Author: MegTDJ
Category: Angst; future
Rating: PG
Pairing: Daniel/Janet
Spoilers: None
Summary: They were all each other had left.
Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1, its universe and its characters are not mine. The story itself is, however, so please don't archive without my permission.
Author's notes: DO NOT read this if death fic upsets you. Seriously. I won't be offended. It's quite angsty, and there isn't a happy ending, so be warned.
May I stress again - MAJOR ANGST AHEAD. Read at your own risk.
As to why I wrote this... I bought Evanescence's CD "Fallen" months ago, but I never really listened to it for various reasons. I put it on today, though, and the song "Hello" hit me right in the gut. I put it on repeat and listened to it over and over and over. It's almost hypnotic, it's so sad and haunting. Just beautiful. While I was listening to it, the idea for this fic popped into my head, and every time the song repeated it became more and more urgent that I write it. Course, it didn't help that I also watched the episode of Heartbeat called "Daniel" last night, which probably doesn't mean anything to most people. Anyway, I'd been having problems with my muse not cooperating for a while now, so I couldn't fight it when it was screaming at me to write something, even if it was death fic. Or maybe especially because it was death fic...
Anyway, here it is. I hope those who read it don't walk away too upset over it, though I know I'll never be able to read it or listen to the song without crying.
All That's Left
"Daddy, do I have to go to school today?"
Daniel paused halfway through zipping up his daughter's coat, feeling that familiar stab of pain as he looked into her sad brown eyes. "It's been over a week now, sweetheart," he said. "Don't you want to go back and see your friends again?"
Amy shook her head solemnly. "I don't want to go without her," she whispered.
Daniel had thought he didn't have any tears left to cry, but hearing the sorrow and loneliness in his daughter's voice was just too much. He pulled her into his arms and buried his face in her little shoulder as he fought to stay in control. He could feel her hands stroking his back as she tried to offer some comfort to him as well. He hated that she'd had to grow up so quickly through all of this. She was only five years old, but over the past few days she had aged about thirty years.
When he felt he could finally breathe again, he released her and held her face in his hands as he kissed her forehead. "Okay," he said, his voice still shaking with the sobs that were threatening to break free. "You can stay home again today." He wiped her damp cheeks with his thumbs as she sniffled and nodded, and then he kissed her again, pressing his lips to her forehead as tears streamed down his cheeks. Now that he thought about it, he didn't want her to go off to school, either. He needed her now - needed to touch her, see her face, and hear her voice. He needed to know she was still alive and breathing.
In some small way, that was helping him deal with the fact that she was now his only child.
"Let's go see Mommy, okay?" he suggested. He shed her coat then stood up and held his hands out to her.
Amy nodded and lifted her arms for Daniel to pick her up. She was light as a feather, and it made Daniel realize how much weight she had lost since... since that day.
Daniel trudged slowly up the stairs and approached the bedroom as quietly as he could. If Janet was sleeping, he didn't want to wake her up. She needed as much sleep as she could get after the hell she'd been through.
The door was slightly ajar, so he pushed it open a little more and peeked inside. Janet was lying on her side on the bed with her back turned towards the door. He couldn't see her face, but he knew instinctively that she was awake.
"Janet?" He tentatively entered the room, Amy's arms tightening around his neck with every step he took. "Sweetheart, Amy's here to see you."
There was no response.
He lowered himself down onto the bed and set Amy down between himself and his wife. "Janet?"
She still didn't answer, but he saw a slight tremor pass through her body, and she took in a sharp breath as though she'd experienced sudden pain.
Daniel knew exactly how she felt. He kept feeling the same stab of grief every few minutes himself.
"Please tell me it's just a nightmare, Daniel."
Daniel almost didn't hear the words, they were whispered so quietly. He took a gentle hold of his wife's shoulder and pulled her over onto her back, wincing in empathy as her swollen eyes met his. They looked so hollow and lifeless. He was beginning to fear that her heart was irreparably broken.
He wanted nothing more than to tell her that yes, it had all just been a bad dream - that their beautiful little girl hadn't been taken from them in such a sudden and cruel way - but he couldn't. He couldn't say anything at all. He simply shook his head and swiped his hand angrily across his face as yet another flood of tears began to fall.
Amy seemed to know the pain her parents were in and crawled silently into her mother's arms, nestling her face against her chest. Janet clung to the girl as if for dear life, but didn't break eye contact with Daniel.
He reached out a hand to stroke Janet's tear-stained face. He'd heard once before that the loss of a child either drew couples together or broke them apart, and he now knew that to be true. In the first days after Claudia's death, he and Janet had for some unknown reason avoided each other completely. She had felt guilty over not being able to save her, while Daniel hadn't been able to look at Janet without seeing Claudia's face reflected in her eyes. Seeing Amy, her identical twin in every way, was hard enough, but he forced himself to put his own grief aside in order to comfort her in the loss of what was essentially a part of herself. It wasn't so easy with Janet.
After three or four days of this, Daniel had finally realized how foolish they were being. They needed each other now more than ever, and Amy needed the healing that only being together with both of her parents could bring. It was difficult, with Janet shutting herself away in their room and not wanting to talk to anyone, but he had made an effort to reach out to her and let her know that he didn't blame her for what had happened.
Now that she was looking at him with such pain and yet such love in her eyes, he knew that they were going to be okay.
"I love you," he said, almost choking on the sob that rose in his throat as he said the words.
Janet didn't say a word. She stretched one hand out towards him, and that was all the invitation Daniel needed. He lay down beside her with his forehead cradled in the crook of her neck, and they wrapped their arms around each other, Daniel's draping over Amy as well.
"She isn't coming back, is she?" Amy asked, her voice muffled but still audible.
Daniel gave her a gentle squeeze. "No, she isn't, sweetheart," he replied, the words breaking his heart even more than it already was.
Janet swallowed a sob and tightened her hold around Daniel's shoulders and her daughter's small body, but she didn't break down. That was definitely an improvement from the way she'd reacted to similar situations over the past week, and it did Daniel's heart good to see it.
He raised his head just enough to kiss her cheek, and then he leaned down and kissed the top of Amy's dark head. "We'll be okay," he whispered as he embraced what was left of his little family and joined them in their mutual grief. "We still have each other. We'll be okay."
Janet and Amy may be all he had left, but losing one priceless gem had made him realize just how precious they all were to him. There was a hole in their lives now that would never be filled again, but if they held each other close, no one would fall through it and become lost. It wouldn't drive them apart, and time wouldn't make them forget.
Daniel would make sure of it.