In the stunned reaction that follows, I'm aware of one sound. Snow's laughter. An awful gurgling cackle accompanied by an eruption of foamy blood when the coughing begins. I see him bend forward, spewing out his life, until the guards block him from my sight.
As the gray uniforms begin to converge on me, I think of what my brief future as the assassin of Panem's new president holds. The interrogation, probable torture, certain public execution. Having, yet again, to say my final goodbyes to the handful of people who still maintain a hold on my heart. The prospect of facing my mother, who will now be entirely alone in the world, decides it.
"Good night", I whisper to the bow in my hand and feel it go silent. I raised my left arm and twist my neck down to rip off the pill on my sleeve. Instead my teeth sink into flesh. I yank my head back in confusion to find myself looking into Peeta's eyes, only now they hold my gaze. Blood runs from the teeth mark on the hand he clamped over my nightlock. "Let me go!" I snarl at him, trying to wrest my arm from his grasp.
"I can't," he says. Sensing danger, Peeta shields me from the encroaching guards. Chaos ensures. Gunfire rings through the air as both Peeta and I fall to the ground. When I finally come back to my senses, I hear the soft groan of Peeta, still clutching tightly onto me. That's when I notice he has been shot twice in the body. I know from the location of the wounds and the amount of blood coming out of him that no amount of help could safe him this time. I yell out his name and cradle him, like how I cradled Rue in the first arena. I lock my eyes onto his in an effort to keep him awake.
"Peeta, stay with me." I said.
This time his response is not "Always". There is a sign of resignation on his face. "Hey, Katniss. You are the reason I'm alive to do this. Real, or not real."
This takes me to the moment in the first arena where I desperately fought for my life against Clove. How I, too, resigned to my own slow, horrific death at the mercy of her knife, knowing that Peeta's life depended on my successful return with the medicine.
Too overwhelmed by thoughts and emotion to give a response, I give him a grim smile. He takes my smile as an answer in the affirmative. This is when I realize his blue eyes have finally lost the tortured, hijacked look as they happily, but weakly, lock onto mine. Time seems to have frozen in place while images race across inside my head. The miserable day he threw the burnt bread toward me. Our shaking of hands at the reaping. Embracing and enjoying the beef stew in the cave. Watching the beautiful sunset on the rooftop at the Capitol. Peeta offering me the precious pearl.
Just like a sleeping child, Peeta found peace and freedom at last.
Before I could shed a tear for Peeta and give him a final kiss, four or five pairs of hands pull me away from him. I transform into a wild animal, kicking, clawing, biting, doing whatever I can to protect my boy with the bread as the crowd pushes in. I scream out Peeta's name as a ring of guards surrounded his body from the surging crowd. I am lifted up above the fray by the guards, where I continue to thrash wildly. As I look into the big screen showing my screaming, hysterical self in full view, I think of Annie Cresta. The insane girl traumatised beyond repair at the end of her games. How alike are we now?
I scan around for any sign of Gale. Just before I am carried into the mansion I catch a glimpse of Gale walking away into the crowd. One hand shielding his eyes as tears flow freely down his face. He knows exactly what I wanted at this moment. He must. We made a deal back in District 13 to end each other's misery if either one of us is caught. I come to a painful realization that he has decided to move on from our severely damaged friendship, leaving me to face the harsh Capitol justice. Alone.