Author's notes: When I first saw Yuusuke, I knew I had found someone that would challenge Gintoki for my favorite anime character's spot. There was just something about Yuusuke that captured my attention. Maybe it was his slicked back hair or even his rather, attention worthy green uniform, but regardless of what it was, I did fall in love with his character. I didn't think I could write a story about this anime or even Yuusuke but before I knew it, the infamous 'The Great Gatsby', inspired me. The feelings found in this one shot were produced by the beauty of Fitzgerald's masterpiece. So enjoy.
Disclaimer: I don't own Yu Yu Hakusho
Warning: It's a long one shot so I thought I would just warn you beforehand and it also contains light swearing.
"Gatsby believed in the green light, the orgasmic future that year by year recedes before us. It eluded us then, but that's no matter––to-morrow we will run faster, stretch out our arms farther...And one fine morning—
So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past"- F. Scott Fitzgerald, "The Great Gatsby"
When he was in middle school, he came to one conclusion. Life was a test. He knew it was rather presumptuous to state something like that, but after dealing with so many struggles during his little time on earth, that was the only truth he could deduce. The first day he was borne into this world, things had been rather unforgiving. His father, who couldn't deal with the stress of his new found parenthood, decided to leave his common law wife, and new born son with just a note. He couldn't exactly remember what shitty explanation his dead beat father offered on that piece of paper, but his mother had said that she threw the thing away the first time her eyes laid on it. The first few years of his life were alright. Even with the absence of his father, his mother fulfilled her role diligently. She took care of her baby, and despite everything that had happened in their lives, she loved him more than anything. She would always say, "You're the light of my life" and with just those words, he would feel like he was the most loved child in the world. He supposes that he was, in a sense, because his mother was his world and he, hers. However, when the years passed, the task of supporting them both had taken its toll on his mother.
When nine turned into ten, he noticed the changes his mother underwent. She started coming home late, and most often, she was too drunk to even stand. That was when his world filled with only love had morphed into one of constant fighting. Soon enough, he stopped caring as well. His grades plummeted, he lost friends along the way and he went about each day of his life with a kind of resignation that he seemed to inherit from his mother. He had lived up to their expectations. After all, how could he, the bastard son of a non existent father and drunkard mother be any good?
Every day during middle school, he walked home, covered in nothing but bruises and fresh wounds. But he wore his scars with pride, like medals he had won from all his battles. You see, fighting for him, was the only thing that made him feel alive. Most often, he felt aimless, and lost, like a piece of driftwood, floating down a river, with no real purpose or direction. However, when he stood in front of his enemies, the adrenaline would rush to his head, and he could feel again. His black and white world would shift to one of color. In those moments, with his broken nose and bruised knuckles, he would feel like he wasn't fighting just those boys. He felt like he was fighting life itself. In his mind, the faceless blob that had broken him so many times were staring him square in the eyes, challenging and goading him to come forward. To fight and repay every bad ordeal he faced. To defeat the thing that kept drowning him. That was why people often whispered behind his back when he walked down the hallway. The brutality he showed when he fought the other delinquents, often scared them. The fury in his eyes chilled them and reduced men to sniveling boys. That was why he didn't have friends expect her.
While the rumors, his reputation, and permanent scowl scared away the other students, she was different. It didn't make any sense. Why did she feel the need to associate with someone like him? Why did she keep returning when others left? What did she see in him, that not even he could see in himself? He just couldn't understand why she would be bothered with things like friendship or even love, he would say to himself.
But he did come to understand the meaning of those foreign terms and feelings. He came to understand when he decided to save that kid. Back then, when people asked him why he did what he did on that day, he could never give them a straight answer. You see, he, himself didn't know why he saved that kid from the car.
It would be years later, when he was in bed with his wife and kids of his own that he finally confessed what he felt that day. His wife, who was in that place between sleep and consciousness, had to straighten up when he softly spoke to her. "Do you know why I saved that kid?" he whispered and she found herself studying the man she fell in love with so many years ago. She didn't reply and he was glad she didn't. "Something in that boy's eyes called out to me" he said, running his hand through his daughter's hair. "When I saw how helpless that child looked, all I could feel was this nausea that crawled from my stomach to my throat. All I could remember thinking was, "Shit. This kid is going to die, and no one's going to help him out". And when I saw those kid's frightened eyes, my body just moved on its own. I knew what it was like to feel helpless, and I kept thinking to myself, I wouldn't let hopelessness be the last thing this kid feels before getting sent to the after life. I don't know why, but that was what I felt in just those mere seconds" he said, and she just held his hand like she always did. He placed his head on her shoulder like he always did, and basked in the warmth she offered.
