Title: the dawn is fire bright [against the city lights] (1/?)
Author: emmajane14
Rating: R for language, drug use and whatever else may come
Fandom/Pairing: Suits, Harvey/Mike (eventual)
Warnings: explicit drug use, run on sentences and potential inaccurate representations of aforementioned drug use
Summary: The first time Harvey flies, he's twenty-four and going nowhere fast.
The first time Harvey flies, he's twenty-four and going nowhere fast. College was easy but not lucrative and Harvey has about had it with the world. He has a shithole of an apartment in some ugly part of Manhattan, three part time jobs and not much else.
Harvey tries it on a whim at first. There's a party and a friend and Harvey can't find any reason to say no. So he doesn't. He snorts a line off a random kitchen counter with some girl screaming at him to hurry up because it's her turn. And then he flies. He fucking flies. There are lights and people and music but he just flies.
Harvey isn't stupid though, so forty-five minutes later when he comes back down, he realizes what a bad idea that had been. He promptly tries to forget the entire night. A week later, he's introduced to his friend's dealer.
A year later, Harvey serves Jessica Pearson breakfast in a greasy diner.
"If you got your life together, you could actually go somewhere," her eyes are sharp and Harvey stares blankly for a beat before he realizes he's the one being addressed.
"Excuse me?"
She smirks up at him and Harvey thinks that he's never been more afraid of a woman before.
When she leaves, there's a business card where his tip should be. She's written "no coke" on the back in pencil and he shoves it deep into his pocket.
Harvey calls two months later.
"How do you feel about law school?"
"Do I seem like someone who can afford law school?"
"Remember the condition I mentioned the first time we met? It's nonnegotiable."
"Understood. But that doesn't mean I can afford law school…" Harvey isn't even sure that they're reading from the same book much less on the same page.
"Law school can be taken care of if the condition is met."
Harvey has absolutely no plans to stop flying. So he doesn't. What he does do however, is make some rules.
At first he starts with just two rules.
1.) Be safe.
2.) Be smart.
Two rules get him through law school but it's a pretty close call a few times. There's nights that turn into mornings and books that must be memorized and Harvard is nothing like the joke undergrad had been. He finds himself flying higher and harder than before. He gets sloppy. He doesn't even realize he's getting sloppy until one memorable phone call from Jessica.
"Remember the day we met?"
"Yes…?"
"Remember the nonnegotiable condition that came along with your education?"
But Harvey's learning to play the game so when he responds, he's nothing like the young man Jessica first met, "Really Jessica?" it's supposed to sound confident but it comes out sounding ridiculous. He can only imagine what she must think but there's no way he's ready to have this conversation for real.
"Just remember what I wrote. I wouldn't want us to have any problems." Jessica is one of the few people Harvey has ever met that can manage to seamlessly weave threats into everyday language without changing even her pitch.
After law school comes Pearson Hardman. Along with Pearson Hardman comes a new set of rules. More strict and far more detailed rules. Along with the rules also comes the needles. It's easier and cleaner and Harvey's smart about what he does. He doesn't leave visible marks. He doesn't fly at work. He doesn't get out of control.
Harvey knows what he's doing even if he sometimes makes it up as he goes along. Pearson Hardman is a little bit of a slap in the face but it's a good one. He thought he'd been living in the real world when he had a tiny apartment and what felt like twelve million jobs, but this. This is a completely new real world. One with expensive suits, six hundred page legal briefs, and one where a cocaine habit was decidedly out of place.
That's where the rules come in. Sometimes the rules come too late, but some days it feels like the rules are all he has. The job and the rules.
Harvey works his ass off and when he makes junior partner, he inherits an office and a sharp redheaded secretary. He makes partner and he rewards himself.
He leaves the office early, sits on his couch with a needle, and three minutes later he's flying. When he looks for another needle an hour later, it seems like a fantastic idea. Why fly for a little when you can just keep up the flying? If you can fly, why would you ever do anything else? It makes perfect sense at the time.
When he wakes up the next morning, it's to a blaring ringtone coming from his pocket and a pile of needles on the coffee table. He's three hours late for work, his living room is a disaster and he isn't even sure if he's down from flying yet. He almost doesn't remember flying. It's too much.
All the needles go in the garbage, all of his stash goes down the toilet and he promptly sends a text before showering and almost running to work.
It's been a pleasure doing business with you but I find myself no longer in need of your services—HS
Harvey doesn't sleep the following night and when he goes into the office the next day, he leaves a trail of his rage behind him. He fires his secretary twice who laughs at him both times, makes three associates cry and by five o'clock, Harvey Specter has a new dealer.
It's decidedly not one of his better days. So he makes one of his strictest rules yet.
Never fly with less than six hours until work.
It's strict and bordering on insane, but it's what he needs. Harvey flies and he works and he makes rules. He organizes himself and his life until everything is in its place. Be the best at work, fly at home, make rules in between. Don't let the opposing corners of your life meet.
It works for his first six months as a partner.