SaturnMax: This is going to be a YohRen one shot. Slight depression from Ren, not portrayed very well though.
Ren: Just get my torture over with.
SM: Okay! I do not own SK.
Yoh's house, Ren's room
It was meant to make the pain go away. So why is it that it hasn't? Why does the pain still linger in my mind? Why does it still hurt so much? It's not fair, why does it happen to me. How can anyone stand so much pain?
Ren looked down at his blood stained arm. The cuts he had put there were drenching the blanket under him. The cuts he put on his arm was a daily activity for him now. He had already filled up one arm with them and now he was working on his other. No one had noticed or if they had no one had said anything to him. Who would dare? Ren raised the blade he had to make another cut, then there was a knock on the door and Yoh walked straight in.
"Hi Ren I was just . . ." Yoh started until he noticed Ren's arm, the blood and the poised blade. "What are you doing!" Yoh shouted at Ren.
Ren looked down carefully at his arm. "Getting rid of the pain." Ren grabbed the blade tighter.
Yoh just looked at Ren. "By causing more." Yoh looked at the floor. "What is so wrong with your life that you're doing this?" But Yoh already knew some of that. "If it's about your past then you could just talk about it and not have to do this."
Ren scowled at his friend. "It's not about that. Not entirely."
Yoh looked back up to see pain filled eyes. "You can't do this to yourself. It's sick. I won't let you."
Ren narrowed his eyes. "Just watch me." He was about to make another cut on his arm when Yoh ran to him and grabbed the arm with the blade.
The grip sent a wave of pain threw Ren's arm. "I won't let you!" Yoh repeated. He took the blade from Ren and threw it at the door. It got trapped in the wood and closed the door from the impact. "Tell me why."
Ren stared at Yoh in shock. He never thought he would get this kind of behaviour from his calm friend. "It's none of your business."
"Yes it is." Yoh said clearly. "If it's about one of my friends then it's my business."
There were tears forming on the edge of Ren's eyes. "I hate myself. I can feel the pain of all the people I have hurt and killed." Yoh looked in shock at his friend but didn't interrupt. "I have hurt so many people and I hate myself for each of them. I especially hate myself for the pain I have caused you."
Yoh let go of Ren's arm and stepped back from him. "I don't care about that. I never really did. Why does it matter so much to you?"
"Because it could happen again." Ren got up from his seated position on his bed and walked to the window. "I can't even think about hurting you again. It would be so hard." He looked over at his shocked friend. "But I can see I'm hurting you at the moment."
Yoh walked over to his confused companion. "You actually care about me?" He asked.
Ren nodded slowly. He touched his arms delicately. "It helped at first. Then it stopped working, why won't it help anymore?"
Yoh took Ren's arms and looked at all the scares that were imprinted on them. "You are too strong a person for pain to affect for a long time." He looked back up at Ren and noticed he was actually crying. "You could never hurt me Ren. I care about you too much for you to hurt me."
Ren's head jerked up to look at the older shaman. "You care about me as much as you're other friends."
Yoh shook his head. "More then the others." He took a deep breath. "I care about you with all of my heart."
Ren took two big steps from Yoh and ended up with his back to the wall. He had wanted to hear words like that from Yoh in a long time. It was the longing for that that had caused so much mental stress; it had started him hurting himself. And made him think about the pain he had caused everyone. "Really?"
The older shaman smiled. "Of course." He walked over to Ren and put his arms around the Chinese shaman's waist. "I love you." He bent his head down to looked Ren straight in the eye, he loved looking at Ren's golden eyes, they held so much about him, his feelings and most of all the pain Ren had in his heart. He captured the shorter shaman's lips and kissed him gently. Ren raised his arms and draped them around Yoh's neck and gently kissed back. It was pure bliss for him, he forgot about the pain. All he knew was Yoh.
When the kiss broke, because of the need for oxygen, Yoh stepped back. "I know I can't stop you hurting yourself. I can't watch you 24/7. I just want you too know that I love you and I won't be able to look at you, knowing that the person I care about most is hurting himself because of guilt." He wasn't looking at Ren, he couldn't, but everywhere he looked he saw signs of what Ren had being doing. "I don't understand why I hadn't noticed before. I guess I was blind to it." He walked to the door and gently opened it. "Please don't hurt yourself anymore." He then left Ren to himself.
Ren touched his lips. He looked at his arms. He looked at the door. "I love you too." He took a bandage from his cabinet and tied it around his still bleeding arm. Ren walked over to the door and took out the blade and dropped it into his bin. He then walked after Yoh hoping to catch up to him and tell him that he won't be in pain as long as Yoh was with him.
You are like a medicine for me. I cure for my pain, a light in my darkness. I will be in happiness as long as you are there. My one, my only, my love. My cure for the pain in my heart. Always. . . .
With me
SM: Wow that was a pointless ramble.
Ren: For once I agree with you.
SM: Please review. I accept flames, all I want are reviews. Thank you!