Author's Note: A oneshot I started almost a month and a half ago, and just finished recently. I actually love this one. It is rated M for a reason, so if you're not comfortable with graphic yaoi, don't read this. There is also some strong language in it. I also have this up on on another site with the title "The Final Hour".
The Final Hour
I'm not really sure why I'm even writing this. Maybe it's because I want to leave behind something at least semi-meaningful to someone. But since that person and I will probably be dead by tomorrow night and no one else really gives a damn about me, I'm just writing this to try to calm myself down. As I said, this is probably my last full day alive, even though I'm still young; just a few days until my twentieth birthday, as a matter of fact. I suppose the first thing anyone who finds this wants to know is my name; Matt Jeevas (I won't tell my real name since there's a small chance I'll survive and somehow you are Kira. Though I still doubt anyone will read this.) The logical place to start is when I first came to Wammy's, but since I've never been one for logic, and my life didn't get interesting until I turned eight I'll start there. When I met my roommate, best friend, lover; Mello.
I didn't like Mello much when I first met him. Mostly because I didn't want to share my room with anyone. I was one of the few kids who had a room to themselves, and it was being taken away from me by some kid I've never met and probably wouldn't get close to. I had lost the "I-don't-want-a-room-mate" battle with one of the orphanage managers, Roger. To my eight-year-old mind, the bed that had already been moved into my room served as a bitter reminder of that battle. "Matt, say hello to your new roommate, Mello." Roger said, coming into my room. I turned off my game boy advanced looked up when I noticed that Roger was followed a fairly feminine-looking blonde haired boy who didn't seem to be much older than myself.
"Hello.", I said, trying to sound as polite as I could, and pushed my goggles up to my forehead. Something about this kid intrigued me. Mello just looked around my room with a slight look of disdain. 'Wow, nice kid.' I thought, as Roger left my room, closing the door gently behind him.
"It's nice here. Everyone's treated really well, and the food's good." I said, trying to make Mello feel at least a little welcome. Mello glared at me as if saying "shut the hell up" and I knew I had failed miserably. His blue eyes were piercing, and fact that he was looking me straight in the eyes made me uncomfortable. I pulled my goggles back down over my eyes as if trying to shield myself from Mello's gaze. "You're a freak." He stated casually, and sat down on his bed. That was a blow to my pride, but I shrugged it off. He was new after all.
Mello and I didn't talk much the rest of the day, though he did get annoyingly close and look over my shoulder to see which game I was playing. "Night, Mello." I said right before I went to sleep that night. It was very soft, but I could have sworn that I heard him say 'good night'. Later that night I was woken up by loud moaning. "Mello?" I asked, turning on the light on my nightstand. No response. "Mello.", I said again walking over to his bed and shaking his shoulder gently.
Suddenly, Mello grabbed my wrist and sat straight up. "What the hell, Matt?" he yelled letting me
go, and rubbing his eyes sleepily.
"You're the one who woke me up." I said defensively. Then I noticed that Mello looked like he was on the verge of tears. Before I could stop myself, I bent down and wrapped my arms around him in a hug. "Mello, what's wrong?" I was half expecting him to push me away or curse me off, but instead he hugged me back.
"It was just a bad dream. I miss my parents, and my home." He answered. "I think I'm okay now. Good night, Matt." He broke away from me after a few minutes, and rolled over onto his side to face away from me. I said a quick 'good night', and got back into my bed.
It didn't take long for Mello and I to become best friends. As we got a little older, it became hard to see one of us without the other. The year I turned thirteen was when I couldn't deny that I liked Mello as more than a friend any longer. I can still perfectly remember the day that I told Mello that I loved him.
It was one of those brisk end of summer days, and Mello and I were lying under one of the trees in the front lawn of Wammy's House. "What's up, Matt?" He asked, giving me a weird look. "You keep starting at me. You're okay, right?"
'Damn.' I thought. I was usually good at catching myself. "Yeah. I must have zoned out." I lied, and gave him a small smile. Before I knew it, Mello was kneeling on my chest, and pinning my shoulders to the ground. It probably looked weird to anyone who walked by us.
"Let me go!" I yelled, struggling to free myself from under him.
"Nope. Not letting you up until you tell me the truth." He taunted, with a teasing smile on his face.
