"Dorcas has great boobs, don't you think, Moony?" Remus, who had been reading peacefully on his bed, looked up at Sirius, a pained expression on his face.
"Honestly, Sirius. How many times must I tell you? Breasts, not boobs. And, for goodness' sake, I don't go around ogling girl's breasts like some people do," He said, shaking his head before he retreated behind his book. Sirius was staring at the book absently from his own bed, before shaking his mane of hair.
"I'll have you know, I don't OGLE bosoms, I just appreciate them. And other parts of a girl's body, but I think you know what I'm talking about." Once again, Remus' face appeared above the book, that painful expression back on his face.
"Sirius Orion Black, you 'appreciating' breasts is the same thing as ogling them at the degree you do it. And please don't bring up the vagina again." Sirius laughed, the dog-like sound emerging from his handsome lips.
"Who said anything about the vagina? I was simply talking about legs! And eyes. But, now that you mention it, vaginas are VERY nice for sexual intercourse, you know, and-" Remus interrupted him, a very loud groan filling the dormitory. James and Peter had scurried down to the kitchens, it being there turn to sneak down, and now Remus was very disappointed he had not gone instead. Anyone who had to stay with Sirius for long periods of time alone went insane! Even after being friend's with him for the past seven or so years.
"Remind to never be alone with you again, you scoundrel," Sirius' laugh once again filled the room, startling Remus. He really hadn't been expecting a laugh from that comment, but he supposed Sirius was just that insane.
"Oh yes, I am a scoundrel. Dirtying every young lady's vagina who enters this school… Unless they're underage. Then that's bad. I may enjoy sex, but I like experience. Unless the girl is hott, then I'm okay. But those young ones…" Before Remus could reply again, the dormitory door opened. Remus groaned again, both in relief and pain at Sirius' insanity.
"Thank you for taking so long. I am not going to retreat to the common room to escape Sirius' blabbering on about sex and vaginas and boobs and young students." Remus stood, his finger jammed into his book marking his page, shaking his head resignedly at Peter and James as he left the room. Honestly, one could never get reading done with any of those three around! Sirius always chucked his books in fire or out the window (hitting first years in the head, nonetheless!) or splashing them with water. It was sad, really, how many books he had lost to being friend's with the Marauders, whether he would never trade them for anyone or not.
With a sigh of relief, he sat in the chair by the fire, letting his book drop open. He was very thankful that there were few people in the common room. After dealing with Sirius for the past fifteen minutes, he was already developing a headache. When he got a headache, he tended to snap at people. One of his Werewolf traits, of course, but one he had coped with.
Thank goodness for the retreat of a common room. After all, he knew that within five minutes, one of the Marauders would come down to retrieve him for a game of Exploding Snap or some other childish game. And he would partake in the game like always, because no matter how immature they all were, they were his friends. They accepted him, no matter how bad he was. They had changed for him. And who was he to argue? After all, just because they chose to be childish every second unless something drastic was happening (In Sirius' case, this was sex, which was immature in itself, pranks, and bullying Snape. And his friends. And James was that same way, except not so extreme in his immatureness, and instead of sex, his word was 'Lily.' Peter was just overall serious, meek, and scared, bending to the will of his friends and others. He just hoped he would never be forced to leave them, because they formed a sort of haven around him.)
--
"HEY, MOONY!" Sirius called from across the room. He was standing at the bottom of the stairs to the boy's dormitory, shouting much louder then needed. Remus looked up, sighing. "Yes, Sirius?"
"James said I ought to come tell you I was done talking about BREASTS and sex and vaginas and that I should invite you to come play Exploding Snap with us." He grinned at him devilishly, before letting his eyes sweep over the other inhabitants of the room. They were all staring at him, whether male or female, no matter what age, though their expressions were all mixed. He could see annoyance, lust, disgust, admiration, hate…
"Eh, Evans! Sorry about corrupting your virginal ears!" He watched as her face turned a slight shade of red, no match to her fiery hair, in anger. Well! That went well! Very well! Now he could go tell James that Lily was mad at him again, and James would hit him, and he would be ignorant about it, and they would all amass great joy! Except Evans. Ah well.
"Black! I do not have 'virginal' ears, but I do suggest you get back up to your dormitory before I deduct points for being a prude. And for disturbing the peace." Sirius bowed at the red-head. It was no wonder James had fallen for her! LOOK AT THOSE BREASTS!
"Well, Evans, that is quite all right. No matter how many you take away, James'll give them back! And maybe even Remus, too." With that, he bowed again, before prancing up the stairs, leaving behind a fuming Lily Evans and an aggravated Remus Lupin.
--
"Er. Listen, Lily, he didn't mean that." Lily turn to him, her face still red from her rage. Sirius Black was just an immature prat. It was worrying to her that such an idiot had control over the Head Boy and one of the school's prized Prefects. Honestly, at least her friends were mature! Well, most of the time.
