"Arthur Kirkland reporting in, anyone else here?" Arthur Kirkland was a bus driver who hailed from the country of England. He moved to the United States to get away from his brothers, who he argued with constantly.
"Hey Artie!" Alfred F. Jones was born in Virginia and grew up in New York with his father. He was American through and through, and one of the many banes of Arthur's life. He was also one of Arthur's closest friends.
"Bonjour, mon lapin." Francis Bonnefoy. Another bane of Arthur's life, went between his best friend and his worst enemy on a daily basis.
"Good morning Arthur." Matthew Williams, Alfred's twin brother, was very quiet and considered himself Canadian due to growing up there with his mother. "No-one else is here yet."
"Good, I thought I was late, don't call me Artie or 'my rabbit', you bloody idiots." Arthur said, quickly making his daily announcements as he pulled out of the bus lot.
"Artie! I'm not an idiot! I almost got a degree in science!" Alfred whined, followed by the opening of his bus's door. "Good morning Alfred!" A girl chirped as Alfred turned off his radio mic.
It was silent for the next ten minutes when a mic crackled to life. "Ciao, idiotas." Lovino Vargas's voice floated through the speakers. He was Italian, grumpy and had a bit of a potty mouth. He managed to restrain for the most part while driving the bus, but his Spanish boy- I mean, friend, Antonio could attest to the fact that Lovino liked to curse. "Is Antonio up yet? Or do I have to call him?"
"I just turned on my bus, Lovi!~" Antonio Fernadaez Carrideo, Lovino's friend sang through the mic. "Thanks for caring, though! I'll bring you tomatoes later!"
"Bonjour, Tonio!" Francis greeted his friend. Them and their German friend Gilbert made up the 'Bad Touch Trio' as the little community of bus drivers dubbed them.
"Privet, employees." A childish voice drifted throguh the speakers, making everyone shiver. "Everything is good, da?" Ivan was the leader of their group of buses. He was Russian and terrifyed everyone. He was chosen as leader when the superintendant set up smaller groups of buses because Ivan had been a bus driver for very long, and everyone always listened to him.
"Y- yes sir! Bus 9 is following directions!" Arthur said, ignoring his middle schoolers' giggles, caused by seeing his grow pale. The other drivers also reported that their students were co-operating.
"Good, I'll check in with you guys later." All of the men relaxed when Ivan's line became silent once more. The drivers made small talk, because they all knew each other outside of the job and Ivan didn't mind. They were interupted by Matthew's phone.
'I know that you want to be Canadian please~' It sang as Matthew squeaked. "Why is Gil calling me while I'm duty? Thank goodness I have *insert car safety phone thing product*..." Antonio and Francis cheered at being able to talk to their buddy, who was dating Matthew much to Alfred's disgust.
"Hey Birdie! I know you're on duty, but you got that phone thing, so I figured I'd call you!" Gilbert said when Matthew answered.
"Hello Gil. Didn't we talk earlier at breakfast? Also, all of my kids and the other bus drivers can hear you." Matthew said, hastily adding the last part. Just in case.
"Hi Francey-pants! Hi Tonio! Anyways, Birdie, I had a great idea! We should get a German Shepard!" Gilbert exclaimed. You could almost hear his smile.
"Gil, we don't live together, and we won't until Alfred moves out." Matthew said, sighing. "Go talk to your brother Ludwig about it."
"You're living together when I move out!" Alfred exclaimed, huffing. "Mattie he's going to ra-"
"Shut up, you bloody git! You're driving a school bus, not arguing at your house!" Arthur said, quickly sparing the children mental scarring.
"Right, right. We'll talk later, Mattie." Alfred said, sighing. "I'm never moving out..."
"Well, that was... unawesomely normal. See you later, Birdie! See ya, Tonio! Francis!" Gilbert said, then hanged up. It was silent for a second.
"Everyone doing well, da?" Ivan said, breaking the silence. The bus drivers gave a quick report, then settled into another awkward silence.
"Hey! No kissing on the bus!" Arthur suddenly hollered, probably at the kids he was driving.
"Ruining the l'amor, Arthur? Again?" Francis asked, laughing. "Ohnhonhonhon~"
"Fusosososo~" Antonio chuckled at his friend, causing Lovino to yell about how 'freaky' his laugh was.
"Pulling into the school lot!" Alfred said, cheering slightly. "Beat you all again!"
"I pulled in awhile ago..." Matthew said, but no-one really noticed, except for Lovino who didn't say anything about it anyways. Soon enough, they all reported being done, then they all went on with their day.
~The End~
Author's Note: What heck did I just write. I can't even tell if this is crack or just humorous. Why did Lovino notice? Because Lovi and Mattie are, like, besties~ Why is PruCan the only official shipping? Because otherwise it wouldn't makle sense for him to randomly call Mattie, Francis or Tonio. Why is SpaMano hinted at? Because they're my OTP, darn it! If anyone wants more, I'll write another one-shot in the same AU, but until someone asks, bye!~