Slip of Paper

Heero lets the heavy wooden door of the lavishly decorated hotel suite close behind him as he drops his luggage down by the door. This hotel, unlike the previous ones he's stayed at—on Earth or otherwise —is actually nice. For one thing, there's electricity around the clock. For another, it's in a much better area. Of course Quatre's the one who recommended the place, so it has to be pretty high quality. There are two king sized beds with silken linens Adie can't help but caress, feeling the smooth, soft texture glide through her fingers. Heero knows this is what she's used to—high thread count sheets, nice big beds, carpeting that isn't stained, and walls that don't leak. It's almost—but not quite—like home.

Home before he and Relena decided they were better off living apart than being together. Before they expressed their mutual agreement that this relationship wasn't working the way they'd thought and planned. It only took six months to recognize it wasn't working—and why. Heero realizes with a frown, as he sits on the bed opposite the one Adie's claimed, that it doesn't hurt. It doesn't and it hasn't. Isn't it supposed to?

Was it easier because my heart wanted someone else?

He lies on the bed, legs still dangling over the foot of it, arms splayed out above him.

Were we both just lying to ourselves about it working in the first place? Or was it denial? Isn't denial the same thing, just a different word? He looks over to Adie, who's snuggled up amongst the pillows, her head against them, asleep.

There was love, Heero thinks. But not the kind of love either of us craved.

It was the kind of love you have for a close friend, not the kind of love you give someone you want to devote your entire being to.

Go figure I didn't realize that until it's too late and you've probably moved on. He reaches for the ceiling, picturing his face, every detail still as vivid now as it was two years ago, trying to caress his cheek before running his fingers through that hair…

Heero sighs and lets his arm fall. He feels like a fallen angel, reaching for salvation from God and unable to ever attain it. He's not sure why he feels like that. He's not entirely sure he can even describe it. He just feels…

Lost.

It's been three days since Heero's return to the colonies. Three days since Quatre met him at the port. Three days since Heero's had any sort of interaction with anyone outside of his daughter. He can tell Quatre is worried when he listens to the voicemail inviting him over for tea and company. He's not sure what to do with Adie, so he takes her along, knowing Quatre won't mind at all. Why would he? The hotel has some sort of daycare, but he's not going to leave Adie there. He's sure there's nothing wrong with any of the workers there, but Heero feels better bringing her along with him. Adie doesn't seem to mind at all—her being cooped up in some hotel suite isn't good for her either.

A maid answers the door when they arrive just a few minutes later, bows respectfully as she bids him to enter. Heero hears the door close behind them and is led into some sort of sitting room area.

"Master Quatre will be with you shortly," she says softly, before bowing again and exiting the room. There isn't much in this room, understandably so since it's just a place for guests to wait before being led elsewhere. He can hear the faint clatter of dishes a few rooms away, and the bustle of maids and other personnel in the rooms above.

Heero senses someone behind him and sees Quatre move in front of him, slowly, until he's directly in Heero's line of sight. Heero's right arm twitches, resisting the urge to reach for something that isn't even there. Quatre smiles brightly, as he always does, and beckons them to a room adjacent to this one, which is much more cosier and inviting. Heero sits Adie down on the couch while Quatre takes his place on one of the armchairs surrounding the coffee table.

"How have you been?" Quatre asks. "Settling in okay?"

Heero nods. "Yeah. Getting acclimated to colony life again. Never realized how much I missed it." Heero turns around so he's speaking directly to Quatre. "Anything new?"

"I've got the application for Preventers here for you. I figured you wouldn't mind. I talked to Une as well and she'd be more than happy to arrange something for Adie so you don't have to worry about her."

Heero opens his mouth to interject, but Quatre continues.

"There are other agents who have kids and no one to watch them too. It's not just an exception for you. She'll be fine, and within a year or so, she'll be starting school, so it's temporary anyway. I have a list of schools you can enroll her in for when the time comes."

Heero nods again.

"You never mentioned you had a daughter," Quatre says, as he motions for Heero to sit on the armchair opposite. "I was a little surprised to see her on the shuttle with you. I thought, 'Who is this girl?' because you never said in your email that you were bringing someone with you." There's a tray of tea on the coffee table, along with an assortment of refreshments. When it comes to hospitality, Quatre spares nothing.

