Characters belong to Shonda. The rest is mine.
ARIZONA'S POV
I don't know where my life went wrong. I really don't. First I lose everything when Callie disappears to New York, my daughter following her, and now I've lost Eliza. I don't even know what ghosting is, but apparently…she did that to me. She left. She packed up her stuff, and she just left. Am I really that unlovable that people can just up and leave whenever the opportunity presents itself to them? Callie. Sofia. Eliza. They've all gone and I don't know what to even do with myself. I mean, I'd be offended, but right now…right now, I'm too tired and I'm too angry to care. I know I've messed up in my past, and I know I've made mistake after mistake, but surely I'm due some sort of happiness. Even just with my daughter. My daughter brings me all of the happiness I'll ever need. She brings it, and then some. I don't need to be in a relationship to be happy, but I need something, anything, to keep me going. Right now, I don't know what that is, and I don't like it.
I haven't been in control of my life for a long time now, and just when I thought I was getting that control back, it disappears. She disappears. Yes, I'm upset and I'm hurt, but more than anything…I'm pissed at myself. I'm pissed with myself for ever letting Eliza in. I was falling for her, I really was. She knew that and she walked away. She knew that and she broke my heart. All of the nights we spent discussing my past. All of the nights we spent in one another's arms talking about how we would always be there for each other. Now, look at me. I'm alone…again. I'm alone and it fucking hurts. It hurts more than I thought it would.
What did I expect from Eliza? I expected her words. I expected the commitment she gave to me after she had heard everything I had to say to her only a few weeks ago when she told me she needed me and I admitted that I needed her. Because I did. She has made me feel more alive than I have since Callie walked out of our therapy session some two years ago. I mean I get it. Callie is happy with Penny and I'm thrilled for her. She is happy and settled and clearly gaining more than she ever did from our relationship. Like, I was the fuck up. I know that. I've always known that. She made it clear on more than one occasion. She made it painfully clear when she took me back only to leave me again. I know I've made mistakes in my past, but I'm a good person. I work hard. I love hard. I give my all to everything I'm committed to, but that wasn't enough for any of them. My daughter included. Sure, she doesn't really know what's going on, but she was sad. She was miserable. She knew that her mama was leaving for another state with another woman, and it broke my heart to see that look on her face.
Why? Because she is the most important thing in my life, and her happiness makes me happy. Except, it doesn't anymore. It just makes me sad to know that they are both happy without me. With some fucking intern that played a part in the demise of Derek Shepherd. I mean, who does that? Who runs off with the woman who helped to kill her friend's husband? I'd have thought Callie wasn't that kinda person, but it seems she was. It seems she was willing to leave and move her entire life, her heaven, and earth…to be with that woman. That woman that everybody hates. That woman who took everything I'd ever known and robbed me of a future with my daughter. It hurts, but I've made my bed and now I have to lie in it.
Lie in it and die, hopefully.
It's all I want to do right now. Die. What's the point in anything else? I'm sick to death of my world crumbling around me and I've had enough. I've had enough because I'm better than being walked all over. I'm better than settling for whatever comes my way. Maybe I was never supposed to be with Eliza. I mean, honestly…I know Callie will always be my one true love. We've been through so much together, but she still left me. I know she doesn't owe me anything, and I probably don't owe her anything, but I wish she would have tried. I wish she wouldn't have walked out of that therapy session. It broke me, and I'm not sure I've ever been the same since. I'm not sure I'll ever be me again. I know the best part of me died in that plane crash, but I was trying. I was trying to be better and I was trying to be the perfect wife and mom. It just…it wasn't good for enough, and there is nothing I can do about that.
Startled as my cell buzzes against the kitchen counter, I place my hand against my chest and glance down at the name sitting above the text message I've just received.
Sofia wants to come home to her mommy. Cal x
Furrowing my brow, I scoff to myself and wonder if this is some sort of sick joke. Why would she want to come home to me? Why would she want to leave her awesome life in New York and come back to her mom? The mom who is never good enough for anything or anyone? Why? Hitting the contact information above the message, I select the number I wish to call and wait for it to connect. "Arizona, hey!"
"Is this some sort of fucking joke?" I spit. "Because it's not funny, Callie. None of this is funny."
"Excuse me?"
