There are things I wish I could do. I wish that I could sing, I mean really sing. I wish I could save each of my patients before the hour glass ran out. I wish that I could've taken more Literature classes in college. I wish I could tell House he's an ass and have him understand I meant it. I wish I could tell Cuddy that I miss the sound of her voice the second she leaves the room or that I would do anything to just stop her motion for one second and hold her in my arms. But then I also wish I could walk on water.
Its another late night as I sit at my desk and finish up the paperwork that House was supposed to do, Chase was supposed to help with, and Foreman pretended didn't exist. The bridge of my nose is starting to hurt from the weight of my glasses and my eyes burn from being open for too long. I let out a sigh...only a few more pages to go. I feel the door open when a cool, slight draft blows through the room. Before I know it Cuddy sits herself down on the chair in front of my desk and props her perfect legs up on the glass surface. I fight the urge to lick my lips. Her hair is pulled back in a makeshift ponytail held in place by a slipping elastic. She has abandoned the cardigan she was wearing during the day and is just wearing her tight, light pink v-neck tee. I try to ignore the freckle on her sternum. "You know I can't remember a time that I was out of here before ten." She sighs and throws her head back in mock frustration before picking her head back up and smiling sweetly at me.
I swallow hard and my mouth runs dry. This has happened before. Every once in a while, she will find me working late at night by myself and keep me company for a little while before she heads back to her office or heads home. She will say a few things to me and I will try and remember how to breathe for the few exquisite moments that I get to be alone with her. Smell her perfume, notice how the color of her azure eyes brightens when she laughs, and just be able to spend time with her without House making her day hell. "I know. The boys left me with paperwork...again." I groan as I lean my head back, take my glasses off and place my hands over my eyes. They burn and for a second I think my eyelids may stick to my corneas.
That's when I hear it. "Well I've got a bottle of wine and a carton of cookie blast ice cream at my house if you would like to come over and toast to the fact that men are useless." She laughs.
I snap my eyes open but don't move my head for a second and give myself time to process what just went down. I drop my head and look at her. She looks serious enough. No harm in asking though. "Seriously?"
"Yeah." She says sincerely. "It's Friday. You're patient is stable and going to be discharged in two days. House and the other two ducked out early. And I'm the boss and I say you're off the clock and deserve a break." She punctuates the ending with one of the smiles that I have spent the past year or so cataloging.
"Okay." I agree. "Um, give me five minutes to pack up my things and I'll meet you downstairs and follow you to your house."
"Sounds good to me." She says as she gets up and walks towards the door. "See you in five."
As soon is she is out the door I begin packing up my stuff. My hands shake while I put my things in my bag and I laugh at myself because I am acting like such a child. Its not that bad. We're friends. Kind of. And she just wants to hang out for a little while because we both have stressful jobs made even more stressful by a certain jackass doctor with a cane and a scowl and we just want to be able to talk about something other than work for five minutes. Right? Or was she asking me to come over so that we can do more than talk?
'Damnit, Allison. Calm down.' I think to myself as I wait outside near the information desk waiting for Cuddy to be ready to go.
"You ready to go?" I hear from behind me. I nod lightly. "Cool." She answers. The walk out to our cars is silent. We part ways upon reaching the parking lot because there is no way I would ever get a parking spot like hers. I mean she is the one who assigns them and all. "Where are you parked?" She asks as she opens the door to her car.
"Way in back." I answer. "I'll meet you at the entrance." I walk briskly to my car and throw open the door, start it and shove it into gear faster than I have probably ever done in my life. I see the back of Cuddy's dark blue Lexus and flash my lights to let her know that I am behind her. There are really only a few other cars in the lot, mostly night staff, so the gesture was probably unnecessary, but it made me feel better about myself.
The drive to her house felt like an eternity. I tried to listen to music on the radio, sing to myself to steady my breathing, try to will my heart to not leap out of my chest, but nothing worked. 'Don't do anything stupid like tell her you love her,okay?' I told myself as I pulled up in front of her house.
Cuddy was waiting on the front step for me as I got out of my car. Once again we didn't speak as she unlocked the door and stepped into the entrance. Cuddy headed towards the kitchen and I was left standing in the entry way. "Hey I'm gonna go and put on some jeans." She calls from the kitchen. "The wine is on the counter. Do you think you could open it for me?"
"Sure." I say back. I fumble around the kitchen for a minute before finding the corkscrew and am able to open the bottle before she gets back. Proud of myself, I lean back against the kitchen counter and admire the color of the tile on the kitchen walls. Her house smells like coffee and lavender and I inhale deeply and mark the smell as one more thing that will forever remind me of Lisa Cuddy.
"Oh good you found the corkscrew alright." Cuddy says as she reappears in the kitchen. "I was hoping that you would." She reaches into a glass cabinet and gets two wine glasses and then turns to the freezer and grabs a carton of ice cream. "I hope you like non-dairy ice cream." She smiles apologetically grabbing spoons out of the drawer and shutting it with her hip. "Say when." She says as she pours me a glass of wine.
"Haha, when." I say as she fills the glass a little more than halfway full.
Cuddy pours herself a glass before hopping up onto the counter caddy corner to me. "To not talking about work." She says as she raises her glass. I laugh before touching my glass to hers lightly . I catch her eyes over the rim of my glass as I take a long sip, but look away quickly because these seem like nice glasses...probably real crystal.
We talk about everything and nothing at the same time in her kitchen on a Friday night as we share a carton of ice cream and finish the bottle of wine. I find out that Cuddy went to Michigan on a full scholarship and wanted to be a doctor since she was twelve except for that one time sophomore year of college when she seriously considered switching to French. I scoff as she tells me she can't stand Toni Morrison and how she thinks Franzen is a much better writer and paints a better picture of society through satire than most of his contemporaries.
She teases me about my crush on House. "It was the cane wasn't it." She teases as she licks her spoon.
"We're not doing this." I blush/laugh and bury my face in the palms of my hands.
"Oh come on, tell me." She pries lightly. "I mean there is no way you could actually have been attracted to him.:
"Why is that?" I ask as I meet her eyes once again.
"Because you're too beautiful for him." She says as she takes a self-satisfied sip of her wine and sets the glass delicately back down on the tile surface of the counter.
There's a small drop of wine that nestles itself in the corner of her mouth and I reach forward to wipe it away with the pad of my thumb. At least that's what I intended to do. Instead, my hand only makes it to the side of her face and my lips meet hers softly. It only lasts a second if that. When I open my eyes and am met hers I feel my heart start to beat so fast it hurts. But then she takes both of her hands and pulls my lips back to hers. I moan as she opens her mouth and I our tongues meet. She tastes like toothpaste, wine, perfume, and heaven on a nice day*. Stepping between her legs I tangle my fingers in her dark hair and try to tell her everything through my kiss. Its in this moment that I decide I never want to stop kissing Lisa Cuddy.