Over stimulated
Ibiki threw Kakashi in the drunk tank, half-hoping he'd hit his head and save him the trouble of knocking his annoying ass out later.
The drunk sleeping in the corner sat up, surprised to see the strongest ninja in Konoha sharing a cell with him.
"Aw, come on Ibiki!" Kakashi yelled. "It was just a joke!"
"It wasn't funny, and when Tsunade gets here you'll be lucky to get out of this alive."
"They didn't have to throw me in here. They could have just tied me down in the hospital bed."
"Tsunade-sama's exact words were, "get him out of my hospital before I kill him."
"It's not the first time I've looked through her clothes with the Sharingan. It's just the first time I've gotten caught. I might have been talking too much, too. Oh, and I can't be still. That's probably why she's annoyed."
"You shouldn't have gotten caught then."
The drunk stirred. "You saw the Hokage naked? What was it like?"
"Amazing," Kakashi said. "I wouldn't have gotten caught except I'm having some medical problems and can't focus as well as usual."
Ibiki sat at his desk and began to read papers.
"You have anything I can read?" Kakashi asked. Ibiki ignored him.
"Anything?" Kakashi asked. "I'd even read something religious right now. Have any of the Fire Temple Novices been around with some pamphlets? I'm bored as hell."
Ibiki looked up from his paperwork. "I know you're ill, but calm the fuck down. I doubt you can even focus enough to read right now. Tsunade said she's running tests, and she'll be here when she can find something to help you."
"I can't calm down," Kakashi said. "It's like my mind just keeps running and running, and it won't stop." He shook the bars. "I don't need to be in here. I just need to run around a bit and use some of this energy."
"I don't know why she didn't just sedate the hell out of you," Ibiki said.
"She did. You should have seen me before."
"Holy Fire," the drunk cursed.
Kakashi leapt up, finding small imperfections in the ceiling to grasp. He swung around the ceiling and turned to face the drunk.
"Oy, what are you in for?" he asked.
"The man's trying to hold me down," the drunk said.
"Alright then. Fight the power," Kakashi said, forgetting for the moment that he was one of the "power".
"What's wrong with you?" the drunk asked when Kakashi went back to moving around the ceiling.
Kakashi tried to fix his feet to the ceiling, but the jutsu didn't work and he fell hard on the floor.
"Ow."
"Chakra doesn't work in there," Ibiki said. "You're just going to hurt yourself if you keep this up."
Kakashi jumped back to the ceiling, grabbing a small protrusion with one hand. No one but a ninja could have even seen the small handhold. He searched with his other hand, finally finding something to latch onto.
"What happened?" the drunk asked.
"I got poisoned slightly on a mission. It's not a big deal; I didn't get enough to really hurt me or anything, but it slowed me down. I took a soldier pill, and it interacted with the poison. I can't come down."
"Just let go," the drunk said.
"No, I mean I can't calm down. I feel like I could fight for days right now, build a house, fuck a million women, and still fight some more."
"Kakashi, shut up! You're getting on my nerves," Ibiki said.
Kakashi swung around to face him. "Your mom doesn't mind when I like to talk."
"That's just stupid," Ibiki said.
"Don't you have a shoji board or something around here?" Kakashi whined.
"You'd be shit at shoji right now," Ibiki said.
"I'm shit at it when I'm sober. I just really need something to occupy my mind."
"One time we had to keep a monkey in here for a few days while his owner was in the village," Ibiki said. "The damn thing kept causing trouble in town. You remind me of that right now."
Kakashi let go of the ceiling with one hand and swung by the other. He scratched his side. "Oook, ook," he said.
"Very funny Kakashi," Ibiki said. "Knock it off. You're giving me a headache."
"Ahhh…AAAAA!" Kakashi screamed, doing his best impression of an angry monkey. He reached behind himself and mimed flinging shit at Ibiki.
Ibiki stood, his chair scraping loudly on the concrete floor. He reached into his desk and took out a cattle prod.
"I've had enough out of you," he said. "Come down and sit still."
Kakashi took his free hand and pulled down an eyelid, sticking his tongue out at Ibiki.
