Pairing: FemShep/Liara (and Aria perving out on her own)
Spoilers: ME1, 2, and 3
AN: Filled this prompt on the Mass Effect Kink Meme: "In this humble anon's opinion, the atrocious dress had to be a joke on Bioware's part, especially paired with the fact that Femshep seems once again to be programmed to Maleshep's movements. So, Femshep's crew (including her preferably female LI) have had enough seeing Femshep spread her legs when she sits on Aria's couch, jog around with the dress hiked up high, lean forward on a bar to get a drink with her crotch exposed, etc. Oblivious Femshep has no idea she's flashed the entire Citadel at this point, and her crew holds an intervention. Bonus: Replacing the horrible dress with a feminine version of MaleShep's leather jacket and pants outfit. Double-bonus: Aria secretly misses the dress + couch effect."
...
Regarding The Dress
...
"Shepard," Liara whispered, leaning in close enough for her breath to tickle the Commander's cheek, "we need to have a brief conversation."
The human's eyes widened. "Here? Now?" she asked in disbelief, looking around at Purgatory's crowded dance floor. The crew of the Normandy had commandeered a large table, and everyone was drinking. This was supposed to be a night of relaxation and fun, not a forum for relationship grievances. At least, that was what Shepard assumed Liara wanted to talk about. Her tone of voice couldn't have been clearer: she was using the infamous "we need to talk" line.
"Yeah, and it's kind of important..." The interjection came from Garrus, who was sitting on Shepard's other side.
Shepard groaned, swiftly realizing that everyone at the table was looking at her. Apparently, Liara had been elected to begin the conversation, but her entire crew seemed to be involved. Even EDI was watching her with intense interest, although she appeared to be amused rather than quietly determined.
There was a long, awkward pause. The pounding music, as distasteful as it was, did nothing to smooth it over.
"It's about the dress," Ashley said nervously.
Shepard glanced down at the clingy black dress she now wore. She had taken to wearing it on nights out, or nights in with Liara (vis a vis her cabin), although now that she thought about it, the asari usually had her out of the thing faster than either of them could say 'Embrace Eternity'. She had taken that as a compliment, but looking back...
"Is something wrong with it?" she asked, avoiding Ashley's eyes and directing her question to Liara. "I know I'm not exactly the most fashionable person around. My uniform is about as fancy as I get. I never would have gone out and picked up a dress on my own, so when I found this one and used it to help Kasumi, I just... kept it."
"The dress is fine," Garrus lied, even though Shepard wasn't facing in his direction. It was a little slutty, perhaps... honestly, the dress looked like it was trying too hard. The crew had discussed it amongst themselves, and had come to realize that, although Shepard had a figure worthy of showing off, this dress wasn't the way to do it. "Well, not fine. I mean -"
Tali picked up the sentence when Garrus fumbled. "Shepard, the hem is far too high for someone... with your movements."
The human's eyes narrowed. "What do you mean, with my movements?" she asked, unable to help feeling a little defensive.
"Shepard, Goddess knows I appreciate your body, but you've been showing more of it to the Citadel than I think you realize," Liara blurted out.
There was another awkward silence.
"Been showing - more of..." Shepard stammered. She didn't wear the dress that often, did she? Well, she had worn it yesterday while browsing the shops, simply because it had been clean at the time. And two days before that, when she stopped by the bar with Garrus for a drink. And that one time she had yelled at the Turian councilor. And during her meeting with Aria T'Loak to discuss uniting Omega's former mercenary gangs... "Are you saying this dress shows too much skin?"
"Not precisely. It's the location of the skin you're unintentionally showing."
"What Liara's trying to say is, you've been flashing your business to everyone and their grandma, Commander," Joker finally said, exasperated by the way everyone else was beating around the bush.
EDI tilted her head at the pilot curiously. "Jeff, I thought we all agreed to be calm and rational when informing Commander Shepard that she has been unintentionally exposing her genitalia."
Shepard opened her mouth, then closed it again. She was speechless.
"I - I've been what?" she stammered.
Tali nodded sadly. "It's not your fault. You didn't know. Keelah, I thought that poor Volus merchant in the kiosk behind us was going to faint when you bent over to pick up the model you dropped." Shepard's model-building hobby was well known to the rest of her crew. If one of them were to come up to her cabin at a certain time of day, they could usually find her sitting at her workspace and swearing as she smeared tiny bits of glue on equally tiny parts with a brush.
