DOKKAN

V1ndy awoke to a large explosion. She rushed downstairs to see what had happened. A large cloud of black smoke emerged from the garage.

"cough cough cough. Oh, Hi there V1ndy." said Retro.

"Mom, what are you doing?" said v1ndy.

"I'm trying to fix this god damn cluxogine so I can get this rocket working."

"Are you still on about that rocket? Like I don't even think a cluxogine is a real thing. And besides, that's not a rocket, that's a Honda Accord with a toaster oven duck taped to the roof."

"Shaddup V1ndy and let you're old woman work. Can you get me a drill?"

"Mom I'm fucking done with your god damn rocket. It's not even gonna lift off the ground. Go get the drill yourself."

"Now you listen here young woman, I am getting to Jupiter if it's the last thing I do. I need to get to that space colony with all the sexy futa girls, and I sure as hell ain't gonna die on this rotting shithole of the planet. I need to get off of here before Reggie's Apocalypse Program finishes."

"Mom, 'The technology required to fly to Jupiter does not exist on this planet.' That's what you told me Wat said"

"Go to your room you little cunt."

Retro was always like this. She had once been a happy person, but in her old age she had grown sour. Her eternal life had left her, and her body was now around 40 years old. The right side of her face was deformed by a demonic preasense, and on her left side she was missing an eye that had been covered by a gaudy eyepatch. Her left leg had been replaced by a peg. She had bleached her hair and cut it to stop at her shoulders. All that remained of this woman was despair and delusion.

Retro and V1ndy both sat at the dinner table. Once a large marble table with many seats, that table had since fallen to ruin and was replaced with a shitty two person table with folding chairs. "Dinner" (if you could even call it that) was four Hot Fudge Sundae Pop Tarts that Retro had toasted in the toaster oven on top of her "Rocket". As Retro cut into her Pop Tarts with a fork and knife, as if this was some sort of delicacy, V1ndy simply stared at her plate, tired of Pop Tarts for the fifth night in a row.

"What's the matter? The food ain't gonna eat you." said Retro.

"Mom, if there isn't technology to fly to Jupiter, how do you know there's a space colony with futa girls there?"

"Well, back in my prime, I could fly there myself in only 30 minutes. And besides, there's plenty of space ships from the rest of the Galaxy. Why, when I lived on the Moon, there was a girl named Kylie who would visit me every week in her space ship."

"Mom, there's no way this actually happned."

"Sure it did."

"Well if you can 'fly' there, why don't you just do it?"

"Don't you get it V1ndy? I'm a bird who's wings have been clipped, and I'm gonna rebuild them out of Chogokin and Rocket Fuel."

"Chogokin isn't real mom"

"Hmph." Having finished her meal, Retro stood up, and promptly walked off. V1ndy sighed. If she didn't eat this, there would be no food until the morning. As she picked up the Pop Tart and brought it up to her mouth, a loud crash came from the garage. V1ndy's mouth painfully snapped down on her tongue in surprise.

"HOLY SMOKES" Retro screamed loud enough for the neighbors to hear, if they had actually had any.

"Mom, are you ok?" V1ndy ran outside to make sure Retro was OK.

"Of course" said Retro. "In fact, I'm better than ok. When I was trying to find a Kabobulator in Wat's pile of junk, I uncovered this!" Retro held out a black box.

"Mom, that's a Sega Saturn. You already have 6 of those plugged in around the house."

"This ain't no Sega Saturn V1ndy dear, this is the Time Flucksumawator, er, I think that's what it was called."

"What"

"It's a time machine V1ndy, A TIME MACHINE"

"Mom, there's no way that's a time machine"

"Of course it is. I remember when Wat yelled at me for using it to go back in time to see the Jojo Phantom Blood movie. He said I was gonna screw up the space time continuum or some shit."

Retro brought the Saturn inside and set it on the ground, and pulled out a large booklet of discs each disc had a number on it.

"You see, if you press the power button it creates a field around machine. Then, when you press the power button again, it sends anything in the field back in time. Unfortunately, I'm too old to go, but we can still send you! You could save the world v1ndy!"

"Mom what the fuck are you saying there's no way this works."

Retro wasn't listening. "Let's see, we want to send you back to befor the war, but not before you were concieved. Wat says that if you return to your own time and changed the universe so that you weren't concieved, you'll still exist, but no one will know who you are, and that wouldn't be good. So you're 207 months old, which means I can send you back an additional 8 months, so I'll use the 215 disc."

"What"

"Come on V1ndy, there's no time to waste. We can't send you back here, else the intruder alarm will go off. We gotta go somewhere else!"

"Wait Mom this is crazy we ca-" V1ndy was cut off by her Mom grabbing her shirt.

"To the Rocket!"

Retro and V1ndy got into Retro's Accord, which surprisingly still ran, despite what Retro had done to it. Retro handed V1ndy a backpack filled with rations, a Game Boy Advanced SP with Shrek on GBA Video, and her old library card Retro drove them from the Assholeger Base to the wreckage of the city.

"This place used to be a library. Inside, they let you use computers for free, so you can get a baring on your new time. Now let's see, where would the least conspicuous place to appear be? AHA! The bathroom! Let's see, I think it'd be right about... here!"

"Mom this isn't gonna work." Retro handed the Saturn - now loaded with the 215 disc - to V1ndy. She pressed the Power button, and a blue field lit up around V1ndy. "What the hell? It's actually doing something"

"When you've prevented the war and want to come back, press the reset button, but make sure you've prevented everything for sure, because there's only enough juice in it for one there and back time travel, and the new timeline may not have a way to charge it!" Retro walked up and kissed V1ndy on the cheek and hugged her. "Good luck dear."

"Thanks Mom." V1ndy blushed in embarrassment, even though there was no one to see within a thousand miles.

"Now press the power button, and begin your new adventure!" Retro screamed.

V1ndy pressed the button and was met with a violent flash. All of a sudden, the world came back into view, and it was... upside down?! V1ndy crashed headfirst into a urinal below, and tropped the time machine. The urinal broke of the wall, shattering into the ground.

"God dammit Mom, this is the boys restroom." V1ndy picked up the Saturn, which appeared unharmed. Luckily, there was no one in the bathroom to see or hear V1ndy's violent re-entrance into the world. V1ndy stuffed the Saturn into the backpack and swiftly walked out. Turning the corner, V1ndy approached the counter, and handed the library card to the woman working the desk. "I'd like to use one of the computer's."

"Right over there Ma'am." She responded, scanning the library card. V1ndy walk off when the woman stopped her. "Um, Miss Retro, you have something stuck in your hair."

V1ndy reached up and pulled a chunk of the destroyed urinal out of her hair. "Thank You." She threw the chunk in the trash. V1ndy got on the computer. "Let's see, how I'm I gonna contact the Assholegers? Well let's just google it." V1ndy thought to herself. "Ah here we go, it looks like there looking for a new member. Let me just make an e-mail to use and fill out my aplication and... send." Almost immediatly, V1ndy recieved a message from her newly created e-mail that she had been accepted. "Wow, they must be really desprate." V1ndy left the library and pulled over a taxi.

"Where would you like to go Ma'am."

"Yes I think I'll go to the Assholeger Base."