Closer to You

One

"I had a really nice time," the dark-haired boy said to her as they walked to her front door that quiet, calm evening. He came to stand in front of her, towering above her, casting her in shadow from the porch light. She gave him a friendly smile, well at least she hoped it came off that way, but didn't reply. They fellintoan awkward silence and Ruthie randomly found herself wondering if the crickets were always that loud.

Jay was the star basketball player at her high school, where every girl's dream was to be on a date with Jay Feldman. That morning, Ruthie had been surprised when Jay had met her at her locker and asked her to the movies. At first, she thought it was a joke, some kind of prank the team had concocted, but after learning he was serious, she had agreed, however, it wasn't because she pined for Jay Feldman. He just had an uncanny resemblance to Martin Brewer, the man that held her heart in shackles. Of course, her chances with him were slimmer than nil considering that fact he'd just become a teenage father and didn't reciprocate her feelings. Jay had been the next best choice, or at least the first chance of moving on.

She had hoped his personality might have been like Martin's, but she had been very, very wrong. Martin was independent and strong – he didn't need other's approval to do something and if he did something that other people disapproved of, he didn't care. Jay, Ruthie learned in the excruciating three hours she had spend with him, did nothing but worry about other people's opinions. He seemed to live his life according to the ever-changing trends and only hung out with people who were considered popular. When he had mentioned this, Ruthie asked why he had asked her out, she wasn't popular, and he had replied, "You dated Martin Brewer, didn't you? Did you know he knocked up a college chick?"

Ruthie had almost spit out her milkshake across the table and into Jay's tan, slender, Abercrombie-model face. Instead she choked it down and answered, "We were just friends. We didn't date."

Jay seemed to skip over that last part as if she hadn't said it. He had a mischievous look on his face and was evidently oblivious to the waitress appearing at their table to give them their check,as he suggested, "Beneficial friends?" The waitress seemed to pause as she put the slip of paper down, chancing a glance at Ruthie, but quickly looked away and made herself scarce.

Ruthie wanted to squirm in her seat as he raised his eyebrows up and down several times waiting for the confirmation. She suddenly knew the reason why Jay had considered her popular as the pieces began to put themselves into place: he thought she had dated Martin, who obviously had experience in areas she didn't, but Jay, and apparently every one else at school, thought she had. A sick feeling formed in the pit of her stomach.

"No," she said firmly. "The regular kind of friends. No benefits of any -that- kind."

Jay's face relaxed and he shrugged, picking up the check. "Ah, well. There's a first time for everything, right? I mean, now that we're friends. Maybe more after tonight." He slapped a twenty dollar bill on the table and pushed his chair back, getting to his feet. "We've got about ten minutes until the movie starts. You ready?"

Ruthie took a final sip of her milkshake that now felt heavy in her mouth and she wondered if she could even swallow it. The last thing she wanted to do now was sit in a dark movie theater with Jay, but she also didn't want to worsen her alleged unsavoryreputation by going in the total opposite direction of total prude – if she did, nobody would ever ask her out again.

"Sure," she replied, and reluctantly took his outstretched hand as he helped her to her feet. As they walked, she pulled her sweater a little tighter over her chest, not wanting to give Jay any signals that could be misinterpreted. There was no way she wanted Jay's hand stuck up her shirt at any point in time.

What she had hoped would be a potential relationship with a Martin look-a-like had quickly turned into a date with Martin's evil, loathsome, twin who couldn't keep his hormones in check.

"Are you okay?" Jay was asking and Ruthie's focus suddenly snapped back to the present, realizing she had been staring at his chest through his half-open shirt. This wardrobe choice, she knew, had been intentional. When she looked up, Jay's green eyes, the one thing that couldn't be compared to Martin's gray ones, were searching her face, trying to read her expression.

Ruthiepasted on that fake smile she had been putting on all night. She was surprised at how much her cheeks were starting to hurt from the effort it took to keep the corners of her mouth up. "Yes, I'm okay. Just tired. Thanks for dinner. And the movie was..." she trailed.

As she was searching for words, he chuckled. "It was bad, I know. Sorry." He moved closer to her and grasped both her hands in his. Ruthie resisted the feral instinct to jerk away. "But at least you were there with me..." He began to move in towards her, his lips coming in to hers.

Instantly, she stepped back, regarding his confused expression but ignoring it as if nothing had happened. "Yeah, well thanks again. Have a good night," she said, the words coming off her lips quickly and felt for the doorknob at her side.

As she pushed the door open, he awkwardly replied, looking defeated, "Um, yeah, you, too. Goodnight."

She ducked into the house, shutting the door behind her and leaning her back against it for a moment as she breathed a sigh of relief. When she heard Jay's footsteps finally fade, she pulled back the floor-length white curtains at the front window to watch him get into his car and drive away. Only when his taillights were out of sight did her heartbeat begin to slow. Ruthie let the curtains fall back into place and realized the house was oddly quiet. She wondered why her father hadn't peeked out the door when she and her date had come home. Whenever her older sisters had dates in the past, he would wait until he could hear them outside the door and appear at the most opportune moment, interrupting them. Ruthie hadn't realized that she was waiting on this interruption, counting on it, welcoming it, even, until it hadn't happened.