"Remember when we went out drinking and you sat with your legs apart on the barstool?" Garrus chimed in.
"I thought it was strange that I kept getting free drinks," Shepard muttered. Actually, she had been getting a lot of free things recently. Part of it came with being Commander Shepard, savior of the galaxy, but now that she thought about it, the dress seemed to up her chances. She groaned at the thought that all the "free gifts" were actually a result of showing body parts best kept private. "So, uh... exactly how bad has it been?"
That opened the floodgates.
"The Turian Councillor asked me if you were making a pass at him."
"Matriarch Aethyta wanted to know if you had exhibitionist fantasies in bed..."
"I think a guy in a wheelchair outside of Huerta had to be readmitted because you made him go into convulsions."
"An asari scientist standing next to me three days ago asked where you got your lingerie."
"Before we left for Tuchanka the second time, I found Wrex in the men's bathroom. He kept staring at himself in the mirror and muttering, 'can't unsee... why did I have to see?'"
"My analysis of the situation brings me to the conclusion that you have unintentionally exposed yourself to 3.07 percent of the Citadel's population, rounded up to the nearest hundredth decimal place in accordance with standard human mathematics," EDI offered helpfully.
Shepard thought about how many people were on the Citadel, and then how many of them had seen what was underneath her dress. Even worse, there were times when she had gone without underwear entirely. It was hard to find undergarments that fit beneath such a tight dress without leaving panty lines.
Liara's next comment, however, blew the rest of them out of the water, even the one she had previously made about her father. "Aria T'Loak mentioned that she would be amiable to joining us in bed if one asari wasn't enough for you."
The Commander's jaw dropped. "What?" she sputtered, nearly knocking over the glass of brandy next to her right hand.
"Well, you did sit on her couch with your legs apart and no underwear, Shepard. I couldn't really blame her for interpreting it as a pass. I had to explain that you were just being oblivious, not flirtatious. However, I get the impression that she will be disappointed when you change into the new clothes we bought for you."
"New clothes?"
"Yes, new clothes. Here." Ashley Williams produced a medium sized package from beneath the table and held it out to Shepard. "We think this will suit you much better. Less chance of... accidental exposure."
Hesitantly, Shepard took the package. She did her best to remove the wrapping paper without tearing it apart, crossing her legs tight and pausing to constantly check the hemline of her dress. Now that she knew the perils of wearing such a revealing ensemble, she didn't want anything else to go wrong. When she finally opened the box, she was pleasantly surprised by what she found inside. It was a sleek leather jacket, dark brown with red stripes along the shoulder and sleeves.
"I picked it out," Garrus said proudly, and then winced as Tali gave his shoulder a not-so-gentle nudge. "Tali helped. We even got to choose the colors. Thought you'd appreciate red."
"I've always been partial to the texture of leather," Liara confessed, trailing her fingertips along the sleeve of the jacket as it rested on its bed of tissue paper.
Everyone stared at her.
"Oh, not like that!" she snapped, her blue cheeks flushing a deep purple. She looked at Shepard, then down at the jacket. Okay, maybe a little like that...
"Kinky," Ashley teased, kicking Joker's foot under the table. "New fantasy material for you there, buddy." The pilot looked like he was about to faint.
"Come on, Shepard, try it on," Tali encouraged, taking the jacket out of its box and tossing it at her Commander's head. Obediently, Shepard slid her arms through the sleeves. It was a nice cut, obviously tailored for someone with feminine hips, and the size was just right. The leather felt cool against her bare arms.
"I think I like this," she admitted.
Liara nodded her agreement and approval. "Me too. But may I make a suggestion? Tie it around your waist when you get up from the table. We don't want any more accidents."
. . .
Aria T'Loak suspected that most people didn't know how hard her job really was. A pirate queen without a ship (or a station) to call her own was like a fish out of water, and Purgatory really was the shittiest Nightclub she had ever graced with her undeserved presence. Then, there were the constant messages on her Omni-tool. Darner Vosque still thought he was going to bed her for some strange reason, her spies saw no way of reclaiming Omega from the Illusive Man any time soon, and one of her dancers had gotten in to it with a questionable Batarian that wouldn't take no for an answer. Fortunately, the dancer's biotics had taken care of the situation, but the dead body was Aria's problem to deal with.