That was the real reason he saved the kid. It wasn't some noble deed or act of heroism. But that was just how Yuusuke did things. On the rare occasions, without thinking about it too much, he would help others because he just wanted to. Not because he had some superior set of values that governed his life and what he did. He lived for the now, regardless of the future or his past. He learned a long time ago, that those things didn't matter to him, not anymore. So, on that fateful day, without any regard for his own safety, he pushed the kid aside, and offered his body to the car instead.
When people, like his wife for instance, asked what death felt like, he always told her the same thing he told others. Death was like a kick to the balls. The pain was out of this world. However, it was because of that pain, he got to figure out who truly cared for him.
For one, there was the girl, who grieved more than he thought a person could. The girl who he watched blossomed from that tom boyish brat to one of the most beautiful girls in their middle school. She was also the woman he would come to love. And she was the one who went to great lengths not only to protect his body but to bring him back. Keiko had a different kind of strength, the one that his mother once had. It was a kind of strength that she used to defy whatever odds were placed in front of her. So even though she wasn't strong in the sense as Yuusuke or the others were, he could still see that gentle strength that only Keiko could possess. And he loved her even now for it, because it was that strength their children feared even more than they feared him. He smirked and patted his son's head. He watched as a long line of drool rolled down the boy's mouth and Keiko grinned at him.
"He takes after you in some ways, ne?" she whispered against his ear and Yuusuke just chuckled. She kissed the side of his head and he turned his head so he could look at her. She was the one who had brought color back into his life. "What are you thinking about?" she asked, pushing a strand of jet black hair from his forehead.
"Nothing much" he lied and she just leaned her head against the headboard. His eyes softened as she smiled at him. Once, when he was younger, his mother was his world. Now, Keiko and their two kids were his world. At the thought of his mother, he looked up at the ceiling.
It had been some years now since she passed away. He felt when Keiko placed her head on his shoulder, and took a deep breath. At one point of his life, he had hated his mother, just as much as he hated his father. His mother, who once was the hero in his life, had fallen out of grace and turned into 'just that drunk hag'. However, when he had died, he couldn't help but think about his mother.
In those few minutes, when life seeped out of his body in one last breath, he found himself thinking 'What's going to happen to that old hag when I die? Will she drink herself to death too?' He knew that despite his hatred, his mother was the only person he had left. But he found out that was wrong, when Botan escorted him around the land of the living after his death. Keiko, his mother and even Kuwabara were among the few that mourned. And before he would even realize, they would be the ones to fill those spaces that had corroded his heart.
As he went around, invisible to those around him with Botan as his guide, he saw them, especially Keiko and Kuwabara in a different light. Keiko wasn't just that cute girl; he sort of had a crush on, anymore. She was strong, beautiful Keiko who had captured his heart. Even the way he said her name seemed different. Then, there was Kuwabara.
That guy, he mused in his mind even now, would become his best friend, even before he knew it. The loyalty that Kuwabara had for his friends, opened Yuusuke's eyes to the kind of man his fellow delinquent was. Yuusuke hadn't seen someone so dedicated to the people around him before. Even when he was fighting gangs, the leader's own right hand man would give up on him, just to save his own hide. But not Kuwabara, he concluded and that was why he helped him study for that test. In a strange way, Kuwabara reminded him of himself that day. Especially when Kuwabara was fighting against yet another injustice placed on him in the form of an unfair bet.
When you were a delinquent in school, no matter how much you wanted to change or did change, nothing mattered. You were labeled as a no good, useless piece of trash that sullied the school, in the mind of the teachers, no matter what you did. That was shown, even when Yuusuke was cold and dead to the world. Even though he had saved a kid, some of the teachers showed up at his own house, to sneer at nothing but his corpse. It was ruthless, but that was how the world often saw him, and part of the reason wasn't because he was just a delinquent. You see, Yuusuke was a fatherless son and that prejudice had been stamped onto him, the day he was conceived. It was the real battle that Yuusuke had been fighting from the day he was born. Even now, with a lovely wife and two kids of his own, it would haunt him. The implications that came with not having a father, was rather brutal for him, especially when he was just a kid, who didn't know why the lady next door would turn up her nose at him when he and his mother walked by. But as with the other things in his life, time and love would heal the scars. And most importantly, his friends would be there to help him along the way. Keiko and the others were the ones who made him hope again.
When he was revived by Koenma, he found himself having dreams, something he hadn't thought about since he was ten years old. He found himself thinking about the future, about pushing forward against the odds. He wanted to fight this time around. He didn't want to give up like he had done before. He wanted to win against fate and to do that, he decided to change.
So, the first day after his revival, without his usual look, he walked into town. But when he saw Kuwabara and his gang in trouble, he knew he had to help. That was the end of his dream, and his world threatened to shift back into its old, colorlessness, when Botan snapped him out his slump. He was to become a Spirit Detective. At first, even after meeting Kurama and Hiei, he didn't want to perform all the duties that Koenma was asking of him.
