The four of them stare at the board, studying the images. Beckett purses her lips together as she considers each of the possible suspects. Ryan shakes his head, consulting his note pad once again.
No question. They're stumped.
"This is starting to piss me off…" Beckett huffs, crossing her arms across her chest.
"Okay..." Castle propositions, carefully measuring his words. "How about this…"
The three detectives turn their attention to the writer, bracing themselves.
"Here we go…" Esposito whispers indignantly as he rolls his eyes, Beckett attempting to mask the sly grin that is tugging on her lips as Ryan focuses on the author.
"It was the plumber. He found a container of Toilet Duck cleaning liquid under the kitchen sink while he was fixing the drain. He poisoned the vic in his sleep."
"Just one problem with that theory, Castle," Beckett sighs.
Castle glances over at his partner, wide-eyed and playful. "And what might that be?"
"Bedroom isn't a possible crime scene."
"Okay…" the writer considers, studying the board again. "What about…"
Espo releases a long, laboured breath as he gets up from the chair. "I need a drink," he mumbles, picking up his empty coffee mug.
"Might need something stronger than espresso the way this is going, Espo," Beckett teases as the Latino rushes towards the coffee maker.
"Got it!" Castle snaps his fingers, not even paying attention to the exchange between the two cynics. "It was the window cleaner!"
"Re-ally?..." Beckett mutters, glaring at him through narrowed eyes.
"Isn't it obvious, Beckett?" Castle insists, sweeping his arm across the board. "Using his access to the scaffold to clean the second floor windows, the window washer sneaks into the house via an unlocked window," he begins, voice low, "his window washing business a cover for his true vocation - as a cat burglar."
Ryan is absolutely captivated, nodding his head slowly, urging Castle to continue building his theory.
"He's rummaging through the drawers in the dining room when he hears a noise. He quickly hides in the adjacent bathroom, arming himself with the dental floss that he finds in the bathroom cupboard…"
"Seriously, Bro? Dental floss?" Esposito huffs as he returns to his seat, coffee in hand.
"He might have been trained by warrior monks as a young child when he grew up in an orphanage in northern Thailand," Castle muses, hypnotized by his own imagination as he stares at the images in front of him.
"It would explain the murder," Ryan adds in support of the theory, "if our vic was strangled."
"Dude! Really?" Espo cringes, glaring at his partner.
"Guys!" Beckett intercedes. "This isn't getting us anywhere."
The three men fall silent, eyes locked on the female detective as she stares them down.
"Okay…" she breathes, regaining her composure, "let's look at the facts one more time…"
And with that, the group refocuses, running over all the details, re-examining each of the suspects one more time. Ryan points out a possibility that nobody had yet mentioned.
"What about the dagger?"
His partner considers it, taking a sip of espresso. "It's a possibility, Bro."
The three detectives continue checking over their notes as Castle, uncharacteristically, examines the board in silence.
"How about this," Castle muses, Beckett looking up from her note pad. "The murderer was a former KGB member who was a plant… a mole within the US Secret Service. He took his time, earned people's trust, waited for the perfect moment to strike."
Castle pauses for effect, eyes wide as his brain races, before he adds, "And when they least expected it, he snuck into the victim's office and took him out using nothing but knitting needles and crochet hooks."
"Castle!" Espo snarks.
"What?" Castle grins.
"KGB with knitting needles?"
"Better than a lion tamer with a toilet brush," he shrugs, Beckett rolling her eyes in response.
"Dude! Can't you even be serious for even one moment?"
The writer just laughs at the Latino's implication. "But where's the fun in that?"
"Next you'll be telling us that the murderer was a psychotic street sweeper with multiple personalities who snuck into the house because the little voices in his head told him that the gold pocket watch owned by the victim was actually a porthole in the space-time continuum!" Esposito sneers, voice heated, the detective evidently exhausted and frustrated.
"Javi…" Beckett whispers, trying to calm the situation. "Relax. You're taking this way too seriously."
Esposito's jaw drops, shocked by her words. "Beckett? What? You?..."
He can't believe what he's hearing.
"Dude, she's right," Ryan nods, voice cracking slightly as his eyes are met by the aggravated glare of his wound-up partner. "It's not a big deal."
Esposito's lip curls, his irritation evident as his entire body tenses. It's late. He's tired. And now everyone is ganging up on him! This is so not cool.
The tension in the air is so thick they can cut it with a baby chainsaw.
Suddenly, Castle straightens, inhaling deeply. "I know who the killer is!" he exclaims excitedly, breaking the silence. His voice is confident, his eyes intense as he looks up from the board.
"For sure this time?" Beckett inquires, pinching the bridge of her nose as she inhales slowly.
The writer enjoys a pregnant pause to heighten the suspense as he wordlessly raises his eyebrows in reply. He surveys his audience, relishing his moment. Espo's face is buried in his hands; Beckett is rubbing the bridge of her nose with her fingertips, eyes closed, inhaling slowly; Ryan is completely rapt, waiting on Castle's next words with baited breath.
Castle smirks, a sly grin forming on his lips as he lifts his wine glass from his coffee table. "Colonel Mustard, in the Conservatory, with the lead pipe."
"This is the last time I ever agree to play Clue with you, Castle," Espo mutters under his breath.
xxxxxx
It was one of those days... I just needed a giggle… :D
Got so many hilarious ideas thrown at me... I wish I could have used them all!
Special thanks to Rosie4Paws, Mediwiz, Trinxy, Fooxoo, Syzygy, Yazz – could't have imagined those crazy theories without your nutty suggestions.
xxxxxx
I hope I made a few of you smile along with me.
Would love to know if I did. )
Judge away.