There was one interesting message on her Omni-tool, though.
TO: A T'LOAK
FROM: [REDACTED]
SUBJ: REGARDING THE DRESS...
MESSAGE: I am sure you will be disappointed to hear that 'S's special dress is being disposed of. Knowing how much you enjoyed it, I preserved a memento. You're welcome.
ATTACHMENT: Dress1
Aria's eyes widened as she opened the attachment. A holo of Shepard popped up, clearly modeling the short, skintight ensemble for the scanner. It wasn't quite as exciting as seeing Shepard sitting on the couch with her knees apart, but close enough. Nonetheless, she was grateful that her not-so-mysterious benefactor had managed to preserve the holo for her if the dress was indeed being disposed of.
She pulled up another tab and began typing out a message.
TO: [REDACTED]
FROM: A T'LOAK
SUBJ: REGARDING THE DRESS...
MESSAGE: Thanks, Shadow Broker. Let me know if you two change your minds. PS - did I see her in a leather jacket earlier?
Aria knew that Liara wouldn't change her mind. The young asari maiden had blossomed from a shy, awkward archaeologist into the biggest, most powerful Intel broker in the galaxy, and during her maturation, she had developed a fierce possessive streak. The holo was something of a peace offering, a non-verbal: "I'm sorry my girlfriend gave you the wrong impression by unintentionally flashing you on the couch. And even though I said no, I'm flattered by the offer to join us."
Apparently, Liara was good at sending subtle (or not so subtle) encoded messages.
That didn't mean Aria was entirely out of options, though. She had the holo. Some biotics, her right hand... Maybe a dancer. Or two. And, of course, her imagination.
. . .
"Shepard, that was incredible..."
The Commander was lying flat on her back, naked except for her new leather jacket, with her equally naked asari lover curled up against her chest. Liara's fingers toyed with the sleeves, and she looked so incredibly sexy with her head resting on Shepard's shoulder that the human had to dip her chin and kiss the top of her crest.
"I guess you love my new jacket, huh?" That was a bit of an understatement. She had enjoyed every minute of it, but the tendons in her right hand still burned and her jaw ached a little. And that was despite the fact that Liara had pounced on her and done most of the work herself.
"I love you, no matter what you wear."
"So, did Aria enjoy the holo?" Shepard yelped as Liara's fingers pinched her vulnerable thigh. "Hey! Ow!"
Liara glared at her suspiciously. "How did you know about that? Have you been monitoring my Shadow Broker communications?"
"Um, the meld? Did you forget the part where we share thoughts and memories?"
The asari relaxed. "I guess you fucked all coherent thought out of me."
Shepard did a double take at Liara's choice of words. Normally, her lover avoided cursing, although she did remember Liara calling the Illusive Man a bastard after they killed the Shadow Broker, as well as having a few choice words for the Council back when they were hunting Saren.
"You never answered my question..."
Liara rolled her eyes. "She got the message, if that's what you're asking. I hoped it would smooth things over. I don't imagine the pirate queen of Omega is accustomed to being told 'no', and I would rather stay on her good side. By the way, where did you get that dress?"
Shepard frowned. "Well, Kasumi gave it to me before the stealth mission where we retrieved Keiji's greybox. I think she wanted Donovan Hock to be so interested in my legs that he wouldn't detect her cloaking device. After that, I have no idea why the Alliance kept it on the ship after they took it apart. None of my other clothes were here. The stuff in the closets all belonged to Anderson..."
The two lovers looked at each other, wide-eyed.
"You don't think...?"
"No. Couldn't be."
"Someone must have forgotten to remove it."
"They did leave your picture on the desk..."
"It must have been an oversight."
Shepard laughed. "What, you don't like the thought of Anderson working it in a dress?"
"I don't like the thought of anyone 'working it' in that dress. It reveals far too much, even on a body as stunning as yours."
"More sex?" Shepard offered.
"Please! Anything to get that image out of my brain." Liara shuddered once before rolling on top of her human lover and straddling Shepard's hips.
. . . Meanwhile, several thousand light years away . . .
"Damn it!" Anderson shouted, rummaging through the outfits in his closet. "Where the hell did I put that dress?"
The End