A/N: I don't even know why I wrote all of this, to be honest. One day I just randomly thought about Naruto, and the way his life had been before he finally was acknowledged. I was tempted to write a one shot, trying to put myself in his shoes and could only guess how he would've felt. Because at the end of the day, that's all I could do, guess. No one should have to go through such torture, since that's what it is.
This one's for you Naruto and all the orphans out there, who lead similar lives of suffering… May God bless you with friends and happiness…
Suffering
Another day of receiving looks filled with hate and loathe. Stares stating the obvious, they wanted him dead. He wouldn't let them get to him, no way. He'd walk past them with his head held high, and prove they couldn't get to him.
One step forward and another, he could do this. He repeatedly told himself this, finding the courage to move forward.
"Monster"
"Don't know why the Hokage allows him to stay in this village!"
"He should be buried alive!"
These were his daily greetings from the villagers, ones he'd heard all his life. Even now, after putting up with it for so long, he was still not used to it. This was proven to him when his eyes started watering. He willed the tears not to fall, inwardly yelling at them not to appear. But they didn't listen, they never did. They dropped one after another, betraying him. It caused his movements to speed up. Before he even knew it, he was sprinting. He was escaping from all the abuse, again.
Sometimes, he silently wondered how could they say all those things to him? He was only a kid, for crying out loud. A nine-year old who didn't even have parents. A nine-year old who hadn't committed any wrong. A nine-year old who practically craved for company, for a friend, for some damn acknowledgement that was genuine and not filled with scorn! Unfortunately, it was too much to ask for...
He sat on top of the Hokage Monument, above the Fourth Hokage's head, watching the sun set in the distance. Soon the sky would darken, and everyone would head home and go to sleep. Everyone except for him, of course… Why? Well, if you were in his shoes, would you be able to sleep at night? No? He didn't think so…
How could he sleep when his life had no meaning? When he had no one who cared about him, and when he was hated so much. He'd tried every approach. He'd been nice to them, even going as far as to play pranks on them, just so they'd notice he existed.
He was desperate; it was getting to the point where he'd considered ridding himself of his existence just to satisfy them, just to get some kind of recognition. Yet, something would always stop him, causing the stupid tears to appear. He cursed himself for being so weak…
He sat on the swing in the empty park. The last of the children had just left with their parents, who hadn't even glanced his way. Who didn't even seem bothered that a nine-year old kid was hanging around in the park at this time, without supervision. The realisation that people could be so cruel left him feeling completely numb. This time the tears hadn't even bothered to fall. Probably all dried up, after having made countless appearances in the past nine years. Eventually he got up and made his way back to his empty apartment.
As he walked, his eyes would fall on the occasional family walking pass, most likely headed home. His eyes would watch the happy kid who held hands with both of his parents, as they walked past him. His eyes would light up, and a dull ache inside his chest would arise, confusing him. Why did he always get such unpleasant feelings, making him cry. Why couldn't he smile and laugh cheerfully like other kids his age. Why couldn't he be happy…?
Some days he didn't even bother getting out of bed. It was like he'd fallen into a black pit and couldn't find his way out. He would just lay down, unseeing, like a corpse, only jumping up to stare outside the window whenever a sound of laughter would reach his ears. He wanted to go and ask those people, what made them laugh, what made them happy, but he couldn't. They would ignore him anyway…
The Third Hokage came to see him today, to drop off money for his expenses. Like always, he would ask the same question. Who were his parents and what happened to them? The old man would always give the same answer every time. They died when he was just a baby and then he would walk off.
He felt like yelling at him and breaking everything in sight. Why didn't he have a picture of them, at least? Why couldn't he tell him their names? Why, why, why? He was getting sick of all these whys! He wanted some answers, but no matter how many times he asked, he didn't get them…
One day a certain fact struck him, and he reeled back in shock, wondering why on earth it hadn't come to him sooner. The Hokage was the most important person in the whole village and everyone acknowledged him.
If he worked hard to attain the position of Hokage, then everyone would have to recognise him. He would finally be able to make friends and have people talking to him with respect, instead of disregarding him like he was nothing. The more he thought about it, the more he liked the idea. For the first time in his life, he smiled, which instantly lightened his pale sad face.
He finally had a dream, something to motivate him, something to keep him going and something which would never make him give up.
He could do this, he would do this! He'd be the best Hokage Konoha, as well as the whole world, had ever seen.
He was Uzumaki, Naruto, and he would be Hokage someday…BELIEVE IT!
A/N: Well that's all…I tried my best to explain the anguish Naruto would've felt. Still, I felt like I couldn't clarify it properly, after all, no words could possibly hope to describe such pain…
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