"Why? Why would you do this? Have you not hurt me enough already? Do you need to twist that knife just a little bit harder and a little bit deeper? What the hell…"
"Arizona, our daughter wants to come home to Seattle, and if it's okay with you…we leave tomorrow. We have a flight early morning…"
"This isn't funny." I cry. "I swear I'm going to have a breakdown before this week is out. I just…stop, Callie. Stop hurting me."
"Arizona, are you okay?" Her voice laced with concern, I drop my cell and sob into my hands. I'm done with being laughed at. I'm done with rolling over for everyone else to make them happy. It's time to focus on myself. I'm done with love. "Arizona? Hello…" Picking up my cell, I bring it to my ear and try to control my tears. "Talk to me, please?"
"Is she coming home, Callie? Is Sofia coming home to me?"
"She is." My ex-wife confirms what she knows I need to know. "Tomorrow."
"Y-You mean that? You aren't playing games?"
"Why would I play games, Arizona? It's time for Seattle to be a part of our lives again, okay?" She sighs but I don't even know what that means. "I just…its time to come home."
"Sofia will always have a home here with me…"
"I know." Callie agrees. "She is desperate to see you, Arizona. She doesn't want to be in New York anymore. She misses everything about you…her friends and extended family, too."
"What about you?" I sniffle. "I don't want you to miss out on her life, Callie. It's the reason I let her go the first time."
"Can we talk tomorrow?" She asks. "I just have so much stuff to do here and I haven't even packed Sofia's stuff up yet."
"Sure." I breathe out. "Do you guys need picking up from the airport?"
"No. We're okay. Just text me your schedule so I know what time to bring her by."
"I'm not working tomorrow. Or the next day." I scoff. "I just needed to take a little time from work to sort my life out."
"Sort your life out?" She asks, a little interest in her voice.
"Don't worry about me, Callie. I haven't been your problem since we divorced. Just…I'll see you and Sofia tomorrow. Bye." Hitting the end call button, I slip my cell into my pocket and round the couch. Slumping down in my seat, I furrow my brow and honestly, I'm entirely sure what has even just happened. I swear if Callie doesn't arrive at my door tomorrow I'll be furious. If this is some sort of joke, it's not funny. Not at all. Pulling my cell out once more, I hit the message tab and send off a final message before I turn in for the night.
I don't know where you are and honestly, I no longer care. Any of your crap at my place is headed for the trash. I don't care what it is. You hurt me, Eliza, but my daughter is coming home to me tomorrow and it's time for me to take care of myself and the only other person that seems to want me in her life. Sofia. I don't expect you to ever contact me again, but if you plan to…don't bother. I don't need you in my life. I'm done.
Setting my cell to silent, I breathe a deep sigh of relief and stand. I have to sleep. If I don't, I'll be in no fit state for my daughter tomorrow. I'm already struggling to believe that I'm going to see her so soon so I don't imagine sleep will come easy, but she's coming. She's coming home to me and everything else is irrelevant as of now. No woman or relationship could ever compare to the love I have for my daughter, and now is my time. Now is my time to rebuild my home as a single mother.
Waking to the sound of absolute silence, I slept a lot better than I imagined I would last night. Sure, it took a little while to actually drift off but knowing that Sofia is coming home settled whatever demons I was struggling with inside. Honestly, I don't know how I'll feel when I see Callie today, but she isn't my concern. She was once upon a time, but she is no longer mine. You'd think two years on I'd be totally over her, but I have to admit that I'm not. In many ways, I'm over our relationship...our marriage, but her? No. It's hard to ever get over someone who you spend such a large portion of your life with. It may have only been seven years, but in those seven years so much happened that changed us both as people. So much love. So much hurt. So much happiness. So much drama. Would I do it all over again given half the chance? Yeah, I probably would. I would because the good always outweighed the bad. The nights alone with nobody but our daughter was enough to keep me alive and breathing for the rest of my life. I've learned to deal with what my life has become, but yeah…I miss what I had. I'll always miss what I had.
Climbing from my cold and lonely bed, I slip my robe over my shoulders and grab my cell from the nightstand. Hoping for a message from Callie, I'm disappointed when I find Eliza's name on my screen.
