Disclaimer: I own nothing in this story. (sob) damn, I wish I owned Murtagh.

Eragon Quote (Film):

"Stupid Boy!" - Saphira about Eragon.

Eragon Quote (Book):

"Nothing. It's funny to see a hatchling like you beaten by the old one." - Saphira to Eragon.

A/n: I can't get the dotted lines as dividers! Never mind, Cheese will be my divider!

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Chapter 1: Introductions and Apple Pies.

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Hi. My name is Murtagh Morzansson. I'm 19.

I live in Alagaesia with the biggest group of sociopaths that ever walked this Earth.

We'll start of with the least annoying. That would have to be Saphira. She is Eragons Blue Dragon. She's alright really. She keeps me sane most of the time.

Then there's my Mother. Selena. She's cool. A little bit of a control freak though. But she sure does make good Apple pies.

After her there is a draw for the next annoying.

Thorn, who is my Dragon,

Brom, who is this old man who isn't right in the head, but then again who is in this house?

and Morzan, my father who is a power hungry psycho, really that's the only description for him.

The 3rd most annoying has gotta be Durza. The Shade that's in dire need of a tooth brush and a hair brush. It's seems to be his job to annoy the crap out of me. And he's convinced that there is an Evil army of Cheese Monkeys coming to kill us all. Come on! Insane much?

The 2nd would defiantly be Arya. The elf princess. She's the biggest Mary-Sue I've ever had the misfortune to come across, and she's a damn tree hugger for God's sake!!

She's really into this echo-friendly crap. She always goes on about eating meat. But while she doesn't eat animals she wears them! And she calls us bad.

She thinks she's the best damn thing on the planet and that she's a God. Yeah right. Eragons fish, Jimmy, is more of a God than she is, and he swims around in circles all day!

In 1st place is Eragon. My little brother who I am forced to share a room with. I don't know how I haven't murdered him yet. He sings in his sleep for God's sake!! I get next to no sleep and when I do, Eragon wakes up and he doesn't like being the only awake with no-one to annoy so he yells his head off to wake me up! Now I have taken to sleeping with my Ipod on so I can get some peace. Not to mention he has an obsession with Pie. And he follows me around like a lost puppy.

Well that's the introductions done. Now to see a day in the life of Murtagh Morzansson.

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I woke up this morning to the sound of Eragon yelling

"MURTAGH!! WAKE UP!! THE PIES ARE ATTACKING!!"

That isn't even the worst thing. My brother has this really high-pitched voice when he yells.

It sounds like a cat in pain. Seriously.

Then Brom came up the stairs singing "The Sound of Music".

Brom can't sing to save his life.

My father then made an appearance out of his room and rugby-tackled Brom so the two crashed down the stairs.

A smell draughted up the stairs. My mother must have been making breakfast.

"WAFFLES!!!" screamed Durza as he ran out of his room at the fastest speed I've ever seen. Did I mention the fact that he's in love with Waffles?

I'm surprised he didn't fall down the stairs he was running so fast. I went back into my room to retrieve my Ipod from my under my pillow. Eragon was lying in his bed. I couldn't believe it! He'd fallen back asleep!

I went downstairs and snuck passed all the commotion in the hall and into the kitchen. I went to the press and took out an apple pie. I walked passed everyone yelling in the hall,

They were to busy to notice me, and back upstairs to our room. The minute I walked in I saw Eragon was still asleep.

"Sniff".

I turned around. What the hell was that?

"Sniff".

"APPLE PIE!!!" screamed Eragon as he leaped out of the bed with such speed that I could see wind behind him.

He ran out of the room and tripped over the rug and went flying down the stairs and crashing into Durza who was trying to steal the waffles.

"And you said you needed a Dragon to fly" I laughed.

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"Good Morning Murtagh. How are you this fine day." asked Arya as she exited her bedroom.

"Fine, fine. Put this Pie back down in the press and leave me alone" I said as I gave her the pie and walked into my room to attempt to get ready for the day ahead of me.

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About 10 minutes later I exited my room and turned on my Ipod smiling slightly as the sound of "Numb Encore" by Linkin Park and Jay-Z blasted in the headphones.

"Perfect" I said to myself.

I went down and into the kitchen where the rest of my so called "family" were sitting eating breakfast.

Eragon had about 10 waffles piled onto his plate and was scoffing them down like a pig.

If you think that's bad, Durza had about 25 and was scoffing them down like, well, Durza.

"Morning dear" said my mother as I walked over to the sink for of water. I can rarely stomach anything else this early in the morning. Early in this case meaning 6 o' clock.

"Good morning oh fantastic Older Brother of mine!" said Eragon as walked past him. I just looked at him.

If that wasn't weird enough my father actually acknowledged my existence without insulting me! Shocker.

Durza finished his Waffles and reached into get more.

Selena slapped his hand away.

"No Durza! Bad boy! No more waffles! I said Eragon could have some more first!" she said.

Durza and Eragon got into a huge glaring competition.

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I sighed as I walked into the huge library and sat down to read

"The Shining" by Stephen King. I've already read the book 7 or so times but oh well.

It distracts me from my highly dysfunctional family.

They say every family has its problems. Well in that case my family has enough problems to make up for all the families in Surda! I wouldn't be surprised if my mother signed us up to go on "Jerry Springer". I can see that being fun.

