
And all the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away
And be the one who catches all your tears
That's why I need you to hear
This is harder than I thought it would be, Heero mused. He took a deep breath and stepped out of their small room in the hideout they were currently occupying.
"Heero? Where are you going?" Duo had woken up. He sat up, rubbing his bleary eyes.
Heero cursed and wondered whether if he ran off, would Duo would just fall asleep and forget all about it? He decided to play it safe and not run off. At least, not at that particular moment.
"Go back to sleep." his voice was calm and even, showing none of the distress inside him.
"Why do you have your bag? Are you leaving? Heero? What's going on?" Duo's voice was rising with each question.
Heero strode over to him and clamped his hand over the violet eyed boy's mouth, trying not to shiver with delight as he felt Duo's cool, soft lips underneath his hand.
"Would you shut up?" he hissed. "Do you want to wake the others up?" he slowly removed his hand from Duo's mouth.
Duo was staring at him in blank disbelief. "You're leaving us." he said. It was a statement, not a question. "Right now, before the end battle."
"I have to." Heero couldn't get rid of the nagging suspicion that he was wrong. Maybe he didn't have to leave. Maybe this was all just a mistake.
"Why?" Duo demanded, his violet eyes alight with anger.
"Because."
"What sort of answer is that?" Duo looked genuinely upset.
Heero had to turn away. It pained him to see Duo look so confused and angry. At him, no less. He hated hurting the long haired pilot. But this had to be done. Duo didn't understand- it was his destiny. Duo had helped him so much- he had helped him become a better person, he had helped him to learn how to care, he had helped to learn how to love.
I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you
"It's not an answer." Heero walked back to the door. He heard Duo clamber out of bed behind him.
"Don't you dare leave!" Duo whispered heatedly. He caught up with Heero and clutched the blue eyed boy's sleeve. "I won't let you."
"Who are you to determine my actions?" Heero shot back.
"I am your friend, Heero." Duo looked at him, his violet eyes begging him not to leave. "And I won't let you leave."
"Why not?" Heero asked.
"Because- because-" Because I care for you. Because I love you, Duo thought, but he didn't dare to voice his thoughts. "Just think Heero."
"I am thinking. You're the one that isn't thinking as usual. I am Heero Yuy, the Perfect Soldier. It's my duty to win this war."
"And you will Heero, you will. You will win this with us beside you." Duo whispered.
"I have to do this on my own." Heero relied adamantly. He couldn't bring himself to look at Duo directly. "Without anyone at my side. Including you."
Duo lowered his gaze, hurt by Heero's seemingly uncaring words. Why couldn't he understand that they would win the war together?
"Duo." Heero's voice demanded Duo's attention.
He looked up at Heero, hoping that the blue eyed boy had changed his mind, and would stay with him.
"Yes?" he whispered hopefully.
Heero caught the hope in his voice and sighed. "I'm still going to leave. I just-" he bit his lip in a rare show of emotion. "I just want to let you know that- that I..."
How hard can it be to say those three damned words? Heero mustered his courage.
I'm not a perfect person
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know
"I love you." he forced the hesitant words out.
Duo stared at him in shock. Heero used Duo's frozen state to his advantage, and quickly left the room, and ran out of the hideout.
"No, Heero, wait!" Duo ran after him, forcing his sleep weary legs to work.
He loves me... He loves me!! Duo wanted to jump for joy, but he knew that if he didn't stop Heero before he left, he probably wouldn't see his love ever again.
"Heero!" Duo yelled again.
Damnit, why did he have to be so bloody fast? Duo fumed angrily. He had almost caught up with the brunette. I need to tell him that I love him. I need to tell him that I want him by my side for the rest of my life.
Heero stopped running, and turned around, his face livid.
"Go back to sleep Duo." Heero muttered through gritted teeth. "Pretend that you never woke up."
"How the hell am I supposed to do that?" Duo demanded. He wrapped his arms tightly around Heero's slim form, preventing Heero from going anywhere. "I won't let you leave Heero."
"Goddamnit Maxwell, would you just leave me alone?" Heero almost yelled, before remembering that he had been trying to escape unnoticed by the others.
