"This one?"
Jesse showed me the Harvard booklet.
"I don't know."
"Maybe I should just go to NoCal."
"No."
It was now time for Jesse to choose what college he wanted to attend. He had gotten way high SAT scores, so he could choose any school in all of America. Yet, he wanted MY opinion. The girl who has no need for college. Thanks to this 'gift'. More like a curse, but without it I wouldn't have met Jesse. But anyway, NoCal wasn't good enough for him. Harvard was too far away. What's a girl to do?
"Yale seems nice."
"Yeah, nice."
"Querida, are you feeling okay?"
He slowly walked over and cupped my face in his strong, capable hands.
"Querida?"
"I'm fine, really. Just fine." I said that so calmly that I almost tricked myself. I said almost.
"I'm not stupid. You do not seem to be yourself."
He stared straight into my eyes, intending to read my thoughts. I hope he didn't see the tears in my eyes because he would tell Father D and Father D would tell my mom. The last thing I needed was my mom lecturing me about the fact that I'm "too young for boys". Father D would tell me that things wouldn't change. That was bull-ish.
I choked back the tears and braced myself.
"I'm fine."
That seemed to stop him.
Why couldn't I seem to trick myself?
The ride back was silent, I mean it. Dead silent. It wasn't until we pulled to the front of my house when he wanted to speak. I don't get it. Why couldn't we talk while I was driving. I suppose crashing the car mightn't be such a good idea. Because that's what I'd do. And then the car would be broken, just like our relationship. Well, it wasn't broken. Yet. So what if you call me cynical. I can't help it, it comes with the job.
"Querida, I know you say that you are okay. But you're not. What's wrong?"
I was about to tell him. Really, I was.
But then I saw, no I didn't. It wasn't possible.
Was it?