Jocelyn lost too much sleep to her visions, let alone her nightmares. She didn't need to be reminded of everything she had lost to the man she had hated most of her life. She didn't want to see images of a giggling little girl in her nightmares. They just reminded her how she was unable to protect the most precious thing to her life. They just reminded her that she was a horrible Mother.
As Jocelyn wept with her head in her hands she couldn't help but think that she had really messed up her life, her daughter's life, and the life of the man that loved her-Harry Potter. She knew that Draco Malfoy had won the fight against her. She knew in the bottom of her heart that he had taken their daughter to hurt her for leaving him to begin with.
She took a sharp breath and fell back on her bed. She spread her arms out wide as if her child could come running into the room and jump on the bed into her arms. No child came though, and more tears welled up in Jocelyn's eyes.
Jocelyn missed her daughter everyday and she was still looking for her fifteen years after she had been kidnapped by Death Eaters. Jocelyn was going to find her daughter Iris Black and she was going to do it on her own if no one else would help her. She knew Harry could not help her, if he ever found out that Draco Malfoy was the Father of her child he would never trust her again. If he found that out, he wouldn't want to help her and he wouldn't trust her. And Jocelyn needed Harry on her side despite their past.
Jocelyn wiped the tears off her cheeks and sat up in the bed. She shook her head because of her ridiculous behavior. Standing up, she pulled her clothes off and headed for her closet where she dressed. As she pulled her clothes over her pale cool skin she thought of how alone she really was. With a sharp in take of breath she turned to the mirror.
"You are a liar," she whispered. "You're cruel, hurtful and selfish. But most of all you betrayed the only man who ever really loved you, despite your lack of emotional feelings for him, and you betrayed the whole Order."
Jocelyn blinked. She had always been harsh on herself. She turned sharply, looking away from the mirror and her dark features. The weight of her betrayal was weighing down her shoulders and she was beginning to think that the weight was going to be lifted soon. Soon everyone would know what she had done; how she slept with Draco Malfoy in the middle of her relationship with Harry to gain information for the Order, how she mothered a child for him, and how she had lied that the child's father was a drunk muggle who was a mistake.
She frowned, it had been Draco who was the mistake.