Story dedicated to MWPPMarauders and Crembrulee for all their wonderful ideas
(a/n just a little short story I wrote over the summer when I had serious writers block with my other story. Also, it may get confusing so before you read just know
after the 000000000000000000000000000000 appears when I say James I mean James in Lily's body and when I say Lily I mean Lily in James's body.)
Lily stormed out of the Gryffindor Common Room. She was frustrated by none other than the usual, James Potter. Why doesn't he get it? She asked herself angrily. Lily stomped down the stairs towards the great hall. If only he would just understand where she was coming from and begin to see things her way. Lily sat down at the Gryffindor table far away from her usual seat and began beating her bacon with her fork.
"Ahh, I sense James problems," said her best friend Kyrsten knowingly. Kyrsten always knew when Lily was having problems, James problems in particular. It was like she had a radar for them, or as Sirius put it a Jadar.
"Why are guys such big assclowns?" asked Lily sighing.
"Because they are, it's in their nature," Kyrsten replied sighing along with her.
"Well, can't we just, like, I don't know cast a magic spell on them," complained Lily sounding very stupid, even to herself.
"Ahh, I see James corrupts minds of the young and innocent," Kyrsten observed. Lily laughed but her laughter quickly diminished when she spotted an agitated James at the other end of the table.
James was talking to Remus about his usual problems; Slytherins, Quidditch, and Lily. Lily and James were in a phase were they would constantly fight with each other, make up, then fight again, maybe make up, and fight again. One of these days, she would see things his way, James thought.
"Moony, why are women so difficult?" James asked the wisest of his friends, Remus.
"Because they can be," replied Remus simply. The usual Lily conversation with James, thought Remus boredly.
"ARGH! I wish, I wish there was this spell, we could use to make the women understand us, make them see things the manly way!" James exclaimed.
"Prongs I don't think we want women seeing things the manly way," Remus told him. "Although, the world would be a better place though, if women would understand us," Remus added as an afterthought.
"Amen to that Brother Moony," James said gulping down his orange juice.
Roxanne and Sirius walked into the great hall looking for their friends. Sirius was hardly surprised when he noticed Lily and James sitting on opposite ends of the table.
"They're fighting again?!" Sirius asked annoyed.
"I wish their was a spell that could make them understand each other," Roxanne sighed sitting down with Sirius in the middle of the table.
The day wore on with James and Lily refusing to speak to each other. James dragged Remus and Sirius with him everywhere. While Lily forced Kyrsten and Roxanne to follow her around. This did not surprise anyone, it was typical behavior for the fighting couple. However, if was starting to get very annoying. When it came to dinner Sirius and Roxanne gently broke away from the group hand signaling something to both Remus and Kyrsten. Lily and James immersed in their fight suspected nothing. Each silently continued eating their meal thinking nothing was going on. They were never more wrong.
The other four friends stood cramped up in a bathroom stall on the 2nd floor.
"Remind me again, why we are in a girl's toilet with a screaming ghost woman?!" asked Sirius.
"This is the only place people won't bother us," Roxanne told him as Kyrsten mixed a potion carefully.
"We need to make sure they get this potion," Remus said to the other three.
"Well just yesterday James and I made cupcakes," Sirius began but stopped as Remus, Kyrsten, and Roxanne were looking at him as if he were crazy. "Guys can bake!" he shouted angrily. "As I was saying, we can put the potion in the cupcakes."
"I guess that's the best way," sighed Roxanne.
"Are you for real?" asked Kyrsten, "Cupcakes?"
"Yeah, if you want to get out of this frickin bathroom just agree!" Remus said holding his nose.
"Ok, then it's settled the cupcakes are in my dorm so I will just run upstairs when we get back to the common room. Remus and Kyrsten distract everyone then I will come down and give out cupcakes to everyone. I will make sure that James and Lily get the spiked ones." Sirius said sounding proud of himself.
"I can't believe we're going to trust Sirius with this," Kyrsten said handing him the flasks of the potion.
"Hey wait! What about me?" Roxanne asked.
"Just stand there and look pretty love," Sirius told her.
"So not the time," said Remus as Roxanne rolled her eyes.
The four ran back to the common room excitedly to find that James and Lily hadn't even come back yet. Sirius went up to the guy's dorm to find the cupcakes. Moments later James and Lily walked into the room, at the same time, looking daggers at each other as if one had planned this entrance. Luckily, before anyone could start another fight Sirius returned with his cupcakes. He pranced around the room giving them out to everyone making sure Lily and James got the correct ones.
Everyone ate the cupcakes somewhat apprehensively. Personally, Kyrsten was afraid Sirius had messed up. Sirius was eating his like a starving child, but as Remus pointed out, that was how he ate everything.
"So how 'bout them Hufflepuffs?" asked Sirius.
"What?!" inquired Remus giving him an odd look.