I struggled for a few more minutes, hoping there was a way of getting out of telling him. I didn't see one. "Fine, it's because I love you." I blurted out, and immediately wished I could go back in time and stop myself from saying it. A look of shock had registered itself in Mello's beautiful blue eyes, though the rest of his face remained emotionless.
Mello loosened his grip, but didn't get off of me. "Mello, please say something." I begged. I didn't want to seem totally pathetic, but I was scared of what he would say. He was still looking at me with a look of shock in his eyes, so that didn't make me any less nervous.
"You're telling me the truth, aren't you?" He asked. Though his voice sounded serious, his expression had softened a bit. I just nodded, not exactly sure what Mello would do. "I love you, too." He said, slowly getting off of me. "I've felt this way for a while. I was going to tell you soon, but I wanted to get an idea of how you felt. I didn't think it would be this easy." He smiled down at me, and held his hand out to help me up.
I grabbed his hand, and let him pull me to my feet. Laughing joyfully, I threw my arms around him. "I'm not going to lie. It wasn't easy getting up the courage to tell you." I admitted.
"I know it's not easy." Mello said. "I wasn't even expecting to tell you today, but I'm glad we both know now."
I nodded. "I am too." I said, unwrapping my arms from around him. Mello gently kissed the top of my head, and I kissed him back on the cheek. "We should probably get back inside now." I stated, and Mello looked up at the darkening sky and nodded.
"Do you think anyone knows about us?" I asked later when we were in our room for the night.
"I honestly don't care if they do or not." Mello answered, sitting on the foot of my bed. "We don't have to change anything just because people can't mind their own damn business. If they know, they know. If not, then they will eventually. That's inevitable."
"Yeah." I agreed. Yawning, I crawled to the foot of my bed. "I'm going to sleep. Good night." I said, kissing Mello on the lips quickly. I crawled back over to my pillow. A few minutes later, I felt Mello lie down next to me, and wrap an arm around me after a whispered "good night."
The next day was when Mello and I had our first true kiss. I walked into our room holding an ice pack up to my jaw. "What happened?" Mello asked, startled.
"I got into a fight. Someone must have overheard us yesterday. I heard him say 'I never knew Mello was a fag'" I answered looking down at the floor. I normally didn't get into fights, but I couldn't just sit back and listen to him talk about Mello like that.
"You really fought for me?" Mello asked. He looked surprised that I would fight for him. "Here, let me see what that asshole did to you." He took my hand away from my face, and tenderly touched my jaw. "It's bruised and feels a little swollen, but it doesn't look terrible."
"Of course I fought for you. I would die for you if that was ever needed. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me." I answered, wincing slightly at Mello's touch. "I couldn't let him talk about you like that." At that, I pressed my lips to Mello's and kissed him full on the mouth.
"I feel the same way about you." Mello said, breaking off the kiss for a moment, but he came right back into it. After I was a little more comfortable, I slipped my tongue into Mello's mouth. Mello took his mouth away from mine, and kissed down my jaw line to my neck. I let out a soft hiss as his breath tickled my neck. His hands went to unbutton my jeans, but I just put mine over his. "I'm not ready for that. Not yet." I stated, hoping that Mello would understand.
"Okay, I knew that was probably rushing it." He admitted. "I can wait until you are. To tell the truth, I
doubt I'm ready." He ran a hand through my hair. "I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable before. I'm sorry."
"It's okay. You didn't make me uncomfortable. I just don't think it's time yet." I answered, wrapping my arms around him. Though I wasn't ready to go any farther yet, I didn't want to let go of him. I nuzzled his neck. "Maybe we won't have to wait much longer." There was something in that statement that made it seem more like a promise. There was such finality in it. Deep down, it was a promise I didn't want to break.
Little did I know that fate would break it. Shortly before Mello's fifteenth birthday, the unthinkable happened. Mello came into our room after being called into Roger's office, and he looked upset. "What was that about?" I asked, confused by Mello's expression.
"L was killed, and he didn't choose a successor yet. Roger wanted Near and I to work together, but I refused." He answered, tears forming in his eyes. "I'm leaving here tonight." He took the old suitcase that he had brought all of his belongings in when he first came to Wammy's House out of our closet.
I felt like my world had stopped. Had I heard Mello correctly? "You... you can't leave. With Near gone, you can finally be the highest ranking student here. Isn't that what you've wanted from day one?" I was rambling, but I was trying desperately to think of something to get Mello to stay.
