Chapter 1
A Prelude to the Beginning
"Goodbye doesn't mean forever
Let me tell you, goodbye doesn't mean
We'll never be together again
If you wake up and I'm not there, I won't be long away
Because the things you do, my goodbye girl
Will bring me back to you"
The clip-clop of heels against the wooden floor caused him to turn around, trying to locate the source of the noise. She stood there, looking at him through doe-like eyes, her glossy brown curls resting gently against her shoulders. He stared back at her in silence, wondering why she had come, what she wanted and what she was thinking.
"I need to talk to you." Her voice was low.
"I thought we said everything we needed to say last time we saw each other." He regretted how harsh his voice sounded, felt a stab of guilt as he saw her recoil a little at the acid in his tone.
"Chuck." She breathed out his name, causing his heart to fumble and flutter a little. The sound of her voice saying his name still managed to evoke the same reaction in him. He turned away from her, trying to stifle the ache in his chest that had magically resurfaced. He couldn't look at her. It was too painful.
"This is another misguided attempt by Dan to make me feel something." His voice was bitter as he grasped his glass tightly. He couldn't understand the point of Blair's visit, didn't understand why she was looking at him through glassy eyes that struggled to mask her emotions. All he wanted at that moment was to take her into his arms and suck away all the pain that was clearly coursing through her veins.
"I'm pregnant." Her voice was barely a whisper but caused Chuck's head to whip around and stare at her. Even though she struggled to look strong, he saw her chin tremble as she said the words that hung between them like lead. His eyes darted down to her stomach which was still flat as a wall. She was only a few weeks into her pregnancy, he mused, calculating.
His heart stopped as he remembered that a few weeks ago, they had attended the Bar Mitzvah together. Memories of unzipping Blair's dress, fisting his hands in her hair as he kissed her, her arms wrapped tight around him hit him like a tidal wave.
He stared at her, hardly daring to believe the stream of words that would inevitably be spilling out of her mouth.
She wasn't ready for this baby, he thought, as he saw how hard she was trying to pull off an image of a strong woman undeterred by the news of this baby. Neither was he. But, his heart warmed at the thought of having his offspring growing within her, growing within the woman he had loved for longer than he remembered. A part of him was still in shock while another another part of him exulting. This could be the miracle he had always hoped for, the miracle that could finally bring them together.
She swallowed, took a deep breath and stared into his eyes. She felt sick as she gazed into the unconcealed hope in his eyes. She remembered the feeling that had coursed through her when she looked at the little plus sign on her pregnancy test. It was hope. And here, in front of her, she saw the same naked emotion in his eyes, staring at her, pleading with her to confirm what he was hoping she would say.
"It's Louis'," she said at last and felt a stab of pain as she watched Chuck's eyes grow dark. She took a step towards him but stopped as he held up a hand and turned away. He could barely suppress the rising feeling of pain threatening to bubble over the surface. He heard her voice as if she was miles away. Her voice washed over him but he barely heard her. All he could focus on at that moment was the ringing in his years and the sound of reconstructed hope shattering. He couldn't remember what he was saying in response to her words.
Finally, she turned around, telling him something about Louis waiting for her. As he watched her walk away from him from the hundredth time, she turned around to lock eyes with him once more. She spoke, her voice trembling slightly, betraying the emotions reflected in her chocolate-brown eyes, "There was a part of me that really wanted it to be yours." As she gazed into his ashen face, she turned with finality and walked out of his suite.
He continued to gaze at the spot she had occupied in the room and let the pain wash over him like a tsunami. He downed another glass of scotch, wishing he could drown his pain with the same ease. He waited for a few moments, breathing heavily before he broke. Like a dam finally caving in to the rabid force of the water, he gave in, wholly, completely, all resistance broken, with the pallid hope that he could drown his pain in his tears.
Author's Note: A Chuck/Blair fic that was inspired in the moment. My version of S5, although I'm not going include some the slightly ridiculous plots this season such as Dair, Serena being Gossip Girl, Bart Bass coming to life, etc. Dan and Blair will feature in this story, although they're going to remain as friends.
I'm sorry about deleting the fic and re-uploading it. There were some changes I needed to make. I'll be updating as soon as possible :]
Do let me know what you think! :]