Ibiki thrust the prod through the bars and shocked Kakashi, who fell to the floor again.
"Son of a bitch," Kakashi said.
"You gonna behave?" Ibiki said.
"Yeah."
"Are we going to have a problem?"
"No."
Two minutes later he was sitting with his arm around the drunk's shoulder. "So the moon is alive, you know? I saw it earlier, and I could see it, you know. Have you ever looked at the moon? I mean really looked at the moon?"
The drunk shook his head, trying to move away from Kakashi.
Kakashi tightened his grip on his new friend's shoulder. "You and me, we're a lot alike, you know? They won't keep us down."
The drunk nodded and looked at Ibiki, hoping for rescue from the deranged ninja in his cell.
Kakashi leapt at the bars, climbing them until her reached the ceiling. "Ibiiiikiiii," he sang. "Ibiiikiii."
"What?" Ibiki snapped. "What is it?"
"Nothing," Kakashi said grinning.
Ibiki pulled the cattle prod from the drawer again, and Kakashi dropped to the floor. "You don't need that," he said. "See, I'm sitting still. Not causing any problems."
Ibiki put the prod back.
"My mind just won't stop spinning," Kakashi said. "I really don't like this."
"It's just a drug interaction," Ibiki said. "I'm sure Tsunade will have it taken care of soon."
"What if she doesn't?" Kakashi asked. "What if I'm like this the rest of my life? What if I can't come down - ever, or if I can't take missions?" He was speaking faster, his words slurring into each other.
"What if I lose all my friends? I can't do anything like this."
"Kakashi, I promise that if she can't help you, I will," Ibiki said.
"How?"
"I will personally come to your house and cut out your damn tongue."
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
When Tsunade finally arrived, she found Kakashi doing calisthenics in his boxers. His clothes were piled in a corner. The drunk sat huddled in another corner, watching Kakashi with frightened eyes.
"What is going on here?" she asked Ibiki.
"Your pet monkey has been misbehaving," Ibiki said.
"I have something to help you," she said to Kakashi.
"O thank god! This is getting really old."
"You're telling me," Ibiki said.
The drunk nodded.
Ibiki unlocked the door so she could enter the cell. Even in his agitated state, Kakashi knew he was in trouble.
"Sorry about earlier," he said. "I don't know what I was thinking."
"Mmmm," she grumbled. She took his arm and injected him with a yellow serum.
He fidgeted for a couple minutes. "I don't think it's working," he said, right before it hit him. All the energy left him. He felt like he hadn't slept in days, and he sat on the floor. "It's working."
Tsunade knelt. "Look at me," she said. She saw that his pupil was normal sized again, not constricted to a tiny dot like it was earlier.
His eye closed and his head drooped. She woke him with a shake. "Are you feeling more like yourself?" she asked.
"Yes, Tsuande-sama."
She slapped him across the cheek. "That's for misusing the Sharingan like that."
He held his stinging cheek. "Sorry, Tsuande-sama." He leaned back against the wall. "It won't happen again."
She stood and left the cell, closing it behind her.
"Aren't you taking him with you?" Ibiki asked.
"I'm still angry with him. He can sleep on cold stone tonight."
"He doesn't need to be here," Ibiki said.
"You just want to get rid of him. It will teach him a lesson."
"It's not necessary though," Ibiki said, wanting to get Kakashi away from him.
"No, it's not necessary. Neither is the laxative that I put in that serum."
She didn't miss the look of panic on Kakashi and Ibiki's face. Even the drunk looked concerned.
"Tsunade-sama…" Kakashi began.
"Have a good night, Kakashi," she said sweetly. "You'll be getting hazard pay for this Ibiki," she added before leaving.
Kakashi looked at the lone, exposed toilet in the cell. "Fuckin' A," he said.
Ibiki called in a deputy. "Go to the store and buy a few cans of air freshener."
"What kind?"
"The strongest they have," Ibiki said.
Kakashi's stomach gurgled loudly, and he moved toward the toilet, hoping he could make it in time.
"I'm never pissing her off again," he said.
"That sounds like a good idea," Ibiki said, right as the stench reached him.