"We never ever ever talk about the Hufflepuffs!" Sirius exclaimed to his friends.
"Well, there, isn't really that much to talk about," Roxanne said slightly confused.
"EXACTLY!" Sirius shouted, "They are so good and nice and good and nice, and what is it that hat calls them? OH YEAH hardworking."
"Um, ok," Kyrsten said after a couple minutes of complete silence.
"Who gave him the stupid pills?" asked Lily suspiciously.
"Seriously you guys," Sirius paused to laugh, "I AM SERIOUS!" he pronounced.
"What?" asked Remus for the second time.
"GOTTA LOVE THE PUFFS!" Sirius shouted.
"What the hell was in those cupcakes?" asked James. Kyrsten and Remus exchanged nervous glances. Sirius was now running around the common room chanting "Gotta love the puffs! Gotta love the puffs! Gotta love the puffs!"
"Right, well I'm going to bed before he gets dangerous," Lily announced as Sirius began singing a song he entitled the Puff Anthem.
"Right behind you!" exclaimed her two friends. James and Remus decided they would leave Sirius and go to bed. Maybe his hyper active attitude would die down. As they climbed quietly into their beds the two could hear the distant chanting of Sirius, "Gotta love the puffs! Gotta love the puffs! Gotta love the puffs!"
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That night something very odd happened, besides Sirius's insane sugar high. The next morning when Lily woke up to take her hair out of the usual messy bun she slept in she found that there was no bun! Oh my frickin god, she thought resisting the urge to scream. She yanked open the hangings and ran into the bathroom.When Lily looked into the mirror she did scream. But her voice wasn't her voice, it was James's. Her reflection wasn't her reflection, it was James's. She was in James's body!
"Prongs what made you scream so frickin loud?" came Sirius voice.
"Sirius," Lily shrieked opening the bathroom door, pulling him inside, and slamming it shut.
"Woah, mate. What's with all the shrieking?" Sirius asked.
"Sirius," Lily said, "I'm not me."
"What?" he asked confused. The sugar high from last night had forced him to completely forget about spiking the cupcakes.
"I'm Lily. LILY EVANS STUCK INSIDE YOUR BLOODY FRIEND'S BODY!" Lily yelled at him.
"Clearly, you're insane James." Sirius told his friend, or what he thought was his friend. Lily gave him a genuine Lily look that must have looked very strange on James's face but she got her point across.
"So that means James is in"
"Bloody hell!" yelled Lily.
James awoke and went to push his hair out of his eyes. It fell back in. He brushed the hair away again, but it just fell back in. That's odd. Usually his hair sticks up wildly. It most certainly does not fall into his face. James made to move the hair again but he noticed something. His hand didn't look like his hand. The nails were a light shade of pink. He seriously hoped Sirius on his crazy sugar high hadn't painted his nails.
Slowly James got up and went into the bathroom. He glanced in the mirror and saw that he wasn't him. He was Lily! AAAAAAAAAAAAAH, was his first thought, but then came his male side, I can look at myself naked! His thoughts were disrupted when he heard screaming coming from what was probably the boys dorm. He figured that Lily was probably stuck as him. Just bloody wonderful.
Roxanne came into the bathroom, "Did you hear that?" she asked who she thought was Lily. James looked at Roxanne and smirked. She was wearing a sports bra and Sirius's boxers.
"Why are you looking at me like that?" asked Roxanne.
"Im not who you think I am?" James said still smirking.
"OMG you're Voldemort!" exclaimed Roxanne covering herself up. She had completely forgotten about last night.
"Of course not!" James laughed his James laugh.
"Oh my god, James?" asked Roxanne.
"The one and only," he replied.
James and Lily's groups found each other in the common room still in their pajamas.
"We're going to have to pretend we don't know," Roxanne whispered into Sirius's ear. Kyrsten and Remus already knew this of course.
"So we don't know how this happened," began Remus hiding his smile so until we can reverse whatever it is you two are just going to have to be each other.
"Well if James is in my body we need rules," Lily said a little frightened.
"Like what?" asked James playing innocent.
"Not touching, no looking," Lily ordered.
"Fine," James sighed.
"And Lily will have to listen to Remus and Sirius, and James will have to listen to me and Roxanne." Kyrsten added.
"Oh great," muttered James and Lily at the same time.
Sirius lead Lily back to the guys dorm to get dressed. Instead of doing the smart thing and changing her clothes with magic he tossed her James's uniform.
"Just through it on over his boxers," Sirius told Lily. For the first time Lily realized she was only wearing boxers. She blushed as she was staring at James's half naked body. She then realized that Sirius was only wearing his boxers and she began to turn bright red.
"Oh get over yourself," said Sirius laughing at her. The two went back down to the common room to see everyone else already waiting for them.
"How did you get changed so fast?!" exclaimed Lily.
