Invader Zim is property of their respective owners. Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas is written by Hunter S Thompson.
Summary: Professor Membrane is called to a conference to in Las Vegas. Dib and Gaz have to come along. Zim comes to takeover the world. Phil Cardona trashes a hotel room and runs into this. And Gir gets himself lost in a hotel kids ball room. All this and more in
Alert and Contempt in Las Vegas
"Kids, we're going to Las Vegas." Professor Membrane announced to his kids as he walked through the door.
Dib looked up from the tv. They were playing his favorite program "Mysterious Mysteries". "Why are we going to Las Vegas? To investigate the latest covert dealings at Area 51?" His eyes widened with anticipation.
"No, I'm required to attend a conference and I can't leave you kids by yourself. So you're coming along. Now hurry and pack your bags we leave tomorrow."
"Where are we staying?" Gaz asked not looking up from her Gameslave who she was pounding away at the controls.
"I've booked a reservation at The Continental."
"The Continental?" Dib asked. "Where's that?"
"It's near the convention center where the conference is being held."
"Isn't that hotel near Cortez's Cove?" Gaz asked
Professor Membrane turned to Gaz. "Why, yes it is."
"I heard they got the best video games in the country." Gaz's eyes widened. "I can't wait to play them."
The Professor turned to both of them. "Well I'm glad it's settled. Now remember we leave tomorrow. Now if anyone needs me, I'll be at the lab." He then walked out of the house and closed the door. Leaving them once again alone in the house.
When Zim came home he found Gir to be sitting on the couch watching tv. He was also trying although futilely getting the drink through the straw. It was a new flavor of slushee: Chocolate bubble gum.
"Hmm, I love this flavor." He continued to suck down the strange concoction.
Zim was too tired to yell at him. He just wanted to go down to the base and get some work. He noticed that on tv, there was a news report instead of the "Monkey show"
"Why aren't you watching that monkey show?"
Gir turned to look at Zim. "It was a rerun."
"They why are you watching the news."
Gir just shrugged.
"Okay."
Zim went over to the tv and looked at was going on. On screen was a coifed reporter staning in front of a massive building. A sign read: "World Science Expo"
"Turn it up, Gir! This looks to be very interesting."
Gir took the remote and turned it up. Once in a while he do what he was told to do.
The reporter began to talk. "Jim, I'm in front of the convention Center where they are holding the World Science Expo. This is where top scientists gather from around the world to this building in Las Vegas. A lot of topics will be discussed and they'll be the introduction of some new inventions. Now I've learned for a source that Professor Membrane will be attending. Which means some very worth while event."
Just as the news switched to something else. Zim thought about what he had hears and then the idea came right into his head.
"GIR, We are going to Las Vegas!"
He wasn't listening and was continuing to suck on the straw. He sucked on it so hard that he got part of his face caught in it. Muffled sounds came from the straw.
"GIR!" Zim walked over and pried Gir's face the straw. There was now a rim of chocolate bubble gum around Gir's face. He then started to lick his own face.
"I taste good."
Zim just stood there and shook his head. This mission was going to be difficult.
Los Angeles, California
At an upscale restaurant in the city. Phil Cardona was having fried chicken for lunch. His friend who he called "Gunny" was just having coffee.
"So it sounds like you got some book coming along there, Phil."
Phil Cardona was eating. He had on his dark sunglasses and had on his "McMeeties" hat. Now he was wearing a blue pocket t-shirt and fatigue pants. Since the restaurant was no-smoking, he left his cigarette holder in his car: A 1984 Dodge Diplomat.
"Gunny, I'm gonna work on this book when I get home later."
"Good plan, Phil I was...."
Just then a cell phone began to ring. Cardona looked over and noticed it was. He picked it up and answered the call. All Gunny could here was a one-sided conversation.
"What. . .yes. . . when?. . . All right, I'm on my way." Cardona then turned off his phone. "That was headquarter. They got an assignment for me."
"Where you headed."
"To the bastion of American Capitalism, Gunny. Where one is judge by how much you can lose and where you can find the 99 cent buffet."
"Vegas"
"Bingo, I'm supposed to cover a convention being held by the Pork Counsel."
"Really, where you staying?"
"Nice place, The Continental."
Gunny nodded. "Headquarters is certainly spending a good piece of change on you."
"I think it's because I did that interview with the candidate during the last election. Hey is it true you spoke to him in a grocery check-out line?"
"I'll tell you what I tell my readers. I take the fifth."
Gunny nodded. He had to hand it to Phil when it came to being asked questions.
Las Vegas, NV
The city was always in it's eternal glitter shining brightly at night and somewhat restrained during the day. But Vegas was always Vegas no matter how many theme hotels spring up. It the city that some still think as the last bastion of true sin.