I'm sorry I hurt you, Arizona. I'm already gone. I hope you and Sofia will be happy. Eliza. X
Scoffing at the lame-ass attempt at an apology, I shake my head in disappointment and lock my cell. Heading down the staircase, I need coffee before I even think about preparing for the arrival of my daughter. I know everything will be perfect and my worries will settle down once she arrives, but until then, I'm going to be a nervous wreck. I just know it.
Rounding the kitchen island, I prepare a fresh pot of coffee and power up the radio, before leaning back against the counter. My arms folded across my chest, I can't help the small smile that creeps onto my face. My daughter will be running around here tomorrow morning…
I can't quite believe that she is coming home, but I appreciate that Callie didn't hold her back from me when she vocalized her wishes to come home. I appreciate that Callie understands that I matter in Sofia's life. I just…I appreciate it. Pouring myself a cup of coffee, I furrow my brow when I hear a light knocking on my front door. Huh? Glancing at the clock, it's a little before eleven and I'm not expecting anyone right now. I'm not expecting Callie and Sofia until at least mid-afternoon.
Crossing the short distance, my heart sinks into my stomach when I catch sight of dark silky hair. Unlocking the door, I pull it open and a familiar smile is the first thing I notice. "Callie?" Looking around I find no signs of my daughter and my bottom lip trembles a little. "Sofia isn't here…" I sigh.
"She is." My ex-wife gives me a sad smile. "I just figured we should talk first…"
"You aren't supposed to be here yet." I shake my head as I step aside and Callie moves past me. "I'm not even dressed yet." Glancing down at myself, I knew I should have woken earlier than I did. "Could you give me five to just put some clothes on? You aren't supposed to be here yet…"
"Relax, Arizona. We took an earlier flight. You sounded in a bad way when I called you last night, so we left earlier than planned." She sets her purse down on the kitchen counter and turns, now leaning against it. "I don't care what you are wearing. I just want to know that you are okay?"
"I'm fine." I scoff. "And none of your concern."
"You will always be my concern, Arizona." She gives me a slight smile and I drop my gaze. "What's going on?"
"Nothing." I sigh. "I'm just tired of never being fucking happy."
"Okay, so that's not nothing, is it?" She raises one of her perfect eyebrows.
"Don't speak to me like you are my mother, Callie. Just bring Sofia by and you can get back to your awesome life in New York."
"Yeah, that's not happening." She snorts. "That sunk a while back." Shrugging, she pulls herself up onto a stool and I move into the kitchen. "Any chance of some coffee?"
"Sure." I furrow my brow. "What sunk?"
"Penny and I." She says, nonchalantly. "Almost three months ago."
"Okay, you've completely lost me." I shake my head and hold up my hands. "What happened?"
"Just wasn't working." She drops her gaze and toys with her fingers. "I guess that's what happens, though, when you compare everything you currently have to what you used to have with your wife."
"Ex-wife." I smile.
"Yeah." She sighs. "Same thing."
"Except it's not." I raise an eyebrow. "You left me, Callie. You left me and eventually left Seattle. That was your decision. You were supposed to go off and be happy. Not compare what we had to you and Penny."
"I know." She agrees. "Easier said than done, though, Arizona."
"I wouldn't know." I scoff. "I haven't had much chance to see what else is out there. Seems people just up and leave me when it suits them."
"I'm sorry." She gives me a genuine smile but I don't need to hear her apologies. "I wanted to call you. I wanted to call you many times while I was gone."
"But you didn't." I shrug.
"Because you had a girlfriend, Arizona." She tries to defend her actions. "You had a girlfriend, and I couldn't be the ex-wife who came back and tried to win you back. I couldn't be the woman who was jealous seeing you with someone else. I didn't have that right. Not two years on and after everything we'd been through…"
"That may be true, but I doubt you were jealous." I snort. "You weren't jealous before, so why would you be now?"
"I was." She admits. "Then Mer called me and told me what had happened with Steph and the fire and how Minnick had been fired."
"So?"
"So, I knew it was time to come back to Seattle." She sighs. "I'm not here to demand we get back together. I'm not here to try and turn your life upside down again. I would, however, like us to spend some time together. As a family."