Hmm. I like that line in the book.. "Here's Johnny!" ha. My middle name is Johnny. I wouldn't be the slightest bit surprised if I went crazy with an axe and murdered all my family.

"Redrum." Ha. I might write that on the mirror in mine and Eragons room and see if it scares him.

He always says my normal writing looks like something out of a Japanese Horror film. It kinda does I suppose.

"Who wants Apple Pie?" called Selena.

"Me, Me, Me, Me!!" yelled Eragon.

I have to admit though she does make good pies.

She uses the recipe that was given to her by our Nanny Jessie.

(Bill-Preston, Think of Eragon as Eoin and you'll get what I mean. Lol)

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"Are you all right in here Murtagh? You're really quiet." said my father as he walked around the maze of bookshelves to where I sat in the armchair reading.

My father, Morzan. Checking in to see if I was alright?

Okay now I know something's wrong.

Then I realised. He was using me as an excuse to get away from the sociopaths in the kitchen.

Can't say I really blame him though.

Brom was singing "Irish Rover",

Eragon was scoffing down Apple Pie and was trying to sing "Always Look on the Bright Side of Life",

Selena was trying to clean up,

Durza was practicing his "Evil" laugh, which sounded like he was coughing up a hair ball and Thorn and Saphira were still asleep.

Damn, Lazy-ass Overgrown Lizards.

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There was a knock at the door and my mother tore herself away from cleaning to answer it.

My father followed her as I put away my book and went back into the kitchen.

Morzan and Selena walked back into the room followed by our visitor. I groaned. It was Galbatorix. Who else?

It would have to be Mr-I-am-the-all-Powerful-King-of-Alagaesia-Bow-down-before-me-worthless-peasents-even-though-I-have-more-hair-than-brains coming to visit. Or cause trouble more likely.

Damn I'd love to slap that man in the face with a dead fish.

Hang on. Didn't mom buy a full smoked salmon yesterday?

Score!

I got the Salmon from the Freezer in the shed and tied it to a piece of string.

I tied the string over the banister and onto the door handle of the bathroom.

I went into our bedroom which was the room next to bathroom away from the stairs and called Eragon.

Galbatorix was still standing in the hall for whatever reason and Eragon came up the stairs.

As I thought, he was to high on Apple Pie to notice the string and the pulled, released the fish, and I watched as it sung down and hit right on its target. Galbatorixs face.

Selena watched the whole thing and laughed. Durza started pissing himself laughing and Eragon just looked confused.

Even Morzan had to stiffle a laugh. Galbatorix left the house to go home to Uru'baen and pout.

I thought they'd all be pissed. But none of 'em were.

Selena actually thanked me.

Then Eragon announced that he was going Emo.

"What the Hell? You aint Emo" I said to him.

"Am to! Now I'm going to go listen to my Emo music!" he said as he stomped off.

"What the hell is that kid on?" I asked to know one in particular.

"I know. You're the only Emo in this family." came an unexpected reply from Thorn.

"Yeah" I nodded in agreement.

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When I went up to our room about an hour later,

Eragon was lying back on his bed listening to what he claimed to be "Emo" music.

I walked up to him and took on of his head phones.

"Hey! Give me back my Emo music!" he demanded.

"Emo music my ass. Weird Al Yankovic's "Omish Paradise is not Emo music!" I said to him, mildly amazed that he thought that Weird Al did Emo music. Taking the piss outta Emo music yeah, but not actual Emo music for God's sake.

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The day dragged on as I started to get really bored.

Eragon was still pouting because I told him Weird Al wasn't Emo music, Selena was busy baking as many Apple Pies as she could. Brom was singing "When I'm 64" very badly so it sounded like he was singing "When I'm at the Door". instead.

Morzan was outside practicing with his bow,

Durza was still practicing his so called "Evil" laugh which now sounded like he was having an asthma attack.

So I thought I'd watch T.V. Not a good idea I soon realised.

Eragon came down an wouldn't stop talking to me.

So after about 15 minutes of this I turned of the TV and went back to the library to read something.

I found Brom in there looking at a "Where's Wally" book.

"Damn where is he? This would be so much easier if these damn people weren't there!" he exclaimed in an annoyed tone.

I walked further in and found Durza reading a book entitled

"Taking Over the World. A Guide for psycho fools."

I sighed and walked to the second last seating area where I found Eragon, however he got in here from the sitting-room without me noticing, reading "The Complete Adventures of Garfield".

I smiled and walked to the last seating place where I usually sat.

There was never anyone there. That's what I liked about it.

It was quiet.

I reached up and got "The Shining" from where I left it on the top shelf and I went to sit down and read it when I heard Durza shouting

"RUN! RUN! THE CHEESE MONKYS ARE ATTACKING!! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!"

So much for it being quiet here.

"Just another day in the Morzansson household." I said to myself as I went to read my book when I noticed that it was just the cover of "The Shining". The story inside was "The Complete Looney Tunes Annual".

"ERAGON!!"

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That's chapter 1 done. It's was really weird, I know but I just felt like writing it. I was listening to a variety of songs as I wrote this including all the ones I mention. I'm currently listening to the "Rocky Balboa Theme Song". And I love "The Shining" which is why I put it in. Let me know what ya think!

Dragon Rider Murtagh