Cardona speeded his way to the city only stopping for the occasional bathroom break and when he thought he saw Jimmy Hoffa selling roadside jam. But he stay twenty miles above the speed limit. When he reached the Continental he came to a screeching stop in front of the hotel. A valet appeared and approached the door. Cardona took his cigarette holder, a notepad of paper, and his credentials. There was no way he was going to pay for this with his own money.
"Can I take your car, sir?"
"Make sure you take the bags to my room."
"I will sir."
"Be careful with this car. It's a classic."
"Yes, sir" The valet snorted who would this. want to steal a piece of junk like He got in and drove the car away.
Cardona looked around and then walked into the hotel.
"Here you are Professor your room on the 10th floor, two rooms adjoining."
He took the keycards. "Thank you, has the conference been notified?"
The desk person stared at him. "Yes they have."
"All right" He turned to face his kids. He gave one keycard to Gaz and the other to Dib.
"Here you go. The keys to our rooms. If you ever need something you can find me at the convention center."
Gaz pocketed her card. "I'm gonna be a Cortez's Cove."
"Good plan, Gaz. Dib why don't you go with your sister?"
"I'm not big on video games. I want to find a way of getting over to Area 51. I got my camera ready to go."
"That's nice. Well I better get going. Remember don't gamble the security doesn't like that sort of thing. All right I'm off."
Membrane took one of the bags and walked out of the hotel. Once again leaving Gaz and Dib alone in the massive hotel lobby.
"See ya, Dib. I'm going."
"You do that Gaz. I'm gonna work on those 51 connections."
"Whatever"
She walked in one direction while Dib went the other. He continued to walk through the massive crowds. It seemed a bit overwhelming for him. But how can an aspiring paranormal investigation be afraid of some people. Unless those people were flesh-eating zombies.
He walked by the front desk and some shouting.
"Look I want six oranges, two pieces of toasts, a breakfast steak, and a three club sandwiches. with extra mayo."
"Yes, sir"
"And that no one bother me unless they ask for my name. I'll tell you when I want housekeeping."
"Okay whatever you want, sir."
"Good"
It took Dib a little bit of time for him to recognize the voice. But then it hit him. It was that reporter he had met a couple of months ago It was Phil Cardona.
Dib came up behind Cardona.
"Hello, Phil"
Cardona turned and stared at Dib right in the face.
"Oh hello, Dib what's going on?"
"Nothing much. Say you're staying here?"
"Yes"
"What floor?"
"They're giving me a suite on the 12th floor."
"I'm staying on the 10th."
"Oh, okay."
"So what are you doing here?"
"Headquarters has sent me to cover a pork counsel conference here in the city."
"Interesting, can I ask you a question?"
"Sure"
"Why do I always seem to followed by pork imagery?"
"That's a good question."
Cardona stood and stared into space with a confused look on his face.
Dib decided to change the subject.
"Say have you been to Area 51?"
"Been there, I took the tour."
Dib's jaw dropped. "You're kidding?"
"Nope, tell you what. After I get settled in my suite and I go over to this conference. How about I take you over there?"
Dib was ecstatic he was drooling at the chance to see Area 51. "Yes! I want to go so bad. So when can we go, huh, huh?"
"The day after tomorrow. By the way you didn't see your little buddy Zimmy have you?"
"Zimmy? Oh you mean Zim. No I haven't."
"Good, I don't want someone pulling a gun on me while I'm trying to work. It's counterproductive.
"Well, I'm gonna go to my room. Mysterious Mysteries is coming on and I never miss it. So I'll see you later then, Phil.
"Will do Dib, Will do."
Cardona and Dib then went their separate ways.
In one of the many Vegas theme hotels. The 2121's theme was the future Where the hotel was decorated in future looking decor and some of the hotel employees dressed up as different kind of aliens.
Zim and Gir: both disguised. Arrived to the hotel in a taxi. This was the only place where he could get a room on such notice. What with the conventions going on.
"That'll be $11.50" The driver said
Zim stared at him. "Oh yes, you shall be compensated for your work, meat bag, I mean human." Zim then produced a few crumpled bills.
The driver looked at the kid. "You know I should be getting more because I allowed your dog to come."
The dog actually Gir sat on the seat with a blank expression on its face. He waived at Zim and made a happy sounding noise.
"Well, I'll reward you for taking us." Zim took out a couple more bills and handed them over.
He then reached for the door.
"Say didn't you bring any bags?"
"No, we packed light. Come Gir."
Zim got out of the cab and the Gir followed they now stood in front of the massive structure. The 2121 showed a UFO parked in front of the three 15 story towers.
