Wah! Disclaimer! Disclaimers are everywhere! They are out to get me! AHHHHHH!!!!….. ok, so I disclaim; Kit does not own FFX or the aeons, those Squaresoft ho's 'ownz em'. Hell, I even borrowed this idea from a friend and wrote it. (Thanks TEN!) But all art spawned from this (which I shall draw) will be mine. It will be fan art! So, if you see those pics at my site, don't steal 'em…. Or I'll send the 'masochist Ifirit' after ya!

Oh, and extra bonus points if you can guess who the character at the very end of the fic is. ^___^ daa! (Note: 'daa' is how I end many of my sentences. Horrible habit, I know, but YOU try to break it!)

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Aeon Poker

7/16/02

Dusk in Las Vegas. The dealers are shuffling, the casinos are heading into full swing, and the real weirdoes come out. Blackjack dealer Kit was stacking the cards, counting off the casino provided decks. And for some reason, her 'dealer sense' was tingling.

"Hmm, trouble's a commin'." She mumbled, ruffling the edges of the cards. And indeed, trouble was coming. Or rather, had come, because at that moment, the roulette table burst into flames and the slot machines froze over.

Two amazingly power characters made their way over to Kit's ill-placed blackjack table. One was the fire aeon, Ifirit, blazing in a rapid inferno. The second was the ice goddess, Shiva, drawing quite a few stares by her clothing (or lack there of). Both aeons took a seat at the table, but on oppose sides of course.

Clearing her throat, and keeping out of the way of both the fiery heat and the numbing cold vapors, Kit tapped the table. "Eh, do…do we have any other players?" No one stepped forward. This was probably because the Ifirit was taking up two seats and Shiva's long tresses were tangled around another. So, dealer Kit began to toss out the cards. Without saying a word, the bets were made, and Kit got her first tremor of the night running down her spine.

Shiva, aeon of ice, showed an eight and a ten face up, giving her a steady 18. She tapped her chin with one long blue finger. "I believe I shall stay." She said, sitting back and languidly crossing one leg. This caused all the men in the area to drool.

"Clean up at the blackjack table. Bring a mop!" Kit yelled to the custodians. "And you…Mr. Ifirit? What is your move?" She winced, watching as the Ifirit's fiery hair ignited the green felt of the table.

The masochistic aeon looked at the cards, fuming silently. He was only showing a three and a four face up, for a measly 7. "HIT ME!" He bellowed, blowing Kit backwards off her stool. After flailing about, the dealer climbed back up to the table, now wearing a flame retardant dealer visor.

"Err, ok. Here's one card then, Mr. Ifirit." She flipped him a card and lunged back as one blazing paw slapped down to pick it up. "Do you….err…wish to continue?" She asked, preparing for his response. But the Ifirit said nothing, he simply ignored the small dealer. "Ah, sir? SIR!" It was attempting to eat ice cream without melting it…and failing miserably. The people at the bar, fortunately, had a few more gallons for him to try with.

Giving up on getting the Ifirit's attention, Kit continued with the game. Looking over her own hand, the dealer was required to take a card as well. After asking, the dealer called. "Ok then, show your cards."

Shiva showed an 18, Kit's hand was a regular 17, and Ifirit…."Um, sir… why didn't you hit again? You only have 9." Kit pointed out.

"HIT ME!!" The Ifirit screamed. Both the dealer and the ice aeon sweatdropped.

Round two: The cards were flipped out with lightning speed only trained Vegas dealers possess, mostly for self-preservation from these two powerful aeons. Shiva showed a nine this time, and the Ifirit had a twenty. Shiva asked to double down, pushing the small-- and now frozen-- chips forward. The Ifirit, on the other hand…

"HIT ME!" He shouted, his breath causing the dealers straight hair to frizz up from the heat. Now normally, sane people never take a hit with 20, but the Ifirit was neither sane nor a person. Unwilling to protest, for fear of being set fire, Kit handed the aeon his card…. With a pair of heat resistant gloves. Shiva warded off the blast of heat from the other aeon's shout with a wall of frost, causing Kit to turn into a dealer-icicle.