Wonderingly, she walked over to her father's study door which stood across from the front enterence of the house, and pushed it slightly open. Peeking inside, she took in the dim room and empty chair behind the desk. Her eyebrows drew together in a moment of confusion. Had her father even known she had a date that night? Where was he? For a moment, she wondered if the worry of his daughter's dates had ended with her, if he didn't care anymore, since her two older sisters before her.

She made her way into the kitchen and found darkness there too, nothing but the moonlight flooding in from the slightly parted blinds, her mother nowhere to be found.

"Hello?" she called, flicking the lights on, filling the room with artificial light.

She received no answer and an unsettling panic rose within her. Something was very strange. Attempting to shrug it off, Ruthie grabbed a water bottle from the fridge and took a drink. As she was putting the lid back on, her eyes fell on the blinking red light on the answering machine. There was a message.

Feeling apprehension rise within her, she hit play and her mother's voice filled the room, sounding twice as loud in the empty house.

"Ruthie, it's Mom. You must still be on your date. I tried calling your cell phone, but there was no answer. Anyway, we're all down here at the hospital with Martin." Ruthie's heart skipped a beat for a moment, hoping nothing had happened to him, and then it plummeted into her stomach with what her mother said next, "Sandy's having the baby. Martin said he'd be happy if you would come. He really needs as much support as he can get right now, and even though we are here for him, I really think it'd mean more to him if you were here, too. If you're up to it, you know where we'll be. I-"

Ruthie almost broke the machine from the amount of force that she hit the 'delete' button with. Tears were already blinding her vision and pouring down her face as reality smacked her in the face. She knew this day would come eventually, but had kept it in the back of her mind, shoving it down into submission. Sandy couldn't be pregnant forever, but now that there would be an actual baby to take care of, Ruthie knew that her chances of ever being with Martin were pretty much slim to none. He had told her that before, but she chose to ignore it. A sort of anger filled her veins. Her mother should know that she didn't want anything to do with that entire situation, and felt it was rude to tell her about it.

She grabbed her water and headed up to her room in the attic, stomping up each step. She didn't know what her mother was thinking asking her to go to the hospital. There was no way that she could ever handle that. She couldn't see Martin and Sandy, let alone the two of them with their baby in their arms. No. She couldn't. That scenario had already played out many times in Ruthie's head in many different ways and none of them had ever ended well. She just wished that Sandy would have never had that baby, or if she had to have it, then she wished she would have just gone away and disappeared from Martin's life, and consequently, Ruthie's life, forever. Or better yet, she wished Sandy had never existed in the first place.

As soon as she had thrown herself on her bed, she felt something vibrating in her back pocket. Sniffling, she retrieved her phone and looked at the number. Martin was calling, his smiling face looking up at her from the screen. Angrily, she hit the ignore button, shut off her phone and shoved it under her pillow.

After all, some of this was his fault too. She had told him she hated him when he first told her that Sandy was pregnant with his child. It wasn't true, though. She didn't hate him, she loved him. And she still loved him and didn't think it was possible that she would ever not love him, no matter what anyone said. Every bone in her body ached for him, and they ached even more at the knowledge that she couldn't have him.

Not even bothering to wipe her tears away after she had stopped sobbing, or to even kick off her shoes, Ruthie curled up in a ball on her bed and just laid there, feeling more numb than anything after the anger had passed. She didn't know how long she stayed that way, though she knew it was a long time, before she heard the front door close and someone calling her name throughout the house.

She didn't answer. If she had been feeling anything, it was annoyance. She didn't want any company and she certainly didn't want to talk. There were feet on the stairs just outside her room and she quickly screwed her eyes shut, pretending to be asleep.

"Ruthie?"

The familiar voice made her startle, not because she had really been awoken from sleep, but because it had been so long since she had heard her favorite brother's voice. Simon had been away at college and had seemingly been avoiding the family at all costs for a reason Ruthie didn't know. It was strange that he was here.

"Ruthie, are you awake?" he asked. Ruthie silently thanked herself for having her back opposite the door. She heard him come closer to her bed still calling out, trying to wake her.

She could feel his eyes studying her, and if she didn't send him away, she knew he would persist. "No," she replied. "Go away."

There was a moment of quietness, but she could feel him standing beside her. Then he did something she wasn't expecting. He laid a gentle hand on her shoulder, and said, "You have to wake up," he insisted. There was something strange in his voice and Ruthie rolled over beside herself. When she was facing him, she took in his green eyes that looked larger than normal, his expression solemn. "Something's happened," he said.

She wiped the tears away from under her eyes, hoping she didn't have a massive amount of running mascara that would give away her cover, and sat up, trying to act sleepy.