"You never asked," Heero replies, eyes scoping out the room, examining the windows and doors, monitoring who's coming in and out. He knows there's no threat, but he does it anyway.

"You stopped writing to me after six months. I just assumed you were busy with work." Quatre pours himself some tea, takes the cup and saucer in hand. "Or that maybe you didn't want further contact."

Heero drapes his arm over the arm of the chair. "I stopped writing when Adie was born. Someone had to take care of her. That and…there just wasn't any time to sit down and shoot off a quick email."

Quatre quirks his eyebrow as he finishes his sip. "No nannies?"

Heero shakes his head.

"Ah, right… Strangers coming into the home to take care of your children… It's a trust thing. I don't blame you."

"Didn't make sense anyway. I didn't have a job, and she had her career. Besides, it's not like I minded…"

Quatre nods. "It makes sense." He chuckles. "Heero Yuy, Gundam pilot turned stay at home father."

Heero's lips quirk into some semblance of a smile. "Makes me sound almost…human."

Quatre puts the saucer and cup back on the table.

"Heero… You always were human. As human as I am. Don't forget that."

"Aside from playing catch-up, what's your other reason for bringing me here?"

Quatre pulls out a slip of paper from his shirt pocket, hands it to him. "He wants to see you today." Heero looks at the note written, folds it into fourths before shoving it in his jacket pocket. "He knows?"

Quatre nods. "Everyone knows. It's splashed all over the tabloids, all over those gossip news shows… All over the internet… I've got people asking me all sorts of things about it, as if I know the intimate details of your life."

Heero scoffs and crosses his arms. "Figures. I kind of wanted to tell him myself, but I guess that was done for me."

Quatre hums in thought. "Saves you the trouble. But regardless, he wants to talk to you."

"About?"

Quatre gives him a look. "If he told me what, and then I told you, there would be no point in you seeing him. He said he has questions he wants answers to and wouldn't elaborate." He takes another sip of tea. "His address is on the paper I gave you. I know I gave you it when I wired the money, but I gave the wrong apartment number and complex name. There's several in the area, two with a similar name, and last thing I want is for you to go to the wrong one and get…discouraged when no one answers." Quatre holds his gaze for a moment. "Go see him."

Heero looks to Adie.

"I can watch her for you if you don't want to introduce her just yet. I've got plenty of nieces and nephews, so I know my way around kids." He leaned closer to Heero. "She'll be safe with me."

Adie looks nervous. Heero sighs. He knows he can trust Quatre, but even so…

"I haven't been away from her for extended periods of time before."

Quatre smiles. "First time for everything. Go on. Go pay him a visit."

Heero hesitates for a moment before standing from the plush cushioned chair and pats down his pockets, making sure he's got everything he might need.

"Does he think I'll show up?"

Quatre shrugs. "He knows how you are. Even if you don't show up today, you would eventually."

Adie comes over, clings to his leg. Heero smiles softly in what he hopes is reassurance before kissing her forehead.

"You'll be fine with Uncle Quatre. I'll be back later, okay?" He gives her one last look before nodding to Quatre and leaving. She doesn't need to know that deep down he's…he's scared as all hell. He's got nothing here yet—his future is so uncertain right now, what with no permanent home. Him wanting to stay here hinges on the outcome of this meeting.

He pulls out the slip of paper with the address on it and a note scrawled underneath it. Heero sighs.

It's only your best friend. Well, he was your best friend. He might not be anymore because you haven't spoken to him in about a year and a half. At one point you were hoping he'd be something more—no, your heart was hoping he'd become something more. Your heart is what set you up for disappointment. Keep it out of this. Don't read anything into it.

Heero sighs. But he wants to see you. His heart skips a beat, the sensation completely foreign to him. That's got to be a good sign. Right? Him wanting to see you? He shakes his head. Stop being irrational about this. You're not some lovesick teenager. Pull yourself together and stop getting your hopes up.