He felt tears of frustration sting at his eyes.
Why does Duo have to be so damned persistent? I've made a fool of myself in front of him- what else does he want?
He soon found out when Duo pressed his lips desperately against his, tightening his grasp on him.
"Don't you dare leave me Heero." Duo whispered raggedly as he pulled away.
Heero saw clearly- for the first time that night- how upset the long haired pilot was.
"Why are you so worried? It's not as if you would miss me when I'm gone." Heero couldn't help the bitter tinge in his voice.
"Hee-chan! How can you say that?" Duo demanded, grinning despite of his tears. "Of course I'll miss you- and your spandex pants, of course."
Heero glared at him. "I'm serious, Duo. And don't call me Hee-chan."
"I'll call you whatever I damn well like."
Heero couldn't help but shiver at the huskiness in the long haired pilot's voice. He tried to force his legs to work, to go over to his gundam, but somehow his legs would not obey him.
I have to get away- if I listen to Duo, I'll never leave.
"Let me go." Heero pulled out of Duo's warm embrace.
"I'm afraid I can't do that." Duo refused to be brushed off, and grabbed hold of him again.
"Would you just leave me alone?" Heero yelled.
"Why do you always want to be alone, Heero?" Duo asked, his violet eyes begging Heero to stay. "Why do you want to be alone when you're surrounded by people who care for you, people-" he broke off. "-people who love you?" he asked, his voice low and serious.
I'm not a perfect person
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know
"You don't love me." Heero spat out. "No one can love me."
"Is that why you're on some suicidal mission?" Duo demanded. "Because you're too wrapped up in your own selfish thoughts that you haven't realised that there are so many people who love you?"
Heero was lost for words. He stared at Duo, wanting the long haired pilot's words to be true yet not wanting them to be true at the same time- Duo's words were making sense, and Heero was quickly losing his will.
"All of us love you, Heero- Quatre, Trowa, Wufei. Relena absolutely adores you." he chuckled.
"And what about you?"
"I've already told you and showed you." Duo sighed. "Haven't you been listening to a word I say Hee-chan? I love you more than anything else in this world. Why can't you just accept that?"
Heero let out a ragged breath. "Because then I won't be able to leave you willingly." he said softly.
"Then don't leave." Duo whispered fiercely. "Goddamnit Heero, why are you so desperate to get yourself killed? Think about how it will affect the others!" he sucked in a deep breath. "Think about how it'll affect me." he said softly.
"But you have a greater chance of survival if I go and attack them by myself." Heero said mechanically.
"No, no I don't." Duo said, his violet eyes grim. "You'll die if you attack them by yourself. If you die, I'll die too. I promise you that."
"Damnit Maxwell, why do you have to make everything so hard?" Heero groaned.
"This doesn't have to be hard at all- just say you'll stay here." Duo let go of Heero and took a step back. "It's your choice Heero, but-" he broke off, letting his words hang in the air.
Heero looked from his gundam to Duo, then back to his gundam again. He was the Perfect Soldier- he was supposed to be capable of going into war alone.
But would it be so bad if I didn't go alone? Heero thought.
All his years of training had taught him to be strong, silent and alone. He was trained to attack without thinking of his own life, to hit the self detonate button without a second thought.
I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you
"I guess..." Heero began before falling silent.
Duo looked at him hopefully. Heero looked at the younger boy's face and felt his heart wrench. Could he go into war willingly knowing that he had left Duo behind?
No. Heero managed a tiny smile and dropped his duffle bag onto the ground.
"I guess it won't hurt to stay a little while longer." he said softly.
The largest grin Heero had ever seen found its way onto Duo's face and the next thing he knew, Heero found himself lying on the ground with Duo on top of him hugging him ecstatically.
"You mean you'll stay?" Duo asked excitedly his violet eyes shining with happiness.
"Hn." Heero reached up and pressed his lips against Duo's, cradling the deathscythe's pilot's cheek gently. "I'll stay. For you."
I've found a reason to show
A side of me you didn't know
A reason for all that I do
And the reason is you!#$&()
A/N: There you go, sweet, unpolluted fluff to make the start of your year a tiny bit brighter Hope you enjoy it!!