"It's quite all right, Remus. It is, after all, Sirius. Just… Try to keep him under control, all right?" She asked, glancing at the stairs to boy's dormitory. Remus, who still hadn't left his chair, rised then. Little did Lily know, that was an impossible task. Sirius was Sirius, a dog to his heart and soul. He could never be calmed down unless he was sleeping or if something was actually serious.
"I'll try, Lily. Good night." He smiled at her meekly before finishing his distant, nodding at her as she said 'good night, Remus. And good luck,' back to his retreating back. The things he did for his friends…
--
"Hey, Prongs. Evans is upset . Her face is that slight shade of red it gets when you first bug her and her eyes were blazing and everything! And all I did was tell her that I was sorry for corrupting his virginal ears by talking about sex and vaginas!" Sirius said as he entered the haven that was the dormitory. He flopped down onto his bed, kicking one of Peter's old socks away as he did this, just as he heard James grown from his own bed.
"Padfoot! Remember. I don't want to have to go through after Hogwarts without her. Please, please, please try not to anger her on purpose!" His friend would never learn. He just didn't understand James' own feelings for the fiery temper down in the common room. James knew this, but he could do nothing. He still loved his best mate, but he did love Lily Evans, too. Sirius, for his part, sighed in feigned desperation.
"All I did was tell her the truth! I SERIOUSLY doubt she's ever had sex before, let alone knowing what it is, so I apologized for scarring her for, possibly, life!" James, about to comment on his friend's stupid joke that was his name, was stopped by Peter speaking up. He had just emerged from the bathroom, and he was looking rather happy with himself.
"Hey, Padfoot. I was just thinking. Your middle name is Orion, right?" There was a pause in the room, interrupted by the Remus entering the room. He was slightly shocked by the silence, but went to sit on his bed. After he had, he heard Sirius answer something that had been asked before he had entered the room.
"Yeah, Wormtail. Er… Why?" Once again, there was another pause in which the room turned to look at Peter. He still looked extremely happy with himself, and, rocking back and forth on the balls on his feet, exclaimed joyously, "That means your initials spell out S-O-B! Get it? Sob? Because you are such a sob story when it comes to commitment and that stuff."
There was a definite terseness in the air before something interrupted it. James and Remus both starting snickering, while Sirius left his bad and pounced on Peter.
"YOU BLOODY PILLOCK. I HAVE HAD MORE SEX THEN YOU, THANK YOU!" Remus and Peter pulled Sirius off of Peter, as Sirius had been hitting Peter continuously in the side of the head with what looked like an old pair of knickers. But in their room, it was a mystery, and so much better to be cautious with everything they picked up and held.
James, who was now restraining Peter from hitting Sirius with a pillow and losing the fight again, said loudly enough for the three to hear, "Well, Wormtail. I thought it was funny!" Which brought Remus and James laughing again, and Sirius, not sure who to attack this time, picked up two pillow from off of his bed while Remus was chortling (and so therefore too distracted to notice that Sirius had left him for a moment,) whacked both of them in the head. They immediately fought back, and Peter joined in.
Each with one pillow per hand, the room was littered with feathers and devoid of any usable pillows. All four boys were sprawled out on the ground, and Remus was fairly sure that his leg was in Peter's armpit, his arm was tangled in Sirius' leg, and that his head was butted up against James thigh. This was a disturbing place to lay for all of them, and yet… What were friend's for, if not laying in awkward positions together, enjoying their fun?
--
"Hey, Lil, can I borrow your one skirt? Dorcas spilled pumpkin juice all over my only clean one at dinner, and so I need one for classes tomorrow. And I PROMISE I'll do my laundry tomorrow!" Lily, who had completely missed whatever Alice was had just said, blinked absently at Alice's pleading brown eyes.
"What, Alice? I'm sorry, it's just… Sirius was down in the common room, and you know how he can get. He's bloody insane. Do you think that if I took points away from him, would James and or Remus give them back, no matter why I took them away? Just because they're friends?" Alice, who had been occupied with pleading with Lily just a moment ago, blinked herself. She, however, though caught off guard, had been paying attention. With a sigh, she answered.
"If I needed to get Dorcas to ask her for, oh, I don't know, a skirt, and so called down into the common room to her, and the Marauders were down there and deducted points from me for 'disturbing the peace,' would you give me back the points, when you knew that I hadn't done anything wrong?" Lily, surprised by this example, shook her head no right away.
"Of course I wouldn't. You should have just gone right down and asked for her, instead of shouting." Alice raised an eyebrow daintily, staring at Lily. She could be so dense sometimes. Really.
"Lily, you would have reprimanded me, yes. But you would give back the points if I insisted on it. You know you would. Don't treat them any different that you would treat yourself and Dorcas and I. Put yourself in their shoes. Now, to what I said when you first walked in here. Can I borrow your one skirt? Dorcas spilled her drink on mine." Lily nodded with a of her hand. She moved to her bed in silence, laying down, though still fully clothed, staring at the top of her bed. Maybe she should at least try to understand the other three Marauders. Maybe they were nice people.
Somehow, she seriously doubted it. She would try, though. And most likely end up with Alice and Dorcas breathing down her neck about whatever she had done wrong in the process.