Heero's spent the better part of an hour wandering around. This L4 colony isn't all that large, so it's hard to get lost. He's managed to find the apartment complex completely by accident, his feet seemingly leading him there, guiding him. He's wandering around because he's stalling. He doesn't know why he's stalling—he's never done this before. Passersby must think he's nuts to walk past the same damn building, the same trees, the same scenery over and over. Either that or they think he's stalking someone. Or a bit of both. Perhaps he is crazy—he certainly feels crazy right now, stalling for time when he isn't even on a time crunch and he has nothing else to do. He takes a deep breath to steady his nerves. He's never this nervous. He's never been this nervous. Heero Yuy the Perfect Soldier, nervous? He laughs under his breath. Heero Yuy the Perfect Soldier is dead—as far as he's concerned, he died with Zero in Brussels.

He's not sure what to expect, and Heero Yuy doesn't do surprises very well. Quatre hadn't prepared him with any sort of intel, so he's going in blind. If this was a mission, it'd be a pretty stupid thing to do, go in blind with a hope and a prayer to whoever felt like listening to you. But it's not, it's a meeting between two friends. He crosses the street finally after composing himself, rings the bell and gets buzzed into the building. He takes the stairs one metal step at a time, his heart pounding louder and louder as he ascends until he's pretty damn sure it's reverberating against the concrete walls of the stairwell. He takes the door labeled with the number four and checks each hall for threats. Apartment 4C is right by the stairwell, which is great in case he needs to run.

But why would he need to run? Heero scowls. You're not in the war anymore. You don't have to figure out the closest escape route. He's got that letter still, the one he wrote a few days ago, that explains everything. Maybe he could just slip the letter under the door and avoid this whole confrontation all together. He reaches inside his jacket for it. What if he's not home and he's just wasting his time? He must have a job, right? Quatre didn't give him his availability. What if he's changed his mind and doesn't want to see him?

Stop stalling and just ring the damn door bell.

Gathering up his resolve, he rings the bell and waits. At first, he hears nothing, and he feels the pit in his stomach become a black hole, ready to swallow him. He's not home. He's changed his mind and doesn't want to see him after all, no matter what Quatre tells him. He—

The door swings open, and Duo's standing in the doorway in a sleeveless black tee and hole-ridden jeans, hair over his shoulder in a loose braid, unlit cigarette in his mouth, lighter in his hand. His head is turned to the side—he seems distracted, his eyes unfocused.

"'Bout time someone caught that asshole." He turns his attentions to the door and shock registers on his face, though Heero notices he's quick to gain his composure, doesn't even drop the cigarette. Heero can just make out the news in the background.

"Heero."

Heero feels his heart stop. He knows that's a cliché, even hates that sort of cliché, but it's the truth. Duo's changed since he saw him almost two years ago—taller, leaner, older. All of this makes perfect sense, he reasons, because they're all older and taller, young men instead of older boys. Heero reaches for him, but he drops his arm, unsure of what to do, what to say. Duo stares at him with what looks like disbelief before Heero is tugged forward. He feels Duo against him and realizes, once his head is on Duo's shoulder, that Duo's got his arms around him, that he can feel Duo's heart pounding against his chest too. Heero doesn't try and push him away.

"The one and only," he murmurs against Duo's shoulder. He's got to admit, it feels so good, like old times. Heero tenses briefly in his arms before his muscles relax and his arms encircle his waist. He's waited two fucking years for this—two years of constant "what ifs" going around and around in his head.

"Welcome home," Duo says as a whisper in his ear. He noses his ear before pulling away enough to look at him. Heero can only imagine what Duo must see—the lack of sleep, how old he must look for someone who's barely eighteen, every last imperfection. Instead of commenting on how he looks like he's gone through hell, Duo pulls him inside his apartment and pushes the door closed with his foot, leaning against it, blocking it off. Heero has nowhere to go, can do nothing except confront the man in front of him.

Heero can't help but stare into those eyes as Duo runs a hand through his hair, settling on his neck. "Where do I even start?"

Duo smirks. "Right here."

"I'm sor—"

Duo cuts him off with his mouth, reducing the rest of Heero's sentence to nothing more than garbled nonsense as he pushes him against the door. Heero kisses him back, tugs on Duo as his knees go weak from the force behind Duo's kiss. Heero's knees have never given out before, but like the saying goes, there's a first time for everything. He's never realized how much he's missed him until this moment, a moment that confirms so many things and disproves so many doubts all at once.

"…I'm home," Heero says breathlessly, fingers gripping the fabric of Duo's shirt, before Duo kisses him again. And this time, I'm not going anywhere.