If there was one thing in this world that Darcy hated it was tests. It wasn't that she was stupid or anything, she had just as many working brain cells as the next person…ok, maybe a few more, though nowhere as many as Jane, but a fair few still. The problem was stress, Test Anxiety they call it. She studied hard and long, knew her material, but once she sat down everything just flew right out of her head.
Throughout her middle and high school career she had tried every imaginable way of cheating, most of them failing spectacularly. It wasn't until her senior year that she had a stroke of genius. Upon her mother's request she had taken a class on shorthand; because she was going to grow up to work in her father's office don't you know. It amazed her how ornamental the symbols actually were, not to mention just how few others understood what they were seeing. Still, she couldn't go into class with papers filled with shorthand, someone would figure it out. That is where the stroke of genius came in.
Darcy had figured once she was out of college she would no longer need to use her particular 'test strategy,' but there she was at twenty-five years old with a table full of supplies in front of her.
After everything with Jane and Thor, Darcy had realized that the path she had chosen for herself was no longer an option. Or, in reality, that she didn't want it to be an option. So when she had been offered the chance to join SHIELD she took it. Of course she might have rethought everything had she known training would include classes and tests alongside the physical bit.
"What exactly are you doing?" Jane looked up from where she had been working on her latest calculations, eyeing the younger woman at the kitchen table. She had figured Darcy would be studying as she had a test in the morning; instead she was…painting her nails? Make that painting her very, very long nails.
"What does it look like I'm doing?" Darcy didn't even look up as she made another sweeping motion on her thumbnail.
"It looks like you are doing your nails, but as you never wear fake nails, mostly ones that long, I have to wonder." The things looked almost like claws, they were not the longest she had ever seen, but for Darcy who normally bit at her nails they might as well have been three inches long.
"I needed the room." Again she made a sweep with the two-bristle brush, making sure to leave room.
"The room?" Jane left her notes behind, moving to stand at the table alongside her friend. Her eyes landed on the paper on the table and then to Darcy's nails. "Are you…are you writing the answers on your nails?!"
"Oh, you understand shorthand? Good to know…anyway, yes I am. Got a problem with that?" Darcy glared up at the woman beside her. She doubted Jane would rat on her, but she didn't feel like receiving a lecture on morality from the woman she caught stealing poptarts from Tony's personal kitchen.
"Um, no, no, I'm just worried you're going to get caught." Ok, so she did actually have a bit of a problem, but she knew better than to say anything.
"I won't, I know what I'm doing." She motioned to the little box filled with crystals. Once she was done with the shorthand she would add a couple of small flowers and then a few crystals here and there, in the end the whole thing would look pretty and not the least bit like a cheat-sheet.
"This is SHIELD we are talking about; they know when you pick your nose on the job. They will find out that you cheated." She might have been a little upset at losing Darcy as her intern, but the woman was also her friend and she didn't want to see her lose out on this chance. "How did you even get those answers anyway?"
"I have my ways, and I won't get caught. Don't worry so much Janey and get back to work; I've still got my other hand to do."
No matter how hard she tried, Darcy couldn't get Jane's words out of her head. She felt as though she were being watched and judged the entire time she was taking the test. The worry only increased when fifteen minutes after she finished she was called into Coulson's office. Though to be fair, her worry wasn't just having been caught, but also the fact that it was Coulson; the man that seemed to have risen from the dead. The dude outright scared the living shit out of her.
"Good afternoon, Ms. Lewis." Coulson sat back in his chair, watching as the young woman made her way slowly into the room. She didn't look like your typical SHIELD trainee, but that had been one of the reasons he had recommended her. She was deceptive by just being her, no one would suspect her of anything. It would be that advantage that would allow her to shoot through the ranks in the coming years.
"Afternoon." Darcy nodded her head as she took a seat. She probably should've made some sort of snarky comment, as was her wont, as she was sure the simple greeting had tipped off the agent before her that something was wrong.
"I have been going over your test, and I must say that I'm impressed…" Coulson tapped his finger on the paper on his desk. He kept his eyes trained on the woman, watching as she let out a shaky sigh of relief. She had potential, but she would need more training to quash those kinds of tales. A few sessions with the Black Widow would probably do the trick.
"I aim to please, not that it was that hard mind you." Darcy laughed and relaxed in her chair, she wasn't sure why she allowed Jane to get to her, she was the best.
"I wasn't finished, what I was going to say is that I'm impressed that you were able to fit all the answers just on your fingernails." He really wanted to laugh at the way Ms. Lewis tensed up, her eyes flitting from side to side as though she expected the Widow herself to jump out and garrote her for her transgression.
"Uh, right, well you see I have this problem with test taking…"
"Calm down Ms. Lewis, you've done nothing wrong." He thought it was amazing how quickly the look of confusion crossed her face. This had always been his favorite part of training, he probably shouldn't have found it funny, but if the Director could laugh at the trainees getting their asses handed to them then he could find amusement in something quite harmless.
"Excuse me, what? I cheated, most people find that wrong." She was confused, she was very confused.
"Normally yes, but we wanted you to cheat so in essence, you actually didn't cheat. In fact I'd say you passed the test." With flying colors actually. He had overseen many of these tests, had seen several different styles, but by far he enjoyed hers the most.
"You wanted me…um, so this is surreal. Really? You wanted me to cheat, really?" That was it, she had finally gone insane. She had lost her mind and she was actually face-first on the exam table, drooling on her paper.
"There will be times when you must extract information and remove out from under a target's nose, when having the info found on your person will mean death. This test was to assess your skills in such an area, and I must say I am impressed.
"Most trainees use some form of electronic device, encode the answers, or use a second party to relay the answers through a small com. While all are viable and useful, there will be times when such things will be unavailable. Agents can't rely on technology; they need the ability to carry out their mission using…let's say…old school methods." Too often green agents made the mistake of relying on modern tech, several times it ended in someone's death.
"Ok, so let me get this straight, I passed because I cheated?" Darcy just sat there blinking, really none of this could be right.
"Yes, with high marks." Coulson couldn't believe it. It seemed that he may have actually rendered the woman everyone called the Queen of Snark unable to actually snark. He wondered if such a thing would gain him a bonus.
"Wow, just wow." Darcy laughed then, big, full belly-laughs that left her curling in on herself. "Oh my God, Jane won't believe it. Oh my God!"
"Ms. Lewis, are you alright?" That was not the reaction he had been expecting. Most of the trainees chuckled a little, a few even got angry, but not one seemed to lose their mind.
"Oh yes, I'm fine, very much fine. I just can't believe…I'm fine, don't worry about me." Darcy tried to catch her breath, it wasn't all that funny but she couldn't seem to stop laughing.
"A little hard when you've gone into hysterics." He sat forward in his chair, crossing his hands atop the desk.
"Sorry, but may I just ask a question?"
"Go ahead."
"Do you keep track of agents' nose picking habits?"
It was Coulson's turn to blink in confusion as the woman before him once again descended into a laughing spell. If not for rendering Ms. Lewis snarkless, he sure as hell better receive a bonus for putting up with this. He was sure the Director would understand, and if he didn't…well he would just make sure the man spent at least ten minutes with the woman.
Author's Note: So, this actually came out of the fact that I'm preparing to take my GED tests and I just had this idea of Darcy cheating and well, it just went on from there.
So, this is of course very AU, I'd put this at after IM3 and Thor 2, but no Cap2 and of course Coulson revealed himself.
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.