"Let's go Gir, we must plan for our attack."
The two of them began to walk casually into the hotel lobby. While Zim was focused on business, Gir noticed all of the lights, noise, and strange carpeting. It was starting to overwhelm him.
"Oh I'm getting sick."
"Don't worry Gir. I'll find us some lodging."
The two of them walked through the casino. They came to a stop in front of box that had bars in the window.
"Hello we'd like a room please."
The attendant stared down at the two of them. What he saw was a strange looking little kid and a oddly shaped dog.
"You're looking for the check-in desk. This is a cashier's cage."
"Then where do we find this desk?"
The attendant raised a hand and pointed towards the left. "Over there."
Zim and Gir walked over to where they had been told to go to. It was a large room where several people were moving in and out. The check in employees had different costumes and make-up to try and contribute to the atmosphere.
When they got to one of the windows. Zim stood there wide-eyed. He couldn't believe it. Had they come to evaluate him? Standing there was the all-mighty-tallest purple.
Actually it was a hotel employee wearing a suit. But Zim seemed oblivious to that.
"Your lordship I salute you. How may I be your service."
The clerk looked at him. Thinking that it was some lost and confused kid.
"Where are your parents, little boy?"
"Parents? I only live to serve you and the Irken empire. May they live for the next millennia." Zim then gave the clerk a salute. Gir stood there staring until Zim elbowed him and then he also saluted.
"All right I'm going to send you to a children's center."
"What ever you say my lordship."
"Sure" The clerk picked up the phone and pressed a few buttons. He then spoke a few words into it and then hung up.
After a few movements two security guards dressed as galactic sentries. "Come with us, son. You can take your toy with you."
"I will do what I'm commanded to do!"
"Sure kid" One of the guards said. "What ever you say."
The two guards led them to a child-care center. Where children were doing a variety of things from playing on the indoor jungle-gym to playing in a massive ball pit.
Gir looked at the ball pit from the outside. His eyes widened and he began to salivate.
"So this is where you are stationing me?" Zim asked
"Uh, yes kid until you receive orders from your commanders saying otherwise."
"Excellent! I will fulfill my duties to the best of my abilities."
"What ever you say, kid."
The two guards brought them inside and left there to their own devices.
"Now Gir, you survey the area. While I draw up the plans."
"Will do"
Gir then ran over to where the ball pit was and jumped in. He screamed gleefully as went around the pit. Jumping up and down occasionally pushing out some of the plastic colored balls.
On the other side of the room Zim sat down a kid's table. He grabbed some paper and a few crayons. He began to work away at his plans for his takeover of the world's top scientists.
The Next Day
For Phil Cardona the day after arriving in a new city and a new hotel room. He would find himself waking up in the strangest places. This time he woke up on top of the coffee table. Even though he had been in the city for less than a day. The room was already trashed. And he couldn't explain why. Perhaps one day he would clean up one these rooms.
He walked over and picked up an orange from the room service cart and began to peel away at it. While working away on it the phone rang. He walked over and picked it up.
"Hello"
"Phil it's your editor at headquarters."
"Yeah what's up?"
"Just wanted to let you know that can you please try to get as much as you can of this before being thrown out. Can you please do that."
"Well I do what I can. I'm not saying this will be the time when I went to cover the National Hockey League Champioships."
"I hope not."
"Oh I don't think so"
Suddenly Phil heard a click.
"Hold on, I think someone's on the other line."
He went over and clicked for the other line.
"WHAT DO YOU WANT!" He screamed, then went back to the other line.
"Sorry someone was trying to steal my story."
"Well make sure you get this stuff done. You can do your exploits later. Besides the publisher is eagerly waiting for your book.
"That's good, after I'm done with the article I'll come back and handover the manuscript."
"Excellent, see you then Phil." The editor then hung up
Before heading out to the convention center Cardona cleaned himself up and took a few things with him. His notepad, a pen, and a tape recorder for ready access to quotes. He had to leave the cigarette holder in the room. No sense taking it to a place that was non-smoking.
Once he was ready, Cardona walked out of the room and hung the do not disturb sign on the knob. He didn't want anyone coming into his room.
He then drove down to the convention center where he found the Pork Conference was well under way. Cardona noticed that the World Scientist Expo was being held in the same building although on the other side.
When he got into the room the place was filled with all things pork. Booths advertizing new pork products such as "Ham in an aerosol can". There were also representatives from various pork companies and even they had a couple of mascots. Cardona thought he saw the "Bloaty's pizza pig" although it may have been a figment of his imagination. For the next few hours all he had to do was report on the happening on biggest amount of pork in one room since he had visited the world's repository of bacon.
