Chapter 1
She was here, those very words sent red-hot panic through my head, every prickle of the wind against my skin sent fear down my spine, and waves of an unexplainable rage and horror spiraled across my mind. I felt her presence in the air around me. It was a sickening paranoia that clouded my mind, every thought every twinge of fear made me wince and twitch to look behind me. Every rustle in the darkness made my stomach drop and my heart race and, my own subconscious was tearing at the frayed seams. I felt like a match burning out with each lash of fire, with each moment that I stand here in the exposed darkness just waiting in a blind anticipation for an imminent death or a final salvation. She wasn't real she wasn't alive, she wasn't meant to exist now, the thought of her once again in my arms drove me to madness, insanity even and yet she now stands before me. With every tear I shed for her death, with every attempt at my own demise, with every inch that her coffin was lowered into the ground, I lost my self, my soul, and my sanity.
And now to have it all questioned split my mind in two, I feared her now; the one I loved becomes my source of turmoil or is it just the haze I feel claiming my mind so steadily. I feel it all caving in now with each glance I throw across the darkened space with each turn of my head, my confusion grows stronger and sickens me all the more. I see her running towards me with a tear streaked face, I fall to my knees, sobbing harshly in heaving gasps of razor air and feel her arms surround me, I don't know how to let out the hopelessness I feel and genuine fear that haunts my mind and distorts my surroundings, I cry and break down in her arms unable to control the way my mind sees the world. I can feel my self-collapsing unable to move as the tears stream freely down my face. I see it now clearly, her silhouette against the harsh lights, it was truly her. With each agonizing second I feel her, near me once again, golden hair and twinkling eyes, a soft touch with trembling fingertips, with each passing moment she seems more tangible, no longer a crazed hallucination.
Breath faltering, eyes fluttering shut, I cling to her with every last once of energy until I feel a sharp prick and feel my mind unwind and drift off in a dreamy haze, in her arms, remembering every detail of her face for the unbearable days to come. I could no longer tell the difference between my own escaping lucidity and the real world, had she been real? I dread the answer to my question; I don't think I could bear it.