All I could feel was the cold. All over me. My fingers were numb from the cold, and as I was kneeling I thought about how hard it would be to stand up again. If I ever got the chance to stand up again. If any of us ever got that chance, to be honest. Judging by the situation I'd say that's not going to happen.
I looked to my right and I could see Maggie. She was barely keeping herself together and she looked so pale that I couldn't tell if it was from the cold or from whatever was happening to her. Probably a miscarriage. I felt sorry for her. She didn't deserve this. No one of them did.
Rick was to my left, and the look on his face is one that I had never seen on him. One that I never thought I'd ever see. He was shocked. He couldn't believe that this was really happening. But it was and unlike every other time our hands were tied. We couldn't do anything. Just sit and wait for him to come out the RV.
That's when they opened the trunk. We all looked, as they were getting more of our people out of it. They had Eugene, Rosita, Michonne, Glenn and, oh no, Daryl. He looked pale just like Maggie. All the colour was drained from his face. They put a black cloth over him. He was shot and he was bleeding. He shouldn't be here. This wasn't happening.
They brought them where we were and pushed them to the ground. The minute Glenn saw Maggie he started yelling for her, but it was all pointless. There was just nothing, that we could do. Just like Maggie, Daryl fell to the ground and tried really hard to keep himself up. He looked around all our faces and then he spotted me. He saw him mouth "no". His eyes looked like he was almost begging me to tell him, that I wasn't really here. That I wasn't in any danger. That he was the only one, who could see me.
But I was here. And I was in danger. We all were. All I wanted to do was run next to him and hold him. He looked like he was about to pass out any minute now. But, as much as I wanted to, I knew I couldn't. I would risk putting both our lives in danger, and that just couldn't happen. I had to be strong. I looked and him again and he his gaze was still holding mine. I mouthed back "I'm sorry". I was. That's when one of the guys that caught us started talking.
"Alright. Looks like we have a full boat. Let's meet the man".
We've heard a lot about this man. He was said to be dangerous and cruel. But one thing was certain. He was definitely smarter than all of us. We walked into their place and killed so many of his men in their sleep. And we let them turn. We thought that it would end there and no one would be coming back for us. He didn't have the man power anymore, right?
Wrong. We were too naive to think that it would end there. Apparently that wasn't the only place he had. Even after all the people we killed they were still more. I mean we were the ones kneeling right? Yeah. That was right. To say that I was scared of him would be an understatement.
When I first heard about him I was shocked. Not because of all the things we heard about him. But because of hs name. His name was Negan. I knew a Negan once. Of course it wasn't the same Negan. It couldn't be. But still. His name sent chills over my entire body. What if it was though? That would certainly change everything. But on the other hand I don't know if I was ready for that said change. I mean I knew that he was dead. I saw it happen. Or so I thought.
I was brought back to reality, when the RV door opened and he walked out. He was a tall man. I could see his boots and dark jeans. He was still standing in the shadows, so I couldn't see his face. What if it was him? What would I do?
"Pissin' our pants yet?" he asked. "Boy, do I have a feeling we're getting close." His voice. This was his voice.
"Yeah. It's gonna be pee pee pants city here, real soon" No. This wasn't it. He can't be…
"Which one of you pricks is the leader?" he asked this time. As he walked towards us I saw his face. It was him. This was Negan. The Negan I knew, before all this happened. We got separated early on, when the world went to shit.
But I saw him die. We were surrounded by walkers, there was no way out. He pushed me out and he saved me. But he was gone. He was dead. I heard his screams. How was it possible that he was standing here in front of me? Alive.
I couldn't focus on anything that was coming out of his mouth. This was all unreal. I bowed my head down and got lost in my thoughts once more. I would occasionally listen to his voice. He kept walking around. Taunting us. What happened to him? Why was he being this way? This man standing here, before me, wasn't the man I knew. The man I….
" You are so going to regret crossing me in a few minutes. Yes you are. You see Rick whatever you do, no matter what, you don't mess with the new world order and the new world order is this. Even if you're stupid, which you very well may be, you can understand it. You ready? Here goes, pay attention. Give me your shit or I will kill you. Today was career day. We invested a lot and you know who I am and what I can do. You work for me now. You have shit, you give it to me, That's your job. Now I know that is a mighty big, nasty pill to swallow but swallow it you most certainly will." he just kept talking, there was no end to this.
What is he talking about? The Negan I knew, my Negan would never say these things. He would never do these things. Sure he was no angel, but he would never resort to these ways. I've missed on a lot, I guess.
"You understand? What? No answer?" he was mainly talking to Rick but I knew that his words were for all of us.
"You don't really think that you are going to get through this without being punished."
"I don't want to kill you people, I want to make that clear from the get go. I want you to work for me. You can't do that if you're dead, now can you? But you killed my people, a whole damn lot of them, more than I am conformable with and for that you have got to pay."
He walked closer to Rick and was closer to me too. Even though I wanted to talk to him. To get up and hug him because he was alive. And then hit him for the things he was saying to us, I stood still. I felt like this was not the right time for him to see me. He moved his barbed baseball bat infront of us. It was inches away from my face.
"So now, I am going to beat the holy hell out of one of you. This is Lucille. She is awesome. All this, is just so we can pick out which one of you gets the honour."
No. He can't do that. I'm not going to let him do that.
"No it's not." I said, still keeping my head down. From the corner of my eye I could see him turning his head my way.
