Tales of the Wasteland Presents
The Warrior's JournalFeaturing:
Mr. Adam Buttosai
Caz Warudo (Scythy Scythe)
Officer Maximillian
Day 1:
Ah yes, nothing like a good bath in the ruins of Athens, I thought to myself. Nothing could be better than closing your eyes relaxing in the hot waterfall of the ancient city of Athens while breathing the sweet oxygen supplied by the sweet cherry blossom trees. My skin already feels rejuvenated from absorbing the healing vitamins located within the spa's gentle waters. Here, nobody can bother me. Not the military, and definitely not the ladies. It's just me, my loin cloth, and my beautiful gorgeous mug. Absolutely nothing can stop me from enjoying this luxurious sensation….
Until suddenly I, Buttosai the Handsome, suddenly heard a noise that sounded like the opening of an electronic door. High tech doors in the ruins of Athens? Surely, I must be hearing things. But when I started hearing voices speaking of such things as lunar exploration and space travel, that's when I opened my eyes and surfaced above the water of what should've been the waterfall of Athens. Instead, I see an interior of what looked to be a huge bathroom encased in chrome walling. And when I stepped out onto the smooth flooring, I was greeted by a gun to my head and a scythe to my neck from behind.
"Who the hell are you!?" claims the one who is pointing what looks to be an energy blaster from the old space movies not too many people watch anymore. "Yeah, what are you doing aboard our ship", says the scythe dude calmly as if he's annoyed that he found another piece of rubbish to dispose of. "That's a nice toy you got there," I greeted the scythe dude sarcastically, "mind if I have a turn with that there scythe?"
"I'm not going to repeat myself!" the gunman shouted in my left ear, "If you don't answer in the next three seconds I'm going to stain this bath with your blood!"
"Yeah, just hurry up and answer already," Scythy Scythe said. I think I might just call him that!
"Ok, that's enough." I ducked right before both the gunman shot his energy blaster and Scythy got to my neck. I elegantly grabbed Scythy's scythe and disarmed him and held it to his neck. "Don't get the bath involved," I explain. In my moment of triumph, the gunman reloaded his gun and pointed it towards his accomplice's face, which was in line with my beautiful mug.
"You wouldn't," I claimed.
"Trust me, he would," explains the smooth talking Scythy Scythe, "I'm surprised that I'm still traveling with him to be honest with you."
"Well it doesn't matter!" I shouted while letting my hostage go, clearing a pathway for the energy blaster, "Now behold the TRUE BEAUTY of Buttosai the Handsome!" As the gunman was readying his blaster I posed a pose so elegant that combined with the dread and despair of the scythe I was holding, I was a true masterpiece.
"Go die in a hole!" screamed the gunman with vigor beyond the average capacity of a regular human. But, as I expected, he just couldn't pull the trigger. "Um, Max…..Why isn't he dead yet?" asked Scythy scythe bewildered. "I-I-I don't understand!" the gunman known as Max observed, "My hand, no, my finger won't pull the trigger!"
"This isn't the time for games Maximillian!" Scythy explained, losing his cool, "Throw me your gun!" As I was still posed in my elegance, Max threw his energy blaster towards his subordinate. As he pointed it in my direction all I heard was, "I'm going to kill you like dead at my feet."
"OHHHHHH YEAHHHHH," I said, "can you even pull the trigger Scythy Scythe?"
As Scythy's trigger finger touched the trigger mechanism, it wouldn't fire. More accurately, he just couldn't press the trigger either. I'm just too…handsome.
"What the hell is this trickery?!" Scythy Scythe exclaimed in fear. "This sir, is my raw potential to bloom into a gorgeous and handsome butterfly! You might reject me, but deep within your subconscious, your soul can't resist the handsomeness that is me!" I profoundly explained. Then I took the scythe and turned towards Max. He seemed to be holding some sort of device of communication, almost identical to a cellular device…...crap.
"Jokes on you," Max said, "we're on the casino planet Chewter, home to the North Starboard Knights! They'll be here at any moment to handle you!"
Crap, I thought. The last thing I need are enemy reinforcements. "No-no-no-no-no! This isn't over until I get my answers!" I shouted angrily as I throw down Scythy Scythe and grab hold of Max for when the reinforcements come. And who was expecting an entire army of power-suited super soldiers to storm the bathroom!?
"Stop where you are and return Officer Maximillian to the North Starboard Knights," the lead knight said in a voice that was so professional, it was almost robotic, "you and Caz Warudo are under arrest for crimes against the Supreme Authority."
I look at Scythy Scythe, "So that's your name. Well, you'll always be Scythy Scythe to me kid. Now," I look back towards the officers, keeping my hold on Officer Max, "let me tell you what we're going to do. Unless you want your commanding officer to die where he stands, you're going to clear a way for me and my buddies out this piece of chrome trash!"
"SHOOT HIM!" commands Max.
"You're bluffing," I grimaced towards Max, "No way they'll shoot me while I'm still holding you as a shield!" As if defying logic, the soldiers shot me with the hardest rubber bullets I have ever felt in my entire existence. And not a single one hit their commanding officer! I dropped the scythe and plummeted towards the ground where they shot me some more. While striving to remain conscious, one of the soldiers stuck me with a syrup, no a tranquillizer dart, so heavy and throbbing that I immediately felt the effects the moment it pierced my skin. Before I lost consciousness, the last thing I heard was, "Make sure you wear protective head gear to protect yourself from his dangerous body. And to secure your safety, put a silk fiber see-through flex mask over his head. Trust me, its for you..r...sa..f...ty..."