The Men on the Moon
It's a zombies-MLP type of fiction. I have failed on all other fictions, so this'll be my only story.
-Troop Dead
"Holy fuck!" I screamed, "The Earth just got blown up!"
"Calm down Dempsey! It's not like it's the end of the world! Oh wait…" said Nikolai, who was still drunk from that ship in Siberia. How is he still tripping?
"Well gentlemen, you are, in a term, FUCKED! Hahahaha!" boomed Richtofen, the scumbag now leading the zombies.
Before I get into details, I'm Tank Dempsey: American bad-ass! Nikolai is a drunken soviet, Takeo is, well, I THINK he's Japanese, Richtofen the Nazi that screwed us over, and Sam, the psycho bitch that tries to kill us. And guess what? We blew up our fuckin' home planet!
To think it all started when my plane crashed. Then we went to freaking psycho hospital, then to swamp- only to see my friend's corpse. Then this huge-ass factory, where I fell in love with the Pack A Punch. Then we teleported into the future. It was a big theater, then a Russian Launch Station, where poor Nikolai couldn't find any vodka. Then we were in this room, where zombies couldn't get us, and other people had to fight! That was some good times. After that, we went to some dumb 'Mayan' temple or some shit, and now we're on the moon. Treyarch can't do shit anymore.
"Guys! And-err- Sam! Use the teleporter! It says: 'Teleport to Equestria'!" Takeo exclaims.
Meh, what's worse than blowing up your home?
As we run to the teleporter….
"Yo Nick!" I say, "Should we dump 'Sam'?"
"Why?" says my drunken ally.
"She/he creeps me out." I say with a grimace.
"Fine! Hey Sam, go get me some vodka by Mule Kick!" Nikolai shouts, prompting Sam to do so.
"Let's go dirt bags!" I shout, trapping Sam on the moon for the rest of her- whatever's life.
I was so wrong. So very, very wrong.