The dealer quickly unthawed (in that nearly amazing way's that Vegas dealers seem to be able to survive through anything) and pulled her own card off the pile. And then they showed their hands. Shiva had a 19, but then again so did Kit, so the icy aeon's chips were returned. But the Ifirit…

"Um… Mr Ifirit, sir? Why on earth did you take another card?! You already had 20!" Kit pounded the table.

But the small dealer's pounding was dwarfed by the fire elemental's fist slamming onto the table, leaving a scorching mark. "HIT ME!!!" He insisted. This time the vibrations from his slam shook Kit right off the table.

And finally, Shiva spoke for the first time that evening. "Fine! You over-bearing, ill-mannered brute! I'll hit you!" And with that, she cast a Diamond Dust upon Ifirit….and the dealer.

"Uhh… pretty-ice-go-weeeee attack." The dealer's teeth chattered as she attempted to dislodge herself from the ice. The ifirit was pretty much a nice frozen block…until he melted and caused a small flood. "Clean up, again, at the blackjack table…" Kit shouted. "Bring a pair of boots!"

After yet ANOTHER exciting round of blackjack, the masochistic aeon of Yuna's seemed to be missing the point of the game. But he did enjoy getting smacked by Shiva, and the goddess liked winning… so they seemed to have an agreement. But the dealer who was in the middle…

"You know, you two may be more suited for poker, daa?" The poor burned, frozen, charred, and wet dealer shuddered. The spectators had mostly cleared out after Ifirit got a little too active in the game and nearly exploded in a fireball. Kit was saved simply because her dealer clothes melted rather than caught fire.

"Poker?" Shiva inquired, flicking her head to one side and causing a tendril of hair to smack into a chair, freezing it.

"HIT ME!" Ifirit yowled.

"No!" Kit panicked, picking up the fire extinguisher and spraying it over the fire aeon. "There is no 'hit me' in poker… it's really easy. We'll play five card stud--,"

"FIRE card stud?" Ifirit growled.

"FIVE! FIVE CARD!" Kit put out a few of the random flames on the table, and then tossed the fire extinguisher aside. After a brief explanation of the rules, the dealer began to shuffle the cards….wearing an all-conditions hazard suit from the heat/cold. But before Kit could actually start dealing, yet more people joined. And another strange player was the aeon called Youjinbu, who had to squeeze beside the Shiva. And the other new player was Bahamut, and the massive dragon took the charred seat next to the Ifirit. Five people (or more like one person and four homicidal aeons), were now playing the game, with Youjinbu betting ungodly amounts of money.

"I'm sorry, I cannot exchange gil for poker chips, slot chips, or US currency… and what the hell is a 'gil' anyway, daa." Kit told the strange Youjinbu. Five cards flew from Kit's hand like five well aimed knives, each sliding to their destined player without putting her in the 'hazard' area. Shiva neatly examined her cards, withdrawing three from her hand and exchanging them. Youjinbu, with a snort, exchanged four and Bahamut turned in one, but looked very angry about it. His horns rammed the Ifirit in the head, causing him to yell.

"HIT ME!" The Ifirit bellowed. Kit smacked her head. "No! Hit ME!!" He corrected.

So,…. She did. Kit smacked him with the long cue used to collect the chips. Bahamut snorted, clouds of smoke pouring from his jaws. "This is POKER, not BLACKJACK! There is no 'hit me' in poker. Do you want to exchange some cards?" Bahamut said very slowly, enunciating every word like he was speaking to a child. The Ifirit seemed to get it this time (perhaps it was because the powerful Dragon God was about to strangle him), and looked down at his hands.

"No…." He said softly, a total opposite from deafening the small dealer. The aeons all did a double-take, not use to hearing the fire elemental speak in anything but roars and thunderous yelling.

So the betting increased, starting with a few chips, and somewhere in there, switching to gil (which left the dealer confused). Youjinbu bet 80,000 gil and then raised another 80,000. And Shiva met that bet, and also raised several thousand gil. Bahamut, growling and thrashing his tail, folded from the game with an utter lack of grace. And Ifirit, with almost mindless stupidity, pushed nearly his entire pile of gil forward to meet the current bet, and then raised….one single gil.