"Um, you are a witch right," James asked causing her to blush for the third time that morning. The six began to walk down to breakfast.
"Stop walking so weird," James told Lily. Lily put a hand on her hip and then accused him of walking weird.
"Well I'm sorry I don't usually wear skirts!" James retorted. "And stop standing like that you're making me look gay!" James said frustrated. Lily sighed and assumed a more "manly" position.
Everyone sat down at the table and Remus was looking slightly pale.
"What's up moony?" asked Sirius.
"Full moon," grumbled Remus.
"Ohh it's THAT time of month," Sirius said going back to his bacon. Oh shit! Thought Lily. It was THAT time of month in the female world too. Is it possible for James to get my? Oh ew bad thoughts bad bad bad thoughts.
"James what are you doing?" Roxanne asked.
"Finding everything chocolate. I have an odd craving for chocolate. Got a problem with that!?" he replied rather testily. Ok so maybe it was possible. Lily leaned over to James and said, " I think you might be getting my period."
"I WHAT?!" he yelled.
"Well, you're over emotional and you're having chocolate cravings. Is there any chance your stomach hurts?" she asked trying not to laugh. For some reason she was finding all this quite humorous.
"What's going on?" Kyrsten asked.
"Guys lets go to Myrtles," said Lily laughing slightly.
When they were safe inside the security of Myrtle's bathroom Lily told the group of their little problem. Everyone burst out laughing. Everyone except James who was looking rather peeved.
"Um James do you want a tampon or a pad?" Roxanne asked laughter in her voice. "A pad is like a diaper and a tampon goes, um, up your fanny."
"DIAPER!" yelled James furiously as everyone laughed even harder. James was horrified, absolutely horrified.
"Go ahead put it on," said Remus cracking up.
"This is so not funny," growled James.
"On the contrary mate, we find it absolutely hilarious. James stormed into the stall very upset.
"Drama queen," muttered Lily. James came back out of the stall waddling.
"Now you're walking weird," Lily told him.
"Oh shut-up," James spat.
"Prongs, I'm never going to let you live this one down," Sirius told his friend laughing hysterically.
"Hardy har frickin har," James growled.
"Ok, even when I'm pissed of my voice doesn't go that deep," Lily told him frowning.
"Well, stop standing like a girl," James instructed.
"I can't help it! In case you haven't noticed I am one!" Lily exclaimed.
"As of now it's kind of hard to tell," Roxanne added. Everyone laughed, even Lily.
Lily and James finally had to attempt going to class. They were sitting in Defense Against the Dark Arts when Lily realized something.
"Oh shit, Sirius!" Lily whispered to him.
"What?" he asked.
"I have to pee," she said nervously.
"So go," he said completely missing the point. Lily squirmed in her seat.
"What?" he asked again.
"I don't know how," replied Lily turning bright red for what felt like the 100th time.
"BLOODY HELL," yelled Sirius not able to contain himself.
"Yes, Mr. Black?" the professor asked.
"Um nothing, my bad." Sirius muttered. He then grabbed a quill and parchment and scribbled: Myrtle's Bathroom. After class. Be there. Or else. You don't get to pee. He tossed the note to Lily who groaned.
James saw Sirius throw a note to Lily after some serious whispering. His over protectiveness kicked in and he immediately wanted to know what was going on. He needed to know why they were passing notes. Kyrsten sensed a problem with her Jadar.
"Chill," she muttered to James. He figured he would just have to wait until after class.
After class, however, was not an option. When the bell rang Lily and James took off. James and Remus would have followed them but James flat out refused to run in a skirt.
"We'll," just ask them later Roxanne said. However she was dying to know why the two had run off like that.
"Let's just go back to the common room," Kyrsten suggested.
"Not a word about this to anyone," Lily muttered to Sirius.
"Oh lord, I know," Sirius replied.
"Wait, don't you guys have like special towers or something?" asked Lily feeling very stupid.
"Yes," replied Sirius sarcastically, "We have special piss tower."
"You know what I mean," Lily said flustered.
"Yeah, we have different things," Sirius said.
"Well, Myrtle's is a GIRLS bathroom," Lily explained.
"Oh well, I will conjure some," Sirius mumbled. Lily was very skeptical but she didn't bother to protest. She really had to pee. Miraculously Sirius was able to conjure two piss towers.
"Two?" asked Lily curiously.
"A guy's gotta do what a guy's gotta do," Sirius told her.
"This should be awkward," Lily mumbled.
"Well, first you take it out and then just pee, but guide it," Sirius said turning very red.
"Oh good lord what did I do to deserve this!" Lily yelled.
"Watch it! You're spraying!" Sirius shouted.
"It's harder with your eyes closed," Lily told him.
"Why are you peeing with your eyes closed?" he asked.
"Im not looking," said Lily proudly. Sirius rolled his eyes.