He just shook his head sadly. "No, Matt. That's the same as winning by default. If I beat Near, I want it to be because I actually beat him. Not because he had to quit while he was ahead to go onto something more important." He explained, avoiding eye contact with me. "I'm going to catch Kira before Near does. That's why I'm leaving."
"Why can't you just let go of your fucking pride? It's going to get you killed one day!" I yelled, knowing I had struck a nerve when Mello raised his hand up as if to slap me in the face. I could feel the tears stinging my eyes, but I blinked them back. Mello must have seen it, though since he put his hand down without touching me.
The look of anger on Mello's face was replaced by one of hurt. "Do you really have that little faith in me?" He asked softly. The tone of his voice scared me. He sounded so lost.
"No, it's just that this is a huge thing for a teenager to take on. I don't want you to get hurt." I said, taken aback. "I love you."
Mello kissed me, taking me off guard. "I love you, Matt." He said tenderly, breaking away."This is something I need to do, though. I'll find you again, I promise." I hoped it was a promise that he would be able to keep. Mello finished packing the few things he cared enough about to bring with him and walked to the door. He stopped in the open doorway. "I'll be somewhere in the United States when you get out of here." He said, without turning to face me. With that he left. I wanted to chase after him, to say something that could make him stay at least another night; I knew that I'd lose, though. I couldn't even will myself to try. I just sat down, and let myself cry.
The following few years were the loneliest of my life, and frankly I don't want to re-live them. So I'll skip to when Mello and I met up again. After I turned nineteen, I left Wammy's House and moved to New York City. Though Mello didn't tell me where he'd be, I wanted to get to the same country as him as soon as I could. That could only let him find me faster.
I was only in New York for about a month before Mello found me. Much to my annoyance, it was at three o' clock in the morning. I was woken up by the sound of my phone ringing. I grabbed the phone off of the nightstand still half asleep. "Do you have any idea what time it is?" I asked angrily, seeing "Restricted" on the Caller I.D.
"It's about midnight my time, so it's three in the morning for you. Let's skip the small talk. Are you the Matt Jeevas who grew up in Wammy's House?" Asked the voice on the other end, sounding slightly irritated. As though calling someone in the middle of the night was completely normal, and I was just being stupid about it.
"Yes, but who's..." Just then everything clicked. This had to be Mello. No one around here knew where I had grown up. Hell, barely anyone around here knew me. "Mello, is that you? Where are you?"
"Yes, it's me. I'm in L.A." He answered. "I think I might need your help soon. So I bought you a plane ticket. Your flight leaves at noon your time, today."
'Talk about short notice.' I thought, rolling my eyes at the phone. "Mel, that's not a lot of time..." I started to protest, but was cut off.
"Look, I wouldn't ask you if it wasn't important. Just print out the damn ticket!" He yelled into the phone. Then his tone softened. "It's paid for already. I'll meet you at the gate after you land and we can go out somewhere to eat. I'll explain everything then." He hung up after that.
Even though Mello sounded urgent on the phone, I was excited to see him. Mello was the first person I saw after the plane landed. He easily could have been mistaken with a flat-chested woman. Wearing a vest that showed off his stomach, and tight leather pants in addition his feathered, blonde hair. Though I knew it was him. Those bright blue eyes and the chocolate bar he was eating were dead give aways.
I noticed a woman who was trying to talk to him, and giggling flirtatiously. Even though Mello was acting as if she didn't exist, I had a strong urge to throw down my carry on bag (which contained my laptop and Nintendo DS) and yell, 'Get away from my man!', but since I didn't want to break either of those I just ran to Mello and hugged him. "I missed you so much."
He hugged me back. "I missed you too." It felt so good to be back in Mello's arms. It felt like I was a kid again. Like nothing had ever happened, and we haven't been separated for so long. "Matt, we should go." He said after a minute or two.
I nodded, and we got my suitcase and left the airport. "What do you need me here for?" I asked after we got into his car.
"I can't tell you everything, but I can tell you that I think the Japanese Task Force has some connection to Kira." He answered. "If I'm right, they're probably going to come to the mafia's hideout to try to get my name and face. I might have to destroy it if this doesn't go as planned. If it comes to that, I may need you."
I looked at him, concerned. Mello had joined the mafia to catch Kira? "How will I help?" I asked, trying to keep the concern out of my voice.
