No Going Back
Regrets: Jack had many regrets, regrets that stretched back and forth for centuries. He had taken to living in the present and never thinking about the past, it was a coping mechanism that he'd programmed to work so many years ago that he couldn't believe that it wasn't working now. He always blocked out the memories that hurt and concentrated on getting through each day. He never thought about it and it meant everyone else - even mind readers - found him impossible to read. That was always the case and yet nothing could block this out.
Time Travel: It exists. That was the worse part. Time travel wasn't the thing of sci-fi and magical stories like most people thought it was. It was real and it was possible, Jack knew that better than most people. He had been to and lived in so many different time zones that he wasn't sure which time he could rightly call his own anymore. Time travel was there, a day that had been and gone could be gone back to and rewatched. That was great and yet even time travel couldn't undo this.
Tears: Jack rarely cried, so rarely. He cried only a little when his brother, Gray, tried to destroy him. He was only close to tears when Tosh and Owen died and Ianto's death just a few days ago just left him shocked and horrified. Yet nothing could stop Jack's tears over this. Nothing could help him come to terms with this.
Blame: It was always so easy to blame someone else. When someone else was to blame, you could stop feeling guilty, you could get mad, you could lash out, you could break down because it was someone else's fault. Jack couldn't blame anyone else for this. There was no way anyone else could be blamed for this, it was all his fault. He had made the conscious, right-minded decision which had caused all of this. He had ki… he had… Jack couldn't even think it any yet the thought never left his mind.
Family: Jack hadn't had a true family since before his Father was killed and Gray was lost. He never thought about that, he buried the moments so he didn't have to deal with it. Years and years later he had met Lucia, who had had Alice, who went on to have Steven - more tears fell at the thought of Steven - it wasn't a proper family, it was never a case of being there day in day out, but Jack loved Alice and later Steven more than he had ever loved anyone before.
Destruction: And he had lost both of them through his own actions. Steven was dead and Alice would never forgive him. Should never forgive him, he was sure he'd always never forgive himself. He just wished… he wished that the next time he died he wouldn't be pulled back to life. Stephen was dead and there was no undoing that. No going back.
Was originally gonna be a forum challenge entry but turned out different than I played, so instead became a despressing-COE one-shot (haven't done one of them for a while have I? xD) R&R?