He looked shocked that someone spoke. He wasn't expecting to hear anything from any of us. He laughed "What was that, sweetheart?" He didn't recognise my voice, huh?
"You're not going to kill any of us." I said sternly. I was defending my ground and I would continue to do so.
"Is that so?" he asked curious. "And why is that? You haven't even given me the curtesy, of looking my way all night doll" he challenged.
"Because I said so" I said and he burst out laughing. So did his men.
But then I stood up and looked up at him. And our eyes locked. Immediately he stopped laughing. His eyes looked as if they would pop out of his head any second now. Daryl gave me a look like I was crazy, his eyes telling me to shut my mouth and sit back down. I wasn't going to.
He stared at me and I could tell that he couldn't speak. He wasn't believing his eyes. How could he?
"Whaat? he stuttered. "What are you doing here?"
"I'm alive and apparently so are you." I said.
"How?" his voice was so low that I could barely listen to him. His face had softened a lot.
"It doesn't matter. But I'm alive. And here I am. Herr we are." I answered. "You can't kill any of them. There the reason I'm alive. All of them."
That seemed to bring him back to reality, and to realise that we weren't alone. He looked around and I did too. His men were all looking at us like we were the weirdest thing they've ever seen. So did my friends. His expression changed again and all of a sudden he walked fast towards me.
I wasn't scared. I knew he wasn't going to hurt me.
"What do you think you're doing? Do you have any idea how many of my people you've killed? And what, you think I'd let you all go unpunished? This isn't a joke doll, one of you is not going back today." even though his words were harsh, and I knew he was deadly serious, I felt my knees get weak by the sound of my nickname. Doll.
"Then kill me." I told him. "I'm willing to sacrifice myself for my friends. But none of them is dying here today."
Daryl and the others yelled no, but I was determined. No one was going to die here today. Negan wasn't expecting this response. I knew he couldn't kill me and I challenged him. But what if he'd changed so much that in the name of looking powerful and not losing his men's faith he did kill me?
"Are you fucking crazy? What the hell is wrong with you?" he yelled.
"I told you. They will not die here. Not today. Not by your hand." I retorted back.
"So kill her. Why the hell are you even thinking about it? The chick is crazy. She has a death wish. I can't do it myself if you're feeling itchy about it, boss." one of his men said and some others laughed along.
"You will not get close to her. And you will not touch one fucking hair, from her fucking head. Do you fucking hear me?" He answered so loud. I don't think I've ever heard yell this loud before. His men immediately backed down.
"So what will it be?" I pressured him.
He looked sceptical for a moment and tried his best not to look at me. He was avoiding me, I could tell. It made me feel so sad that he didn't want to be around me. He looked up finally holding my gaze for what felt like six seconds.
"Well, like I said before, I can't just let you go. You killed a lot of my people and that will not go unpunished. Now, sweetheart, it's up to you. You will make the decision. You will choose if one of your friends is going to die here today. The choice is very simple really. You'll either choose to let me smash one your friend's head in and we'll let you go on your way, or.." he paused for a moment.
"Or what?" I asked him. I'm not going to let any of them die.
"Or, you'll come back with me. You will let go of your "friends" and you'll come with me. Now, be careful. If you choose to come with me, you might never see any of them again. It's not like I'll be letting you to take little trips whenever you feel like it." he finished his proposal and I stared at him.
How could I go back with him? Obviously nothing was the same between us anymore. What was going to happen? I couldn't just leave them. I had to be there for Maggie. And what about Daryl?
But I didn't go back with him, he was going to kill one of them. I wasn't about to let him do that. No, this was the only way and it wasn't really a choice.
"Fine. I'll come with you" I answered and he looked satisfied with my response.
"Good." he said and started walking back towards the RV. "You have five minutes to say goodbye. I'll be waiting inside." and with that he walked off and got in the RV. Most of his men started getting into cars and only a few were left. The ones that were probably going to drive my friends back to Alexandria. I looked at them and they all stared back at me with sad eyes. They were all standing now. Rick was holding Daryl up. And Glenn and Abraham held Maggie.
"How could you do that?" Daryl asked me. He looked like I had betrayed him, sad and angry.
"He was going to kill on of you. This was the only way that we'd all get to walk away unharmed." I tried to be strong but I was getting emotional. What if this was the last time I saw them?
"This isn't a choice. Who knows what he'll do to you, Liz?" Michonne asked me.
"He won't hurt me. If there's one thing you shouldn't be worrying about is him hurting me"
"How can you be so sure? Didn't you hear him?" Carl almost yelled at me.
"Yeah Liz, how? And how do you know this guy?" Maggie asked me. God she looked worse.
"Because I know." I said trying to avoid the last question. They didn't have to know that.
"You didn't answer the question, Liz. Where do you know, this guy from?" Rick asked me and this time I knew I had to tell them.
"Come on, girl. That's enough. Time to go." another one of his men said to me. I turned around and looked for Negan. He was looking at me through the RV window, and I could tell he was pissed as hell.
As I started walking towards the RV, I stopped for a minute turned back and looked at them. This probably was the last time I saw them.
"He's my husband" I told them.
And they looked like this was the craziest thing that they heard tonight. Daryl looked broken, more than jus betrayed this time.
I turned around and open the RV door. I got in and he was sitting at the edge of the bed. I could feel his anger radiating through him. This wasn't going to be end well.