"There will be an explosion. If I'm injured and I'm able to, I'll call you." He said, pulling up into the parking lot of a small coffee house. "The hotel I've made you a reservation for isn't far from the hideout, so you should be able to get there fairly quickly if I need help. I can't tell you anything else now." He parked the car, and we both got out. "Today's just about us." He smiled at me, and I smiled back and followed him inside the coffee house.
I don't know if Mell had intended for it to actually be a date, but in my mind it was. Though Mello and I acted like nothing had ever happened, just by looking at his eyes I could tell that he had seen and done some terrible things in the years he was here. Something in them turned cold. I felt a longing to try to make him forget whatever had happened to him. "Hey, Mello, do you remember what I told you after our first kiss?" I asked shyly, after I had finished eating.
He looked at me, surprised. Then a smile played its way across his face. "Yeah, I remember." He answered. "You sure?"
I leaned across the table, and brushed my lips against his. "Yes. I'm ready now." I answered. "We're not children anymore."
Mello nodded, still smiling. "Come on, let's go." He said, standing up and holding his hand out to me. Standing up I took hold of his hand. We held hands all the way back out to his car.
We were barely in my hotel room before Mello was ripping my shirt off of me. Mello pushed me onto the bed, and unbuttoned my jeans. I didn't stop him this time. After he had taken my jeans and boots off, he started taking off his own. I watched him, taking everything in. This was the first time I realized how in love with Mello I truly was. I would never have been able to be this comfortable with anyone else.
Mello kissed up my stomach up to my neck. "I'm so lucky to have you." He whispered his face just inches from mine now. I brushed my lips against his, almost playfully. Mello's hands tugged on my boxers. "Are you still okay with this?"
"Yeah. Don't worry; I'm not going to change my mind." I assured him, my own hands already going to his. I felt him slip mine off, and I took off his. We were both completely vulnerable. I wasn't nervous, though. I had no reason to be. Right now we were the only people in the world. The only people who mattered to each other.
Mello got on top of me, and straddled my waist. His legs up against my sides. He craned his neck, kissing my chest and running his fingers over my stomach. I could feel my muscles contracting at his touch, and I wrapped my arms around him, never wanting to let go.
Suddenly, Mello sat straight up, and I knew that something more than just kissing was about to happen. Mello got off of me, and kneeled between my legs. Mello put a finger into me. "Mello!" I yelled taking a sharp breath. I wasn't expecting the pain to be as great as it was.
Mello brushed a strand of hair out of my face with his other hand. "I know it hurts. You're okay." He said, leaning over me again. I nodded, and shifted a little. Then another wave of pain surged through me as Mello had found that one spot again. I threw my arms around him, and dug my nails into his back. Mello kissed me on the mouth more passionately than he had before. His tongue hungrily searching every inch of my mouth. The pain had turned into a more pleasant feeling. Mello broke off the kiss, and gently took his finger out of me. Breathing hard, he lied down beside me.
I wasn't even sure what I could say to him at that point, but there were unspoken phrases hanging in the air above us. I rested my head on Mello's chest, and listened to the steady beating of his heart; it was almost hypnotic. I closed my eyes, and gave a contented sigh as Mello kissed the top of my head. We had finally been re-united, and everything was okay again.
Of course that feeling of peace was only temporary. A few days later, the Japanese Task Force found the mafia's hideout. I don't know how long I was standing at my window, just staring up at the sky and the smoke that was slowly rising into it, but I was on my third pack of cigarettes when I heard frantic knocking on my door. I quickly snuffed out my cigarette in the ashtray, and ran to the door. "Mello." I gasped, opening it. Mello was standing there holding a wet cloth over the left side of his face. He pushed his way past me, and went to sit on my bed. Getting a good look at him, I could clearly see blood coming through the cloth. "What happened?"
"I was right. They have some connection with Kira." he answered shakily. "The chief could somehow see my real name, he... he was writing it down in the notebook. I had no choice but to blow the place up."
I just stared at him for a minute. "Did it seem like anyone else could see it?" I asked after getting my voice back.
Mello shook his head. "No, and even if they could see my name, I was wearing a gas mask. They wouldn't be able to tell what my face looks like." He cringed, pressing the cloth a little harder to his face. "I got burned badly when I was escaping."
