How to counter withdrawal symptoms is actually just to have an overdose- he thinks. So this is how it works: Kise calls up Haizaki, asking for a good fuck and Haizaki gives it to him. Not because he's willing to listen to whatever Kise asks but he gets to ruin a model's pretty pale body and release his sexual tension. As expected, Kise wakes up alone, naked in bed, on the stained crumpled sheets and the air smells like tobacco and Haizaki. After which, groggy Kise cries himself back to sleep until it's mid-afternoon before he gets up and washes himself clean.

It wasn't always like this but hell he had long forgotten the feeling to be held tenderly. As a model, everything you do publicly is published by tabloids constantly. You can't fuck a girl without having your shame published all over the papers thus Kise turns to Haizaki who is more than willing to extend his help.

Mornings are non-existent as Kise spends most of them asleep. Afternoons are for posing for the camera and trying to have a brilliant life for the world to see. Well, it's different at night. Mainly because demons and devils sneak out at night and dance in front of the front porch of your mind, waiting for someone to open the door and shout at them and then some of them would sneak into your heart and destroy the insides completely. It's crazy how Kise associates his mind with devils and his doctor agrees with him too.

Haizaki loves him but not in the way Kise wants him too of course. He loves Kise's pale body, his muffled moans and lusty movements but not the curve of his smile, not the sheen in his eyes and definitely not the path to his heart. Well if it's still there of course. Kise thinks he's a living corpse with a working respiratory system despite his heart being useless. Every night he's either stripped naked from his body or from his conscience. Either way works for him but he rather spend nights with companionship than being alone.

/ if you want somebody to love you, you have to love yourself first /

If that was true, unfortunately it probably is, Kise would be destined to be loveless forever. Forever is a long time but Kise feels that it's pretty short as Aomine promised forever but he left after fourteen months which Kise thinks the number is a coincidence as you get fourteen if you add up six and eight which were their jersey numbers in Teiko. Coincidentally again, it has been fourteen times since he went to Haizaki and fourteen more to the hundredth day that Kise is numb from reality.

It wasn't a bad case of heartbreak, it's not a case of depression. Kise doesn't need pills to be happier but he eats more pills than his fingers could count per day. It isn't illegal to eat pills from which you can actually purchase from any convenience store so the things he do to himself is legal in a sense. His favourite pills would be the mint-flavored ones for gastric because it tasted a little bit sweet after he swallowed and coincidentally it tasted a little like Aomine's toothpaste. Coincidences do happen quite frequently in life apparently.

So back to Kise being an addict, he isn't quite sure what he is addicted to but he knows he is. He can't quite put his fingers to it as all of his fingers are used to count his pills. Maybe he should start counting with his toes. It's Friday night and nothing beats lazing on the couch with pizza and a common chick flick. The girl crushes on a guy who likes her back but both of them are too afraid to confess so here comes the girl's best friend who sweeps the guy away in an instant and make out with him. The girl is heartbroken and feeling quite betrayed by both of them but obviously the guy would finally realize his heart belonged to the girl instead to her best friend and have make-up sex the end. It's somehow like his love life minus the part the guy realizing his mistake, minus the make-up sex and he had a dick instead of C cup boobs.

Along the months Kise spends barely clinging onto anything tangible in his mental state, he finally realizes what's he is addicted to. No he isn't addicted to sex nor the pills, not Haizaki or the consultations with his doctor. He is actually addicted to sadness. Is it called sadness? He isn't quite sure but it's the only emotion he could ever feel after Aomine left. He gets himself touched by another without love, he spends hours watching movies with happy endings just to depress himself even more and he eats pills to pretend he would die shortly after from intoxication. The thing is Kise Ryouta was afraid of death. So he never did ate enough to pills to kill himself. But the past messages from Aomine did.

Aominecchi [07/02 03:17PM]:
Hey baby I'll be coming over soon so do you want me to get you something? Can't wait to spend the whole day with you.

Aominecchi [09/02 11:29AM]:
Good morning beautiful. Please don't miss me too much when you're overseas. Do well for modelling don't disappoint me baby. I'll look forward to your pictures

Aominecchi [09/02 11:18PM]:
Fuck Kise It's not even 12 hours but I'm missing you like fuck. I miss you so much fuck your job seriously.

Aominecchi [10/02 06:02PM]:
Day 2 without you I miss you more now. Going to practice today cause Satsuki is being a bitch. Love you

Aominecchi [13/02 01:37AM]:
I'm outside the departure hall come out fast I can't wait to get home and eat you up oh god I'm so deprived of you

A/N: Sorry this is terrible, written late at night while I was feeling a little insane. It's messy all over and you actually read all of that oh god I'm not sure if you get it but hopefully you do