As he sat in the back of a cab being brought to the convention center. Zim had the plans and the tools for what he wanted to do. First he would get into to where the scientists were then he would control them by way subliminal messages by way of a tape recorder that he would plant into the microphone. When the tape played it would seem to produce random noise. But it was actually a set of subliminal messages that would control who ever listened to them for at least five seconds.
Zim was immune to the messages and all he would do is stand by and wait for his plan to fall into place.
The cab pulled up to the front of the convention center. Zim paid and got out of the cab. Under his guise as a kid he walked in a carefree manner through the doors. It seemed that no one was stopping not even Dib.
As he walked through the halls he found himself inside the convention hall. But what he didn't realize was that Zim had gone through the wrong part of the building. He was in the Pork Counsel conference. But he didn't know this and thought this was where the top scientists were.
So he walked carefully through maze of booths and found himself near the stage. Where a giant inflated pig hung in the air.
A small evil chuckle came out of Zim as he went to work.
About thirty minutes later, Cardona and several other people found their seats in front of the massive stage. They were now going to here from the President of the Pork Counsel.
While waiting for the speaker. Cardona went through the bag of stuff he had collected from the booths. They included pens, buttons, a pad of paper, and even a sample can of "Ham in a aerosol can". He was told that it was based on the concept of "aerosol cheese".
As he waited he looked around the area. Cardona thought he saw that little boy/alien he had seen a couple of months ago. *What's that freak doing here? This is gonna be bad. I better stop him.* He got up and began to walk towards Zim.
*In just a couple of minutes I'll control the scientists of the world.* Zim thought to himself. *I can't wait!*.
What he didn't realize was that Phil Cardona came up and grabbed him.
"What are you doing ya freak!"
"Gahhhhh! It's the reporter. Get him off!"
"What crazy scheme are cooking up here?"
"I'm not telling meat bag!"
"All right you asked for it."
Cardona produced an aerosol can and sprayed Zim.
"Ahhhhhh!" He said in a loud shriek.
"Wow I didn't know mace could do that."
Cardona turn the can around and read that it was "Ham in an aerosol can."
"Whoa, what will they think up next?"
Several secruity guards appeared. "What's going on?" One of them asked
"Check the stage this kid rigged something. I know it."
"Who are you sir?"
"There's no time for that just stop the conference till you check everything."
The guards then fanned out and everyone was soon evacuated out of the building.
When everyone was outside they waited for the all clear. Cardona looked for Zim and couldn't find him. The weird freak had gotten away from him again. *Sometime this has got to end.* He thought.
While he was milling around outside. Zim went underground, he had to repair his guise the best he could before he could pick up Gir. Who was still out the 2121 ball pit. "You won this time Mr. Cardona. But like every human on this planet you will eventually lose." Zim began cackle evilly as walked down the sewers.
The Next Day
"You're kidding, Zim tried to control the National Pork Council?" Dib asked
"Guess so" Cardona said as drove through the Nevada desert. They were going towards the direction of Area 51. "Luckily a can of aerosol ham stopped him in his tracks. Cops found some tape recorder near some sound equipment all they could find on it was some static."
"Interesting"
"Yeah, what's next for little Zimmy?"
"Zimmy, I like that mind if I use it?"
"Sure Dib, go nuts."
"Thanks"
They then continued to exchange small talk as they went through the desert. Another hour passed before they arrived at a long chain link fence.
"This is it, Dib" Said to Cardona. "As far as we can go."
"Oh really."
Cardona turned around and saw a unmarked car come up from behind them. Both of them knew it was a government car.
"Hold on one sec" Cardona said
A man came out from the black car. He was wearing a black suit with a white shirt and a black tie. The image of the man-in-black.
He approached the car and tapped on the glass. Cardona rolled it down.
"Good afternoon Jim."
The man stared at him for a just a second before opening with a wide smile. "How you doing, Phil?"
"Good, yourself"
"Can't complain. What brings you over here."
"Oh just wanted to show the kid here Area 51. Think they'll let him?"
"Well only if we don't show him where we keep Elvis and Hoffa."
Dib looked wide-eyed.
"Just kidding."
"Oh"
"So ready to see the base?" Jim said to the both of him
Cardona turned to face Dib.
"Sure"
"All right, just follow me."
Cardona rolled up the window and then waited for the car behind him to move. Once it did, he put the car into reverse and then followed the black car into the desert. While Dib wouldn't see everything there was. He would see something he couldn't believe and neither would anyone else if he told him. It was just another extraordinary moment for Dib and something noteworthy for Phil Cardona. Until his next adventure in the land of the weird.
The End