"Craig," Emma said, asking for his attention. It had been a few months since their first kiss, their first date, when it all started. They had finally let their feelings for each other pour out after Craig came home from rehab and they had seen each other when Spike and Snake invited Joey over. Craig had to come, Joey didn't have full trust in him, and that's where it all started. Now, Emma felt like Craig deserved the right to know the full story about her struggle with Anorexia. She paced the floor as she awaited and answer
"Yes?" he asked her, curious as to what she was about to tell him. The tone of her voice was not clear as to whether or not it was good or bad. "What is it Em?"
Emma took a small breath before beginning. She sat down on her bed, and as she began to speak, Craig did the same. "I told you I was anorexic," she began. "But you don't know everything about it. All the details, everything I was going through. There's something inside of me that's telling me that describing all of this to you, will not only let you know more about me, but release that final thread of regret."
Craig nodded. This seemed important to her, so he said nothing, and let her continue. "I felt so powerless. Everything in my life seemed to be out of my control, and I really wanted control. I really really did. So then, I turned to eating. I could control that, what I put in my mouth. At first I tried to be healthier, but then I stopped eating completely…"
Craig just nodded again, he didn't want to be rude and tell her he knew what anorexia was, whether he added a laugh or not, it wasn't the best thing to do, while she was almost pouring her heart out.
"I went out exercising all the time. I acted differently. When I went out to eat, I would shove French Fries in my pockets, just so I wouldn't have to eat. People would think I was completely fine. I was just Emma Nelson, that was all they thought. But sooner or later my lies weren't enough. Peter and Manny found out, and I hated them. I just wanted to have that control, to not look fat, to feel like I had the power for once in a very long time. They took that away from me. But they got through to me. I started to understand that what I was doing was totally wrong," she stopped for a moment, and collapsed onto the bed, her head falling gently into Craig's lap, and she smiled up at him. He smiled back, as en encouragement to keep going.
"So, I got help, I went to group, and everyone there helped. You know how it is, in group I mean. I felt sane for a while. But sometimes, every so often, my dreams turn into nightmares and haunt me of that time. They remind me of my mistake. They remind me of anorexia. They make me think that I might go back to it, if things get bad again."
Craig absentmindedly stroked Emma's blond hair that was sprawled out on his lap. "I know how hard it is. My addiction with crack, it was all the same. The same exact story…" he wasn't sure if he should continue or not.
"Go ahead Craig. It's alright if you want to share. You listened to me, I want to hear about you," she told him. He smiled. This is why he liked her. She was like Ashley and Ellie in the way that she wanted to help him, to listen to him. She wasn't like Manny; Manny had let him do the drugs, and ran off. But what made Emma different from the three was her charisma, and almost everything about her made him smile.
So he began. "I wanted control, too. The music life was fun, but everyone seemed to be jumping down my throat, and the temptation seemed so promising. It seemed to promise me that power crave that I had longed for so often. I no longer wanted to be inferior to all the big shots. So, I decided to try it out. Now that I look back on it, it was like I was instantly addicted. When I came back to Toronto, it obviously got me into trouble. That was the problem, I didn't think of the consequences. It benefited me at the time, and I was so selfish."
Emma could relate to his story so far. She had a feeling that these connections could do a lot for their relationship… in a positive way of course.
"And then Manny, she did the drugs with me. At first she was angry, but she let me have what I wanted. Then Ellie… she wanted to stop me. It made me so mad. So, I told her I loved her to get the crack. But I did mean it… at the time. I did have those feelings for her. But after going off to rehab, and getting better, those feelings never rekindled. The ones I had for you, did. I should have picked you at the dance Emma. I know that was years ago. But it was you… It was you I needed."
Emma blushed furiously, and her heart was beating fast, her stomach bubbled with excitement. That one comment made her ecstatic. She leaned up a bit, just as Craig's lips were coming down towards hers, and they met. The passionate kiss lasted for eternity, it seemed. Emma Nelson knew she made the right choice in talking about her anorexia. This one conversation alone brought their relationship to a new level, a level that Emma was comfortable in. She could stay this way for ever, and so could Craig.