A/N-I realize feeling like this is probably out of character for Integra. But she is 17 in this fic, and it is all internalized. And I think we can all agree that some pieces can reflect our own emotions? I hope everyone enjoys regardless! It's not one of my better ones (I didn't exactly edit it...oops). I do not own Hellsing or its characters. Also, this was written in notepad because my computer literally has nothing else (had to strip it)...so the formatting isn't great. Forgiveness is wonderful, hahaha
I never realized just how lonely I was until today. Today the sky cries tears of rain. Whether or not they are for me as I sit alone on this bench, I will never know. I forgot an umbrella today and I grow wetter and colder as I stare out over the horizon, the sullen look on my face never pausing, never changing. No one approaches me. They look at me as though I have the word 'freak' plastered upon my forehead. How right they are. Their looks don't phase me, I suppose. What bothers me is the blatant disregard for the person on the bench otherwise. Sometimes, I wish someone would talk to me. But then again, I am afraid of what might come by it if I do. What if I get close to this person? A playful thought, I'm sure. I never had many friends. This was caused by not only me, but a never ending cycle that usually began with trust in oneself and than that person a belief in them when they say that they will always be there. And then, they fade away like the dusk on a summer night. The disappointment in mankind gradually turns into a fear of people themselves. What are they hiding? What is it about me that makes people so...dismissive of promises?
Sometimes, I wish my lonelieness wasn't caused by me. I find that part of the reason I don't have many friends is that I force myself to separate; how would any normal person understand an abnormal girl? Why does the very thought of being around people make me incredibly anxious? Sometimes, I wish my father was still alive. Sometimes, I wish I had a normal life. People turn their heads at me as a luxurious black car pulls up to the bench. It seems as though wealth catches the eye and mind moreso than character. My butler steps out of the car, and simply holds an umbrella over my head. I look up at him.
"Madam, you are soaked." He says, and smiles warmly at me, ignoring the stares of jealousy and what seemed to be anger. I slowly rise from the bench, still looking at him. He stares at me back. A thought hits me as he gazes into my eyes.
"Yes, Walter, I am."
"Well, let's get you home, shall we? Alucard is about having a fit wondering where you're at. He says something about how you feel 'lonely'. He also says that he will never understand the mind of a seventeen year old girl." The sullen look on my face changes.
"I can never be lonely with him or you around."
Sometimes, you don't need a whole lot of friends. Sometimes, all you need are two people who care about you.