Declaimer: I do not own Inuyasha or their characters
There was something sinister about the darkness that preceded the night. Everything was apprehended and noiseless as if it anticipated something menacingly significant to happen. She too anticipated, her heart constantly flinching with the rustling of the leaves and the shadows being cast on the trees, making them appear as someone's silhouettes. But as she anticipated, she also waited because after dark was when things instead of bending became alive. And she wouldn't believe anything they'd said until she saw it with her own eyes.
The forest seemed to be existing out of suspense; everything that came was followed by silence. It was slowly driving her to insanity. How much longer? Despite it being cold, the nervousness she felt in her chest and stomach was making her hair cling to her neck and forehead. How much longer? Above, the stars looked down at her forebodingly as they suspend on the black sky as a million watching eyes. How much longer? His silver hair and the rising moon on his almost white face kept appearing in her mind every time she blinked. How much longer? She was starting to doubt everything she was told, she was starting to think that it was best to turn around and head home. How much lon-
There was a crunch-crunch of dead leaves being stepped on. She caged her breath in her lungs. She strained her eyes on only that sound. There was a gust of wind that reminded her of horsed laughter, as if the air itself was making fun of her. Maybe she did look funny concentrating on one spot in the blackness. Maybe there was nothing there and she looked very stupid to anyone passing by. Then he popped out as if by magic.
Her gasp sounded like shattering glass, piercing the silence. A cruel murderer, she thought. Then she heard herself gulp, as she tried to swallow the dryness in her throat, begging her tongue to remember some hue of language.
He was faster. "Rin? What are you doing here?"
Rin only blinked once, trying to decide whether to tell the truth or not. "I could ask you the same, My Lord?" Not.
It was the first time Rin ever saw him look this betrayed. The weird thing was that it was with himself.
"I…" he only managed as if figuring on last minute that what he was about to say was all wrong.
"I haven't seen you in weeks, My Lord." Her voice was raspy and she cursed herself for sounding so hurt. She then decided that it was best to do a confrontation. "And they told me you come here every night. They say you look down at my home, My Lord."
He only stared at her very scrutinizing, as if she lost her reason, as if all that came from her mouth was lies, a conspiracy. She thought for a moment that maybe they wrong, maybe this was a coincidence, maybe it all was, maybe he was right for looking down at her. But his stare was one of dismay successfully covered underneath his cold exterior. She just snapped.
"I hope you don't hide in the woods when I'm wed," she said dryly and she could see something unrecognizable in his eyes.
He didn't answer.
"And I hope you see my new infant, if it's possible, My Lord," she added.
His Adams-apple rose and fell, he appeared angry and then in the laps of a second the words seem to sink. "Is Rin…?"
She tried not to look at him very intensely as she fought the urge to cross her arms. "Of course not. But it's just… I haven't seen My Lord since I told him about the proposal." She looked at the ground, tying to picture the grass that was under her feet instead of the blinding darkness. She bit her lip. "Why?" She couldn't see it.
As Rin looked at the ground she felt the burn of his stare on her, like a bad blister. Her feet were whispering for her to run, that if she didn't she wouldn't have the chance ever again. I'm done running, she said very unknowingly. Her heart was rolling uncontrollably in her ribs.
"This Sesshomaru doesn't have the time," was all he said.
Rin's eyes jumped up to meet his, "And instead you wonder through the woods, hiding from me." At the sight of his face she flinched. His features were relax, his mouth was set, his posture was calm. It was like a parent waiting for a child to get tired of its tantrum, its screams, its momentary grief because it knew that in the end it really didn't matter. "But you don't care, My Lord. I just thought…"
Her eyes bottled with humiliation, she felt her cheeks redden with foolishness, and she regretted very badly not listening to her feet. But was it really worth it all? Like a sponge she sucked it all back.
Though he still looked expectantly. "I just thought you'd stop me," she finished. "But it doesn't matter now, does it?"
She turned and without remaining for an explanation she headed for the Village, remembering her way back and feeling like a weight had been lifted. As she slowly walked she felt the applause of the woods on her shoulder, either in the wind or in the trees, as if cheering her on. That was quickly interrupted.
"You wanted me to stop you?" Sesshomaru asked, sounding completely lost.
She didn't know whether to feel actual relief that the applauses weren't real so she was able to hear or to feel absolute dread that she did. She stopped, but it wasn't a capability in the moment to turn. "I thought I did," she corrected. "Thought, My Lord."
"Why?" came after a few quiet moments.
She closed her lids. The blasted tears were threatening again! Instead of feeling as strong as she pretended to be her knees buckled, she felt each breath come out raged and she felt her heart being squished, her lungs stolen when she was searching for the right words. At the end it didn't really matter. The woods were now jeering instead. "Because I thought My Lord loved me. And again thought."
I'm better off not thinking at all, she told herself.
"I thought you wanted to be happy. I thought that that was what you wanted. I can't stop your decision nor can I approve them. I have no voice in your life. I'm not your guardian. It's your choice."
His voice was so monotone that she wanted so very badly to punch him, just to see what he would do. She decided that she would do the same.
"I'm happy now. And I will leave today and I will create my own life and I will have my own children. I just want you to know that you did have a choice and some kind of approve in all this. It was your decision not to make it… I just hope I see you at the reception, My Lord."
And she started to walk away. The woods were quiet this time. Not even her own sounds. The sky too had run out of stars and her hair was moving with her as she did. She could picture her future, it was just bittersweet prospect but that was life.
"This Sesshomaru loves you too," she heard him say.
She kept sliding one foot in front of the other as if it weren't as difficult as it seemed.
"I want to stop you," he finally said.