"Um, call now?" Kit asked, wanting nothing more than to run screaming from the table, but knowing it would probably get her fired. No, not by her boss, but by the high-strung, easily-excitable fire elemental who would turn her into a crispy critter if she made any sudden moves. The betting had increased to purely insane levels. Youjinbu bet everything, including his dog, and Shiva had taken all the 'silver-thingies' out of her hair to bet with those. Bahamut was lazily blowing smoke rings, and the Ifirit still staring at his cards mindlessly.

"I believe that would be preferable…before 'Youji' over there starts betting his clothes." Shiva smiled, a hint of sarcasm on her voice.

"What?! Hold your tongue! At least I HAVE clothes, Shiva! And it is You-JIN-bu, not 'Youji', not 'You-hoo', and NOT 'Fluffy'!!!" Youjinbu began to shout, which in turn upset the Ifirit.

"HIT ME! HIT ME!" He began to chant mindlessly. Kit passed Bahamut the stick and let him beat the Ifirit a few times with it.

Lifting a large fire extinguisher, the dealer sprayed the (once again) flaming table and the aeons sitting at it. "OK! We are calling now!" She shouted, her eye developing a twitch. "Show yer cards or I'LL BITE YOU ALL!!!" She bellowed, volume threatening to make the ceiling fall in. The aeons froze, exchange a concerned look. Whether the look of worry was for the bite they might receive or for the dealer's rapidly vanishing sanity, I cannot say.

Shiva showed her hand first, revealing a full house of sevens and jacks. It was a high-ranking hand, but Youjinbu began to chuckle as he saw it. So Youjinbu showed his own hand to the table. He had three ten's and two queens, all the same suit. A flush full house, and higher ranking than Shiva's hand. Gloating, Youjinbu sat back and waited for the other's hands. Shiva scowled, pointedly ignoring the other aeon. Bahamut was pretty much ignoring everything.

"Ok, Mr. Ifirit. You can show your hand now." Dealer Kit said, her voice sounding exhausted. She began to push the chips, and gill, and miscellaneous clothes/jewelry towards Youjinbu. After all, Ifirit still though that this was blackjack.

"Ifirit have four aces. Is this good?" The Ifirit laid his hand down, revealing that, indeed, he had all four aces and a queen. Bahamut choked on a fireball and went into a coughing fit. Shiva and most of hell froze over. And Youjinbu went into shock. The delighted fire elemental began to gather the money up. "This good! Now Ifirit can try to eat ice cream all he want!" He rumbled.

The room suddenly tensed. The dealer felt it coming and quickly jumped into a kevlar jacket, a bomb helmet, a firefight's pants, and wore thermal underwear under all of it. And it didn't take very long for something to happen either. Shiva's blue aura began to flare while Youjinbu's swords were out and power was visible. And then it happened. Bahamut sneezed….

KA-BOOOOOOMMM!!!

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"I swear officer! It was four aeons! The were playing poker!" Ex-dealer Kit gibbered to a police officer. "First they were playing blackjack, and then…. Poker! And then the dragon sneezed and Booom!" She babbled, secure inside her straightjacket. Rubble of the once tall casino was crumbled around the cop and they hystarical girl.

"Four 'aeons', eh?" The cop nearly smirked, but continued to write in his note pad. "And… where did they go?"

Kit's eyes were dilated, and she smelled of burned paper. "They flew off! They turned into little 'sparkle bugs' and went Poof!" At this point, the police office couldn't hold it any longer and snorted, trying to keep the laughter in.

Two large men in white lab coats began to cart the rambling Vegas dealer off. "I swear! Aeons! They are everywhere! They are playing blackjack! HIT ME!" Kit shouted, until she was thrown into the van and driven off.

"Yep, proll'y another case of over-worked employees." The cop chuckling slightly, pulling off the cap and running his hand through his black hair peppered with white streaks. His sunglasses slid the slightest bit lower, revealing a single russet eye. "I've got to tell Yuna about this." He smirked, and headed back towards his car.

THE END! (HIT ME!)