"I don't know." My voice breaking, I turn my back on her and brace myself against the kitchen sink. "I just…" Cut off when my emotions get the better of me, I cry silently and hope to god that she doesn't see the mess I'm in. I don't need her to see me as a mess. She shouldn't even be here. "You should go." Flinching when her hand comes to rest on the small of my back, I lift my head and turn myself around. "You have to leave, Callie."
"Why?" Her own eyes holding unshed tears, she gives me a pleading look but I don't know what she wants from me. "You are a mess, Arizona, and I hate seeing you this way."
"I've been a mess since you walked out of our therapy session, Callie. You just chose not to see it." Wiping away my tears, I breathe out a deep breath and try to pull away from her. Her hands resting against either side of my body on the kitchen counter, she dips her head a little to meet my gaze. "What do you want from me, Callie?"
Say you love me to my face
I need it more than your embrace
Just say you want me, that's all it takes
Heart's getting torn from your mistakes
"I'm sorry, Arizona." A single tear slipping down her face, her deep brown eyes are pulling me further and further in. "I'm sorry you are hurting, and I'm sorry that I'm partial to the blame for that hurt."
"No, you hurt me two years ago and I'm over that. I'm over us." I state as her scent takes over my entire body. God, I've missed her. "It's me who continues to hurt myself. Not anybody else."
"Let me try…" She gives me a sad smile. "Let me try to make things right between us, please?"
'Cause I don't wanna fall in love
If you don't wanna try,
But all that I've been thinking of
Is maybe that you're mine
Baby, it looks as though we're running out of words to say
And love's floating away
"I can't." I cry. "I can't open myself up to that again, Callie. It's too painful. When you walk away again, I cannot take that hurt."
"I won't ever walk away from you again." Her words sound the most honest I've ever heard from her, but I can't be sure she even wants this. Is she just feeling sorry for me? Is she just trying to make me feel better?
"I've missed you so much, Callie." My words barely above a whisper, she presses her body against mine and my knees almost buckle. "But I learned to cope without you in my life. I learned to find a new normal."
Just say you love me, just for today
And don't give me time 'cause that's not the same
Want to feel burning flames when you say my name
Want to feel passion flow into my bones
Like blood through my veins
'Cause I don't wanna fall in love
If you don't wanna try,
But all that I've been thinking of
Is maybe that you're mine
Baby, it looks as though we're running out of words to say
And love's floating away
"I don't want you to have a new normal." She whispers, her face only millimeters from my own. "I love you, Arizona. It's always been you and it always will be you." Her breath washing over my face, her forehead comes to rest against my own and I know that I should pull away. I should, but I can't. Why? Because we have been through so much together, and no matter how much we have hurt each other, I know that I will always crave the touch of Callie Torres. I will always need her in my life. "Let me be your normal…" Her lips grazing my bottom lip, my body shudders and my heart beats against her chest. "I know I've hurt you, Arizona, but I want to make things right between us. I need to make things right."
Won't you stay?!
Won't you stay?!
Slowly, slowly you run for me,
But do you know me at all
Someone told me love controls everything
But only if you know!
"Calliope…" Her name barely even audible as it falls from my mouth, she pulls me in by the back of my neck and crushes her lips against my own. Our entire life together flashing before my eyes, she slips her tongue past my lips and I don't even put up a fight. I can't. I need her. She needs me. It may have taken her two years to realize it, but she is here and everything feels like it's supposed to. Everything feels…normal.
'Cause I don't wanna fall in love
If you don't wanna try,
'Cause all that I've been thinking of
Is maybe that you're mine
'Cause I don't wanna fall in love
If you don't wanna try,
But all that I've been thinking of
Is maybe that you're mine
Baby, it looks as though we're running out of words to say
And love's floating away
Won't you stay
Won't you stay
Gasping as I pull back for air, she runs her thumb across my bottom lip and I open my eyes. "I've missed you, too." I don't know what the future holds for us, or even the rest of this day, but for the first time since she left…I feel truly protected. Her arms are around my waist and yeah, I suddenly feel like my home is with her. Callie Torres. The only woman to ever make my world spin and all oxygen leave my body.
Thanks for reading, guys. This one-shot has been in a folder since last year and I totally forgot about it. Reviews would be awesome if you wanted to leave one. Thanks. =D
Also, the song was 'Say You Love Me' by Jessie Ware.