"Let me see." I said, gently moving his hand away. 'Oh, shit.' I thought, looking at the raw-looking burn around his eye and partly on his neck. "Mel, I think you should go to the hospital." I stated, as calmly as I could manage.
"No. That's too risky. If the chief survived, he'd be there too." Mello said, taking in a sharp breath. "I'll live. Don't worry."
When I woke up the next day, my suitcase was all packed. "What's going on, Mel?" I asked, rubbing my eyes.
"You're going back to New York. I don't want to drag you any farther into this." He answered. "I'm still after Kira. I've already put you in danger just by bringing you here."
"I'm not leaving." I protested. "I was without you for five years. I don't care if this is dangerous. Don't you remember when we were kids I said that I'd die for you? I meant it."
Mello was looking at me with the same look of disbelief he had when we were kids. "I don't see how you can be so loyal to me. After I was able to leave you at the orphanage." He murmured, looking down at the floor. "You're still going to New York, but I'll come with you. We can do this together."
I smiled, and hugged him. "It wasn't hard to stay loyal to you. You're my best friend; the distance between us didn't change anything for me."
After Mello's burn had healed a bit, we were on our way back to New York. Our work in New York was boring. Mello went out a lot for it, and I mostly stayed inside, keeping an eye on everything Mello asked me about. That was how all our days went there. About a month after we came back to New York, Mello came into our apartment, looking grim. "We're moving to Japan." He announced. "Light Yagami and the rest of his team are already leaving."
So we were on the move again. We weren't in Japan for more than a few weeks before Mello told me his plan to kidnap Takada. He didn't seem that optimistic about it, though. I had an idea why from the tone of his voice. It pretty much told me that if we carry it through, we won't have a good chance of living. I didn't want to acknowledge that, so I just nodded at the appropriate times and told him that it sounded like a good plan.
Later that night Mello seemed very tense. "This goes down in three days." he mused I wanted to calm him down somehow.
"Mello please, let's do something to take our minds off of this. Anything." Mello came over to me, and pulled me closer to him, kissing me with as much passion as he could muster. "Mello..." I said, my face flushing slightly.
Mello broke away. "Matt I've put you in so much danger, and now I've all but sentenced you to death yet you still stick by me." He said. "I don't deserve anyone as good as you." He buried his head in my chest, and I could hear a muffled apology.
I tilted his head up to look at me. "Mel, I said from the start I would risk my life for you. You do deserve me. If I didn't think you did, I wouldn't have even come to California. I'm with you until the end, whether that be in a few days or years from now." I explained firmly.
Mello kissed me again. There were so many unspoken words in that one kiss. "Thank you for staying with me."
I couldn't get to sleep that night. I could tell that Mello couldn't either since he kept rolling over like he couldn't get comfortable. "You up, Matt?" came a whisper in the dark beside me.
"Yeah. I'm up." I answered sitting up, and turning on the light. "Just having a hard time falling asleep.
"Me too." He said, also sitting up. "I need to get my mind off of this." He looked at me, but he seemed to be trying to memorize everything about my face. Like I was a photograph of an old friend he hadn't seen in years. Though I had a feeling that I was looking at him the same way. For a moment or two, it seemed like I had no control of my own body. I lightly traced the scar around his left eye with a finger, and kissed where the scar continued on his neck. "I love you so much more than I can describe." I said, breaking off the kiss.
"You don't need to describe it with words. The fact that your still here does all the talking for you. I love you Matt." He replied, wrapping an arm around my waist. He pulled me back down on the bed with him, and kissed me everywhere. I was doing the same. He took off my goggles, "I like seeing your eyes." He said, with a sly smile and started kissing me again.
Once again our mouths were exploring ever inch of each other's bodies. For the moment I had forgotten everything and everyone except Mello. Soon we were lost in a sea of sheets, clutching hands, and kissing mouths. The only sounds I could hear were the beating of my heart, and our soft moans.
"So, that was our eleventh hour." Mello said quietly the next morning. He seemed to be talking to himself more than he was to me.
"Eleventh hour?" I asked, raising an eyebrow.
"Yeah. It was something my mom told me about a long time ago. It means the complete end of one's innocence before a major sacrifice." He answered, fingering the crucifix around his neck.
Now that I look back on my life, I realize that I haven't had it that bad. I had grown up loving someone, and I had been loved back by him. Though I don't want to die, if I die tomorrow, it will be while I was helping Mello. So maybe it won't be that bad.