As the two were walking back Lily declared that she was emotionally scarred.
"Where were you?!" asked James immediately when the two got back.
"Quidditch Pitch," said Sirius.
"Tired," Lily said yawning.
"Me too," Sirius agreed catching her yawn.
3 days later
"OMG I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE," yelled a frustrated Lily.
"Lils, calm down," Kyrsten said to her friend.
"Who knew it would be so hard to be James?" asked Lily bewildered. Last night they had Quidditch practice and Lily had dropped the quaffle every time someone through it to her. When James asked her why she had yelled I HATE BIG BALLS FLYING AT ME!
"So you find being James hard?" Remus asked smiling.
"Yeah!" exclaimed Lily in exasperation.
"So it worked," Roxanne said to Remus who nodded.
"What worked?" asked Lily curiously.
"You'll find out soon enough," Kyrsten told her.
"I hate this game," Lily said. Just then the portrait whole opened and a bunch of girls who called themselves The James Potter Fan Club, JPFC for short, came pouring in. Within seconds they were all over Lily.
"AHH!!" yelled Lily running away, "ATTACK, attack of the hobags!" she then ran out of the common room screaming "RAPE!"
"That was the funniest thing I have ever seen!" exclaimed Sirius howling with laughter.
"Our half of the plan is complete!" Sirius said giving Remus a high five.
"Dammit! I really thought we were going to win!" said Roxanne.
"Care to explain?" asked James.
"Not really," Kyrsten told him.
"OH! So this is a conspiracy AGAINST ME! I see where this is going," said James getting angry.
"No you idiot, stop being so bloody emotional," Sirius told him.
"Well, you're not the one with a period," James said all huffy.
"Thank god," Sirius said.
"HEY!! You have no idea how hard it is to be Lily! There's Malfoy and Snape, and periods, and guys!" James said frustrated.
"So you find it hard being Lily?" asked Roxanne.
"Like hell I do!" James said.
"Yes!" exclaimed Roxanne high fiving Kyrsten.
"We're going to get Lily, meet us in the room of requirement," Kyrsten yelled over her shoulder as the two ran off after the JPFC. The two girls found Lily hiding in the library. As they were about to leave Snape spotted them and yelled "Oi Potter, you've sunken so low as to consider a threesome! I guess you realized how much of a git you are and that you aren't fit to wipe the slime off your little girlfriend's shoes."
Lily spun around and socked Snape in the face. He instantly jumped her. Kyrsten shrieked as Snape retaliated with a punch. Somehow though, Lily was winning the fight. When Madam Pince broke the two up Snape had two black eyes and a bloody nose. All Lily had was a bloody lip.
"Im so proud," Roxanne joked while they walked to the room of requirement. When the boys noticed Lily, Roxanne, and Kyrsten Sirius began screaming. However James was quick to notice Lily's black eye.
"What the hell," said Lily and James at the same time.
"Ladies first," said Sirius happily,
"Sirius why were you screaming?" asked Lily.
"I wasn't screaming I was cheering that you all finally got here," he told them.
"Why do you have a bloody lip?" asked James worriedly.
"I got into a fight with Snape," Lily admitted. She knew how hypocritical it was of her. Lily was always telling James that he shouldn't fight with the boy.
"And she won!" Roxanne added.
"High five!" Sirius yelled giving Roxanne a high five.
"Well, it's our fault you guys switched bodies," said Remus casually.
"WHAT?!" yelled Lily and James!
"It was some pretty advanced potion making but I am an expert," Kyrsten said proud of herself.
"Switch us back! NOW!" James instructed.
"You guys will switch back when you finally understand each other or something like that," Roxanne said smiling.
"We'll give you some time alone," Sirius said as the room emptied except for James and Lily.
"WHAT THE!" James began.
"I think they want us to you know, sort some things out," said Lily trying to calm him down.
"Oh, well, um, I finally realized how hard it is to be you," James said.
"Yeah, me too. I'm sorry I was so hard on you," Lily admitted turning a little red.
"I'm cute when I'm embarrassed," James declared smiling at Lily.
"Oh shut up," she laughed, "truce?"
"Truce," said James. Suddenly the room shook and the couple was thrown to the ground. When they got back up they were both back to normal. Lily was in her own body as was James.
"I'm me!" they exclaimed at the same time running out of the room to tell the world, well just their friends. However they had found that their four friends had "mysteriously" disappeared.
"So why exactly did you get in a fight with Snape?" asked James curiously.
"Oh, well, um, he insulted you," said Lily blushing, again.
"I'm touched," said James mockingly.
"Hardy har har," muttered Lily still embarrassed.
"Guess what?" he asked?
"What?" wondered Lily.
"I meant it," and with that James pulled Lily into her arms and began to kiss her passionately.
"YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYY" Sirius yelled running up to his snogging friends.
The End :D