"What's going on? Why are you here?" she asked, sitting up on her elbows.

Simon sighed and sat on her bed next to her feet. He looked like he was searching for the words that wouldn't come. "I'm here with Rose."

Rose. Oh lovely Rose, her brother's fiancee. If only she were as sweet as her given name suggested.

"Wonderful. Why does that concern me?" she asked, beginning to get annoyed, and didn't try to keep the sarcasm out of her voice. Every other time Simon had been home, it seemed like he was only there because he was in some sort of trouble. She absently wondered if he had gotten Rose pregnant before their wedding day. After all, she had lied about it before; why not get pregnant for real this time? It seemed like the kind of thing everyone was doing. And, Sandy was Rose's best friend. Seemed like she was the one she went to for advice on how to keep a man, unsurprisingly.

"Have you talked to Dad?" he asked. He was fidgeting with his fingers and Ruthie could tell he was extremely uncomfortable and didn't want to have to tell her whatever it was that he had to say.

Ruthie rolled her eyes and flopped back onto her pillow. "No. I haven't talked to anyone. I only just got home a little while ago," she lied. "What is it, Simon? I'd really like to go back to sleep, if you don't mind," she urged, growing tired of having him in her room when she really just wanted to be alone. She grew sure that whatever Simon had to say would be of no interest to her and this whole conversation would be a colossal waste of her time.

Simon stiffened, then looked her directly in the eyes and said, "Something's happened. You have to come to hospital with me."

"No, I'm not going there. I got Mom's message about Sandy having her baby and I really don't want any part of that."

"I thought you said you just got home. Mom said she called you, like, four hours ago."

"I lied," she stated harshly, as if it should have been obvious.

He shook his head. "That's not the point," Simon said, clearly trying to get back on track.

"Then, what's the point?" Ruthie asked, exasperated. "Seriously, Simon, just tell me. I don't have time to play games."

Bluntly, he said, "Sandy's dead."

Ruthie shot straight up so quickly she felt her brain go fuzzy and thought she might pass out. "What? How?"

Simon looked away, shaking his head and gesturing with his hands. "I don't know. I guess there was some kind of complication, but I don't know the full details. Dad called and told me, but I think that was right after it happened because he didn't know a whole lot. I had to tell Rose…" he trailed off, and his eyes seemed to go out of focus, obviously reliving the moment that he had to tell his fiancée that her best friend had just died.

Ruthie didn't know what to say. She was in shock. She managed to close her mouth, but couldn't swallow the lump that had formed in her throat. It was only hours before when she was wishing that Sandy weren't here, but she certainly never wished her dead. She couldn't help but feel guilty.

"Is Rose here?" Ruthie asked blankly, not knowing what else to say.

"No. I dropped her off at the hospital. Mom told me to come find you."

"Did you see Martin?" she asked, not knowing what she wanted the answer to be.

"No. He was still in the room with her…Sandy."

"Is the baby okay?"

"Yeah, as far as I know," he replied hollowly, and then added, "It's a boy."

Ruthie buried her head in her hands. "God," she sighed. She felt like she should be crying, but she couldn't. For this, the tears wouldn't come. She felt stupid, like there was something wrong with her. "Poor Martin. I can't even imagine what he is going through right now."

"I know." Simon put a hand on her back, trying to comfort her. After a moment of silence, she felt him get off the bed. "I have to get back to the hospital. Are you coming?"

She waited for a moment. Then, "Yeah, but I'll meet you there. I want to clean up a little first," she lied. She didn't know if she could handle seeing Martin now. It was bad enough going there to see him and Sandy welcome their child into the world and therefore solidify their relationship, but that had been for her own selfishness. Now, she didn't know how to be there for him. She had been such a jerk to him about Sandy, she didn't know if she was really the one to be there for him to assure him that everything would be okay. He knew she never had a soft spot in her heart for Sandy, she was afraid he might think she was rubbing Sandy's death in his face. She didn't know what she was going to do.

Simon looked concerned. At that moment, he reminded her so much of Matt, their eldest brother, it was scary. He apparently decided to trust her because he leaned over and gathered her into a tight hug. "Okay. Be careful. I'll see you there."

He let her go and disappeared from the room. Ruthie waited until she heard the front door open, then close, and his car to start before she even moved from the bed. She went to the bathroom and looked in the mirror. Quickly, she removed the makeup from her face as there was no hope in saving it at this point, and threw her curly hair up into a messy pony tail on the top of her head. Grabbing a zip-up sweater from the closet and shrugging it on, Ruthie headed down the stairs and out of her house into the cool night air. For a moment, she just stood on the steps, taking in the cool night air, letting it prick her lungs with it's sharpness of cold, and then she made her decision and started away from her house, walking in and out of the glow of the streetlamps.

Ruthie didn't know where she was going, but she knew one thing for certain: she wasn't going to the hospital.