However, as he was now, he was rather glad for the chance. He was able to meet Kurama, the strange red haired kid/demon that he approved of, with that calm, kind way of his and Hiei, who reminded him of himself most of times. He was able to meet other people, humans as well as demons that would touch his heart, regardless if they were his enemies. People like Younger Toguro and Sensui. It was because of his job as Spirit Detective that he got to meet another strong woman, by the name of Genkai. The only person he would call master. It was because of his job, that he came to appreciate his world, no matter how fucked up it had been so far. It was thanks to the struggles and the fights he encountered that really made him push his own limits, as well as beliefs.
Before he knew it, the job had shaped itself into the hope he had yearned for when he returned to the Earth once more. His job had changed him into the man he wanted to become. Soon enough, he was not only fighting for himself. He was fighting for Keiko, he was fighting for his friends like Kuwabara, Kurama and Hiei, he was fighting for the other millions of people on Earth that he vowed to protect, even if he didn't know why, he was fighting for his dreams that he had yet to achieve or even create and he was fighting for his future.
Nevertheless, as he was fighting for more things, he found himself fighting against many others. He was fighting against all those people who expected him to fail, he fought against his own insecurities and most importantly, he fought against himself. After all, he was the one person in the world who could defeat him, without even lifting a finger.
But one day, when he was at the ripe age of twenty five, all the doubts he had about the world and his own self vanished. On that July evening, he stood opposite from Keiko and when he lifted that lace veil, he knew he had found what he was searching for. The love and acceptance in those brown eyes had placed everything in perspective for Yuusuke. It was like he didn't have to fight anymore. All he had to do was love this woman in front of him, and when he said his vows that day; he knew he would devote the rest of his life to only her.
When their first child had been received into the world on that cold winter's night, when Keiko gently placed that small bundle in his hands, he knew then, why he kept on saving the world that had been harsh to him. "You're the reason" he whispered to the sleeping babe, and held the child closer to his heart. This bundle of innocence was the reason he kept fighting, the reason he kept hoping that life would get better. And he was right in waiting, and not giving up when he had been given a second chance of life. He was right in pushing forward, because this child, swaddled in cloth, had been the second coming of his salvation. And by the time his second child came to existence, the infant would be the third.
So, after years of always, keeping his fists clenched, his eyes narrowed and his body tense, ready for the fight that he knew would meet him around the bend, he no longer felt that need anymore.
Instead, Yuusuke huddled his children and wife closer, so he could protect them. Love had taken the place of fighting once more. His children would grow up differently than he did. For one, he would never abandon them or Keiko. He would protect them from everything that could harm them, and he would give them the love, his wife as well as his friends had shown him. He would bestow onto them, the little knowledge he had of the world. He would be sure to expose them to the secrets he discovered during his fights. But most importantly, he would tell him of the different people he meet along the way of the winding road called life.
People like his mother, Keiko, Kuwabara, Botan, Koenma, Kurama, Hiei and Genkai, just to name a few. In that moment, with his children and wife surrounding him, he was more than thankful. He thanked all the struggles he faced, he thanked that nosy girl that kept being his friend no matter what, he thanked that loud, idiotic boy who kept challenging him for a fight, no matter how much he lost, he thanked his mother, despite all her booze and neglect, he thanked Koenma and Botan for giving him a second chance, he thanked Kurama and Hiei for being his friends and for their support, he thanked Genkai for all her wisdom, he thanked all the people along the way that each taught him a different lesson in their own unique way and he even thanked his father. If the man hadn't walked out on them, then he didn't think he would be where he was.
He looked at his sleeping family and smiled. They were all he needed. Because of them, he would take on all the problems life threw at him with his head held high. He would keep getting up, no matter how much he fell. He would be the shield that would protect them. "You are the light of my life" he whispered, repeating the same words his mother used to whisper to him.
Yes, Urameshi Yuusuke, finally understood the terms, friendship and love. Though he received the lesson later than most, he was just glad to finally reach this final destination. The journey was ruthless and overwhelming, but the fact of the matter was, he endured. And his friends and family were the reason. He smiled to himself and closed his eyes. Just like the day before, he would wake up, just as he always did, with a new kind of hope that washed away past transgressions, courtesy of life, itself. He would stare straight ahead of the path that was laid in front of him and he would continue down that road, no matter how bumpy it got. All he had to do was hold onto those three warm bodies pressed against him and he would be alright.
"I love you, dad" his son muttered in his sleep and Yuusuke nodded to himself. Yes, he would be alright because he didn't have to fight anymore. All he had to do was love.
Additional notes: I dedicate this chapter to my lovely cousin Rose, who is also a child without a father. Rosie, I know all about what you've had to endure up to now, but that is what makes you, you. Besides, out of the three of us musketeers (as my own mother kindly dubbed us), you're the strongest. Keep going because no matter what, Patrick and I will always be there to pick you up when you fall. Kudos, kid. We love ya.